Do you have this problem (going solo)?

[The Sybah Shelstah]

If you are travelling solo or have in the past- do you or did you notice a different behavior from others than when you were planning on travelling with your family?

I'm just curious. This is the first time I've ever experienced this.

Like when things come up in conversation for various reasons about your trip- all I've ever known is travelling with my family and I always get the normal response (or what I thought was normal) like wow, hope you have fun, that's so great, etc.

But now that I'm going on a solo trip.. I am getting quite different responses. Everyone so genuinely shocked that I'm going alone, questioning why I'm going alone, making comments to let me know they could NEVER do that/couldn't go alone/wouldn't want to go alone/etc.

Ofcourse I'm also getting the comments about my children because I am a SAHM and I guess it shocks them to know I'll be leaving for a week. Is that so bad? Does this make me bad mommy of the year? I don't get it. I have an almost 9yr old, 5yr old and 2.5yr old- I've never gone for more than 2 nights away from them and that 2 nights was really only with my oldest because I was gone on business out of state for 2 nights while 8mo pregnant with my son! Since then only one or two times gone overnight. And only once since my daughter was born (and it was recently... an overnight trip to OK with a friend of mine- we were back the next day!) because she only recently weaned!

(side note: anyone here that has ever nursed a child or especially a toddler up to this age and did so without a schedule- meaning nursing-on-demand- knows that you pretty much do not get away from that child much at all. We're talking maybe an hour or so here and there to buy groceries and that's about it. Otherwise you'd be trying to put a child on a nursing schedule when they aren't on a nursing schedule and you'd come home to one very haried DH with screaming baby/young toddler on your hands. Yanno? I have never nursed a child this long- my first one was only 3days, my son was only 8mo, my daughter was over 2yrs old. She only weaned a couple of months ago.)

So with all that said- is it WRONG of me to want to take a week off by myself to enjoy something I've always wanted to do all my life and didn't feel I got enough of it in our 4 days at WDW all together recently? While my husband is home and the only difference for my CHILDREN would be that my youngest goes to daycare at the same preschool my son goes to while my husband works during the day- and she loves it there because she's gone a few times and is BORED at home without her sibilngs every day! It's a church daycare/preschool btw... I have no worries about her going there more than usual while I'm gone. They are great with the kids! And then ofcourse I wouldn't be there in the evenings for the few hours they do things like homework, supper, maybe play outside for a bit before dark, baths and go to bed. Is it HORRIBLE that they wouldn't have me there for a week to do this? Will I be traumatizing them to do this?

I didn't think so... but apparently some others in the world might. They haven't come right out and said so... but they have made comments like they would never DREAM of leaving their children for a week to go do something. We always do everything with our kids- every vacation, every meal, every single thing we do... we don't even go see movies unless it's kid's movies. We've had maybe 2-3 evenings alone without the kids in years and years total.

I'm just wondering if others, whether moms/dads or not, seem to get a different reaction from others when they find out you are going solo rather than as a couple or with your family including kids? I think some of the people I have talked to even seem jealous or mad because I get to do this.

 

[The Sybah Shelstah]

Ps. only my sister seems to be one who maybe understands why I want to go on this trip. She didn't think my husband would be as "cool" with it as he was- but she is even willing to watch the kids that next weekend since my husband is off from work and wants to go deepsea fishing that weekend.

However, why is it that OTHERS (not including her) seem to think it's perfectly okay for a man to want to go away for a weekend to go deepsea fishing, alone- without his family (offered for me to go but no way no how.. that is not my thing at all and no one would get me on that boat ever! LOL) but if the MOM (gasp and hold their hearts as if they might faint HAHAHA) wants to go do something ALONE... it's ... like a horrible horrible thing and what must be wrong with her?

Double standards never set well with me. Has anyone else, particularly those going solo that are females I guess, noticed this behavior? Or is it just the people I know in my life. ugh

 

[Virgo10]

I have gone to WDW solo many times. I think the first few times I did get a few funny looks but no more. In fact I'm sure I've got others thinking about going by themselves ... I won't say alone because you are never alone at Disney World.

Roberta

 

[jwill]

When I was planning my first solo trip this past December some people thought I was nuts. If you listen to them, it kind of creeps into your head: well am I crazy for trying this? This is not to say that I didn't have supporters also. I know several people who have taken solo non WDW trips and enjoyed them.

While you are there and when you come back you are filled with confidence and an almost defiance that you went alone and had a great time. It gets to the point that when people ask you who you went with you are so proud to say you went by yourself.

 

[The Sybah Shelstah]

How true! As if I could feel alone at WDW!

I am just going to shrug off any attitudes or comments because I don't think it makes me a bad mom to go on a trip for a week without my children for the first time in 9yrs of having children. It's not like something I would do monthly or anything-ofcourse! LOL

I don't work anymore (atleast not at the present time) but I'm very busy involved in everything my children are involved in- and with so far 2 children involved in so many things that keeps me pretty busy. For instance, this is how my last week went (not including normal stuff like housecleaning, meals, homework, baths, etc- that's a given! LOL) and it's pretty typical of a normal week for me:
Sunday: church then another child's b-day party 3-5pm.
Monday- to/from school then Girl Scouts troop leader community meeting for 1.5hrs in another town (we recently moved and I am the troop leader- I will not abandon my troop nor seperate my daughter from the troop she's been with for 3yrs- so I'm still doing it even though it's a 25min drive each way),
Tuesday: to/from school, 8-9am taking the kid's puppy to training class, 5-6 basketball practice, 7-8:30 normal Girl Scouts troop meeting which I have to prepare for since I'm the troop leader- so I can't just show up. LOL
Wednesday: to/from school, dr appt with oldest including picking up Rx, and will probably take the kids to a movie or indoor playground because the weather has been bad and they are tired of being cooped up in the house- plus DH needs to sleep in the evenings this week because he works nights.
Thursday: to/from school, joining my son WITH my youngest daughter on a field trip with his preschool class and 5-6 basketball practice.
Friday: to/from school, joining my son WITH my daughter on another (longer) field trip with his preschool class, signing up for spring t-ball for my son, etc.
Saturday: basketball game at 10am, picking up B-ball pictures later that evening (have to come back for them at scheduled time), etc. (TBA LOL)
Sunday: church again then leave that evening to catch flight for my WDW vacation.

Add to that: all the normal everyday stuff of meals, cleaning, homework they have to do, taking care of a puppy and fish, baths, bedtimes, etc. -plus all the planning I'll have to do for DH during my absence- I do everything when I'm here so he wouldn't have a clue. I even set out their clothes every night and medications and checks to pay for preschool, and vitamins/etc even if HE is going to take them to school in the morning! I can only imagine how things would go if I didn't write notes to remind him about medications, etc., writing out checks for preschool and daycare because he doesn't have a clue what the amounts should be, washing/drying and seperating all clothes out for all the days I'll be gone so he doesn't send them to school like he brought them to the hospital when I had my youngest and ended up in there for a week with fever. Trust me.. it wasn't pretty. LOL

etc etc- plus packing for myself on my own trip! making sure all bills are paid before I leave, grocery shopping because DH never does that and would be certainly lost if he not only had to grocery shop but with the kids also! He'd lose his mind... he's not a shopper at all. LOL Things like that- I'm probably forgetting a lot and any other "primary caregivers" out here with husbands that work and don't do those type of things already know what I'm talking about (don't get me wrong- he's a great dad.. but he's a "play with the kids/take fishing/etc, sometimes feed if I don't feed them myself, sometimes help with homework and sometimes bath/bedtime" kind of dad and the rest he does only if I prepare him like with clothes set out or notes and stuff. I've spoiled him to where he doesn't have to think about that stuff himself because he would forget! HAHA) But the point is I never get time away from them... hardly ever. Even though he's working- he does go to work almost every day! He's not with them 24/7- yanno? So I'm "working" as hard if not harder than he is- so why do people think it's okay for a breadwinner dad to go on a mini-vacation but it's horrible for a stay at home mom to do so? I don't get that so I'm just going to ignore any comments or weird looks I get when they find out I'm going on this trip. They obviously just don't understand. LOL

But just looking at that week I've listed- which some weeks are busier than that for me... I don't think I'm a horrible mom for wanting a week away from the normal hustle and bustle of everyday life. I wanna be a kid again-just for a week... and WDW can do that for me! (hehe) I don't think that's too much to ask- and apparently my husband agrees. It's too bad others in the world don't think so. *sigh*

 

[The Sybah Shelstah]

Originally posted by jwill
When I was planning my first solo trip this past December some people thought I was nuts. If you listen to them, it kind of creeps into your head: well am I crazy for trying this? This is not to say that I didn't have supporters also. I know several people who have taken solo non WDW trips and enjoyed them.

I was typing my post before seeing yours! That is EXACTLY what I think is happening to me! I went from excited to questioning myself after some people acted like that was a crazy thing to do. LOL
But you are right, there are plenty of others that have done this type of thing and/or are supportive of doing so. So I'm going to let the negativity just ooze right back out of me and enjoy my trip!

I know that after this trip I will feel refreshed and more at peace with myself in general. Hard to explain but you might understand- I think I just need some time to myself. Sure it would be great if my husband were there also- but he has to work anyway and this isn't his idea of a great time anyway (he hasn't got quite the WDW fever like I do and always have. LOL) -so that's not an option. I know I'll have fun by myself and to be honest I'm not sure what I'll do with myself going solo. I'm so used to doing so much and always always with 1-3 kids constantly with me (school is the only reason I don't have 2 of them at times hehe) that it will feel a little odd at first. But I'll be thinking of them and have everything prepared for their lives to be as normal as possible while I'm gone -except I won't be there ofcourse, and I'll call/etc. They'll survive without mommy for a week.

Thanks for your post!

 

[nativetxn]

Your thoughts on this issue are the only important ones. Others don't know your mind set or if you need a trip alone, how dare they try to dicate what you do?

I don't think you're a bad mom. You are leaving your children in good hands, they aren't being left in a parked car or anything.

I never liked double standards much myself. I say go and enjoy yourself. Bring your children some great souvenirs

 

[The Sybah Shelstah]

You are so right!

And I sure am leaving them in good hands. With dad during the week- and he ofcourse loves them with all his heart! With notes and clothes set out for each day so he remembers everything- he'll do fine... he'll probably spoil them rotten though. LOL And then the weekend (while he's gone deep-sea fishing) with their "Nana" (their Aunt who they nicknamed nana because of her first name) they'll have a blast! And she's a very very good mother- but she'll probably spoil them rotten also.
HAHA
Good thing I'll be rested up.. coming home to spoiled kids. Well really they are already spoiled rotten- so I don't think it can get any worse. HAHA

Thanks for your post!

 

[ASFCurly]

I don't have kids, but I have gotten some wierd looks when I told people that I was going to WDW solo, some people even thought that a solo trip was cool till they heard it was WDW, then they were like why would you want to go there alone, that is only a family place, I try to explain they just don't get it. I had on guy tell me that he would never go on vacation by himself, that he couldn't even watch a movie at home by himslef

 

[Simba's Mom]

Oh, Yes! I've definitely gotten some strange responses, like it isn't at all normal. I had one coworker say, very sarcastically, "So what are you going to do by yourself? Ride the rides or something?" When I replied, "Oh, yes! And I can't wait to ride Dumbo!", that shut her up. I think the only one that I lost my sense of humor on was when some people got together and approached me about this trip-they'd decided I MUST be meeting a man there, and this trip was just a cover-up for a tryst with a secret lover. Fortunately, a good friend was with me when I got that and she answered, "Yes, and that secret lover is---Mickey Mouse!"

 

[disnygrl00]

I have gotten strange looks from people when I have told them I am going to WDW also. And this wasn't even for solo trips but just because I have no kids.
Many times people believe (very erroneously) that if you don't have kids there is no reason to go to WDW.
Well my two senior citizen parents just LOVE Disney even spent 2 1/2 weeks there by themselves last year with out ever stepping foot in the parks. Just touring the resorts, sittting by the pool and trying all the different restaurants, not to mention shopping.
I figure if they don't think its wierd than it must be okay!!

 

[esmerelda51]

Go have fun!!!! My mother went to Europe by her self for almost 2 months in her 60's and she had the time of her life. My father did not want to go with her. So many people asked why my father "let her go" without him. In fact one of his cousins said that he should divorce her for it. Here she was in her 60's and people asked if she had his permission!!!!! A few years later they went together and she was able to share so many things with him that she had discovered on her own. Life is too short to worry about these other people. If your ready for this trip and by the sound of your weekly schedule is seems you are--- go for it!!! Do things that only you would enjoy, because you may not get the chance again for a few years according to the ages of your children. If budget allows: have a spa day( if not in the budget do it yourself--give yourself a facial, pedicure, stay in your room all day by your self, have room service, read, in general veg--out). And know that most of the nay-sayers are just green with envy and would do it themselves if given half a chance.

 

[The Sybah Shelstah]

Thank you all for your posts. You're basically saying what I already knew in my mind/heart but hearing it from others reminds me of those things. Make sense?

]And know that most of the nay-sayers are just green with envy and would do it themselves if given half a chance.

You're quite right about that -atleast in two instances so far I've already heard comments from them (or attitude in the things they say.. or one I got a tiny comment from the husband that let me know that is what is going on) that let me know they are just jealous and would do the same if they had the opportunity! Just trying to bring me down! Well, I won't let them!

I would love to have a spa day. But I'll be honest -I haven't a clue how to even arrange that while at WDW. I don't know much about the resorts (except I have read a bit about ASMu since I booked that room) so I don't even know which ones have that (GF?) nor how to book those type things or even if I'm allowed to since I'm not staying there, how much it would cost (although cost is really not an issue -within reason), etc. I HAD already thought about some things, like:
wow! I can actually do a facial regime at night or put makeup on in the morning instead of dressing 3 kids and rushing out the door because with them they really require my attention (especially the youngest) to the point that I just brush hair, throw on clothes and get out of there before she has a meltdown because she wants to go! LOL
And I can actually PAINT MY NAILS! Can't even remember the last time I've done that (yes I can... I think the last time I had my nails w/nail polish was when I went IN to the hospital to have my son- he's 5 now) without worrying about messing them up in some way before they are dry without the kids. That would be nice.

It's the little things like that -that I'm kinda missing in life right now. LOL

 

[yecats]

Although I am not a mom, I do see what all of my friends go through on a regular basis and frequently tell them that they should all get time away from their families and take a vacation (yearly, if not bi-yearly). It is typical for females to give of their time (whether married or not or with children or not). The double standard is that the majority of men do not give up as much time in a relationship as a female will. The double standards kill me as it is expected that if you become a wife/mother than you must be chained to your husband and children. Please, people get over it and please get over that people are perfectly okay to take a vacation alone. Yes, I have gotten those same looks and similar comments regarding this subject.

I am in my early 30's and work hard. I have had my relationships and prefer to be by myself. I occasionally have to travel for work. I get approached by people when I am eating in a restaurant by myself, and these people have no qualms telling me that they are sorry to see me eating by myself (I am usually reading a book, magazine, writing itenerary or doing something at the time they approach) and they either invite me to sit with them or tell me that I am a pretty girl and won't be by myself forever. Yes, this has happened to me on several occasions (5 or 6 times in the past 4 years). I feel like I have a sign on my forehead that is flashing, oh look she's alone feel sorry for her. Please, people once again get over yourselves. My momma raised me to be self dependant so that if I choose not to get stuck in a bad marriage, I could leave and live on my own. Apparently, others were not instructed this way.

I have been lucky to date that usually when I travel on vacation, there is some family member who decides to tag along (I have attempted to plan solo trips in advance but someone from my family would eventually as to come along). Last year, I finally decided to take a week long solo trip (to begin about a week after Thanksgiving 2001 and decided it would be at WDW). Keep in mind until this point, I had only taken vacations with boyfriend or family or small solo vacations alone and not really going to far away from home. I was asked by my job to work out of another of our offices in another state for 3 weeks (lived out of a hotel) to help out for upcoming trials. This began the beginning of Nov. I returned home 3 weeks later in time to enjoy Thanksgiving with my family. I was to return to work for the week after but was to fly to WDW at end of Nov. 2001 (everything was planned and paid for). The Monday after Thanksgiving, I was hospitalized with pneumonia for 8 days (run down from working, never/ever hospitalized before) and of course this went into my first ever planned solo vacation at WDW. I never felt lower or more depressed in my life than when I was stuck in that hospital bed and knew I was missing that vacation. Anyway, I managed to take 2 vacations in 2002, a 10 day cruise and 9 day vacation in WDW (I don't know how I managed to afford both but did work it in). Both trips were with family members. However, I am looking to the future and know that my first solo vacation will be at WDW. I've learned that I can live by myself and enjoy it.

Don't ever feel guilty. Trust me your children and husband will live through the experience and will grow to appreciate you in a different way.

Lastly, call the Disney reservation line to see how to make a Spa Day appt. This is something I want to do myself when there next time.

 

[firstmickey]

I read your week and thought I was reliving mine over again.

I say go and have a great time.

I am going with my husband for a romantic getaway without kids.
People think we are crazy too.
We went for the first time ever in September and we didn't get to do alot of the things we wanted to do, so my DH and i decided to go back the end of this month and (GASP) leave our kids at home!

I get comments such as "how can you go there without your kids" and "why would you and your husband want to go THERE for a getaway"

I refuse to let anyone make me feel guilty. My kids are fine with it. They are excited to stay with grandma and their aunt. (I am bringing them a nice present )

Like you, I spend my whole life managing my family's and working part time. Like you, to be able to go away, I am going to spend hours arranging everyone's life while I am gone: clothes, school money, homework, car arrangements etc.

But, in the end, it's going to be worth every second because:

I AM GOING TO DISNEYWORLD!!!!



So, from one mom to another: Go, have a great relaxing, guilt free time and come home refreshed and ready to look after your family.
Hey, maybe next year I'll join you LOL!!!

Donna

 

[The Sybah Shelstah]

Thanks again for all the responses! I really and truly appreciate it.

Don't ever feel guilty. Trust me your children and husband will live through the experience and will grow to appreciate you in a different way.

Amen to that. That's what I'm hoping for! Granted I do have to arrange everything (and I do mean everything) for while I'm gone- but I'm hoping while I'm gone that everyone will have a newfound appreciation for all that "mom" (me) does because they'll see what it's like to live without her!(me) LOL

hope hope hope
LOL

Like you, to be able to go away, I am going to spend hours arranging everyone's life while I am gone: clothes, school money, homework, car arrangements etc.

But, in the end, it's going to be worth every second because:

I AM GOING TO DISNEYWORLD!!!!

I totally agree! I am having to do a LOT of arranging everyone's lives (just like you said!) for while I'm gone- but it's worth it (complete with notes to remind them/etc LOL) to have the peace of mind so I can go and not worry my head off that things aren't being done or forgotten while I'm gone. It's a lot of work before hand and I'm sure I'll be up into the wee hours the next couple of nights to get it all done -but then I'm gone. And when I'm gone- I'm GONE. Besides phone calls I promised the kids (and would anyway) that's it. And I'm NOT going to be calling to say "did you remember this or that"- dear hubby just better read the notes. LOL I want one worry free week and I better get it. LOL

This better be one week I don't get more gray hairs from all the stress. HAHAHA

 

[LindaBabe]

Get in touch with the inner "girl" that somehow gets lost when one becomes a parent.

You will go home refreshed and be a better parent / wife / person for having taken some time for yourself.

and, give my love to Mickey

 

[SamSam]

I have been married 30 years, have 2 grown children that always went on vacation with us......and I say "go, enjoy yourself and never, ever feel guilty." Your children will be well taken care of, and this will only enrich both your life and their lives. They will learn that they can 'get along' without mom (and perhaps appreciate you a little more), and you will be refreshed and empowered by the experience of vacationing on your own.
Have a great trip!

 

[Coll0610]

This post reminds of the first time my mom went on a trip with her friends and left my dad at home with my 2 youngest sisters. They were 4 and 8 at the time and the other 4 of us were in college. Us older kids drove my dad crazy calling every day and asking how things were going. When he'd say okay, we'd ask him to put one of the kids on to get the true story.

Well, guess what. They had a wonderful time. We all still tell stories about one sister convincing Dad that Mom took her to Wendys for lunch "all the time" (which Mom never did). The kids got to go to work with Dad for a couple hours one morning and they were "waitresses" another night when Dad had his buddies over to play cards.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's good for kids to be alone with their dad and it's good for dads to see what moms go through every week. They will all be fine and I'll bet you hear stories about this time for years.

Have a wonderful trip. If anyone deserves a getaway, it's a hard working mom like you!

 

[TDC Nala]

Why is it anybody's business but yours? The kids are with Dad and Auntie and they're fine for a week. However, you'll owe Dad big time.

If I'd read this stuff earlier I'd have bought you a drink at the Adventurers Club last weekend.