There is a thread on the CB right now that I think is tangentially related to this one. It is about whether the word "suck" is a bad word or not. Answers vary from "not at all--totally fine for even 3 year olds to use" to "only in the mildest sense--like 'heck' or 'darn' " to "yes--is is right up there with the f-word as one of the worst ones."
It is amazing how very different the reaction to the word is AND how those who never thought of it as bad are shocked by those who think of it as terrible and vise-versa.
Many people (myself included until about 3 years ago--thanks to a prior DIS thread) NEVER thought to associate the word in any way with a sexual act, but others think of it as such a bad word primarily because they have that association. It seems to be trending that younger people are more like to have not ever heard/used the word in that context and to think the word in no big deal whereas older people cringe (or worse) at it--however, in this case there is still much more variation among the ages than with many things.
Anyway, it has gotten me thinking about this thread some more. My kids have only heard the f-word refereed to here as a bad word (on Glee)--so far as I know. But, I am not sure they would have ANY knowledge that "queer" could insult someone. It is the term of choice used by my best friend and his husband so that is pretty much where they hear it. I think at their age they have never heard it slung about as an insult and would not make a connection that calling someone who is that would be. They DO know the old fashioned term (peculiar, eccentric) but I do not think they would see that as a negative if asked; to them that is true--it is a bit odd to be gay/bi/lesbian/trans gender insofar as that represents 10% or so of the population. They wouldn;t see that as a bad thing at all (my son has been known to be somewhat insulted at being "accused" of being normal
).
This is all a long winded way of saying that I wonder IF someone has grown up in a time/place where these words--whichever words they may be--are not being used as insults AND they have been around those of you who use these words among yourselves differently, how are they really supposed to know that you will be upset if THEY label you the way YOU label you?
I have no answer. I am confused as can be and have been for years--I ALWAYS stumble and worry whenever I have to use a word to define a non straight individual and I will try very hard to get out of having to use any word at all for fear that whichever one I pick will insult someone.
I guess sometimes, hard as it is not to react to years of built of pain around words and actions you have suffered in the past, I would hope everyone would be careful to look at what the person using whichever term is doing with the term and see if they intend to be insulting before jumping all over them. Quite honestly, in this tiny snippet of a facebook post, not having the foggiest notion of anything else about the person I wouldn't really be able to tell how they felt about the word at all. SO, in this case, I would likely ignore it, or maybe privately let the person known in the nicest way possible that there are a lot of people who are really hurt by the word, but that would be the extent. Then again, being straight, the worst associations I have with the word personally are being called a "theare-f**" often in highschool in a jeering way and that was often accompanied by being slammed into the locker bays, etc. Crappy highschool stuff but it was aimed at the whole group and not really me. SO, I know my emotional reaction is not as visceral as it probably is for many of you.
--I have NEVER heard that and would never have thought it. I think there is as little connection to that now in most people's minds as there is between playing Ring Around the Rosie and the plague. Some people may know it, but not the majority. 
Some phrases I won't say though, given their underpinnings. That's just me. LOL.
)--which is why I like to hang out here (oh, and the jokes).
