Do you feel like this when a relative dies?

[tiggerlover]

The only experience I have had with a relative dying was last year when my father died. He became ill and passed away in 6 short weeks, he was 80 years old and lived a good life too. Your feelings are normal, you shouldn't compare how you are grieving with others in the family because everyone grieves in their own way and time. My father will be gone 7 months on Monday and I can tell you first hand the process is hard, it can sometimes be joyous and it can be comforting. My father's passing and my mother coping all became so stressful that my blood pressure skyrocketed and I started having panic attacks. My doctor gave me some water pills and sent me to a therapist and it was the best thing she could have done for me. Talking to someone outside the family and talking with my sisters have really helped me cope/deal with the loss of my father. Give it time, it hasn't been that long, your feelings are your own and you should grieve in your own time.

I am sorry for your loss. {{{HUGS}}}

 

[Jeanny]

My dad died 4 years ago, and I still miss him terribly. He's in my dreams alot and yes, I still cry because I miss him so much. I "talk" to him daily, things remind me of him, plus my daughter and I always reminisce with stories about "Grampy"!!

 

[JVL1018]

I think it's normal. My MIL died 10/99 and I remember my husband telling me a few years after she died that eh thought about her every single day and I was like what?? Every day?? How can that be?

My Mom died in June of 2004 and I have thought about her every single day..a thought just pops in my mind, usually it's "I wish you were here Mom" or "I miss you Mom", but without fail every day I think of her.

It does get easier..
she died in June and I had a hard, hard summer and fall, I used to pray to God to ask that He would just reverse time, that I knew He could do anything and I just wanted to go back and make the outcome different...I was obsessed with that-and I woke up one morning after dreaming about my Mom and woke my husband and said Is my mother really dead? and he said yes..and I was liek No, she can't be, are you sure? and he said yes and I lost it.

I started feeling better late fall/Christmas and then New Years Eve was bad, knowing that this would be the first year that I hadn't seen her..and then I was fine again...and that's how I am now. 95% fine.

But there are times when the loss feels just as fresh and the hole in my life feels just as big as it did when she first passed away.
I still sometimes hear the phone ring and think it's her, but most of the time when that happens I just smile and shake my head at myself for not remembering...and then there are times I just need to have a good cry even though it's been almost 2 years.


I will never ever stop missing her and it does hit me at the oddest times and that's okay. The loss is just part of my life now and I've had to accept it.

 

[JVL1018]

This past Sunday I was having a perfectly fine day and all of a sudden I was overwhelmed with sadness - literally "talking" out loud to him and telling him to come back (How silly is that? I know he can't come back..).. But it's all part of the emotional roller coaster of losing someone that you love dearly..



:

Oh I have done the same thing with my Mom! Saying Mommy, please come back, please just come back, I won't be mad!
And I am a 34 year odl woman with children of my own, sitting here calling for my Mommy to come back from death. So crazy! But it's a crazy thing to deal with after all.

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

Just wanted to add a big along with everyone else's.

As everyone is saying, there is no timetable or right way to deal with grief. It's very touching to hear how dearly you thought of your MIL, and it seems that there was so much love.

I lost my best friend 20 mths ago. She died at age 31, and it happened one month and one week before my second DS was born. Her DS was 20 mths at the time and my DS was 16 mths. We'd always get together for playdates, we vacationed together, all those wonderful things.

I don't know if I'll ever get over it. But we can all support each other.

 

[becobscot]

I am sorry for your loss! You'll be in my prayers! Just take the time you need to heal!

 

[luvmy2sams]

My grandpa died in 1987, and I still have my crying moments. I don't think that it ever really goes away, but the aching inside does ease over time.

I always try to remember what my mom told me when he died. It would be much sadder if we didn't experience any feelings when our loved ones pass on. Missing them and feeling that sadness and hurt inside means that we have a great capacity to love and that our time with that person was important and worthwhile.

to you and your family.

 

[Planogirl]

From my experience, you will always miss her and will always be sad in a way but you adjust. I still grieve for my Dad at times and it's been many years since he passed on. It's usually when I need someone to talk to or someone to watch baseball with. I miss those things and I guess that I always will.

Hang in there. It's gonna hurt, there's no getting around it.

 

[Briarmom]

Hugs to you.

 

[CathrynRose]

Also - Ive posted this website before. http://www.near-death.com/index.html

I found this a few months back - dot know why, dont know how I came across it. Didnt know my Mom was going to die in just a few months

But - the way fate works, there was obviously a reason. I couldnt be more sure that she's okay. I couldnt be more sure that it's a REALLY good place she's in. I was with her the instant she died, and Im telling you - I swear to you, I felt just a milli-second of where she was headed and it was amazing!! AMAZING! I felt her leave her body and head on into the "light" and for that second and even for a few moments after it happened I was -SO- okay with her going there! ! !

I wish I had THAT feeling back - but I keep referring to it, cuz I know I felt it and I know she's really, really okay - better than okay - she's really really good!!!

It may or may not help anyone in reading through them - but if it helps one person, then Im happy. These 'near deaths' happen in every religion, every class of person, race, age, etc, etc.... and what makes me feel the best is the fact that everyone who has had one isnt afraid to die anymore (most all didnt want to "come back" - they felt as if they were home) I keep remembering that milli-second feeling I had - and all the experiences I read...and knowing Ill see her again. If the "after-life" is an eternity, then YEARS can pass on earth, but when I pass over it will feel like seconds to her and she'll turn around, and there I will be. ...

Death is goofy. I genuinely feel that death, for the dying/dead person, is amazing. It's the ones left behind who hurt.

I still dont know why I came across that website.... and was so ENTHRALLED by it.... just engulfed with it. Told friends about it, cuz it was so *WOW*.... go figure.

 

[luvwinnie]

A month is NOTHING when it comes to grief...and everyone grieves differently...this I've learned in the 19 months since losing my mom. I read a book that was very honest and said grief is a LIFELONG process and that makes total sense to me. I will NEVER stop missing her...so I will always grieve for her. Please give yourself time to grieve...don't try to rush it. Hugs to you.

 

[DisneyDmbNut]

My dad died on October 12, 2003

He was ill for over 18 months..cancer had turned his brain to mush and I am not sure he even knew us the last 3 months. You would think with this passage of time, when he did die, you would be "prepared" and grief would be not as great.

There are moments when I am fine..I 'forget" that dad isn't here and all is right with the world...then there are the times like Friday night when I ordered a dessert at Olive Garden that my dad and I shared right before he got sick. I lost it and cried in my coffee..I can hardly speak of him without tears and it doesn't seem to get any easier as time passes.

I find myself wondering why my sisters don't feel like this...Maybe because they live in another state or they didn't see the slow decent my father made..maybe because I met him alot for lunch because I worked about a mile from his office..

Anyway...I dodn't mean to go on and on...just wanted you to know that time will help with the loss, but it won't let you forget

 

[JimB.]

I own't bore you with my stories. The only thing I would add is to not be afraid or hesitant to seek out some professional assistance. I did and it helped tremendously.

Sometimes a "detached" person is the right person to help & listen. Those around you are dealing with the same issues, so they have to contend with that as well as you. Not particularly effective or healthy for anyone.

Psychologists & Grief counselors are wonderful. Don't be afraid to use them.

 

[lucas]

Thanks to everyone who posted. Earlier today I was reading this thread at the office and had to stop before co-workers saw me crying. I haven't been able to stop thinking about some of the touching things that were written.

 

[JerseyJanice]

So sorry for your loss.

I think we all feel shocked to some extent when a loved one passes on. Over time, the shock wears off and we're faced with having to accept the reality of the loss. And it's then the heartache kicks in the most.