Do you feel like this when a relative dies?

[mtblujeans]

My DMIL died almost a month ago. She was 75 and lived a good and full life and I have known her for 19 years. I thought my grief would start to subside by now and its not. At first, I thought a greater part of it was because my thoughts had turned to myself getting older and leaving my kids when the time comes. But that’s not really all of it and I am struggling to deal with these unfamiliar feelings of sadness and impatience!

I think of DMIL every day! I am not close to my own mother and my father is gone. She was “Mom” for me. I will admit I am tenderhearted about some things…..but, frankly, these feelings are increasing instead of decreasing! DH and his siblings seem to be getting on with their lives and I am becoming increasingly impatient to “move on” myself! I am definitely confused about the sadness I feel and I am wondering if you guys feel things like this when an older relative passes on?

 

[mommytotwo]

Maybe you just need to let it out. Talk to someone who is willing to listen to you or even write it in a journal. Even though your DMIL is not around, maybe write her a letter so that you can jot down all the feelings that you now have and how much she meant to you.
When ever a relative or someone I know passes away, I always think about them, times that I had with them.... it's hard to loss a loved one

 

[CathrynRose]

My DMIL died almost a month ago. She was 75 and lived a good and full life and I have known her for 19 years. I thought my grief would start to subside by now and its not. At first, I thought a greater part of it was because my thoughts had turned to myself getting older and leaving my kids when the time comes. But that’s not really all of it and I am struggling to deal with these unfamiliar feelings of sadness and impatience!

I think of DMIL every day! I am not close to my own mother and my father is gone. She was “Mom” for me. I will admit I am tenderhearted about some things…..but, frankly, these feelings are increasing instead of decreasing! DH and his siblings seem to be getting on with their lives and I am becoming increasingly impatient to “move on” myself! I am definitely confused about the sadness I feel and I am wondering if you guys feel things like this when an older relative passes on?

I dont know how youre supposed to feel - Im dealing with this myself. My mom just passed away January 28th - the range of emotions I feel everyday varies, and it's SO WIDE! Im still just really shocked.

And just because it "looks" like someone is -moving on- doesnt mean theyre not still hurting, sad, etc, etc.... I have to "move on" but I think about her death every stinking day.

 

[mtblujeans]

Thanks, guys! I guess it is different for everyone and there is no 'norm'

 

[Pooh67_68]

 

[C.Ann]

Believe me - there's no timetable (or right or wrong way) when it comes to grieving..

My DH has been gone 1 year and 1 month.. There are times when I'm just fine - it all "makes sense" and I know it was better for him to go, rather than stay and suffer - and then there are other times when it's so raw, I feel like I just hung up the phone after the doctor told me he had passed away.. This past Sunday I was having a perfectly fine day and all of a sudden I was overwhelmed with sadness - literally "talking" out loud to him and telling him to come back (How silly is that? I know he can't come back..).. But it's all part of the emotional roller coaster of losing someone that you love dearly.. Some "recover" quickly - others don't - and some never do.. As long as it isn't causing problems in your daily life, just continue to deal with the feelings in whatever way helps you through..

Forget about how others are dealing - what their "timetable" seems to have been.. You are the only one who experiences your feelings, so no one else can (or should) place a time limit on your grief - not even you..

The worst thing you can do is to try to ignore or stifle those feelings because they will eat you up inside.. If you feel sad, then cry - and then go about your day.. If you feel like "talking" to your DMIL - then lock yourself in the bathroom and do so - and then go about your day.. The only way to truly deal with the feelings is to feel them.. As time goes on, hopefully they'll be less painful..

Your DMIL must have been a wonderful woman.. When I hear most people talking about their MIL's it's to complain about them - not mourn their passing.. You're going to be okay - it's just going to take whatever time it takes..

 

[Southern4sure]

I know what you are going through. We have lost 4 relatives in one year. I never really had to to grieve before it was time to make the journey back home for another funeral. It is hard and I miss each one and at times I feel selfish for moving on. I have to move on for my children. I do not want my children to associate death with guilt, depression or a sadness that never goes away. I know my departed loved ones would not want that. Write some memoirs of things your DMIL did or said to make you laugh (or cry) and boo hoo like a baby. Dont hold back the tears. I felt so relieved after I let the tears flow unchecked. I did this when my kids were at school.

to you and your family.

 

[MsDisney23]

I as well just lost my DMIL, it was so very hard on me and it still is. Today is DH's birthday and I know he is having it hard. These things are never easy. They are now the Angels amoung us...

 

[2sweetangels]

I am so sorry for your lose. The pain may not go away for a while. My grandmother died January 2005 and to this day I still cry out for her, my grandma and I were very close, we talked on the phone up to 4 times a day, everyday. Its been a little over a year now and I still can't get over her passing. I wish I could tell you it will get easier, but I just don't know, im still waiting for it to get easier with me. Take care of yourself and remember even though your DMIL is not physically here, she will always be with you in heart and soal.

 

[mtblujeans]

Thank you.....reading your posts made me cry.....

I understand what you are all saying! Thanks for sharing!! I was just beginning to think there was something not right about the way I was feeling....it has been years since someone I cared so much about has died....seems like I "forgot" how painful it can be!

 

[parrothead365]

to ya. You have had some good advice here already. I can add nothing except deal with it in your own time and way. Know that you are a special Dis'er and there will be alot of folks praying for you. You know I will.

LYMI

Doug

 

[mtblujeans]

to ya. You have had some good advice here already. I can add nothing except deal with it in your own time and way. Know that you are a special Dis'er and there will be alot of folks praying for you. You know I will.

LYMI

Doug

Thanks, Doug, you are always a kind heart!

 

[dtaylor98]

Everyone deals with grief in their own way and their own time. My condolences to you on the loss of your mother-in-law. She must have been a wonderful woman.

 

[mtblujeans]

Thank you very much! I feel alot better with these posts! I think I have been trying to stuff things down to make things appear normal around here.....not giving thought to how I was handling that!

 

[tevagirl]

 

[SunFloridaDisney]

Can't add much to all the good advice you've already gotten, but you're in my prayers.

It does help for me to write it down, as someone suggested. If you have a journal, or even, write a letter to your DMIL, like you were still talking to her. That helped me when I lost a very dear and close friend 2 years ago.

Thinking of you.

 

[Stitchfans]

So sorry for your lose. I know with time it kind of eases up a little. My mom died Jan '98, and at times I still find myself crying about her. I especially find myself thinking about her on different anniversaries, or when I need to talk to someone and I can't call her cause she isn't there to call any more. I often would talk to my cousin, Cindi. She and I were always very close, but she is very ill and dieing of cancer. She has locked herself up into her own little cocoon. I wish I could be there for her and she still for me. I know when her times comes I will be going through the pain all over again. I don't let myself think about that. Cindi is only 10 years older than me. She was/has been like a big sister my whole life.

Sure hurts and is horrible when someone you love passes away. If you need to talk I am a good listener. Seldom know what to say but I can listen.

 

[Marseeya]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Have you ever had depression? If you don't start to feel better after a little while, don't let it drag out. It could be the start of situational depression and you might need something to help you get through it. (I've suffered from that before, and a mild anti-depressant helped me through.)

 

[DebbieB]

My mom died on Sept 30, we were very close. Some days I'm doing OK and some days not. I travel alot for business and everytime I come home to an empty house (we lived together) it feels like the wound is reopened. It's gotten to the point where I'm happy to go on the road. I'm home this week and I'm trying not to dwell on it. I still haven't brought myself to clean out her stuff.

 

[mtblujeans]

Thanks to everyone! I was feeling like my emotions were headed downward and I didn't feel like I could stop it! It does help to hear how everyone else has felt through their personal experiences! I have been fighting back the tears and today I just gave in and let them spill! Thank you so much for all of your kindness and concern! You guys have helped alot!!