Do you exchange gifts with ALL your siblings? Christmas drama.....

[tarheelmjfan]

I’m like you- we live away from the rest of the family and my son doesn’t get all the nieces/nephew gifts that the local kids all get. At first it hurt my feelings, but honestly my son just doesn’t have the same connection to the aunts and uncles. They all get together every other week for family diner, the kids help out at each other’s houses, they invite them to games/school plays/concerts. My son doesn’t so I understand that if they are handing around gifts to the kids they constantly see and not my kid who they see 2 times a year.

Even though we live away from our family, we're all close. I've spent a fortune on weddings in recent years, even though I live in a different state. I never turned any of them down, when they were looking for help. Maybe, it would have been different, if DS & I hadn't traveled all over the country to watch her kids play basketball, when they were younger. I just find treating any of them differently inexcusable. I've done the same for all of them, as have my other sisters. I'm glad you've found peace with it, but I just don't think it's right.

 

[DisneyHardin]

Yes and it really adds up. I have 2 sisters and a brother. One sister has a long term boyfriend we buy for and my brother is married so we buy for sis in law too of course. DH has one brother that we also buy for.

 

[quandrea]

On my husband’s side we only buy for the kids. Gave up with the adults about ten years ago and it’s great.

On my side, it’s just me two sisters. Neither are married. We still buy for them. They buy for us and our kids.

Dh and I don’t buy for each other. We do exchange stockings, which is fun. I don’t miss our gift exchange at all. I was worried I would, but it’s been about five or six years and it’s good.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Not at all on DH's side. I do think his 2 sisters do exchange gifts but they are very close.

On my side we draw names among the adults.

 

[bdcp]

On my side of the family, we draw names and as each niece and nephew turn 18 and graduate HS, they join the name drawing. All are now 19 and older so we only have to buy one gift per person. My parents are still alive so we buy them gifts also. My sisters and I also buy each other something (gift bag and wine) as well as our mother and my DIL (only one of the 7 grandchildren married so far is my youngest son). But, we all buy so much less now that we're not buying for everyone. On DH's side, we buy for his two nieces and his mother (DFIL passed away this past Jan). We usually get his brother and SIL a bottle of wine. So, most of my gift buying is for our 2 DS and DDIL and our parents. DH and I also buy for each other. Oldest DS (33) is single for now. He's getting back in the dating pool as he wants to settle down so at some point we'll have more gifts to buy. We all live within 2 hours drive of each other so we get together every Christmas. This year is at my house the Saturday before. We end up having a mix of some on Christmas day, otherwise everyone spends time with their own immediate family. It gets harder as kids grow up and date/get married which my mom has trouble with since she's used to having us all together every year.

 

[blana]

We used to exchange with all the siblings and spouses. Then, my family had a sit down and decided that instead of any adult buying for any other adult, we would all spend that money on an angel tree child. A few years later, DH's family agreed to the same thing for all siblings. We still buy for his parents, but no other adults.

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

I have 2 older sisters.
Yes we all exchange givfts.
My one older sister and I actually live with my parents.
Its very much still like childhood Christmases around my house.
The other sister and her DH and kids come to our house because we have a big tree and the room.
My parents in their 70's still prefer to cook the meal.
We open in age groups/pairs.
First my 3 nieces and nephew open presents (ages 4-18 atm).
Then myself, my 2 sisters, and my sister's DH open presents.
Lastly its my parents who often end up wanting to look at what unopened gifts are left for the night and then open the following day lol with just my oldest sister and I.
It may be semi unconventional but its our small very tight knit family and that's just how we do Christmas.

 

[mom2rb]

My family only buys for our parents and any kids. DH’s family is the same except we also make a donation and tell each other about it instead of opening presents. It has become one of my favorite parts of the holiday.

 

[neverlandsky]

We don't exchange between us & my siblings. We don't exchange between us & DH's sibling. We do gift the kids school pics every year and there might be a bonus gift of under $10 tucked in for family members. The bonus gift is not an every year thing. It's more like, Oh so & so will really like this as it catches our eye. Yet we're not specifically shopping for that person. If that makes sense.

 

[leebee]

On my side of the family, we give to my sister and BIL (no kids), sister and her 2 daughters (ages 16 and 19), my brother and his 2 kids (ages 16 and 19). We live within 3 hours driving time of most of them (my sis and BIL w/out kids live in NOLA and we rarely see them, but she's my baby sister) so we see them every month or so. We don't spend a lot, maybe $20 a person. On my husband's side of the family, we send something to his mom. He is one of 7 kids, so there are far too many siblings, spouses, nieces, nephews, great nieces, and great nephews for it to be affordable. We also don't see them often, not even once a year. We don't give to any of them, and they don't give to us or DD24.

 

[NYCgrrl]

There are only 2 groups who still get regular gifts from us: the very old and the very young. I may see an item I think a particular sister would like and buy it for her but then it's given on the side since our youngest sister still wonders if anyone likes her...waaaaaah, LOL.

 

[sailorstitch]

I've never exchanged gifts with my siblings because I'm an only child.

 

[indimom]

On my side of the family, we draw names at Thanksgiving and everyone buys a gift for someone else: adults and kids alike. So, in a sense, we do, but it's one gift each. We still enjoy the gift giving, but to buy for everyone would be crazy expensive, that's 20-some people. This is a nice balance.

On DH's side, gift giving stopped years ago. Even then, it was just for the kids. That's over 30 people if we bought for everyone.

I do still buy for one good friend, we held on to the trend pretty much by accident, but I'm so glad we never stopped over the decades. She's now the only girl in a family of "guy" guys (both her family and her husband's) other than her mother, who has dementia. So, things are not the same for her anymore. I enjoy looking for just the right gift for her, since she doesn't have to "tell" me what she would like. And I always go for the girly stuff her guys would never get right.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I only have one brother, so we do exchange on my side. He and my SIL (no kids) live far away, so I send a box, and so do they.

DH's family is local and a lot bigger. A couple of years ago, we started drawing Secret Santa names (kids included, since they're all teens and up). Things are much simpler, and we can really concentrate on something nice for each person.

 

[Poohforyou]

No, 2 of my brothers are married with kids, one is single. The single one spends Christmas at our house so we exchange gifts. For the other 2 we buy for the kids. I sometimes will get a family gift, like an interesting beard game or a box of chocolates from a local shop. That isn't every year though and I just think of it as an extra. We didn't have a big conversation about this it just kind of evolved.

 

[paisleys]

Last year I decided to be the bad guy and suggest no gifts and it did not go over well. We all live far away and haven't seen each other in years in some cases. We either send each other the same gift cards (a wash), or things go missing and you keep asking if it came 'still no' (twice now gift cards MIA) or we get a big box the person sent a fortune sending, but all or most of it ends up in the donation bin (ie ceramic high heel tchotchkes, dollar store lotions, glamour shots of the sender and bags of old Halloween candy).

 

[mamamary]

On my husband's side of the family we stopped years ago and on my side I only get gifts for my one sister who has no kids. We all buy for our sibling's kids and now all of their kids. My sister always says not to buy for her but she always gets for my kids so I enjoy getting her some gifts.

 

[jdb in AZ]

My Brady-Bunch-style family drew names for several years. Then we tried rotating -- still giving to one family each year. Then someone didn't follow through -- maybe the package got lost in the mail; really didn't get the full story on that one. Then we tried donating, with each family supposedly telling what we donated to. DH and I don't like to tell everyone where our donations go -- it would be like bragging, so we opted out of that. I do send out a family calendar to each married couple in the mix. We're up to about 30 calendars this year. Computer software keeps track of everyone's b-day and anniversary, and we include a page of contact information which we try to keep updated.

DH's side of the family still exchanges gifts with others attending the annual Christmas Eve party but there's so many nieces and nephews I wish they'd stop the gift grab. The past several years we've spent Christmas out of town at DD's home but we'll be home this year so that could get interesting. I'm sure the nieces and nephews don't "need" to include us on their gift list but their momma doesn't want to let the tradition die. We hosted the party for some 30 years but the crowd has outgrown our home, and my energy level has shrunk.

 

[Meshell2002]

I had 5 sisters. One is deceased, but she had a daughter who is now married. We buy for everyone, including sisters, their DHs, their kids & spouses & their grandkids. If you read my Best Buy thread, you'll understand why I'm so upset that they aren't honoring their black Friday prices. On DH's side, we only have his Mom to buy for. He's an only child & his Dad is deceased, as are my parents.



Kind of OT, but does the parent of your nephew that you don't see often treat your kid(s) the same as the others? I ask, because we are in a similar situation. I have one sister who buys for our nieces, nephews, their kids & her DH's niece & nephew every time she takes a long vacation. She excludes my DS. She says it's because she can give the others their gift in person & she couldn't my DS a gift in person. I didn't realize she was doing that, until we took a sister trip to Alaska. She had us running around everywhere to buy for everyone, except my DS. When I questioned her, that was her excuse. IMO, that's a lousy thing to do. It's not DS's fault that we moved away from family. I would never treat my nieces & nephews differently. I love my sisters dearly, but that was my last sister trip. I don't mean to lecture or judge you. You should do what you think is right. It's really none of my business. I just thought I'd mention what it's like to be the one that's treated differently.

Yes I do what I think is right, because in families sometimes it's better to agree to disagree and keep it peaceful.

My other sister (who lives 5 states from me) is very anti gift, She doesn't send me birthday or Christmas cards, I send them to her. If I was going to see my nephew near Christmas, I would buy him a small gift (probably against her wishes). Now my sister (the one that I don't live near) doesn't buy gifts for any of the kids, maybe for my mom only out of respect (my grandparents and father are deceased). The reason is simple, I'm just keeping it short for the purpose of my answer, My sister has deviated from our up bringing and no longer celebrates religous holidays (she married someone not raised the same as our nuclear family and is agnostic), so that includes participating in gift exchanges....its not because she is treating anyone differently, she just doesn't roll like my sister and I who have stayed more traditional to our up bringing. She understands why we still do a card or a gift but to keep the peace with her husband we try to "keep it small if at all". It also is hard for her financially to buy gifts for 5 nieces and nephews when she only has one child and is not as financially stable as the other 2 sisters. I don't want to burden her with that pressure.

 

[Colleen27]

Once kids started coming along we stopped all adult exchanges.

Us too. Childless adult siblings got gifts, but there aren't any of those left. Once we and our siblings starting having kids, we all agreed to just buy for our nieces and nephews. We do usually include some sort of small "family" gift like a popcorn tin or chocolates from the kids' most recent fundraiser or a fancy hot cocoa set that the parents can enjoy too, but nothing specifically for the adults.

Our parents are the only adults we shop for now.