Do you ever wonder when you die.....

[December99]

What people are going to say about you? Or what you hope they say about you? I just read SteveH's post about his father-in-law and what a great person he was, not only in his profession but in his life as a person. When I read things like this - I always wonder what people are going to say about me when I'm gone - what type of mother I was, what type of friend I was, what type of wife I was, what type of sister I was, what type of daughter I was (hopefully I will not go before my father) what type of person I was.

Personally I am very scared about death - the experience of just stopping breathing and being gone. It has hit me much harder since losing my own parent and every time someone passes away or I read things about people after they passed I always sit and ponder this very question - what is it going to be like when I'm gone. Will <b>I</b> know that I'm dead? (kinda eerie I know). I think I'm more concerned about the point that I don't WANT to die - I don't want to leave my daughter, I don't want to leave my family but I know it's a part of life. I sit often and try to imagine what it will be like......

 

[grinningghost]

I think about it often too. The older I get, the more it's on my mind, but I guess that's normal. My hope is that I'm remembered fondly by my family and friends. I try to be a good person while I'm here and if that's all the legacy I leave, then I'm happy.

 

[FreshTressa]

And hopefully heaven is like Disney World...



But seriously, I am freaked out about death too. And I know what you mean about what people are going to say. My uncle is dying and already I have a summation of his life in my head to describe him to people. He was a spiritual man who worked hard all his life for others, and now when it is time to retire, he is going to die.

 

[Mskanga]

I am going to live to 100 years old, .

 

[browneyes]

I may not want to know what some will say about me.

If I go before my mom and my SO does, I know exactly what my mom will say. She'll tell my SO if he buries me where I don't want to be buried, I'll come back and haunt him.

 

[glo]

funny, I have been thinking about death alot lately. I have come to terms that I won't die very old. Which is fine with me, even the death watch( I know joke) only gave me 7 years Anyway, I really only care about what those truely close to me will say. People who have something to say that do not know me won't mater anyway. It is those who took the time to know me and care that I will want to remember me fondly

 

[AngieBelle]

I'm actually more curious than scared. Since I don't follow any religious beliefs, I have no concept of what death is actually like. If I die naturally of old age, I think that when I'm old, my thoughts on death will be much like that of Peter Pan. "To die should be an awfully big adventure."

 

[Adrianna]

I'm more frightened that when I die, pretty no one will care or remember me. I'm 35 and am nowhere near where I pictured myself as a young girl, I've not really accomplished anything of major significance. No kids, no profound career accomplishments. I always wanted to do something that I'd be remembered for, such as writing a classic novel or curing a disease (hey I don't dream small ) or doing something to contribute to or help the "good of the world." Guess I'll keep tryin

 

[Margie J]

Yes, I have thought of this a lot. After the recent deaths of my Mom and a few other friends and relatives these past two months it's hard not to think about it.

What bugged me was what people would or wouldn't write about me in an obituary. When we had to put one together for my Mom it hit me, at that very shocking moment you are called upon to relay important details about someones life. My Aunt was recalling things from the 1940's and I was thinking about more recent stuff. It's all important but someone needs to know the details.

I've thought, there is nobody that I can think of that knows everything about me. At least they don't know the things that were important to me that I have done in my life. My relatives should know the basics of where I was born, educated, lived and worked. My friends know the other side of my life; my volunteering, the offices I have held, my hobbies, my awards, etc. Relatives don't even know how to contact my friends.

 

[glo]

Marjie...you hit the nail on the head...the peple who know me best (besides my dh and kids)would have no input. Probably wouldn't even find out til after the fact

 

[lisajl]

My mom has pre-arranged her funeral.
Why can't we make our own obituaries?
Who knows us better than ourselves? You know, what we have done, what has mattered to us.

I am not afraid of death....I just hope I get to see my Dad and sister in law again, that they are waiting for me.

Lisa

 

[Rajah]

I do wonder, especially when we lose someone or someone posts a loving tribute like Steve's.

 

[binny]

Im not scared of what happens when I die.

I held my daddy when he died. I cant begin to describe to you the look of peace on his face. The doctors were able to wake him just before he died. He opened his eyes and looked right at me. for the first time in a long time I couldnt see any pain there, he smiled at me, then he died. He just looked so peaceful. Going by that experience ( and I know they arent all like that) I am not frightened. I know he was in pain in the last months but I also know that he welcomed "Being promoted". He was an officer in the salvation Army and thats what they call it "promoted to Glory"


As for what people will say about me...

I hope they will say that I was good mommy, a good friend, a good wife and a good daughter. Nothing else matters to me.


My favourite quote right now is

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

 

[binny]

Live Your Life with Dash

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years (1934 - 1998)

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth...
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own;
The cars...the house...the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard...
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile..
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read
With your life's actions to rehash...
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

 

[Keli]

You know, I'm not entirely sure what people will say about me when I'm gone. I guess some people will be too kind with their words and some are likely to be to harsh with their thoughts (probably won't speak them though, don't speak ill of the dead and all that) I think I know how my mom and my daughter will feel though. Those are the only two I feel confident in their reactions. Mom will be devestated, not because she doesn't know all my faults but because she loves me in spite of them. And Ashli. If I die while she is still young Ashli will grieve for both herself and me because she will still need me to help her as she becomes an adult, she will know that I would have been there to give her my best advice and support her in every situation. But if Ashli is through young adulthood when I go then she will just miss me, miss talking to me and telling me things and listening to me talk to her about things. That is the most enduring part of losing people you love, in my opinion. You miss them. Twenty years later you still miss them.

 

[aprincessmom]

I don't know that I think about what they'll say...I know I've lived my life the way I've wanted with no regrets or remorse. I do hope that when people think of me they'll smile and have a good laugh at some of the funny things we did or said.

Actually, I take that back. The only regret in my life is that I will die. I am so sad to leave my DD alone in the world. I know she won't truly be alone as she has plenty of family and friends who love her and will continue to love her as long as she lives...but I think being without a mom makes you feel a bit lonely and lost. I know that I will live forever in her heart, and she in mine, but it's not the same. That is one my regret in life.

 

[Harambe]

I struggled with this a few years ago when I was sick. Had the same feelings about leaving my kids (only 6 & 7 at the time), DH and the rest of my family. Since I lost my mom at an early age - I knew how hard it would be for them.

I truly think to die is the easy part - the hard part is left to those who loved you and must now go on without you!

 

[December99]

Margie and binny hit it for me. Like Margie said - when my mom died, I too had to think about the obit. My parents were divorced so we didn't want to include that but I wanted to include something my mom would have wanted someone to know. And we did - it was about her love for her dogs and people always saw her in town walking them.

And like binny - although we weren't able to be right there when my mom died, when we did finally get to go in and see her before we left the hospital there was a peaceful look on her face and almost a smile. A smile that she was with her dog that she so loved and had to put to sleep a few years before she passed, a smile that she got do see her dad again who she so missed ever since he passed, and a smile that she got to see some classmates that had passed and friends that had passed some time before. And I told my brother - look at her, she's smiling because she's with Rascal again and she's out of pain.

And Keli - the biggest thing I miss about my mom not being here (and I'm 34) is I can't call her and talk to her and ask her advice and tell her exciting news!!! I can no longer count how many times I've reached for that phone to tell her something exciting and then realize I can't. So I go off to a quiet area and tell her anyway!

 

[Towncrier]

Glo - Do you really want your DIS friends to write your obit?

I figure that once I'm dead and gone, I won't care what people say about me. I have even told my wife and kids to please not mourn my passing, but to go on living. I am more concerned about all the junk that I've collected in my lifetime that my family is going to have to throw out once I'm gone. I just don't want to be a burden to my family in any way.

 

[Mskanga]

Originally posted by Towncrier
Glo - Do you really want your DIS friends to write your obit?
I figure that once I'm dead and gone, I won't care what people say about me. I have even told my wife and kids to please not mourn my passing, but to go on living.

I can add some things to Glo's obituary...
And yes , I have told my family , I want them to have a party when I die, I will be celebrating my new life and I want them to do the same, I don't care what people here say about me.