Do You Ever Say No to Babysitting Your Grandchild?

[Chattyaholic]

I did yesterday, for the first time, and felt so guilty.

He is almost 7 months old and I do babysit quite often (they live just a quarter mile down the road), but yesterday DSIL called and wanted me to babysit while he mowed the lawn. That just bugs me. I did it once but we never asked for a sitter just to mow the lawn. I don't mind babysitting if they want to go out to eat, or to a movie or something, but for mowing the lawn? I was doing laundry and cleaning yesterday so just said it wouldn't work for me.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

You have nothing to feel guilty about! I don't have grandchildren yet, but there is nothing wrong about establishing guidelines and babysitting when it works for you.

T&B

 

[meandtheguys2]

My mom knows she can say yes or no for whatever reason. I am glad she does, so that I don't have to be wary of asking.

Stop feeling guilty!

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

There's such a thing as being "too available" and letting someone take advantage. I don't doubt you love your grandchild, but you aren't required to drop everything (even housework!) to be at you DD/DSIL's beck and call. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You're entitled to your own life and schedule.

If this type of casual request gets too much, you might ask to set up some guidelines--24 hours notice, no more then twice a week, whatever you're comfortable with.

 

[Bob Slydell]

MIL does all the time. Then proceeds to give us grief now that we're looking for a nanny.

 

[laurietg]

My mom has babysat my DD3 about 5 times. She lives about 10 minutes away from us. I don't ask her because I feel she doesn't want to, but I know she will say yes anyway. I think It's great that you can say no when you don't want to. Maybe your daughter and SIL appreciate it and know they don't have to feel guilty when you say yes!

 

[Maleficent13]

DD's two sets of grandparents spend their time trying to think of things for us to do, so that they can babysit. So while I'm not familiar with the situation, I think you need to do what feels right to you, and not feel guilty about it!

 

[Kermit]

Our parents all live 800 miles away, but I would hope that they would say no when it wasn't convenient for them, especially when it wasn't critical for us to have a sitter. As long as you didn't tell them no when they asked you to watch the baby while your SIL took your DD to the ER, I think it's fine.

 

[bananiem]

Don't feel guilty! There are plenty of us that didn't have grandparents living down the street who would babysit for free and we still managed to get the lawn mowed.

 

[Chattyaholic]

As long as you didn't tell them no when they asked you to watch the baby while your SIL took your DD to the ER, I think it's fine.

Actually something similar happened a couple months ago!! We were sleeping in our camper (it was one of those terribly hot/humid nights and we don't have air in the house but we do have it in the camper) and about 4:00 in the morning the door opens and here stands DD with DGS in her arms, saying she needed us to watch him while she took DSIL to the emergency room. At a time like that, that's what parents are for, to help out, so of course we were more than willing to help out and watch him then.

I just think that maybe it's starting to be just a little "too convenient" to ask me to babysit, since I live just a quarter mile away. I felt bad for saying no yesterday, and hope DSIL wasn't upset. This was the first time I've said no though.

 

[pixiemomma]

Don't feel bad. Most reasonable children see their parents as human beings who have already raised their children and not nannies. Its so sad when children turn their children into a task a grandparent dreads. (I know this isn't your situation but I've seen it happen.)

It makes me sick when I see my SILs take advantage of my MIL. My own mother passed away when I was 20 and I feel they have ZERO appreciation for their mother.

 

[golfgal]

He should be the one to feel guilty for asking you to babysit so he could mow the lawn. That is an over the top request. My Dh's siblings take advantage of his parents quite a bit. They will say no occasionally, but they feel guilty then. Don't let it get to you!

 

[eeyore kelly]

I live next door to my parents, and if they have something planned, they will not babysit. It doesn't bug me. My parents are nice enough to help us out, so I need to be nice enough to respect their own plans and not take advantage of them.

 

[justhat]

I wouldn't feel bad at all. I strongly believe that grandparents are not babysitters and should not be treated as such. Not saying that's what your situation is, but I am sure it can feel that way sometimes if you're asked to babysit a lot and for trivial reasons. Kids are the responsibility of their parents and no one else. Obviously we all need babysitters and who better than a grandparent who loves the kids, but they have their own lives too and that should be respected.

My feelings do not come from my own mom or MIL cause they both live out of state, very far from us, so they don't do much babysitting for us. However, my friend, who lives in DC like me while her mom lives in NJ like mine, treats her mom like a babysitter. It's ridiculous. When her mom sleeps at their home in DC she stays in the baby's room so she can get up with the baby all night. Well that's fine, it gives the mom a break and the grandma doesn't mind. Same thing happens when they stay in NJ. Fine again. But now it's gotten to the point where my friend is maybe in DC 1 week a month, at the most, and spends the rest of the time in NJ so her mom can watch her son. Meanwhile, friend's husband is alone in DC working. She and her son just went back up to NJ last week for at least 2 weeks and when I asked her why she was going she said "I need my mom to watch my son and my dad to walk the dog". Uh, okay. The baby is now 8 months old. When is she going to be able to take care of him on her own? And she wants 2-3 more kids!

Ugh, sorry, I totally didn't mean to rant like that, I just feel bad for grandmas who become the mom. I know that's not even your case, just reminded me. Anyway, I think you're a great grandma so don't feel guilty about saying no once and awhile!

 

[Mskanga]

I asked my inlaws twice when my oldest was an infant , once I was going to the doctor , the second time it was 9 pm , my dd was sick and sleeping in her crib and I asked if one of them could just go upstairs ( yes , we were in the same house ) and listen to her ( they would not be able to hear her from downstairs and we didn't have a monitor then ) , while I went to the entrance of the development to pick my husband up with my 4WD vehicle because it was snowing and he could not get up the hill with the company truck ( very steep hill ) , both times I was literally told " No, we already paid our dues" . I had to take my dd with me , sick and in a snow storm because they didn't want to come up for 15 minutes....or an hour for a doctor's visit....I never asked again!
But they did babysit for both SIL's kids and when they realized that THEY would need my help , they started to offer to babysit , I kindly refused.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

My Mom and MIL always tell us when it isn't convenient for them and we appreciate their honesty. My MIL always feels so guilty because she doesn't get to see them but once every week or two. I tell her not to feel guilty but she says she misses them. Our 3 are the last of the grandchildren so that may have something to do with it.

I guess your SIL could have waited until your DD was home to mow.

Lori

 

[Strawberry Lemonade]

DD's two sets of grandparents spend their time trying to think of things for us to do, so that they can babysit. So while I'm not familiar with the situation, I think you need to do what feels right to you, and not feel guilty about it!

Same here.

My parents especially can't seem to get enough of DS. However, if they weren't available or just didn't want to watch him, I'd appreciate the honesty and completely understand. Don't feel guilty. The lawn can wait.

 

[mtblujeans]

No, and it makes DH mad at me! I just took my grandson for 2 weeks and when I refused to keep him one more weekend, DD got a little ticked at me. DH says she takes advantage but I want my grandbaby to remember me! He's 4 and I think he will remember who I am now. We are taking them to WDW next year so I think that will guarantee good memories of grandma and grandpa!

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

we have a 7mo old dd and we have never asked our parents to watch our child. We feel guilty doing it. So don't feel guilty saying no. I would want them to be honest with us too. I just don't want to be an imposition on my parents or in-laws. I've seen first hand the people that abuse grandparents because they don't work. As a SAHM, i have already been imposed upon with other children "since i don't work!!"

 

[Minnie824]

My mother watches DDs during the day while I'm at work. During weeknights, they rarely ever watch the kids, never for an evening event, which we understand, and we find someone else, or don't go to the event. On weekends, since we do work during the week, we spend time with the kids, and usually only for special events (bday, anniversary etc) do they watch them on the weekends. We both revolve our schedules around each other...for appts, events, etc, we kindof checkin with each other ahead of time. It works out well....til next year when my dad is planning to retire. Then we'll be looking into other options.