Do you ever let your kids take a friend?

[slbgnb]

We are going over Labor Day week (9/3 - 9/11), so kids will miss 4 days of school. We have 3 (14, 12, 9 at trip time). We've been debating letting the 14 yr old bring a friend. We are staying at AofA, so that's fine for space. My concerns are the following:

• it's so expensive, 5 day park hopper, 2 days universal, plane ticket, food...would any parent even do that??
• they will be missing 4 days of their freshman year of high school....would they do that if not THEIR family vacay?
• I've already booked package and dining. I'm afraid to mention it and she is able to go but then if I add her to the package, it jacks up our prices (since prices have since gone up). My TA says they won't, but people here say they might. But, I don't want to add her to see if the prices will go up and then she can't go. Does that make sense?

I'm sure my daughter would have SOOOOO much more fun if a friend went, but is it just too unrealistic to think a parent would allow this? Do others do this? I don't know that I would dish out $1500 for my kid to do this, but I know a lot of her friends are quite wealthy....

And there is also the simple truth - that it would probably increase the cost of our already extremely expensive trip by at least a little, since we'd probably pay for a few of her things......

Sorry so long.....Thanks!

 

[mom2rtk]

I probably wouldn't do it because what I love most about our Disney trips is it being a big time for family connection. I would really miss that with my DD off with her friend. Additionally, kids that age are hard to predict. Many come with lots of drama. I honestly would not take the chance on someone else injecting drama into our trip.

But many have done so and created great memories with friends. Do you feel lucky?

 

[2Gma]

Short answer: No. But, it really depends on the situation.

My kids are just entering the phase where they like to have "friends along" for activities. I don't mind it for day trips to the waterpark, local amusement park, zoo, etc. but for a big expensive vacation like Disney, probably never. For me, these big trips are family memory builders and I feel like we would miss out on that opportunity if our child is "friend focused." Plus there is so many logistics of who's paying for what, what if the child gets sick/injured, etc. However, for some family situations it might make sense to have a friend there to make the child more relaxed and have fun (maybe an only child, grandparent as the "paren"t, single parent, etc.) OR perhaps the "extra" child you are bringing is truly in need of a special once in a lifetime trip they would not have otherwise.

 

[acbshada]

I can't speak from the experience of taking a kid's friend...but I can speak from the experience of being the kid's friend.

Back in 7th grade, I remember my best-friend-at-the-time's family went to Disney World...and they took me with them! We had been friends for years by that point, so they knew me pretty well. My parents agreed and gave them money for my tickets, food, etc. It was significantly cheaper to do that back then, I'm sure. But I remember it was a pretty great trip to have a friend with (we were both basically "only children" at that point in our lives).

However, I can also speak from being an only child and going with my parents - and those are trips that I would never want to erase from my memory. They're precious, family-only moments and memories, and I cherish them.

Ultimately, it's up to you. I know that doesn't help - lol - but maybe some of these stories might help you make your decision.

 

[sfbank]

DD has brought a friend every year since 2008 when she was 10. We decided to do that because as she started to ride more rides and stay in the parks longer we thought it would be fun for her since she is an only child. One year she took two friends. This year she graduates from high school so celebrating on to college and a friend is still coming with us. Now in the evenings they do what they want and have fun. Yes we always pay for everything including air, tickets, and food. The friend brings spending money. Have fun whatever you decide.

 

[davale4]

I feel vacation is to spend quality time with the family. That being said, in 2011, my DD did bring a friend along. It was for 11 days. They paid for airfare and we paid for everything else, we got magic your way tickets for 7 days. This June we have invited another friend along. They are also paying their airfare and half for park tickets 10 day park hopper. We are going for two weeks and we have annual passes. I don't like to make a habit of it, but once in a while we'll do it.

 

[gtpoohbear]

It depends on the personalities ofboth kids. If they are both very laid back, it might be fun. If they are like mist teenagers, at some point there is going to be drama. Is that something you want to deal with? (I know teenagers ate plenty capable of creating drama on their own, but add a friend go the mix and its a whole new ball game)

I also don't know many parents who would let their high school students miss that much school. 4 days is a lot, especially when it's just to tag along with a friend.

I would definitely ask the parents before mentioning it to either of the kids.

 

[alliecat523]

I don't see an issue with it but you have to go into it willing to pay the expense. Yes, the other parents should cover everything for their kid, but what if they don't? Are you willing to make up the difference or have that difficult conversation OR un-invite them?

As for missing school, that's up to the other family. I wouldn't worry about it. You are doing what is good for you. They can decide if it's right for them.

 

[Pooh2]

Agree with other posters that our vacation time is family time and it would change the dynamic to bring a friend along.

I would definitely not invite one of the kid's friends for any vacation or event unless I could afford to foot the expense. That would be an awkward conversation for both parties.

 

[lastminutemom]

If we were to invite someone, we would assume the costs. Thus, for disney we won't take a friend. We do take friends to the beach and camping, etc. Where there isn't really an incremental cost for adding someone. Your kids are close enough in age to enjoy each other, I think.

 

[DisneyFansInNYC]

We have done this several times to DW. Our eldest DD had a friend that could never afford DW and had never been. To bring her was the best decision we made. We knew her really well as she had been our daughter's best friend for years. We knew that she would want to spend time with us as a family not off with our DD alone. This was many years ago and she tells me all the time that she will never forget what we did for her. She has come with us several times since and again this summer. She is like our 4th daughter. We usually drive so the flight is never an issue but now when she comes she pays for her park tickets.

It truly depends on the child and the relationship with the friend. Also there is no reason why you would have to pay for all of the costs.

Have fun whichever way you decide.

 

[nicki.momof3]

I think taking a friend is fine if you are willing to cover the cost (all but spending money). I think it is extremely rude to ask someone then give them a $1500 bill. It also puts the parents in a very awkward position. So your daughter asks her friend and she is very excited to go (of course who wouldn't want to go on vacation with their BFF). If her parents say no because of cost (I would say no) you just put them in a very awkward position.

 

[Magpie]

My son WAS that friend. We paid for his plane and park tickets and gave him spending money. Since he was just a "plus-one" the family he went with didn't ask us to chip in for the condo they had already planned to rent for the week. They also paid for all of his food and any other incidentals that came up. Basically, they treated him like one of their own.

• it's so expensive, 5 day park hopper, 2 days universal, plane ticket, food...would any parent even do that??

Obviously, yes. It was a nice opportunity for the boy (he was 11 at the time). And we just counted it as his combination "birthday/Christmas" present for the year and budgeted accordingly.

• they will be missing 4 days of their freshman year of high school....would they do that if not THEIR family vacay?

You can't know unless you ask. Some families will say yes, some will say no. That's something they'll just have to figure out for themselves.

• I've already booked package and dining. I'm afraid to mention it and she is able to go but then if I add her to the package, it jacks up our prices (since prices have since gone up). My TA says they won't, but people here say they might. But, I don't want to add her to see if the prices will go up and then she can't go. Does that make sense?

Give the girl's parents as fair an accounting of the costs as you can, and just be prepared to cover any shortfall. Be upfront about how much you'd like them to contribute and don't allow your daughter to mention anything to their daughter, until all the adults are in agreement.

Finally, do be sure to get the parents to give you a consent letter similar to this one: http://travel.gc.ca/travelling/children/consent-letter It'll make life a LOT easier, in the event anything unfortunate happens.

 

[davale4]

We have done this several times to DW. Our eldest DD had a friend that could never afford DW and had never been. To bring her was the best decision we made. We knew her really well as she had been our daughter's best friend for years. We knew that she would want to spend time with us as a family not off with our DD alone. This was many years ago and she tells me all the time that she will never forget what we did for her. She has come with us several times since and again this summer. She is like our 4th daughter. We usually drive so the flight is never an issue but now when she comes she pays for her park tickets.

It truly depends on the child and the relationship with the friend. Also there is no reason why you would have to pay for all of the costs.

Have fun whichever way you decide.

This has been our experience as well. My DD's two friends would never experience Disney and we were happy do it and pay for most of it. We've know both girls since they were in pre-k.

 

[slbgnb]

Thanks for the tips. A couple things I hadn't considered (the drama for one!) My daughter has been invited to less expensive vacation, but they just laid out the cost ahead of time and we paid for most everything. So, I don't think that would be hard to do. I definitely wouldn't foot the cost for another person at Disney.

While it seems like my 2 oldest are close enough in age to enjoy each other, they are polar opposites and do NOTHING together. Especially at a theme park. My oldest will ride ANYTHING, my middle won't even go on splash.

I do see the "family bonding" point. My 14yr old is just annoyed at being with any of us at any time...that is kind of why it even came up. I don't want her to be annoyed, with a chip on her shoulder the whole time and then put a damper the trip for everyone. Which is somewhat how she was our last family vacation.

But, it's a lot of $$$ and missing 4 days....it's probably not wise.....

 

[Pixie Dust ✨]

I brought a friend on some vacations, including Disney, in middle and high school. My parents paid for everything for my friend, but I am an only child and the friend I brought most often was like my sister.

Loss of family vacation time was never really a concern since we traveled together so often, and since they knew my friend so well. It also made it easier for me during the "too cool to hang out alone with my parents" phase. (This was before I learned that my parents are, in fact, pretty cool on their own.)

 

[KristinU]

We are about to take a friend of DS's. We totally asked the parents first before mentioning it to either one of the kids. We are taking them out one day early for April break, so we covered that ahead of time as well. We planned to pay for everything except spending money, but dad is insisting on paying the park ticket...we've gone round and round but I'm assuming he won't take no for an answer. It truly will be our pleasure to have him along since DS is an only and a tween now, and a buddy is so much more fun than mom and dad playing marco polo at the pool and that type of stuff, LOL. I think it will just be more fun for everyone having him along. We take friends along camping regionally, including this one, and it usually works out really well.

 

[Jfsag123]

I wouldn't, but I highly value family time on vacations. To add another perspective, I was neither the kid bringing the friend or the friend being brought, but the sibling of the kid who got to bring a friend. It drove me nuts that my slightly older sibling got to bring a friend along, as 1. I didn't have a friend there and had the pleasure of being shut out by the pairng of my sister and her friend 2. I didn't like having non-family members on vacation with us, even as a kid. It was much less comfortable to be sharing a hotel room with some random (to me) other kid during what was supposed to be family time. Is it possible that either of your other children might have feelings similar to this? Just another potential angle to consider.

 

[slbgnb]

It seems like it's most common for parents of only children. Which makes total sense.

I think taking a friend is fine if you are willing to cover the cost (all but spending money). I think it is extremely rude to ask someone then give them a $1500 bill. It also puts the parents in a very awkward position. So your daughter asks her friend and she is very excited to go (of course who wouldn't want to go on vacation with their BFF). If her parents say no because of cost (I would say no) you just put them in a very awkward position.

I definitely disagree with this...no offense. I don't think it's awkward or rude at all. I would talk to the parents FIRST, but still I would lay it out and let them decide. We have done that before with smaller, less expensive vacations that my daughters have been invited on.

Thanks again for all the insight.

 

[joanchris]

My daughter was invited to go with a friend in, I think, 7th grade. It was just a mom and her daughter, so no extra money for the room. They were driving, so no plane ticket. The mom asked that we provide the park ticket (no hoppers) and gave me a dollar amount that I should send for food. She said anything else (aside from her own spending money) would be taken care of--so if they spent more on food, chose more pricey dining locations etc, not to worry. It was only 5 days and I think it was great time for them all.
I would be concerned about missing time in high school--some schools are easier with missed days than others at that level.
Can you discuss the mother what you MIGHT like to do, before checking it out? That way you can see if the price would increase for you all before you let the child know. Also, the mom would be able to determine if she would be ok with her child missing time in high school.
We also brought our exchange student last time we went (not really the same thing, as she was part of our family), she was the same age as my younger daughter. I have to say my daughter has a lot of fun being at the parks with a friend--different fun than with just us-- someone her age to hang out with. (My older daughter uses a wheelchair and is significantly delated, not a good companion for rides etc)
Your kids are close in age, will your younger children feel "left out" in some way if the sister brings a friend?
There's a lot to consider!