Do you ever find yourself reading posts but not responding because...

[CRB#33]

Well as someone who has just started one of those threads, I can tell you that nothing sounds trite and phoney when you're grieving. It helps to just see "I'm sorry" It also helps just to start the thread and type out your feelings. I understand it doesn't mean much to those who don't know me. It's just a process I feel I need for myself and I thank those who listen and understand those who don't.

To answer your question, I'm not here too often and I'm always afraid I missed someone's request. And then if I respond to someone elses, that I don't insult the person I missed.

I just hope that doesn't happen. I never want to hurt anyone.

 

[Wishydoo]

I type out replies lots of times, and then think...eh, who cares what I think?...and then I end up erasing it all, and not replying.

 

[NancyIL]

I often post nothing, for that very reason.

 

[Silky]

I try to respond when I can, and I do feel that even a simple expression of condolences and caring can mean a great deal to many folks.

Nevertheless, I doubt that I would be able to be as open as members here in asking for such support. I certainly welcome it from friends/colleagues around me during tough times, but I never openly ask for it from friends . I'm not being critical of anyone's style; I think that we all have varying ways of seeking comfort when we're hurting........

 

[Fantasia Girl]

Absolutely! I have SUCH a hard time posting on the boards unless it is just silly comments or Disney questions. I'm not sure why, I've been her for a few years, I just can't express myself the way I can IRL.

When someone that I "know" from seeing their many posts on the boards has a tragedy I try to post a reply, but I too feel as though it sounds phony or they wonder "why the heck is SHE posting here...I don't even talk to her"

 

[Mishetta]

Well, I used to by-pass the sad posts because I felt "they don't know me, they don't want to hear from a stranger." Let me tell you how much my views have changed on that subject....my dear Mother passed away in July. I had grieved her from the moment she was diagnosed with cancer because I knew I was losing her & my Mom meant the world to me. We were sooooo close & of all my 43 years on earth, we only lived apart for 3 months (& then I was only 3 doors down)!

When my Mom passed away & Dan Murphy so graciously posted the news on my behalf, I was so touched & so grateful for each & every post. I printed them all out for my (very young) sons to treasure someday, as I do. I also noticed that the post had many "hits" but the number of hits was far greater than the responses. You know what....that hurt. I kept thinking, if people are taking the time to peak at the subject (which was pretty clear), couldn't they take the time to just even type the words "I'm sorry for your loss"? Such a simple thing that would have comforted me even more. Anyway, that is my outlook on this subject & though I may peak at other posts & not respond(to something I've never experienced or something I don't know about), I will now always jump in on the ones looking for support.

So please rethink about posting, especially if it's someone looking for support. It could mean so much to someone going through a hard time.

I rest my case now. Thank you.

 

[Fantasia Girl]

Quote:
"many "hits" but the number of hits was far greater than the responses"

I never thought of it like that.....thanks for that post. I can understand how that would be hurtful. It really makes me think about all of the times I have viewed someone's thread about a loved one passing away, and it touched me, and I felt like I should post.....but instead decided that what I would say would be unimportant or shallow.

 

[Towncrier]

Many times when the right words escape me, I just say a silent prayer for the person (or persons) mentioned.

 

[Mishetta]

For Towncrier ~ I too have said silent prayers before exiting that particular post & have not posted but NOW I will at least say "praying for you." If it makes anyone else feel as comforted as all the special words I received during my Mom's passing, I will try to comfort someone in return now.

Just takes a simple heartfelt expression as "I'm sorry." Or "Praying for you." So simple.....

 

[binny]

yes I do I try to offer (((hugs))) as much as I can but sometimes thats al I can do.

Sometimes I just dont have it in me to reply when Im really sad.

 

[nsyncraider17]

I hardly ever reply to threads about losing a loved one, losing a job, etc....I'm not really sure why, I just never feel like I should. Usually by the time I see them, there's already several pages of very similar responses, and I guess I feel like no one would notice mine, anyway. And I never know what to say...most of the people on the CB I don't really know, so it seems like if I say something, it would just be fake. After reading things like "I know your ___ was such a wonderful person" or "I know how long you've been looking for a job" I feel like I shouldn't say anything, because I don't know those things.


There's also lots of threads that I don't reply to because I have a really strong opinion on the subject, but I'm afraid everyone will disagree with me. Several times I've even typed long replys but then deleted them because I don't want to be responsible for starting a debate.

 

[DocRafiki]

Originally posted by Keli
You just don't know what to say? I'm thinking of posts that are telling about something painful, such as the death of a family memeber or a friend, or just a very sad situation that there really isn't anything that can be done to make it better. I often find myself closing those posts without responding because I wasn't able to finding the right thing to say. I have no problem comforting grieving people in person. I can usually think of the right things to say to let them know that I care and that I'm there to help and support them. But on the net I find that I struggle mightly to offer even the barest bit of sympathy. Every thing I write sounds canned, or trite, rarely does it come out like I actually feel it. I'm just wondering how many other folks have this problem on the CB.

I almost never respond to those. I just feel silly and fake. I don't hug strangers, and I don't pray, so I can't fall back on the ((hugs)) or "I'll be praying for you."

 

[storylover]

There was a young girl in the school system that I worked for that had leukemia. She struggled with it for 3 years and everyone knew her story. When she died, people criticized the circus-like atmosphere of all the young people showing up and acting inappropriately.

Except the parents. They were overwhelmed and deeply comforted knowing that their daughter had somehow touched so many in her short lifetime.

What I learned: No matter how awkward or inappropriate it feels, a show of support gives comfort. So now I'm not afraid to try.

I haven’t needed words of comfort yet, but I just had a birthday thread. I can’t tell you how those simple birthday wishes from people I don’t know made my day!

So, if you can't think of words, would a simple work, just to let them know you're thinking of them?

 

[Silky]

Originally posted by nsyncraider17



There's also lots of threads that I don't reply to because I have a really strong opinion on the subject, but I'm afraid everyone will disagree with me. Several times I've even typed long replys but then deleted them because I don't want to be responsible for starting a debate

Bad move, nsync . You should feel free here to honestly SPEAK YOUR MIND. Don't worry about "what other people will think". I resent the constant insinuation around here that everyone is expected to "think alike". ALL democratic communities have differences of opinion. Only Totalitarian regimes demand "groupthink".

 

[fireplug]

It may seem trite or trivial to you but to the person who is on the recieving end it may touch them.

Steve

 

[Nutsy]

Yup! Happens all the time

 

[off2disney]

I sometimes in the past have failed to respond because I don't really know what to say -- but I can testify how comforting it can be to have people you don't know, and probably will never know, send you a prayer, {{{{HUGS}}}}} and "pixie dust". When my daughter was very ill and hospitalized for seven weeks, to read a post that let me know I was not alone and that someone CARED enough to just send a smilie was very important. I didn't feel that any of them were trite or phoney -- I now try to post something just to let them know that someone else understands or feels for them

 

[Minniespal]

Yes ~ Sometimes I just don't know what to write.

 

[christineann]

I don't respond often because I don't know what to say, but I always say a prayer.