Do you allow your kids' underage friends to drink at your house?

[Jeafl]

Maybe I'm misunderstanding what type of party the OP was planning on having - was this a party for family, friends and relatives? Or was it a party the kids were having? - I guess the difference being the first one would have a sprinkling of close friends but it was mainly family and adults or a party where it was mainly the kids and a few adults????

I guess thats the difference, you have the opinion that the OPs party is like some party on a College campus, and I have the opinion that its a backyard BBQ where alcohol is served. The first example, a party TO get drunk at, and the latter, just a party, where even a college kid could control themself in the face of a cooler full of Mike's.

I hope your open house turns out great!!

Thanks! If the stress doesn't kill me first...

 

[tlbwriter]

While you may be the kind of parent who doesn't know anything about your own kid's friends, don't assume the rest of us don't have a different relationship with our kids, their friends, and even their friends parents.
Instead of attacking other's for what you may find wrong in yourself, maybe you should take lessons from us.

I didn't say you don't know anything about your kids' friends. I said you're fooling yourself if you think you know everything about any of them (heck, you're fooling yourself if you think you know everything about your own kids). You may think you know these friends pretty well, but you have absolutely no idea how they behave when you're not around. And some of the kids with the worst, most dangerous habits are the ones who seem sweet as pie to their peers' parents. But you'll figure that out on your own, I'm sure.

Oh, and you'll waste your time with a response since you are officially a membe of my ignore list now.

Well, I'm not writing only to you, so it's not a waste of my time.

 

[golfgal]

Drinking age in Canada is 19. Also, to buy beer, liquor you need to go to a beer or liquor store. Which are government owned and operated. Not as easy here to buy as in the US. Also, much more expensive.

Depends on the state but in our state you have to buy beer and liquor at the liquor store-some towns are municipal stores, others are not. ALL places card. You can get some 3.2 beer in grocery stores but you have to have your driver's license swiped in order for the purchase to be made. It's pretty difficult to buy alcohol here---heck, I even got carded at Target for buying spray paint and a can of compressed air to clean my computer. .

Drinking age here in every state is 21-which is the issue.

 

[epcotprincess]

In a situation like that, I would have the alcohol and NOT have cups. At all.

That way, each party go-er is forced to drink directly from the bottle they have chosen and it's immediately obvious what each person is drinking. Kids can't hide alcohol in what appears to be soda or so on.

I would also forgo the attempt at being graceful. Make no bones about the fact that underage drinking is expressly forbidden in your home, and if you discover it's happening, you will call the underage person's parents to retrieve them.

 

[FINFAN]

Just to clarify, the party is primarily a family party. Most of the people coming are aunts, uncles and cousins. A backyard BBQ is pretty much what we have planned. However, both kids have invited friends to join us as well. It's definitely not a "kegger" type of party, which is why I am hoping that the kids see all the adults there and rightfully assume that it is not the place to sneak a few beers.

You all have definitely given me a lot to think about!

Jill, just fill in all the adult family members on the concern..lot's of eyes helping you that way. Sounds like it will be manageable, and I agree, go the bottle route, no plastic colored cups. If you have to hit the Dollar store for some cheapie wine glasses that you won't care about if they break just so they are clear.
Add stuff they may be more tempted over than a beer...sweets table etc.

Have fun, looks like it is going to cool off a bit which may help people stay less thirsty, lol For sure let us know how it all turns out

 

[Darcy03231]

OP- also keep in mind depending on the laws of your state, you may have to police the 21+ crowd. Where I live if you serve alcohol you're responsible. If a 21+ has too much to drink at your party, drives off and has an accident the police may come knocking at your door.

Personally, for me there's too much risk and not enough gain to be having a party and serving alcohol to even the college crowd.

I personally know of a case where adults allowed a 21+ party on property they owned. They weren't present and it was BYOB. Some underage kids snuck on to the property and were drinking. There was a really bad accident and the owner, who wasn't present and didn't provide any alcohol was sued and ended up having to pay out a lot of money. I wouldn't chance it.

 

[luvsJack]

OP, there is no reason to think these kids are suddenly going to turn into crazy people that cannot control their "urge" to drink a beer. Jeesh.

I have had parties with adults and teens for as long as I have had teens. We simply said "ya'll can get whatever you want from THAT cooler" (one with a huge choice of soft drinks) "this one over here is for the adults" (one with beer, wine coolers, etc.) They seemed quite capable of understanding that. What is the big deal?

 

[luvsJack]

We all know some 18 year olds like that, heck I know 30 year olds like that. It still doesn't change my opinion, it is possible to serve alcohol where a group of 18 year olds will be and it not turn out like a secret kegger in the woods. I put more faith in the people my kid's call friends, and if I didn't they wouldn't be allowed to come to the party in the first place.

I totally agree with you and this is exactly as it would be at my house.

ITA.
what is supposed to magically happen at 18 that turns all these kids into responsible adults?
Luckily for the producers of the reality tv show campus cops, they are way more young adults who daily remind you why we may want to up the drinking age.



I wish I had a dollar for every young adult who was supposed to be acting like an "adult"...... the recession would officially be over for me.

If an 18 year old cannot follow a simple instruction for the length of a party--they really should not be graduating in the first place. Of course they are not all responsible. Most can be irresponsible at least some of the time. But they CAN follow a simple instruction.

This is what I am thinking. At that age, my friends and I may have engaged in some underage drinking but we weren't stupid enough to get hammered in front of a bunch of parents.

I think there is a lot of worrying about nothing. Assuming these are reasonably behaved teens and there will be responsible adults around, I can't imagine there will be any issues. Keep an eye open and tell the other adults to do the same. Tell your son the rules in advance and put a sign on the coolers. Have a great time!

ITA.

Right. So you obviously think you know everything about at least some of your kids' friends. And there's a really good chance you're wrong.

That is not what she said. She said she has enough faith in them to not drink when told not to. That is completely different than knowing everything about anyone. And I have to agree with her, if I didn't trust my kids and their friends that much; I would not be having any parties.

 

[krcit]

If you had asked my mom and dad if I ever drank when I was underage, you would get a resounding "no way!" They were wrong. I just didn't get caught, I knew not to drink if I was going home and my parents would be awake. I would sleep at my friends. In fact, my best friend had a combined graduation party with her sister when we graduated 8th grade and the sister graduated high school. I honestly don't know what her parents were thinking because there we were, 14 years old hanging out with 18 year old high school graduates. The boys gave us drinks all night. Now, as a parent to 2 teens( and one 10 year old) my teen years freak me out! Things haven't changed much though, I just have to look at some of my dd's friends on FB and see that tons of them are drinking, some as young as 12 and 13 Anyway, my whole rambling point is that I would not have a combined party but if the OP feels that she can keep a handle on the drinking then that's great. I agree with pp's about keeping everything in the bottles...much too easy to sneak if you use the infamous Red plastic cups

 

[MrsPete]

Since this is a GRADUATION party and the GUESTS OF HONOR are underage, I would make it a dry party. No question about it.

 

[Jeafl]

Jill, just fill in all the adult family members on the concern..lot's of eyes helping you that way. Sounds like it will be manageable, and I agree, go the bottle route, no plastic colored cups. If you have to hit the Dollar store for some cheapie wine glasses that you won't care about if they break just so they are clear.
Add stuff they may be more tempted over than a beer...sweets table etc.

Have fun, looks like it is going to cool off a bit which may help people stay less thirsty, lol For sure let us know how it all turns out

Now THERE'S a silver lining! LOL I'm just praying that it doesn't rain. I think having it inside would be more difficult to keep an eye on things. At least in the backyard things are more open.

By the way, there will be NO colored cups. Strictly bottles.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

Since this is a GRADUATION party and the GUESTS OF HONOR are underage, I would make it a dry party. No question about it.

Me to!!!

 

[doxdogy]

Will any of the parents of the underage children be attending the party? If not, are they the type of parents that would actually discipline their child for breaking any rules? If so, I would just tell them all at the beginning of the party, that anyone caught drinking their parents would be called to come and pick them up from the party.

I know at that age, I would have been mortified and a little terrified to have my parents called.

 

[eliza61]

I totally agree with you and this is exactly as it would be at my house.



If an 18 year old cannot follow a simple instruction for the length of a party--they really should not be graduating in the first place. Of course they are not all responsible. Most can be irresponsible at least some of the time. But they CAN follow a simple instruction.



ITA.


.

You're absolutely right because we all know every 18 year old who has been told not to text and drive, not to drink and drive, not to engage in unsafe sex..... absolutely follows those rules. and I'm also willing to bet my hefty bonus that every single one of their parents would sweaaaaar up and down that their kids is usually very responsible.

Once again wish I had a dollar for every 18, 19, 20 year old who is sooo responsible yet still manages to find himself in front of a state trooper... In fact I wonder why h.s. even bother to show those crashed up cars to seniors before prom night or why many schools are now hosting after prom parties where they know the event will be dry. I mean all the seniors have been told not to drink and drive and if they can't follow those simply instructions ......

 

[luvsJack]

You're absolutely right because we all know every 18 year old who has been told not to text and drive, not to drink and drive, not to engage in unsafe sex..... absolutely follows those rules. and I'm also willing to bet my hefty bonus that every single one of their parents would sweaaaaar up and down that their kids is usually very responsible.

Once again wish I had a dollar for every 18, 19, 20 year old who is sooo responsible yet still manages to find himself in front of a state trooper...

Do your teens do these things in front of you or their friend's parents? Big difference in texting while driving with friends and drinking at your friend's parent's home.

I am not saying that every teen makes good decisions all the time. But I am saying that any teen that I know is able to go to a party where there is alcohol AND PARENTS and not drink. They aren't stupid.

 

[LisaR]

You're absolutely right because we all know every 18 year old who has been told not to text and drive, not to drink and drive, not to engage in unsafe sex..... absolutely follows those rules. and I'm also willing to bet my hefty bonus that every single one of their parents would sweaaaaar up and down that their kids is usually very responsible.

Once again wish I had a dollar for every 18, 19, 20 year old who is sooo responsible yet still manages to find himself in front of a state trooper...

But most teens are bright enough not to text and drive, drink and drive, and have unprotected sex IN FRONT OF PARENTS! They are also less likely to drink in front of the parents that are at the graduation party. Is it possible? Yes. But that same teen that might break the rules at the party is also likely to steal booze from your cupboard while s/he is over visiting your son. Maybe we should all stop having teens over because they might do something stupid someday?

 

[manning]

I'm cracking up over all these suggestions to have a dry (college) graduation party!!! You'll be lucky to have three people show up!!

hmmm, I was at one and lots of people showed up.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I say a dry party as well. The "of age" crowd can survive without it I'm sure.

 

[FINFAN]

Now THERE'S a silver lining! LOL I'm just praying that it doesn't rain. I think having it inside would be more difficult to keep an eye on things. At least in the backyard things are more open.

By the way, there will be NO colored cups. Strictly bottles.

we are hoping for dry weather too..having a BBQ for DD's 21st Bday on Saturday (no liquor unti we hit the bar later)and have underage kids as well. Our biggest problem is how to combine 21 year olds with the Over The Hill crowd

 

[eliza61]

Do your teens do these things in front of you or their friend's parents? Big difference in texting while driving with friends and drinking at your friend's parent's home.

I am not saying that every teen makes good decisions all the time. But I am saying that any teen that I know is able to go to a party where there is alcohol AND PARENTS and not drink. They aren't stupid.

Yep you're right they're not stupid. Kids have been sneaking booze in front of the parents and teachers since ancient Romans starting stomping the first grapes into wine.

And since in NJ, that one "brain surgeon" kid who does manage to get a drink pass the all seeing eyes of these parents could make the parents criminally and financially liable. Lemonade all around folks.

And since you say they will be responsible enough not to drink, they won't mind having soda any way. And if a 18 year should be able to follow the rules, then a 45 year old uncle should be able to enjoy a barbeque without a brew.

I'm just a gal that likes to make my life easier. No booze, no worries about underage kids breaking the law on my premises.

What's funny is I've got 2 prospective freshmen files on my desk now. The kids came to Rowan for an open house (with their parents, I might add) and asked their parents could they go to a popular student hangout by themselves, long story short some one was hosting an event with beer and they decided to help themselves to a cup, got busted for underage drinking Now before they even are registered (they now have what is called an conditional offer) they've got a "disciplinary hearing". What I find so interesting that the first thing out of both sets of parents mouth was how normally "responsible" these kids were, how they were straight A students.
All Rowan sees now are two potential on campus problems.