Do you allow your kids' underage friends to drink at your house?

[FINFAN]

Since this is a GRADUATION party and the GUESTS OF HONOR are underage, I would make it a dry party. No question about it.

it is a combo party for both high school and college graduation. One of the guests of honor is legal as well as many of her friends.

 

[Becky2005]

I'm cracking up over all these suggestions to have a dry (college) graduation party!!! You'll be lucky to have three people show up!!

This pretty much proves the point about what that the OP DOES need to be worried about this. If they are just coming for the alcohol, there could be a potential problem because I think (and I could be wrong) that even if someone is of age and has an issue (accident, injury, whatever) the last person serving the drinks can be held liable.

So underage or not, it could be an issue. Then again, 90% of my family doesn't drink and we have never had an issue with people showing up to parties but that's just us. We are weird & go to the celebration not caring if there is alcohol or not to drink. Do people REALLY ask ahead of time before coming to the parties? It wouldn't occur to me to ask & then if I didn't like the answer not show up.

 

[KimR]

So underage or not, it could be an issue. Then again, 90% of my family doesn't drink and we have never had an issue with people showing up to parties but that's just us. We are weird & go to the celebration not caring if there is alcohol or not to drink. Do people REALLY ask ahead of time before coming to the parties? It wouldn't occur to me to ask & then if I didn't like the answer not show up.

I don't specifically ask but if if it's a party where a signicifant number of people are over 21, I would just assume alcohol would be served. I honestly don't think I've ever been to a party where it wasn't with the exception of those my MIL hosts because she is VERY anti-drinking.

 

[Becky2005]

Just to clarify, the party is primarily a family party. Most of the people coming are aunts, uncles and cousins. A backyard BBQ is pretty much what we have planned. However, both kids have invited friends to join us as well. It's definitely not a "kegger" type of party, which is why I am hoping that the kids see all the adults there and rightfully assume that it is not the place to sneak a few beers.

You all have definitely given me a lot to think about!

Good Luck! I hope it turns out great no matter what. I will say even though I don't drink, I know my friend has these type of parties all the time (backyard BBQ for birthdays - so I'm picturing a similar thing except the celebration is Graduation instead) and they always have a beer cooler. It's a mixed family/friend parties and as far as I know it has never been an issue.

 

[Becky2005]

I don't specifically ask but if if it's a party where a signicifant number of people are over 21, I would just assume alcohol would be served. I honestly don't think I've ever been to a party where it wasn't with the exception of those my MIL hosts because she is VERY anti-drinking.

And that is where the difference comes in I think with families. Honestly, the only party I go to that has alochol is with my best friend & her family. Other than that, I really couldn't tell you the last time I went to a party with any alcohol available - probably my nephew's wedding.

 

[ols386]

OP, there is no reason to think these kids are suddenly going to turn into crazy people that cannot control their "urge" to drink a beer. Jeesh.

I have had parties with adults and teens for as long as I have had teens. We simply said "ya'll can get whatever you want from THAT cooler" (one with a huge choice of soft drinks) "this one over here is for the adults" (one with beer, wine coolers, etc.) They seemed quite capable of understanding that. What is the big deal?

I don't think they are going to turn into "crazy people that cannot control their urge".

The big deal is if even just one under age kid somehow does have even just one drink, and then leaves, driving their car, and they are stopped for some reason, if they just recently had that one drink, a cop would smell it. And when the kid says he got the drink at the op's house, guess where the police are going next?

The kid doesn't have to be drunk, but even one drink for them is illegal. And I can guarantee you the cop will ask where the kid got the alcohol.

 

[LisaR]

I don't think they are going to turn into "crazy people that cannot control their urge".

The big deal is if even just one under age kid somehow does have even just one drink, and then leaves, driving their car, and they are stopped for some reason, if they just recently had that one drink, a cop would smell it. And when the kid says he got the drink at the op's house, guess where the police are going next?

The kid doesn't have to be drunk, but even one drink for them is illegal. And I can guarantee you the cop will ask where the kid got the alcohol.

Wouldn't this be a similar situation to what you have just described:

It is a normal, typical day. 16 y/o has a few friends over to play video games. Parents are home but they are busy doing things around the house. One of the friends spots a beer in the fridge and guzzles it. He leaves and gets pulled over like your scenario above. He tells the officer that he got the beer at his friend's house.

In both situations, the parents did not willingly serve the teen. He helped himself without anyone's knowledge.

Are the parents still responsible? If the answer to that is yes, what is the solution? Do I really need to buy a lock for my refrigerator because some teen might try and drink a beer when I am not looking?

I just think it is ridiculous to not have faith in teens especially when there are plenty of adult eyes around. If the party in question would only have the college kids and the high school kids, no adults and booze, my answer would be different. It is a backyard BBQ with plenty of adults and some teens that seem to be good kids based on the OP'er experience. It isn't a wet T-shirt contest, strip poker playing, keg party.

 

[Tink888]

We will be having kind of a tricky situation here this weekend. We are having a combination high school/college graduation party for my two kids. Family, as well as a LOT of their friends, are invited.

My daughter's friends are all over 21, so no problem there. However, most of my son's friends are 18. Unfortunately we have had some first hand experience with underage drinking. When my daughter was a junior in high school her then boyfriend (who was not drinking) got a ride home from a party by his brother who had been drinking. They got in an accident and my daughter's boyfriend was killed. That tragedy sent a pretty strong message to us, to say the least, especially since the adult who had given the liquor to the brother was prosecuted and his life was ruined.

In any case, there will be liquor at the party for all the adults. How do we keep an eye on all the recent high school grads, and gracefully let the underage kids know that we can't allow them to drink? Obviously, we worry about ALL the kids drinking and driving, but we are especially concerned about being responsible for anyone underage.

How would you handle this situation??

Haven't read the entire thread.

If it was me I'd just have a dry party. It's asking for trouble. Ultimately, no matter how you try to police it, if an underage kid gets their hands on some and something happens, you are liable. End of story.

If I was going to have alcohol, there'd be someone (probably me) beside it babysitting it the entire time (and honestly, who wants to do that?).

As far as grace, no grace necessary. If you are underage, the alcohol is off-limits. No exceptions.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

It may be best to keep the party dry.

This--if you have a genuine concern that underage kids will drink despite your wishes, it is best to keep it dry. Otherwise, you become liable if anything happens to them.

Very unfortunate if that is the case. I would not take the chance.

People can laugh all they want (how funny )...

But it is a combined party and if people won't show up because there isn't any beer...that is laughable.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Hmm.

I used my googlefu to check out the laws in Michigan on social liability for underage drinking.

The best I could find was this. http://www.mlive.com/opinion/kalamazoo/index.ssf/2010/05/parents_who_enable_teen_drinki.html

It sounds as though in Michigan you have to knowingly serve alchohol to minors for criminal charges to be filed, but you would not be exempt from civil liabilities.

I think I'd have two parties not one, if at all possible and if not, I'd have a dry party; 3rd best would be a BYOB where I kept all party goer's keys.

 

[Tink888]

Went back and read the thread. Just a few more things to think about.......

A couple of posters mentioned "good" kids, athletes who'd never drink. As someone who did their fair share of drinking in high school I can tell you that the kids who played sports, the band geeks and the honor students all did more than their fair share of drinking. They might not have been experimenting with drugs but alcohol was a whole other story.

And things haven't changed much since then. The one instance that I know of this year in our district where a parent was charged with providing alcohol to minors was after the homecoming dance. The Dad allowed the kids to have beer at the house, no one was to drive, an altercation broke out and one of the teens called 911. Want to know who those kids were? Football players and the girls on the homecoming court.

Something else to think about. Party crashers. With high schoolers and grad. parties there are always a lot of kids dropping by going from party to party, so while you may know a lot about your child's core group of friends, there's a very good chance you don't know much about every kid who drops by your house that day.

There's also nothing to say that any of those kids won't sneak their own flask of alcohol into your party or be drunk before they get there. And while you wouldn't be criminally liable for that, if your house is the last place that kid goes to and then they have an accident and parents who need someone to blame other than own child, you could very well end up spending lots of money in legal fees proving your own innocence.

Which leads to the civil liability in all of this. Criminal charges are one thing but leaving that aside, if you have the alcohol there, you do leave yourself open to civil liability.

Yes, it puts a damper on the fun but that's the reality. Yes, 99% of the underage kids attending might be really good, rule following kids with understanding parents but all it takes is one kid, one act of stupidity, one sue-happy parent.

I can also tell you that as much as I might love a cold beer on a hot day during a picnic I would never have an issue and completely understand why a host would choose not to serve alcohol with underage kids in attendance.

 

[surfergirl602]

That's a pretty tricky situation~ not sure the kids would like it, but perhaps "wristband" the 21 year olds like they do at bars, etc. and if any adults see a non-wristbanded person drinking, to say something. And have someone bartending giving alcohol only to those of legal age (indicated by the wristband).

What a tragic situation it is about your DD's boyfriend~

I don't know what the laws are where you live, but here we have hosting laws~ the hosts are accountable for any underage drinking, whether the hosts are aware of it or not. Too much of a liability for me personally to take the risk, so I wish you best of luck with your situation.

Congratulations to your graduates~

hosting laws apply here, too. You supply the alcohol, knowing or unknowing, and that kid kills somebody, you are going to jail.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Actually, just an FYI, but in Louisiana, it is legal to consume alcohol at a private residence, no matter what your age, and no matter whether or not you have your parents' consent. The only liability laws that would apply would be the same as those that apply to an adult.

I don't drink much (1 glass of wine or a single malt scotch a month generally), and I don't have kids, so I'm not entirely certain what I think about this. But I DO think people should find out the rules in their own state!

 

[Buckalew11]

OK, someone's got to ask...


Is your MIL coming to the party and will she bear gifts?????

This is the BIGGER question...

I can;t wait to hear what the 2 graduates are receiving from grandma! And congrats to you, Jill! All these DIS kids are growing up before our very eyes!!

 

[hambirg]

Well, I haven't read this whole thread. BUT I understand your dilemma. My parents were fairly lenient about drinking, but not drinking and driving. I think you have two choices. . .have a completely dry party. . or the rule is everyone stays. I have a work friend that has a big party every summer. . .the rule is everyone stays. Even adults can overindulge. They just pitch a ton of tents in the back yard and it's not a problem. I honestly think if I were you. . .that's what I would do. . .serve alcohol. . keep it monitored. . and nobody is leaving. Now whether or not that seems plausible is up to you. Good luck!

 

[Aisling]

To answer the original question, NO WAY! No underage kid is going to have a drink in my house as long as I can help it. I don't need cops or irate parents banging down my door.

But, I have, and do, let my own kids (the youngest is 19 now) have wine when we have it as a family, like for a celebration. Other people's kids, not a chance.

 

[tomthebarncat]

I would pass on serving booze for a variety of reasons, the underage drinking issue, the expense of serving alcohol, and most importantly, folks will be driving home and I would be concerned about that!

 

[fortwildernessishome]

This pretty much proves the point about what that the OP DOES need to be worried about this. If they are just coming for the alcohol, there could be a potential problem because I think (and I could be wrong) that even if someone is of age and has an issue (accident, injury, whatever) the last person serving the drinks can be held liable.

So underage or not, it could be an issue. Then again, 90% of my family doesn't drink and we have never had an issue with people showing up to parties but that's just us. We are weird & go to the celebration not caring if there is alcohol or not to drink. Do people REALLY ask ahead of time before coming to the parties? It wouldn't occur to me to ask & then if I didn't like the answer not show up.

Agree with this! We have dry parties ALL OF THE TIME and lots and lots of folks show up!!!! I guess we are lucky, our friends want to see US, not just come over for free booze!!! To each their own though, I do know there are some people that could not in any way attend a party without some alcohol in their hand. Guess we are lucky that we dont hang with them!

 

[java]

As the mom of a teenager going to a graduation party this weekend, I hope you keep the party dry. Or have 2 parties.
No I do not allow underage kids to drink in my house and it bothers me when an adult offers my 17 year old a beer. I hold HIM responsible for his actions though and I would expect him not to drink even if its offered. (that may be nuts but I am trying for one)

 

[golfgal]

Actually, just an FYI, but in Louisiana, it is legal to consume alcohol at a private residence, no matter what your age, and no matter whether or not you have your parents' consent. The only liability laws that would apply would be the same as those that apply to an adult.

I don't drink much (1 glass of wine or a single malt scotch a month generally), and I don't have kids, so I'm not entirely certain what I think about this. But I DO think people should find out the rules in their own state!

Actually, in many states this is the case. In many states it is legal for minors to drink in bars/restaurants if they are with their parents too.

Jill--have your open house, it won't turn into a drunken brawl like some here seem to think. Put a sign on the coolers and have a great day!!