Do we REALLY show our children we love them?

[HappyLawyer]

Ok, if you read this thread, can you please post your thoughts on what i am about to discuss, as a parent, when i heard this it just really made me think. I was watching a talk show -sorry don't really remember which one, probably cuz i never watch them when i heard something that made me stop, think and take a good look at how i treat or acknowledge my dtr.

The person said our children look at our faces to see if we are glad to see them or how we receive them or something like that-does anyone agree?
I just assume my dtr knows how much i love her, mommy takes her to FL for the month every other year, i tell her how much i love her all the time, she is in many activities where i go out and support her and when i have free time we do things together, since it is just the two of us now. It was so easy when here dad was with us-but i just remind her he is in a better place now- ok back on track, so i think about my facial expressions when i first see my dtr. many times it is after work, i kiss, do the i love you but am i smiling? Does my face light up when i see her? I really hate to say but i don't think it always does, so is she receptive to this, does it actually impact the way she feels about my love for her, i classify it as going through the motions but can she feel meaning behind my words?

I know after i heard that, i am going to make sure that she sees it in my face and i don't just assume she knows how much her mommy loves her.

Thanks for not judging!

 

[Aneille]

I think your facial expression is very important and I know I am not always smiling either. Hugs, laughter and smiles are so much more important than things and I know I forget that too.

I know that if I smile at my daughter or just give her a thumbs up, I can see her face light up. I think I will go smile at her now!

Thanks for the reminder!

 

[HappyLawyer]

i am just glad i was listening to that station at that time, i am so glad that i am able to learn things that make me a better parent. Many kids out there do not even have that, and receive little affection, thanks for the response

 

[ktink]

It really does make sense that they would respond to our facial expressions. I know that's how I tend to read people on a daily basis. You can say all the right things but if your upset or something it does show. I know I'm guilty of that myself. I always ask my dd's about their day but most of the time I'm tired and this has really made me think. Thanks for posting this. It does put things in perspective. I want my family to know how much they mean to me and alot of times words just aren't enough.

 

[tmarquez]

Wow never thought about it this way before...but it makes sense (especially with young ones). So now I have to sit here and try to think of my facial expressions when I walk in the door after work...and happily I think as long as I'm not sick, I am smiling and excited 99% of the time (I work at the state child support office) and after the poor kids that get dragged in there with their mad parent, and the sad stories I hear all day, I am genuinely happy and excited to see DD at the end of the day.

But, something happened the other day...and I was really angry (of all things at our life insurance agent) when I walked in the house...and before I even said anything she asked me what was wrong and if I was angry at her.

It took awhile to explain to a 3yo how a life insurance agent could be so stupid but in the end she got it and was her happy self.

Thanks for the post...it will make me more aware as a parent!

 

[ptrbryant]

I remember hearing that, whatever else, always make sure you seem happy to see your child when they enter a room. So many times, distracted by other things, they can enter a room and feel ignored, their company not welcome, etc. I guess it goes along with this thread---I always try to be conscious of my demeanor with DS. It's nice seeing this discussed here!

Karla B.

 

[HappyLawyer]

I remember hearing that, whatever else, always make sure you seem happy to see your child when they enter a room. So many times, distracted by other things, they can enter a room and feel ignored, their company not welcome, etc. I guess it goes along with this thread---I always try to be conscious of my demeanor with DS. It's nice seeing this discussed here!

Karla B.

I agree it is just too bad that so many look and so few respond but hey that's ok, my thanks to those that replied.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

When I worked full-time, I would get off work and greet the kids at daycare with a huge smile because I had missed them so much. How can you not smile when your baby is squealing and kicking in excitement at seeing you? And my older boy would run up and wrap his arms around me in a huge hug, then run back to play a few more minutes with his friends.

Now my older boy is in kindergarten and the younger son (nearly 2) and I are home during the day. I read either a post along the same lines, or maybe it was an article, I can't remember. I too wondered if I was always smiling when I went to pick up my son from school. So I have made it a point since to give a very enthusiastic greeting. Big smile and waving from me, which little brother has picked up on, and he also is smiling and waving. DS5 almost always gets a big grin on his face and waves back excitedly. LOVE IT!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

You know it is so funny that you posted this as I think of stuff like that all the time. I am so affectionate with my kids and genuinely do light up when I see them. I can say that they definetly know when they see my face that I am so happy to see them. I will say though that sometimes I am having a bad day and they immediately pick up on that too. I always wake them up with a big smile, song, kisses and hugs! They aren't always happy to wake up even though they are young (3,2 6months) but the more fuss they make the more silly I get. I try my best and hope that my kids feel loved and know they are loved. They mean the world to me.

 

[PrincessSophie'sMom]

Thanks for posting.......It certainly is easy to let day to day issues (stress!) get in the way. I will definitely be more aware of it now.

 

[HappyLawyer]

When I worked full-time, I would get off work and greet the kids at daycare with a huge smile because I had missed them so much. How can you not smile when your baby is squealing and kicking in excitement at seeing you? And my older boy would run up and wrap his arms around me in a huge hug, then run back to play a few more minutes with his friends.

Now my older boy is in kindergarten and the younger son (nearly 2) and I are home during the day. I read either a post along the same lines, or maybe it was an article, I can't remember. I too wondered if I was always smiling when I went to pick up my son from school. So I have made it a point since to give a very enthusiastic greeting. Big smile and waving from me, which little brother has picked up on, and he also is smiling and waving. DS5 almost always gets a big grin on his face and waves back excitedly. LOVE IT!

This is true but i think babies are unique, there is just something about a baby, i do not have any small ones buti am a foster parent, i had a 1 year old, he was fat, wobbly and so so cute, when i picked him up from daycare, he would wobble toward me, waving his little fat arms in the air and had this BIG smile on his face, he was so glad to see me, how can you not smile at that, so it could be a cause and effect type of thing, as our kids get older, they do not greet us the same they get older and they change,
i so love the memories of children.

 

[eeyore45]

I think this is jogging my memory... but it was about teenagers and the mixed signals we send to them... for the life of me I am not going to remember this correctly... I think they showed a teenage girl and mom "talking" and the eye rolls, or the "multi tasking" mom does... and how it was giving each the mixed signals...

all I remember thinking was I was happy I made it thru 2 teenage boys lives, without damage... and now that we have our (surprise) dd, how am I going to do this again? (she's 9, and so acts like the teenager!!)

I've always said, this is the hardest job!!

 

[Mickey Fanatic]

I think that children do react to your facial expressions. I will remember this when I see my nephews and niece this afternoon.

I will make sure that they know that they are the centre of Aunt Debbie's world!

 

[bengalbelle]

I didn't see the show, but this is something I've been thinking about for a while. DS is 5 and he asks me a lot if I'm mad. He's asking just by looking at my facial expressions. It makes me feel awful because I'm never mad when he asks, just not usually feeling well (my first trimester was rough) or have something on my mind. I pick him up every day from Pre-K and I make a conscious effort to make sure I'm smiling and hug him as soon as I see him.

Otherwise, I think we're a real affectionate family. That's why I never considered before how he interpreted my facial expressions.

 

[house_of_princesses]

I don't know your story, HappyLawyer, but I have 4 dds and we lost our daddy almost 2 1/2 years ago. I realized not too long ago that I am exhausted. It's tough having the energy all the girls need and I just haven't been very nurturing towards them. It's been almost a fend for yourself type of atmosphere. Not good. I've recognized my downfall, and have been taking measures to rectify this. And one of those measures is looking my girls in the eye when they speak to me, greeting them enthusiastically in the morning (we homeschool, so there's not much coming in the door later stuff) and answering them the first time, instead of saying "Hold on a minute".

Your post just reinforces my determination to make things better. Thank you.

 

[Brooknwdw]

Hi

I have heard this before, it's been awhile though...so this has been a good reminder for me as well! Thanks!

Brook

 

[WeLubDeeDub]

I teach kindergarten and I can genuinely say from experience that facial expression is everything. Kids can tell when you are faking too though so you have to follow through with genuine "happy to see you, I love you" actions that go along with the facial expressions.
The things that seem to make kids the most happy are always the simple ones. I know I am always trying to make things so exciting and memorable for my DD5 and the things she remembers most are not the ones that I thought she would. For example- Last august we went to CRT for breakfast and then stood at the rope for the Fantasyland rope drop...then we ran to Dumbo and we were the first ones on. On the ride I asked her what her favorite part was so far. She said "Running to Dumbo in my princess dress and holding your hand." Still makes me teary when I write it now! Kids can be so appreciative of your attention and time and it is so easy to forget about that in day to day life.
Just my 2cents.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I think this is true. I remember reading an article about post pardum depression and how babies need facial expression from their caregivers. Flat affect (no expression) can be scary for them, nothing to respond to. (just sometimes when it can be appropriate. Well it is natural to light up when you see a baby and even more so when you see their excitement to see you.

 

[NJOYURLIFE]

Thanks for sharing the reminder. I have to admit that it is easy to show excitement towards my 6 year old who is always happy go lucky. The older two almost teenagers are challenging, but they need to same reassurances also. I will definately be more aware of this.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I think this has been a good reminder for everyone. I know that since I've been greeting my son with a huge smile every afternoon, he's had fewer days when he says he didn't have a good day. And DS1 is a little whiny and teary when he first wakes up from nap, so I've been making a point to 'put a smile in my voice' before he sees me, and greet him with a huge grin, too. By the time he sees me, he also has a smile and his arms open wide, it's very sweet, and much nicer than the sad tears when I had just a comforting look on my face.

They absolutely do react to our expressions, so you can be saying all the right words, but if they don't match your expression, they may not be hearing you, they'll focus on the body language.

And if you have teenagers, maybe it's even more important. I would rather be the mom who embarrasses my son with an excited wave and hug and kiss rather than let him wonder if I really care.