Do People Call you Sweetie?

[vhoffman]

I've been disabled for about 20 years. I have RA (rheumatoid arthritis) and walk with a cane. I'm also 50 years old, have 2 children, and don't look or act like a child. However, many people think its appropriate to call me "sweetie". People that are performing a service, like a waitress, flight attendant, store clerk, etc. They're waiting on me because that's their job, not because they're doing a disabled person a favor.

Well, I've found the best solution is to just call them "sweetie". Yes, I'd like that with fries, sweetie! We need some more water here, sweetie! Where's the fitting room, sweetie? It always seems to throw people when I do that, like they don't realize where its coming from. Last flight we took I was "sweetied" to death by an over patronizing flight attendant (guess she hever heard of ma'am?) I just called her sweetie through the whole flight. Finally, about half way through, she got irritated and said "Really, my name isn't sweetie" pointing to her name tag. I told her my name wasn't"sweetie" either, but she still didn't seem to get it!

 

[Schmeck]

I've been called sweetie, darlin', etc, but what floored me was when I was 18 yrs old, on a trip in Florida, and a cashier called me "Ma'am"... and she was about the same age I was?

 

[scroot]

DW has JRA the other day we were looking at dresses in the department store and the sales woman asks me if I would like a changing room No thanks, I don't see anything I like but you might ask my wife

At just over 80lbs she gets called all sorts of endearing things. I guess we prefer that to no eye contact or asking me what bra size I need.

 

[Talking Hands]

Yep, get it once and a while. Unless it is my husband I prefer that they didn't use that term. I am not their sweetie. I also hate it when people ask my husband instead of me. I can speak for myself.

 

[vhoffman]

I guess it just bugs me that people think because you're disabled they can get overly familiar with you. I'd prefer the general public to keep their distance. I read an article a while ago about personal space--the amount of physical space normally allowed between people for various types of interactions. The interactions varied from the closest, most intimate, to social chit chat, to business rrelationships, etc. It varies from cultures. It classic to see someone literally backing a person around a room because they're trying to keep a comfortable space from the other person, who keeps trying to close it to a level he feels comfortable with. This study also included the disabled. It concluded that what would be considered a socially acceptable space for 2 non-disabled people in a social or business interaction is narrowed considerably if one (but not both) parties have a disability. Seems the disability somehow puts the person in a different social category. Oh, well............I do my best to maintain some sort of dignity in social and business interactions but it does irk me. Just last week I went into the post office to get some packing material. The postal clerk "sweetied" me to death. Finally I said "Thank you for the information, Sweetie. Now where can I drop off the shipments, Sweetie? Can I prepay the postage, Sweetie? Now, lets see...my packages are in my car. I'll just have my children bring them back with the prepaid label. They should just bring it to Sweetie". There are times you just get fed up! BTW, I went back to that same post office a few days later and was treated totally different by the same clerk. She barely made eye contact and it was ma'am, not sweetie. I guess she forgot who I was!

 

[shellybaxter]

I call people sweetie all the time, ususally because I don't know their name or I can't remember at the time. I don't do it to be patornizing, I do it too be nice. I've only had one person ever say they were uncomfortable with being called sweetie so I tried hard to call them by their name. The were considerate enough to be honest and upfront and respectfully ask me to address them differently.

If you decided to "sweetie" me back in a condesending way it would hurt my feelings horribly. I wouldn't make eye contact with you and would only speak the amount required. You would be that mean lady who was mean to me when I was only trying to be nice.

 

[cstraub]

Wow, it just sounds like people are trying to be nice. If someone calls me honey or sweetie other than my DH or Parents I can't say that I like it. I do however like that person is trying to be nice.

People complain all the time about how rude people are to each other here in America. You're complaining because someone is trying to be kind to you? I don't get that. Why not try smiling and be glad they're putting out the effort to be kind.

 

[vhoffman]

Well, my point is, why is it ok for someone to call me Sweetie but not ok for me to call them the same thing? Maybe I was just trying to be nice! So, is "Sweetie" socially acceptable and appropriate term to use in social/business settings with people you don't even know, or is it not?

 

[shellybaxter]

Well, my point is, why is it ok for someone to call me Sweetie but not ok for me to call them the same thing? Maybe I was just trying to be nice! So, is "Sweetie" socially acceptable and appropriate term to use in social/business settings with people you don't even know, or is it not?

I believe it is perfectly fine for you to call me sweetie if you mean it in a nice way. From your post it appeared (and appearances in writing are hard to infer) that you said "sweetie" in a condesending way in order to "get back" at the person. You implied that you used the word sweetie excessively and that you did so because you were "fed up"

 

[jaycns]

I am not disabled and plenty of people call me and dh and even our young sons (only one of which has a disability and it's a "hidden" one) sweetie, sugar, honey, etc.

It's never been in a demeaning fashion. It's never been insulting. It's just the way people address one another. I think it's common in the Southern parts of the US. Maybe I am wrong...but here in KY it is very common place.

I don't mean this in a mean way...but could you be being overly sensitive thinking it's because you are disabled that they call you by those names? Let me state that I myself get overly sensitive when anyone refers to my youngest son (who has autistic tendencies and SID). It's a common thing. You have so many hard experiences or people really doing or saying something "wrong" that you start to look for it even when they aren't doing it. Maybe you are not guilty of that... however, I certianly have been. I don't mean to be, but it's hard not to sometimes.

I guess all I am saying is, it's just a normal term for some people and if you wheeled up to them in a wheelchair, used a cane to walk up to them or came skipping up to them they would address you by sweetie.

 

[emerymt]

I'm with you on this one, vhoffman. Sweetie & honey are best reserved for little children. Although, you might be overly sensitive to it, I used to be, for different reasons than my RA. For a long time I was the only female in this town who was in my profession, so it ruffled my feathers when it happened. I always used to say, "I'm not your sweetie and you're not mine." It's more direct and ends it pretty quick. Now, I just let it slide unless it's repetitve, like the flight attendant.

 

[vhoffman]

Its when its repetitive that it irks me, not the one-time casual remark (although I never call adults "Sweetie", even once). Whe you're "sweetied" to death its annoying, especially if accompanied by a patronizing hug or pat on the back. How would it be if I went up to a sales clerk, flight attendant, and patted her on the back, hugged her, and said "sweetie, can you show me the way to the restroom" or "sweetie, can you bring us some water, " etc. I should try it sometime, if its just being "nice" then maybe I need to start being "nicer" to people. I really thought addressing adults like adults was the correct thing to do!

Its especially annoying if its overdone and other adults in the same area aren't being treated that way. when you're the only "sweetie" in the room and the only disabled person, you can't help but draw a connection. I don't think in such situations I'm being overly sensitive.

About a month ago we went out for dinner with another couple. I was buying. The server addressed everyone else as ma'am or sir. But I was "sweetie" She kept it up through the whole meal, along with patting me whenever she got the chance. (I finally traded seats with dh to sit inside the booth, out of her reach). Well, when she came with the bill, she automatically assumed dh was paying and handed it to him. He, in turn handed it to me and said "this dinner is on sweetie". I put a big line through the tip, and wrote "have a nice night, sweetie!" As we walked out I saw her reflection in the window. She looked puzzled and outraged as she read my note. I should pay to be belittled all night? Think not. I bet she thinks twice about belittling a disabled customer--she might be the one paying!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I don't think being called sweetie is that big of a deal, unless you are being spoken to a like a child. You know what I'm talking about? I usually just mentally roll my eyes and go on but it does chafe my rear.

 

[Gillian]

About a month ago we went out for dinner with another couple. I was buying. The server addressed everyone else as ma'am or sir. But I was "sweetie" She kept it up through the whole meal, along with patting me whenever she got the chance. (I finally traded seats with dh to sit inside the booth, out of her reach). Well, when she came with the bill, she automatically assumed dh was paying and handed it to him. He, in turn handed it to me and said "this dinner is on sweetie". I put a big line through the tip, and wrote "have a nice night, sweetie!" As we walked out I saw her reflection in the window. She looked puzzled and outraged as she read my note. I should pay to be belittled all night? Think not. I bet she thinks twice about belittling a disabled customer--she might be the one paying!

Since she obviously had no idea that she was bothering you, it would have been a nice thing for you to ask her to stop. That way she would know exactly what the problem was, instead of trying to figure it out after being stiffed. It seems like a cruel thing for you to do.

Sometimes people have no idea how others feel about their behavior unless we tell them.

 

[BettyCv]

it would have been a nice thing for you to ask her to stop.

What would have been nice was being treated with the same respect given to the other customers.

I'm sure the waitress learned her lesson, even if it meant having other employees "interpret" the note for her.

 

[MightyMom]

Maybe it's a southern thing.... but if I'm not calling someone "sweetie" or "dear" then I'm saying "sir" or "ma'am". I mean no disrespect.

I can see why those with a disability might be offended if they felt they were being belittled.

I probably would not handle the situation in the same manner as others have... but everyone has their own way of dealing with things.

 

[vhoffman]

I really don't think it should be my responsibility to teach one adult how to treat another. I did "tell" the waitress I didn't like her approach, by changing my seat so she couldn't reach me to pat me, by general body language that said I didn't appreciate the "sweetie", etc. why should I have to interrupt my meal and enjoyment to give someone a lesson in basic manners? Or invite a confrontation? The meal was miserable, constantly trying to out manuver the waitress or somehow deflect her remarks. Seems she did know what was appropriate behavior with adults, like I said, she called everyone else at my table ma'am or sir. why was I the only "sweetie" there?

And I don't feel I stiffed her. Her job was to serve the meal appropriately, which meant not only bringing the food served correctly, but allowing us to enjoy it. Disabled people are entitled to a good time, too. I wasn't asking for anything but simple respect, if she somehow felt I wasn't entitled to it then why should she get paid? I shouldn't pay for being belittled!

 

[Michigan]

Yes, it happens all the time and I'm not disabled. Most of the time they are many years younger then me. The only thing I care about is if the food gets to the table in a reasonable amount of time and the drinks are refilled.

 

[catsrule]

I'm not disable and I get called sweetie all the time, even by ladies much younger than myself. I think I just look sweet and innocent.

 

[Tissa]

I am not disabled and plenty of people call me and dh and even our young sons (only one of which has a disability and it's a "hidden" one) sweetie, sugar, honey, etc.

It's never been in a demeaning fashion. It's never been insulting. It's just the way people address one another. I think it's common in the Southern parts of the US. Maybe I am wrong...but here in KY it is very common place.

I don't mean this in a mean way...but could you be being overly sensitive thinking it's because you are disabled that they call you by those names? Let me state that I myself get overly sensitive when anyone refers to my youngest son (who has autistic tendencies and SID). It's a common thing. You have so many hard experiences or people really doing or saying something "wrong" that you start to look for it even when they aren't doing it. Maybe you are not guilty of that... however, I certainly have been. I don't mean to be, but it's hard not to sometimes.

I guess all I am saying is, it's just a normal term for some people and if you wheeled up to them in a wheelchair, used a cane to walk up to them or came skipping up to them they would address you by sweetie.

I agree with you, my mom calls people sweetie all the time, it's not meant to be mean or condescending it's just a way of being welcoming and nice. Maybe it is a southern thing

I think the OP was being mean to the flight attendant, she could have simply said "I prefer you not to call me sweetie Thank You" instead you came off as as cranky and rude.