Do *Parents* No Longer Have Any Discipline?

[Christine]

I was stunned this morning!! But, let me say--I'm pretty anal.

I work outside the home full-time and rarely do I get the opportunity to take my son to school. Today, I had to take the day off so that we could go see his asthma specialist. I always book the earliest appointment the specialist has so that my son misses a minimal amount of school. His school day does not start until 9:30. Unfortunately the doctor's office is about 30 minutes away and during rush hour it can be a long commute.

So, I was very happy that I was able to be efficient, have good traffic, a good appointment and make it to school at 10:00 a.m. I get to the "Tardy Sign In Sheet" and there are 3 names ahead of ours. It is obvious by the handwriting that the parents of the other late kids had let their kids fill in the sheet. Student number 1 was late "because Mommy didn't realize how late it was getting." Student number 2 was late because "we overslept." Student number 3 was late because "we couldn't get up on time."

What kind of lessons are we teaching our children? I find that SO totally unexceptable--I'm sure I was standing there with my mouth hanging open. Why can't parents take the simplest responsbility of being on time seriously? I guess these are the kids that will grow up and be persistently late for work. Disgusting!

 

[goodstarr]

Christine, I understand your frustration about parents and discipline. But, looking at the sign-in sheet doesn't really explain why these things came about. #1 could have been a mom with 3 other kids and hubby out of town on business and time just got away from her that particular morning. #2 could have been the alarm clock didn't go off because the power went out, the toddler pulled out the plug, they didn't pay the electric bill, etc. #3 could have been that they were all up late at the hospital sitting with a dying grandparent. I know, I'm getting a little carried away, but the point I want to make is that you never know what is going on in someone else's household.

 

[Lisa L from MI]

We have been late for school every now and again....I don't consider it being "unresponsible"as a parent....unless it is a constant thing.

 

[Christine]

As I said, I'm anal! Guess it's just my pet peeve. If I was late for school I'd be mortified. I do realize that many things could have happened, of course, I just bet not. Three months ago when I went to the asthma doctor I saw similar entries in the tardy log. I suppose I find it hard to understand how I can manage to get out of the house at 5:50 a.m. with two kids and someone can't get somewhere by 9:20 a.m.

 

[RitaZ.]

It may be totally unacceptable to you, but there could be problems that the family is facing that you are not aware of or it could simply be that they overslept. Does that make a parent/person irresponsible or lacking in self-discipline?

 

[binny]

I would call a pattern like that irresponsible but if its once in awhile I tend to cut them a little slack.

Some days I cant get it together either and with 3 kids in 3 different schools once in awhile someone is BOUND to be late!

I know what you mean though its concerning when thats all you see on the tardy sheet, it gives a bad impression.

 

[Christine]

Originally posted by RitaZ.
It may be totally unacceptable to you, but there could be problems that the family is facing that you are not aware of or it could simply be that they overslept. Does that make a parent/person irresponsible or lacking in self-discipline?

If someone's truly having problems, no. If you oversleep to the point that you can't get to a school that is 10 minutes from your home (at the most) by 9:30 a.m., then, yes, I feel that they lack self-discipline and I find it irresponsible. Of course, I cannot peer into the homes of these three particular families. I guess this is just a culmination of frustration I feel at so many people be lackadasical in this area. I hear people say "oh, we just couldn't get up this morning so I'm late for my carpool." "My son stayed up so late last night watching a movie that I didn't have the heart to get him up and make him go to school at 7:30 a.m." I just don't get it. Thank goodness there are more good-natured people out there like you guys that give people the benefit of the doubt!!

 

[minnieandmickey]

Well being a person who once worked in a school office, I wouldn't be surprised if these children were the ones that are constantly late. That's usually how I got to know the kids' names. I am not saying that there are times when parents have delays that are not their fault, but there are those parents who just don't think getting their kids to school on time a priority, and unfortunately it is the child that has to suffer the consequences.
Oh and by the way these kids that are constantly late are usually sitting in the office waiting for their parents after school has been let out 30 min. before.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

Let me start this by saying that I am also anal, but the desire to be on time does not seem to have been inherited by my DD5yrs. She is much more like her daddy (who still frustrates me after 9 years of marriage when it comes to being late!). However, she HATES negative attention at school. So after several weeks of fighting to get her out the door in the morning, I let her take her time. She was 15 minutes late for school and I took her to the office to get a tardy slip. I signed the log stating that DD couldn't get moving that morning. She was in tears when she got her tardy slip and had to take it to class. She hasn't given me any problems in the morning since!!

So I guess I am saying that it could be a parent teaching a lesson also. But I understand your pain!! I have one babysitter who I love, but she is perpetually late. So I tell her 15 minutes before I really need her, and she shows "on time" for her which is when I need her!

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

I suppose I find it hard to understand how I can manage to get out of the house at 5:50 a.m. with two kids and someone can't get somewhere by 9:20 a.m.

You just have no idea what is going on in somebody's life to make a judgement on them by the fact that they were late for school. I have a hard time understanding why a child has to be out of the house at 5:50 when they don't have to be at school until 9:30, you wouldn't want me to make a judgement on you as a parent because of that, would you?

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

If someone's truly having problems, no. If you oversleep to the point that you can't get to a school that is 10 minutes from your home (at the most) by 9:30 a.m., then, yes, I feel that they lack self-discipline and I find it irresponsible.

You know where they live too?

 

[disykat]

I agree with Christine that I feel it is irresponsible of parents if young children are habitually late for school. Granted, you can't necessarily tell if it's habitual by the tardy log - but, as a previous poster said, people who work at schools know that it's generally the same kids that are tardy every day.

Most of us have had an occasional late day, but I really feel for the kids who are always late because of their parents. This isn't really a new thing though. I had friends it happened to when I was a child.

Our school starts at nine - I would be horrified if we overslept. I consider it equal to being late for work (especially since the days that I work, I work at the school!). My kids wouldn't suffer for being a few minutes late, but I would be embarrassed to face the office staff and admit we didn't get out of bed.

I have a cute story to tell though - When my son was in second grade he threw a fit in the car and was late for school (by about two minutes). We were there in plenty of time, but he'd had a haircut the day before and didn't want to get out of the car. Our office lady can be quite gruff and I told him he was going to have to explain to her why he was late. I walked him in and he told her "I was having a bad hair day" as if it was a perfectly acceptable excuse. The whole office burst out laughing the minute he walked around the corner.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

I agree with Christine that I feel it is irresponsible of parents if young children are habitually late for school.

No, you can't, and I think it's wrong to make judgements on people by one event.

 

[believe]

DD#1 has never been late too school, but things happen and there may be a day that she is. I would hope that a parent would not judge me.

 

[peg2001]

So they miss announcements and the pledge to the flag, the day will go on.

We don't have to worry about it anymore but when DD attended public K and the first part of public first, we were occasionally late. Things happen, some mornings are more hectic than others. I would walk DD in to school, by-pass the mean office lady recording tardies, and walk her straight to her class. No one every said anything to me. I thought it was ridiculous for the office attendent to grill the young students on why they were late. She tried to bully them. Like K-5th have any control over when they arrive at school!

Peggy

 

[DISshopkeeper]

I totally agree, Christine. My kids are in 11th and 9th grade and have never been late to school. Never once. It's MY job to get them there on time come heck or high water.

Now the little girl I get off to school in the AM WAS late today. But her brother WAS on time. Mostly because HE did not have a hair brush STUCK IN HIS HAIR!!!

(I wound up cutting the brush out of her hair!)

 

[Planogirl]

We've been at our current school for two years now and we've been late once as far as I can remember. It was for oversleeping and I wrote this on the log. We were battling colds and very tired and I simply didn't wake up. Our school starts at 8:00 and we were 15 minutes late.

It never occurred to me that someone would see what I wrote and wonder if I was a bad parent!

 

[RitaZ.]

Granted, you can't necessarily tell if it's habitual by the tardy log - but, as a previous poster said, people who work at schools know that it's generally the same kids that are tardy every day.

I agree that you can't tell by looking at the tardy log if it's a chronic problem for some children.

I volunteer at my younger children's school on a regular basis. There is one little girl in particular that I have witnessed be late on 2 occasions, I happened to be in the office those two times. It would be so much easier for me to just say, "Her parents don't care, that's why she is late". The fact is that I don't know the reason why that little girl was late. If she has a tardiness problem, it's the principal's responsibility to deal with it. Other than making myself feel superior as a parent about the fact that my children get to school on time and that little girl doesn't, what's the point of making an assumption?

Why be so quick to judge and condemn people without having all the facts?

When my father was terminally ill, my brothers were tardy on a regular basis. My mom was doing the best that she could do given the circumstances. To a complete stranger, it probably looked like my parents were irresponsible and didn't care.

All I'm saying is that we never know where life is going to take us. Appearances are not always reality. It's not about being perfect or a saint when it comes to having sympathy/empathy toward others. To me, it's about treating other people the way I would want to be treated.

I'm done giving my opinion!

 

[holycow]

I haven't read the other posts but aren't you being harsh?
I mean maybe this was the first time these kids had been tardy to school EVER and yet you walk in and judge that they aren't teaching their children responsibility....give me a break...everyone is entitled to make a mistake sometimes...you never do?


Holycow

 

[DISchick]

O.K.--putting on my teacher hat here .
When a child walks in tardy to class, it is disruptive to the class. Everyone else has put his or her folder away, turned in homework, etc. As a teacher, I have to stop instructing the other 21 kids, welcome in the late child, write a tardy slip and usually hear an excuse from mom and/or dad about oversleeping or traffic problems. Yes---an occasional slip up will happen and that's no big deal. I do have students that are habitually tardy--like 6 to 10 times in a grading period. My babies are first graders and for the most part, I know it's not their fault--sometimes it is if they don't get moving in the morning.
Parents DO need to take responsibility for getting kids to school in the morning. My advice is to plan ahead, get up early, use a kitchen timer to set goals for tasks, give incentives and be ready with consequences if necessary. For most kids that won't get dressed in the morning, walking into school in their p.j.'s would probably be the cure(yes, they can change once they get there).
I give incentives for getting to school on time. My students earn stickers and when they get enough they get free time in the art center or on the computer. It's the little things that motivate!
JIll