Do I need a lawyer?

[JoiseyMom]

(Been there, done that.)

1) Talk to your lawyers next week when their office opens.
2) Nothing can be done this weekend.
3) Don't let anything get to you, until after a lawyer talk.

4) Regardless of outcome, any change needs to be in writing.
5) Could be among lawyers, or officially through the court.
6) But, don't let agreements "just happen".
7) Once contracts are informally changed, it sets a precedent.
8) In the future, this could spell disaster for other matters.

NOTE: Personally, I would try to get a side addendum through the
lawyers. As long as the kid doesn't change schools, I doubt it will
be worth the cost to litigate. It is ONLY ten miles. Besides, the
marriage is over. Try to get along. Bitterness between ex's solves
nothing. The only people who benefit from fights between ex's are
the lawyers. Squabbling ex's are the gift that keeps on giving. And,
usually the gifts are Mercedes, BMW's, and McMansions for your
lawyers.

ITA withall the above. You need to check about shcools, and you want everything in writing so no precedents are made. You need to CYA. Good luck.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I live 12 miles from my Mom-there are 3 school districts in that 12 miles

Did the judgement say both parents have to live in the same school district? Cant imagine thta at all

10 miles is nothing-not worth the expense od fighting, IMO

I think the op is jealous that they are getting a new home and wants to "stick it to her"

Bitter much? The OP has a right to be concerned. The EX is breaking the agreement. If their child is to stay in the school, and the mom is going to drive him and do all that...all is well...but they still need the agreement changed/adjusted to state, the child is to stay in same school district and the parent that moves out of district cannot change schools.

He is protecting his rights and his childs, there is nothing sticking to her in that. Seems to me the ex wants to stick it to him.

 

[arthur06]

She does not currently own a home. They rent, so selling her current residence is not an issue.

I do not care that she is moving out of town, but when I asked to do the same a few years back, I was told that I couldn't. I followed the wording of the agreement.

My biggest concern is that she is moving out of the school district. If that is allowed, then I would like to move as well, which would also be out of the district (and also different then the one she is moving to).

If I let he moving slide, and in a couple of years, I move and she presses the issue, would I not be in the wrong? Wouldn't by not pursuing the issue of her moving imply that I am agreeable to it? I just really want clear language in the agreement for which my rights as a father are protected (seems that I am the bad guy on this right now).

I do not wish to take away his time with his mother. Talking to her about this issue is pointless. Her husband won't allow me to talk to her. Openly communicating with her is not possible.

 

[brockash]

Bitter much? The OP has a right to be concerned. The EX is breaking the agreement. If their child is to stay in the school, and the mom is going to drive him and do all that...all is well...but they still need the agreement changed/adjusted to state, the child is to stay in same school district and the parent that moves out of district cannot change schools.

He is protecting his rights and his childs, there is nothing sticking to her in that. Seems to me the ex wants to stick it to him.

The problem is he specifically said in his first post that he'd wouldn't mind "sticking it to her" so obviously he's all for that, and I think that's what ppl. have a problem with. There's a bigger issue than just his ex "might" be moving. The bigger issue is his mindset and the fact that he'd like to "stick it to" his sons mother. -Pretty sad and immature.

Obviously we have no idea what the ex is like, she could be the worse person in the world or the best, but either way, that's not something he can control. All he can do is control his own attitude about the situation. I'm not saying that he shouldn't follow the court order, whatever that my be, and if his ex really fought him on him moving 10 miles away with his son still staying in the same school, then maybe he should fight that she obey the order too (if in fact she's breaking it,) however either way, his attitude still needs change for the sake of his son.

 

[bababear_50]

Hi Hon
My heart goes out to you and your family.
It seems like yesterday that I went through some crazy times with separation,divorce issues.I know how utterly over whelming it can be at times.
Know this though--Your son will grow up and every thing you have done to try and make his life better will return to you ten fold.
Hugs from a single mom of Three Great Young Adult sons.
Merry Christmas to you and yours


Hugs Mel

 

[RitaE]

Well, given your additional information that she blocked your move, I can see why this upsets you.

I'd suggest you spend the next couple of days deciding what resolution you want. Do you want increased custody since you have maintained the residence in the school district? Do you want to move and have the new school be in your new school district? Do you want that small amount of support you pay to be reduced or eliminated to compensate for whatever increased commuting or travel expenses you might incur? Do you just want an agreement for your ex that the school district will remain in spite of her new residence, which I believe means that your home will now need to be listed as your son's primary residence.

Really, since the house appears to be bought - then that horse is out of the barn. I doubt the judge is going to force her to sell the house. But he/she might be willing to compensate you somehow for your ex breaking the custody agreement.

 

[Kat&Dom]

OP, you sound like a very involved and great dad.

If you don't mind a little advice from someone who recently was in court, talk to the mom of your child and figure out a solution, don't fight it out in court. I asked my ex-husband if he really wanted someone else to decide what was best for our son or if he wanted us as parents to figure out a solution.

He wanted to go to court and boy did it back fire on him. He actually has less visitation rights than before and has to pay more in child support. The judge saw that the matter didn't need to go before court as I was willing to do whatever was in my son's best interests but my ex wanted to "stick it to me" instead so court did not go well for him at all.

Going to court is always risky because the judge only has about 20 minutes to consider your case and if you come across as bitter or unreasonable during that time, you could lose very big.

Talk to your child's mom, figure out a solution with her and get your court documents revised for what you both want without taking her to court. Your lawyer should be able to present a revision to your child custody agreement amending the live in the same town clause without either one of you having to waste time in court.

Best of luck in this but do try to co-parent civilly and peacefully in the best interests of your child. Once again, Kudos to you for being a caring and involved father.

 

[bemily]

Very good advice Kat&Dom. My ex who also thought at one time of "sticking it to me" brought me to court to get his child support reduced. I told him it was a horrible idea since he was only paying me about 60% of what I was legally allowed, but of course he didnt see that. I walked out of court with him having to pay almost DOUBLE of what he was paying. He was not a happy camper. He had that "sticking it" attitude and could not see reason and of course it was my fault again

OP, you are right to get legal advice, but it can wait until next week.

Good luck

OP, you sound like a very involved and great dad.

If you don't mind a little advice from someone who recently was in court, talk to the mom of your child and figure out a solution, don't fight it out in court. I asked my ex-husband if he really wanted someone else to decide what was best for our son or if he wanted us as parents to figure out a solution.

He wanted to go to court and boy did it back fire on him. He actually has less visitation rights than before and has to pay more in child support. The judge saw that the matter didn't need to go before court as I was willing to do whatever was in my son's best interests but my ex wanted to "stick it to me" instead so court did not go well for him at all.

Going to court is always risky because the judge only has about 20 minutes to consider your case and if you come across as bitter or unreasonable during that time, you could lose very big.

Talk to your child's mom, figure out a solution with her and get your court documents revised for what you both want without taking her to court. Your lawyer should be able to present a revision to your child custody agreement amending the live in the same town clause without either one of you having to waste time in court.

Best of luck in this but do try to co-parent civilly and peacefully in the best interests of your child. Once again, Kudos to you for being a caring and involved father.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Well, given your additional information that she blocked your move, I can see why this upsets you.

I'd suggest you spend the next couple of days deciding what resolution you want. Do you want increased custody since you have maintained the residence in the school district? Do you want to move and have the new school be in your new school district? Do you want that small amount of support you pay to be reduced or eliminated to compensate for whatever increased commuting or travel expenses you might incur? Do you just want an agreement for your ex that the school district will remain in spite of her new residence, which I believe means that your home will now need to be listed as your son's primary residence.

Really, since the house appears to be bought - then that horse is out of the barn. I doubt the judge is going to force her to sell the house. But he/she might be willing to compensate you somehow for your ex breaking the custody agreement.

I didn't read where she blocked his move. I did read that he wanted to move and was told that he couldn't do that (it could have been his lawyer telling him that while lawyer was doing 12 other things at the same time). Also why would OP get increased or decreased custody? It is 10 miles people. In a town of 30K it will take about 7 minutes of extra driving.

 

[disneymarie]

I need a little help. My lawyers office is closed already for the holiday, as is the courthouse. In 2006 my ex and I went to court over custody of my son. In 2007, the judge made his ruling on the case. It included a full 50/50 split to time with my son. I have him 26 weeks per year, as does she. I pay a very small amount of child support and all his medical. One of the stipulation to joint custody was that we both maintained residence within the town that he went to school in. Its a town of about 30,000 so it's not overly tiny.

My son came over today to say that she bought a house out of town, about 10 miles away. Which is a violation of the court judgement. She (and her husband) have been terrible through all of this, and I want to protect my rights as well as my sons (and sticking it to her wouldn't be bad either).

How do I proceed if she is in contempt of court? Do I need to have my lawyer involved or do I simply just go to the courthouse and file one on my own?

She doesn't close on the house until February, so I am just getting all the info and knowledge before that point.

Why open a can of worms over 10 minute drive? If your son is still going to the same school, or one that is workable for both of you, is it really worth the upset for the child to see the parents battle.

It seems you are more upset over pinning a violation on her, then trying to have better employment to help support your child. I am disabled, married but work 2 pt time jobs for the hrs I can get to help with our home and child. Education is costly, clothing, feeding, etc.
This move may be one of housing cost, tax savings, or betterment for your son...

I think your money is better spent on your kiddo then a court battle.
As a family advocate in the system I see families torn apart with the 50/50 power issues....let it go really, it is not worth the hurt to the child to see parents in court.
It could very well back fire and your son will be angry with you.
Remaining civil and friendly is the best thing for your child...........

Otherwise, it is a pain to file the paper work, but you could probably find an attorney to help you. In our county a petition can be filed for visitation, but not a contempt of court which differs.

 

[arthur06]

Why open a can of worms over 10 minute drive? If your son is still going to the same school, or one that is workable for both of you, is it really worth the upset for the child to see the parents battle.

It seems you are more upset over pinning a violation on her, then trying to have better employment to help support your child. I am disabled, married but work 2 pt time jobs for the hrs I can get to help with our home and child. Education is costly, clothing, feeding, etc.
This move may be one of housing cost, tax savings, or betterment for your son...

I think your money is better spent on your kiddo then a court battle.
As a family advocate in the system I see families torn apart with the 50/50 power issues....let it go really, it is not worth the hurt to the child to see parents in court.
It could very well back fire and your son will be angry with you.
Remaining civil and friendly is the best thing for your child...........

Otherwise, it is a pain to file the paper work, but you could probably find an attorney to help you. In our county a petition can be filed for visitation, but not a contempt of court which differs.

What does any of this have to do with my employment? I have a full time job, a 4 year college degree and make a nice living, as does my wife. Because I only pay a small amount of Child Support means nothing to my effort at work.

His mom also has a job that pays well.

When the judge was figuring out the child support. He put how much I would pay if I had full custody and how much his mom would pay if she had full custody. Subtracted the higher total from the lower total and the difference was the support I pay.

 

[arthur06]

I was always told from my lawyer to keep and document everything.

I have a note from his mom from 8/5/2009 in which she responded to an earlier request for me to move with "I have not responded to your note, NO he may not move out of town so we will need to figure something else out".

 

[kaytieeldr]

Why the heck is he getting bashed?? He found out from his child NOT his ex. Why is it that a father trying to keep in his child's life and doing what he is supposed to for his child the bad guy?? Is it because he is a guy??

No because he is talking about sticking it to her! that is why. No one is saying that he should not have the agreement changed..but to find out more info and to act accordingly.. which is not trying to stick it to her!

The problem is he specifically said in his first post that he'd wouldn't mind "sticking it to her" so obviously he's all for that, and I think that's what ppl. have a problem with. There's a bigger issue than just his ex "might" be moving. The bigger issue is his mindset and the fact that he'd like to "stick it to" his sons mother. -Pretty sad and immature.

This is truly fascinating. A parenthetical line in a lucid and relatively long post about an extremely serious matter-- "(and sticking it to her wouldn't be bad either)"-- is the issue about which almost everybody's concerned? Only a very few people are bothering to comment on the actual situation, or to empathize with the OP, or offer advice? Wow.

 

[spaceacewannabe]

Given the situation with your ex's husband, I would be looking for closer to full custody. I think it's great that you don't want to take away your son's time with his mom, but his stepdad sounds kind of scary.

 

[dmslush]

Given the situation with your ex's husband, I would be looking for closer to full custody. I think it's great that you don't want to take away your son's time with his mom, but his stepdad sounds kind of scary.

I agree with this.. if he is violent with you in front of the child, how does he treat the child when you are not around? I can't stand stupid, jealous people.

Anyway, personally.. I'd let her close on her house, let her move and then take her to court for full custody based on the breaking of the court order and the violent manner in which her current husband treats you and does not let you have communication with her in regards to your son. Get full custody, let her have him on the weekends and be done with it.

 

[sookie]

I need a little help. My lawyers office is closed already for the holiday, as is the courthouse. In 2006 my ex and I went to court over custody of my son. In 2007, the judge made his ruling on the case. It included a full 50/50 split to time with my son. I have him 26 weeks per year, as does she. I pay a very small amount of child support and all his medical. One of the stipulation to joint custody was that we both maintained residence within the town that he went to school in. Its a town of about 30,000 so it's not overly tiny.

My son came over today to say that she bought a house out of town, about 10 miles away. Which is a violation of the court judgement. She (and her husband) have been terrible through all of this, and I want to protect my rights as well as my sons (and sticking it to her wouldn't be bad either).

How do I proceed if she is in contempt of court? Do I need to have my lawyer involved or do I simply just go to the courthouse and file one on my own?

She doesn't close on the house until February, so I am just getting all the info and knowledge before that point.

you need a therapist and an attitude adjustment. you cannot let this stuff stress you out like this. life is too short!!!

seriously though, if the kid is staying in the same school, and if she is willing to meet at your old meeting place, you should not be batting an eyelash at this. I would ask her if she is willing to do these things. If so, get it in writing and move on. Your life will be healthier if you are able to. Your stressing yourself out when you should not be. Life is too short. Spend it enjoying your son - not fighting with your ex.

 

[sookie]

I was always told from my lawyer to keep and document everything.

I have a note from his mom from 8/5/2009 in which she responded to an earlier request for me to move with "I have not responded to your note, NO he may not move out of town so we will need to figure something else out".

Well... maybe I can understand your irritation. I didn't see this. She hasn't been as reasonable as she could be.

Maybe you guys can go to therapy - together? This can't be healthy for your son. With the goal of finding a way to work with each other.

 

[sookie]

OP here....

Thanks for all the comments. Some I agree with, some I don't, but this is exactly why I posted this. I wanted to hear other thoughts and opinions and take the weekend to ponder what I want to do.

I have a court document that clearly states that "both parents must maintain residence within the xxxxx xxxx School District". I don't care at all that she moved (not jealous in any way). But in 2009, I asked her if I could move to a town that I graduated from and where my wife is from that is about 10 miles south of where we live. She clearly stated that it was a NO and she would never reconsider. She has now moved east 10 miles to another school district. I would love to live in my hometown area. Why should she get to move and I have to stay put. If I move, then its a problem, because we would both me out of the school district then.

I live 2 blocks from his current school and he can easily walk everyday.

I have him from Friday to the following Friday every other week. 7 consecutive nights, then 7 for his mom and so on...

We were never married. So it was not a divorce settlement, only a child custody issue.

Boom. If it is that a big deal... let her get to where she is contracted in that house. Then - you ask for full custody and visitation.
Then she can pay you child support, he can live with you full time. He can go to his regular school and visit his mom.

That's that.
This might not have come up if she had been reasonable to your previous move. I don't agree with that. It is only ten miles - she should have been reasonable. So yeah, I guess I can see why you are upset. What did your lawyer say when you tried to move 10 miles south but she refused? Wouldn't the same apply to her?

 

[AmandaRG]

Well... maybe I can understand your irritation. I didn't see this. She hasn't been as reasonable as she could be.

Maybe you guys can go to therapy - together? This can't be healthy for your son. With the goal of finding a way to work with each other.

They might if the ex's husband didn't threaten him and doesn't allow communication between the two parents.

Boom. If it is that a big deal... let her get to where she is contracted in that house. Then - you ask for full custody and visitation.
Then she can pay you child support, he can live with you full time. He can go to his regular school and visit his mom.

That's that.
This might not have come up if she had been reasonable to your previous move. I don't agree with that. It is only ten miles - she should have been reasonable. So yeah, I guess I can see why you are upset. What did your lawyer say when you tried to move 10 miles south but she refused? Wouldn't the same apply to her?

One would think, but she hasn't asked for permission, but has just gone and purchased the house, according to OP's son.

 

[Colleen27]

Ten miles out of town? That's what? 5-10 minutes more in the car? Nothing. The distance is not going to prevent you from seeing the child, and that's what this type of stipulation aims to prevent. She hasn't broken the agreement; she's still in the area.

I would agree with this if we were talking about a weekend dad situation, but with 50/50 custody maintaining close proximity is a lot more important. If the mother moves enough of a distance that the child has to change schools it changes the entire dynamic, because now the OP has to make arrangements to drive 15-20+min to transport the child to/from school and activities and that has a cascading effect (can it be done around existing work schedules, how much more gas money comes into play, will new childcare arrangements need to be made, etc.).

Also there's risk involved in "letting things slide" in a custody situation, because while it might be done out of goodwill it can make a judge question one's motives when the other parent pushes too far and it does end up back in court. BTDT and an idiot judge bought my ex's arguments that my motivation for taking action was somehow ill-intentioned rather than done out of concern for my son. The judge outright stated that if I was willing to deal with X & Y, it made no sense for me to worry about Z. By not pushing the issue of my ex's poor decisions right off the bat I lost the ability to do so at all.

OP, absolutely discuss the matter with your lawyer and with your ex to get the whole scoop. At the bare minimum you'll want to have your concerns and her response to them on record so it doesn't appear you did nothing while she violated the existing order.