Do Either you or your spouse know nothing/close to nothing about your finances?

[RadioFanatic]

I've been seeing "reality" shows and hearing from people IRL stating they were "shocked" when their spouse essentially took care of the family finances, they knew nothing that was going on, and then were shocked when some huge financial difficulty came up.

I just can't imagine being that way. I come from a family where my mother did the finances although she was the SAHM, my grandmother did the finances and I now do them as well. My dh's mom knows nothing about their finances, and my dh knows nothing unless I specifically tell him or every once in awhile he will ask how much we have in savings. I try to keep him in the loop, not because he cares, but because I think he should know. It drives me crazy that he is that way; and I myself could NEVER imagine not knowing what our financial situation is at ANY point. It would stress me out WAY too much and it seems like, to me, to not know is like putting your head in the sand. DH disagrees with me and says he trusts me, which I appreciate; but I don't see it as an issue of trust, but keeping updated in case something happens to me. I've given him info re our bills/financial info in case of anything, KWIM?

I would love to hear from people who either don't know anything about the family finances or similarly have a spouse who does and the reasoning behind it.

 

[MushyMushy]

We're that way. My husband takes care of all the finances and I don't know a lot about it. We tried for years to have us both equally involved, but it just drove us crazy... kind of like too many cooks in the kitchen for us. Plus I'm NOT good with figures or money. I'm just not smart about it.

I do have my own checking account and my own credit cards. The money is all "shared," but I control them.

It's just what works for us. If something ever happened to him, I *could* take over the financial aspect, but this is just the way it works for now.

 

[Shyvioletisme]

I take care of all of our finances and my DH knows pretty much nothing except what I tell him about how things are going. He doesn't know how to deal with any of that kind of stuff, and I don't mind doing it.

 

[jsmith]

My husband is relavitely clueless-mostly because he is frequently away for long periods of time and it would be difficult for him to manage household finances from BFE. He knows about what bills we need to pay each month-and and what goes to savings-but not the finite details. Its not that he cant manage-we have lived geographically seperated for some time and he manages his own household budget just fine-but leaves things like paying the kids college expenses, taxes and such to me.

 

[Piecey]

I do it all, DH knows very little. He knows more than 'nothing' but he can't handle doing the whole thing - paying bills, keeping track of the checking account, etc. so he just had a working knowledge of the balance.

About $200 a month goes into his personal account for whatever the heck he wants to buy- XBox games, coffee, etc. He rarely spends the entire $200.
He has his credit cards for other stuff- gas, grocery store trips, eating out, etc.

We have a mess of insurance related finances right now and the pile is enough to make him go screaming. I had two policies last year and had two surgeries- it's all a mess right now. He hates dealing with that stuff.

So I control the main checking account but he is on it so he can always see it and see what is happening.
I keep a notebook with a page each month of every bill I paid along with a confirmation # if it was online. Hopefully, if something ever happened and he had to take it over the notebook would be able to tell him what bills we pay each month.

 

[SC Minnie]

DH is an accountant so he takes care of all the finances. I have run a small business before and could easily take care of the family finances if I have to but I don't. I know where everything is if I ever need to. He will tell me if things are a little tight if we had some unexpected bill like medical but otherwise I have no clue. I couldn't even tell you how much our power bill is every month.

We have a joint checking acct but I rarely use it- he doesn't like us both taking $ out of the same acct. He's afraid I won't give him all the receipts and he's probably right. I kept my own acct after we got married. My paycheck is direct deposited into my acct and I transfer money to the joint acct every payday. I still like to have a little control.

 

[samshane]

I admit - my DH used to take care of all the finances because it stressed me out too much. I did at the beginning of our marriage, but he took it over.

Now that he has been deployed for 9+ months - I have been doing it again and have gotten over my stress. I will continue to do it when he returns as he will probably deploy the following year, but I will also keep him involved so he knows what is going on.

 

[MerMom60_94]

For the first 11 or 12 years of our marriage, I took care of the finances. Once DD came along, DH took over. It really is a time factor. I am not completely out of the loop and could easily take this role back over at some point - certainly if I had to. This really comes down to who has time to sit and give it their undivided attention. Besides, he and I have such different ways of doing things we would drive each other crazy if I got too close to it. So, probably I could be more involved / aware but I am not totally out of the loop, either.

I'll tell you where I fail, though, and that is filing taxes. I don't think I have filled out a tax form in 26 years of marriage. I just find them so tedious and shut down at the thought. DH could put anything on our filings and I would just sign my life away. I know, I know, this isn't a good thing.

 

[Kathi OD]

My DH knows very little and is seemingly happy that way. It started when we were first married and he traveled for work. He was on the road M-F. Back in those days, banks weren't open on Saturdays & Sundays. They closed at 3PM M-Th and were only open late on Friday evenings. Everything had to be taken care of during the week, because Friday night at the bank was like a mob scene. It could literally take you an hour to make a simple deposit or withdrawl or cash a check, so I just did it. When he stopped traveling we tried to do it together, but after a couple of weeks he told me to just pay the bills.

A few years later he decided I didn't do it right. OK, no problem, you can do it. That's one job I would be glad to give up. Well needless to say, he didn't do it. What a mess it was to catch up on everything.

Since then, all he cares about is that the bills are getting paid on time, food is on the table, and clothes are on our backs. Every once in awhile he'll ask a financial question (usually if he wants to make a big purchase).

I'll even go one step further than most. While he knows where we bank, he has no clue how many accounts we have. He knows we have a checking account, at least one savings account, and a home equity loan. If he wants to deposit or withdraw money (not that he ever would), he'll ask me for the account numbers. He knows where the statements are kept, it's not a secret. He just doesn't want to know. He won't even write a check without asking me for one. It annoys me that I have to go and get him a check when he knows where they are! Other than the home equity loan, he's never even signed the signature card for the accounts, even though his name is one them. Before direct deposit, he never signed his paychecks either. He's clueless because he isn't really interested and trusts me.

How much of an aversion to taking care of finances does the man have? When I was in the hospital a few years ago for over three weeks, he had our DS20 (at the time) do the banking and pay our bills.

God help him when if I die first.

 

[Planogirl]

My DH is like that. He wanted to handle the finances for years but never could get his act together. He is basically clueless when it comes to money but it took him forever to finally admit it. I have the responsibility now and I tried to keep him informed but it all goes right over his head so I gave up.

DH does still handle the tax filings though. It suits him, he just fills in slots basically and it's in the here and now. He can't picture the future but right now is easy for him.

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

I learned the hard way to pay attention to everything.

I am one of those that didn't know anything about my finances. When i got married in 1994, i told my DH that i wanted himn to handle the finances. I grew up in a house where there was always fighting about money. I didnt want one of those. DH handled everything and I loved it. And then we decided to get divorced, we never had founght about money. He said that I could keep the money from the sale of the house as long as I paid off the debt. I was thrilled. All i knew was that we had two vehicles that neededed to be paid off. Not a big deal since our house tripled in value. There was no way that i would keep my house since it was too big for just me and the girls. Plus I would only be getting child support, not all of his income so it was for the best.
I then found out that we were in $90,000 in debt besides the cars and I also had to pay off the mortgage. I also found out that he used all the checks that come with the credit cards. Do you know how much interest they have?
Although i didn't get as much money as I thought, i was still able to sell my house and buy a much smaller one. I paid off all the debt and now I live debt free besides my mortgage of course.
A very expensive lesson.

Now I am a single mom.

 

[wdwfan16]

I pay all the bills and handle the everyday finances but DH knows where everything is and what we have. We each handle some of the investments and our own 401Ks. I would never want to be in the dark about this and I would never want DH to be in the dark either.

 

[Pakey]

I'm an accountant so I handle all of the finances. Not only does my husband know nothing about our personal finances; he knows nothing about his business finances because I do all of the accounting for his business also.

I would never allow myself to be as trusting as he is. We've been married 25 years and he has no clue. We have no bills except utilities/food but he is unaware of how much we make; how much is in retirement accounts, etc.

Not only doesn't he have a clue about how much we have; he would never dream of spending any money either. All major purchase decisions are done by me.

 

[paintnolish]

My dad knows nothing about the finances. My mom was an accountant, so she knew what she was doing and he washappy to surrender control. Dh and I each take care of certain bills and have separate accounts. He takes care of the house and cars. I take care of all bills (cable, water, etc.) and groceries.We kind of trade of the extras, like eating out and movies.

 

[dislal]

My DH knows absolutely nothing about our finances. I have tried to get him to sit down with me and help pay the bills and make some decisions, but he won't. I give him an "allowance" every pay and he is very happy with that.

He says he trusts me and as long as the bills are paid and the kids have what they need he doesn't care.

ETA: He makes about 90% of the money too!

 

[HeatherC]

In our house it works great! He makes it and I spend it!

Only kidding!

We both know what is going on and keep the other updated on things. Most of our bills are on autopay anyway and we both have access to everything.

 

[Praying Colonel]

Dave Ramsey says that generally, one person in the marriage is the "free spirit" and the other is the "nerd" (detail person). In our marriage, DW gets to be the free spirit so I have to pull nerd duty. She wants to have a general idea of what's going on, but beyond that she wants me to pay the bills and stay on top of the nuts and bolts.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I do the finances. I wouldn't say dh is clueless he does check on them but I don't think he would know when bills are due. BUT I am sure he could figure it out we dont have that many and he can just look what I did the previous months.
BIL and SIL came into some money becasue she sucks at driving and somehow was awarded some money from an accident she was in.
SHE was just letting him spend spend spend Upgrading motorcyles and they got behind on bills and was negative becasue she didn't want to tell him no.

 

[ncmickeyluvr]

DH takes care of all of our household finances. In fact, I think he took over my checkbook when we were still dating. It made him nuts when I would pay my car payment late every month....the 1st, the 8th, what's the difference He's very neurotic about that stuff and I made him insane. I would have said that I don't think I'm completely clueless but now that I'm thinking about it, I couldn't even say how much our mortgage is or who it's with. Same with my carpayment. I guess I'm more out of the loop than I thought

 

[blanq]

I think DH and I have a pretty good balance when it comes to finance issues. I manage the bill paying. DH balances the check books. We have joint checking accounts and savings accounts. We have a loose budget we have agreed to. We each have "blow" money (money that is ours to spend as we choose, on hobbies, etc.) For larger purchases we discuss before we buy. We each have a 401K and communicate with other other about how they are doing. We have casual conversations about "where we are at" a couple of times a month...by that I mean, do we have an expense coming up we need to plan for, do we need to cut back in our spending in some area, etc. We both work and pull in decent incomes so we really have never had money problems that cause conflict. We have very little debt. If I died, DH could pick up and manage it all and vice versa.