Divorced parents/ kids' sick days.

[Minnie_me]

Since my ex left 18 months ago, I'm the one who *always* stays home with the kids are sick. Before he left, he would usually take the first day, since he could easily work from home. I'm a teacher, and have to do extensive sub plans, and make sure there's a sub available, etc.

DD is going on Day 3 of a stomach bug. School nurse expects her to be home again tomorrow. So I mention that in an email to the ex, and he volunteers to come to my house to be with her tomorrow.

Well..........since the split was rather nasty and I had to sell our house and buy my own home, I'm extremely protective of my new house and privacy. I have nothing to hide, but still I don't want him having access to my computer, my financial files, etc. I feel like he's judging everything, from the cleanliness of the house, to the food in the fridge, etc.

But he lives 35 minutes away, so it's not easy to get her to his house before I have to be at work.

I need advice!

 

[tlbwriter]

Couldn't she spend the night at his house tonight so you wouldn't have to drive her there in the morning?

 

[cheermom1]

I think maybe the night before you should take her or meet your ex so he can have her at his house. It is NEVER a good idea to have your ex at your house like that. Trust me on that. I have been a step mom for the last 8 years. IF he has a GF or new wife she will not like that idea at all.

however I know your dd is sick and she needs at least one of her parents so I think the night before is a good idea for him to come get her or you take her to him or you guys meet somewhere.

i hope your dd gets better soon poor baby.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I'd have to decide what was more important to me. I totally understand the need for your privacy from your ex but is there a way to take everything with you that you don't want your ex to see? Pack your trunk with any and all files or info you don't want him to see. Take the power cord to your computer with you so he can't even turn it on. Lock your filing cabinet and take the keys with you, etc...

If you missing another day of work isn't that crucial then I would just stay home with your DD but if you MUST go to work then take whatever steps you need to make sure your ex doesn't have anything to snoop into while you are gone.

 

[LuvOrlando]

If I were you I'd get up early or bring your DD over to him tonight.

Being protective of your stuff is understandable but you can't expect him to go out of his way to accommodate your desire for privacy, that's not being fair. If you want to co-parent successfully then you need to own whatever is your thing and take care of it. Be independent

 

[ilovejack02]

No way I would allow an ex that not on good terms with to spend unsupervised time in home. Maybe he can meet you halfway ?

 

[DrCavin]

I would not want to go into my ex's house nor want her in mine so I know where your coming from.

As others have posted, either get up earlier tomorrow & drive her over or work out a plan w/the ex.

Good luck

 

[jen0610]

Since my ex left 18 months ago, I'm the one who *always* stays home with the kids are sick. Before he left, he would usually take the first day, since he could easily work from home. I'm a teacher, and have to do extensive sub plans, and make sure there's a sub available, etc.

DD is going on Day 3 of a stomach bug. School nurse expects her to be home again tomorrow. So I mention that in an email to the ex, and he volunteers to come to my house to be with her tomorrow.

Well..........since the split was rather nasty and I had to sell our house and buy my own home, I'm extremely protective of my new house and privacy. I have nothing to hide, but still I don't want him having access to my computer, my financial files, etc. I feel like he's judging everything, from the cleanliness of the house, to the food in the fridge, etc.

But he lives 35 minutes away, so it's not easy to get her to his house before I have to be at work.

I need advice!

Couldn't she spend the night at his house tonight so you wouldn't have to drive her there in the morning?

I'd be dropping her off tonight, or he'd be picking her up tonight or we'd be meeting in the middle and swapping her out tonight. Or HE comes and picks her up in the a.m., since he doesn't have to be anywhere on a deadline, seeing as he is staying home with her.

Sorry, but no way would he be left in MY house all day long.

 

[Minnie_me]

ARGH! Why didn't I think of taking her there tonight?!?!

You are geniuses, thank you! (and I'm so dense sometimes)

 

[ols386]

If your dd is feeling well enough tonight, I'd ask ex if you can bring her over this evening. If she's really not up to it (either tonight or tomorrow first thing), then you'll have to bite the bullet and let him come to your house and watch her.

I would think that those are really your only 2 options.

Hope she feels better!!

 

[Belle0101]

ARGH! Why didn't I think of taking her there tonight?!?!

You are geniuses, thank you! (and I'm so dense sometimes)

Don't be so hard on yourself. This is new territory for you.

Plus, if you're anything like me, I never learned how to "think outside the box." That's why it's so great to have a network of folks you can ask advice from.

I'm glad you've found a solution that works for everyone and you're comfortable with. I hope your DD is well soon.

 

[Buckalew11]

Glad you are going to do that tonight. I hope she gets well soon.

I know what you are talking about. My sister is separated and he comes and goes as he pleases at this point. He does judge everything in the house--the cleanliness, the decor, he eats the food. I think it is never a good idea to have your ex in your home--esp. your new place!

 

[okeydokey]

Does she spend time at his place for overnights already? If so, an overnight tonight may be OK if she is feeling up to it. However, if she feels really lousy and just wants to be in her own bed, I would have a hard time making her go there. If she stays in your home, you would have to put a password on your computer or wireless (which you should have anyway).

 

[Mkrop]

If she is sick I would want her home with me for the evening and I would just get us both up earlier to drive her over there tomorrow morning or ask him to meet me half way and have her leave with him from there.

 

[dngnb8]

Sounds like you have full physical custody, and there is joint legal custody.

JMHO, but

That is what you went for. While you have custody, this is your issue. When he has custody, he has to take the sick days.

You said yourself, the divorce wasnt very amicable. Seems to me youre being unfair.

 

[Minnie_me]

Sounds like you have full physical custody, and there is joint legal custody.

JMHO, but

That is what you went for. While you have custody, this is your issue. When he has custody, he has to take the sick days.

You said yourself, the divorce wasnt very amicable. Seems to me youre being unfair.

The divorce wasn't amicable because he cheated with a girl young enough to be our daughter, and then he moved out and left me with all of the bills, and our daughters missing their daddy. It's hard to be nice to someone who did that to you. But we're trying, because I want the girls to have a relationship with him.

He doesn't want custody, or even shared custody. I have full custody and he has visitation. It's what HE wanted. So the only time he sees them is Wednesday night when he takes them to "dinner" -- which is only 20 minutes at Burger King -- , and every other weekend when he has them overnight (one night, not both).

So you think that I'm not being FAIR??? Interesting...............

Anyway, as I said, we are TRYING to be amicable. And he did volunteer to take a day to be with her tomorrow. We both are able to use sick days as family illness days, and we both have plenty to use, and we both get paid when we're out. They are HIS KIDS TOO!!! Why shouldn't he help when they're sick??

 

[tlbwriter]

Seems to me youre being unfair.

Yeah, you're expecting him to parent. How dare you.

 

[cheermom1]

The divorce wasn't amicable because he cheated with a girl young enough to be our daughter, and then he moved out and left me with all of the bills, and our daughters missing their daddy. It's hard to be nice to someone who did that to you. But we're trying, because I want the girls to have a relationship with him.

He doesn't want custody, or even shared custody. I have full custody and he has visitation. It's what HE wanted. So the only time he sees them is Wednesday night when he takes them to "dinner" -- which is only 20 minutes at Burger King -- , and every other weekend when he has them overnight (one night, not both).

So you think that I'm not being FAIR??? Interesting...............

Anyway, as I said, we are TRYING to be amicable. And he did volunteer to take a day to be with her tomorrow. We both are able to use sick days as family illness days, and we both have plenty to use, and we both get paid when we're out. They are HIS KIDS TOO!!! Why shouldn't he help when they're sick??

I understand where you are coming from. Really i do. I know in my situation though my dh pays A LOT in CS and his ex does not work, refuses to b/c she said it was her right to have him support her for the rest of her life b/c she had his kids. So my dh can NOT take off work to take care of a sick kid.

I am so glad you both are trying to work this out and he is good for saying yes I'll take off to be with my sick kid and you for letting him. My dh's ex refuses to even let dh take the kids to their actives let alone take them when they are sick. She uses it as an excuse to keep them from dh. Even this weekend (which is mother day weekend) she put them in this event that takes all day sat. and told dh that he couldn't have them at all this week end. But the thing is she didn't realize it was her weekend and she was way more focused on sticking it to dh then to worry about anything else. That is sad.

 

[tlbwriter]

I understand where you are coming from. Really i do. I know in my situation though my dh pays A LOT in CS and his ex does not work, refuses to b/c she said it was her right to have him support her for the rest of her life b/c she had his kids. So my dh can NOT take off work to take care of a sick kid.

That's different. She's a SAHM, and therefore should be able to stay home with a sick kid.

 

[Buckalew11]

I understand where you are coming from. Really i do. I know in my situation though my dh pays A LOT in CS and his ex does not work, refuses to b/c she said it was her right to have him support her for the rest of her life b/c she had his kids. So my dh can NOT take off work to take care of a sick kid.

I am so glad you both are trying to work this out and he is good for saying yes I'll take off to be with my sick kid and you for letting him. My dh's ex refuses to even let dh take the kids to their actives let alone take them when they are sick. She uses it as an excuse to keep them from dh. Even this weekend (which is mother day weekend) she put them in this event that takes all day sat. and told dh that he couldn't have them at all this week end. But the thing is she didn't realize it was her weekend and she was way more focused on sticking it to dh then to worry about anything else. That is sad.

So does your DH's EX get alimony? (or whatever it is called these days) How could she not work if she is just getting CS?