Divorce

[VandVsmama]

Maybe the person who asked about the dog was asking about what ailed the dog because the poster was just curious and wanted to share his/her condolences. I mean, who knows...maybe the poster had to put a pet down once for the same reason.

We had to put down one of our cats 3 years ago because of cancer. It was a gut wrenching experience. We still miss her, but are grateful for the years that she was with us and a part of our family. I'm sorry for your loss. I think that adopting a rescue is a nice idea.

 

[Starport Seven-Five]

I can't imagine going through multiple things like that at the same time. Wish you well and if you need to talk, that's what we're here for.

 

[anniemae]

Hang in there. Sounds like you are doing the best you can, and that's all you can do right now. I hope things work out with the new dog, sounds like you could be good for each other!

 

[LuvOrlando]

It's tough to take so many hits at once, things can easily get all twisted up. If I was in your shoes I think I would seek out help just so that a professional can help you keep the different kinds of grief separate. No-one can fix things but sessions can help keep multiple things in the proper lane as you work through, if it's pricey then houses of worship often have community outreach. I've known a few people who found solace in these sorts of environments to get over temporary hurdles.

 

[Rockbro]

I think they were questioning why your wife put down a healthy dog. Your post doesn't mention either dog being ill. I thought maybe she was just a spitefull witch and took it out on the dog.

While I'm not happy with her, I know she loved those two as much as I did and while she is being cruel to me, she would never take it out on our puppies. And, I'm not sure who said it, but, yes, it might be the right time for Ben and I to come into other's lives.

 

[disneychrista]

While I'm not happy with her, I know she loved those two as much as I did and while she is being cruel to me, she would never take it out on our puppies.

That is good to hear. I am sorry she didn't allow you to say goodbye to your dogs.

 

[Rockbro]

That is good to hear. I am sorry she didn't allow you to say goodbye to your dogs.

Life happens. They know I loved them. You have to take things as they come. Sometimes, for the good, sometimes for the bad. I'm trying to find the good . I'd love to get back to MK, but I can't find any slots!

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

I've tried my best to keep my posts balanced, but I need this.

My wife left me and took my dogs and put them both down without me being able to sy goodbye. She blocked me yesterday and won't answer my calls or texts or emails. I honestly think she needs help, but I think I have to make the difficult decision to file for divorce.

She was a beautiful girl. When I met her, she was sweet and loved me. She just changed, somehow. I'm devastated, but I feel worse for her. She's been cheating. She sent me a picture of the guy today. I married a damaged girl and thought I could fix her.

I'm not sure if I will ever find a good woman, but, this kind of thing should never happen to anyone. Further, I feel worse for her than me.

EDIT: To make up for this, I'm adopting my 9th rescue dog. I've done this for years and lost all of them. This one is a seven year old who was apparently kicked in the face as a puppy. He had to be reconstructed and was adopted twice and given up.

I can’t imagine the emotions that you are experiencing now but I will offer some advice. Do not make any decisions whatsoever for at least 6 months. Emotions are clearly running high, but the anger will subside with time and people will begin to behave in a more rational, less emotional way. If your wife has chosen to block you, respect that decision and do not attempt to contact her or her family and friends in any way whatsoever. Eventually, if she wants to commence divorce proceedings, she will have to communicate with you, so give her time and she will come to you. Divorce... Why? What’s the rush? Take your time. Heal. Calm down. And if you can’t trust yourself not to drunk text/call etc., then delete all your wife’s contact details from every device that you own. Good luck. Believe that things will get better.

 

[Rockbro]

Thank you. As it is said, "This too shall pass." And two of my tattoos "Let it go" and "The only easy day was yesterday" ( a military thing).

And dragon, I have no idea who you are, but thanks for being a good anonymous friend.

 

[mom2rtk]

It would have been nice to know the dogs were ill when you mentioned putting them down in the first post. That changes substantially how people respond.

 

[mrodgers]

I was married and trying to fix someone for 17 years. I failed, we failed, and I spent 2 years alone being attacked nearly every waking moment by a spiteful wife. I had to disable the cellular on my phone at night so I could sleep, I had to leave my phone off at work as it constantly went off with her. I had no one that I could talk to, I have no (normal) family to talk to, and as we lived in the middle of nowhere pretty much isolated from people, had no friends, and spending money I needed for a lawyer on a stranger to talk to just because they are a professional wasn't an option. When you need to talk, you need to talk to real people, not people who have bias because it's how they eat IMO.

We were both at each other's throats. It was right around that 2 year mark that, as I was staying at my mother's (which was worse than being married, but that's another story) and taking her to Church. I am religious, but not a Church goer, I have my own thoughts on the Church establishment, again another story. Her church had a very good speaker and message story teller and it was a day he spoke of forgiveness and spoke of forgiving from afar that changed the relationship between myself and my soon to be ex. We have 2 girls, thus will always have a relationship whether we like it or not, so I called her up to talk to her.

That completely changed the way we were to each other. We were getting divorced and there was no reason to continue any hate towards each other. It set our relationship from then forward which comes up to yesterday when we got together and went into the city to the shopping district together and had a good time.

We are divorced, we still have 2 girls, we take the girls on vacations together, we all get together and go out to eat, we get together very often on Friday nights for "Family Gamenight" and we often get together the 2 of us and go try new restaurants or travel somewhere for the day such as yesterday, or a couple of weeks ago when we visited Sugarcreek, OH Amish country, or last year when we traveled down my bicycle ride from a few years ago and I showed her all the neat little towns along the Pittsburgh to DC bike route.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

My wife left me and took my dogs and put them both down

Holy crap.

Edit: They were both ill? I mean, I guess that's less offensive, but still... what the Hell?

 

[Rockbro]

Holy crap.

Edit: They were both ill? I mean, I guess that's less offensive, but still... what the Hell?

I'm sorry. I should have said they both were diagnosed with cancer within a week. So, yes, it was humane.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I'm sorry. I should have said they both were diagnosed with cancer within a week. So, yes, it was humane.

Right. But not letting you say goodbye? That's cold.

 

[okeydokey]

I was married and trying to fix someone for 17 years. I failed, we failed, and I spent 2 years alone being attacked nearly every waking moment by a spiteful wife. I had to disable the cellular on my phone at night so I could sleep, I had to leave my phone off at work as it constantly went off with her. I had no one that I could talk to, I have no (normal) family to talk to, and as we lived in the middle of nowhere pretty much isolated from people, had no friends, and spending money I needed for a lawyer on a stranger to talk to just because they are a professional wasn't an option. When you need to talk, you need to talk to real people, not people who have bias because it's how they eat IMO.

We were both at each other's throats. It was right around that 2 year mark that, as I was staying at my mother's (which was worse than being married, but that's another story) and taking her to Church. I am religious, but not a Church goer, I have my own thoughts on the Church establishment, again another story. Her church had a very good speaker and message story teller and it was a day he spoke of forgiveness and spoke of forgiving from afar that changed the relationship between myself and my soon to be ex. We have 2 girls, thus will always have a relationship whether we like it or not, so I called her up to talk to her.

That completely changed the way we were to each other. We were getting divorced and there was no reason to continue any hate towards each other. It set our relationship from then forward which comes up to yesterday when we got together and went into the city to the shopping district together and had a good time.

We are divorced, we still have 2 girls, we take the girls on vacations together, we all get together and go out to eat, we get together very often on Friday nights for "Family Gamenight" and we often get together the 2 of us and go try new restaurants or travel somewhere for the day such as yesterday, or a couple of weeks ago when we visited Sugarcreek, OH Amish country, or last year when we traveled down my bicycle ride from a few years ago and I showed her all the neat little towns along the Pittsburgh to DC bike route.

Some people work OK as friends and not as partners. I am glad to see that you turned a negative into a positive. I am sure your girls appreciate that so much!

 

[RamblingMad]

If my significant other put my dog down, I would have a messy divorce.

 

[fly girl]

I'm sorry. I should have said they both were diagnosed with cancer within a week. So, yes, it was humane.

That was the key piece people were missing. @ramee had no idea and the post was not cruel or mean, they really didn't know. Honestly, I even read your first post as she put the dogs down without reason. Thank goodness that was wrong, and I am very sorry for the hard times you are going through right now.

I hope you get Ben.

 

[LuvOrlando]

With saying goodbye to the dogs, it's possible there wasn't time. When one of my dogs had cancer the severity jumped out of the blue and what I thought was a sprain wasn't so they wanted to euthanize that day. I couldn't do that to my children who were little at the time & wasn't prepared so it was done the next day. Thinking back, if I was prepared it would have been kinder to comply when the vet said to do it on the spot, could have been something along these lines.

 

[Miffy]

@Rockbro: Just sending you some love and kindness. I've been through some awful stuff too, so I have a lot of empathy for your situation. If things don't work out with your wife, as it seems like they may not, never think there aren't good women out there. There are good people--men, women, nonbinary, etc. You know one (yourself), so know that you'll eventually meet someone else, someone good. I speak from personal experience, not theory.

 

[Rockbro]

Thanks to all of you for your well wishes. I've convinced my wife to come home, but I had to make some major concessions. I have to fly to Boston and make the entire 19 hour drive home with her. I am NOT looking forward to this. It is going to make for a very long weekend.

But anything worth having is worth working for.