Divorce question....

[Disneynutbsv]

Hi, I'm trying to find out some info for my bil. My sil cheated on him. He moved out of their house (he's the sole supporter of the family, she's been a stay at home mom, not sure if you need to know that or not) and she has since moved her bf and her mother into their house. He has been able to go down and pick up the kids and take them to his mom's house to stay overnight like every other night, but then...

She filed a restraining order on my bil, mentioning things that happened between them about 5 years ago (he drank quite a bit, but quit drinking awhile ago...she has not quit drinking and its become excessive recently) now he's not able to see or talk to her or his kids. She doesn't have a lawyer yet, my bil just got one today. He just caught them in the act in their house while the kids were in the house too. He's upset because he can't see his kids. I'm upset because I don't believe in using kids against another parent. Its just not right. I'm their aunt...she put in the restraining order anyone related to my bil or friends with also cannot have contact. I just want what is best for My neices and nephew.

She's been into the party seen quite a bit lately, its almost like she's reliving her teen years again.

Has anyone been through this and come out ok? Like having joint custody of the kids? Its such a mess

 

[christineann]

I don't know what the laws in your state are, but I would think that it would be wise to document that she is committing adultery (photos, video, etc.) Hopefully she can be removed from his house and he can get at least visitation. Her behavior can only be detrimental to the wellbeing of the children. I hope he has a good lawyer! I wish him good luck.

 

[diznygirl]

I think it was unwise for him to move out - I've always heard that anyways. He should have kicked her out instead. But too late now. The only thing he can do now is hire a good lawyer and file for everything he can think of NOW - full custudy, etc.

My DB did not - and looking back he should have. You can always downgrade later - but he has been fighting an uphill battle all these many years (she cheated and he threw her out, but she still gets visitation, for what it's worth since she moved to Alaska - no lie!)

Good luck to him.

 

[EthansMom]

Sounds like your BIL has done a lot of things wrong -- moved out of the house and apparently not contested the restraining order. BIL needs to get a good lawyer AND a private investigator. He'll need to document his wife's behavior in order to fight for custody of the kids. Since his wife has been a SAHM, she'll probably fight for alimony in addition to custody -- if BIL can prove that his wife is partying, cheating, and has moved other people into the marital home, he might stand a better chance in court.

Also, BIL should be careful about how much money his gives to his wife -- any money he gives her now could be used to show that he can afford to continue that same level of support after the divorce. Any money/credit cards/etc. that are in both names should be cancelled, if they haven't already been!!!!

BIL really needs to get a good lawyer NOW!

 

[jipsy]

The court sees him moving out as abandoning his family. Basically, it puts her in a winning position especially since she's a SAHM.

Like Ethansmom said, your BIL needs to pay for the best lawyer possible if he wants to get out of that marriage with anything left, money and kids included.

 

[Disneynutbsv]

Thanks everyone, what a nightmare. He wanted to be civil with her. About 6 months ago they had started paperwork for divorce and they both wanted it friendly and joint custody. So, when all the stuff hit the fan, bil thought (and hoped, maybe he's a little gullible) that it would be civil. Yes, he did get a lawyer and the lawyer already found out that she lied on the restraining order: She put on that he just upped and left and left them with no money for groceries, when in fact he went and got groceries for them on Saturday because the money that he did give her went to beer. She had no money left. He did keep the receipt. So the lawyer said well, she's contradicting herself, lets see whatelse she'll come up with. Pretty much we'll show she's lied to gain a restraining order when it wasn't necessary. She said that it will work in his favor. He just wants what is best for the kids. Bil is extremely easy going and very laid back. Sil is very uptight and always thought she was better than everyone else (she even told her kids they were better than everyone else ). They can't get a court hearing until 9/15, but the lawyer thinks that she can file something so that he can see his kids at least.
I know that it takes two to make a marriage go wrong. But she made it worse by cheating and by cheating in front of the kids. And trying to use the kids against their father...I just feel that is just wrong.
Thanks for the help!