I agree with this.
She needs to keep her mouth shut for awhile until she gets her financial ducks in a row, gets any good jewelry she has out of the house and gets any family heirlooms or items of sentimental value out of the house...hopefully nothing is so obvious that he would notice.
She needs to decide what she wants...a divorce or an attempt at a reconciliation, because it may affect how she will proceed.
She needs to contact an attorney ASAP and get the information she needs in order to make an informed decision. But first and foremost she needs to find out where they stand financially and what the consequences of her not being listed on any accounts might be...would she still be able to get half based on their long-term marriage even if she's not listed as one of the names on the account?
An attorney should be her first call.
I might also access a credit report on both SS #s to see what what's. Also, copies of income tax returns.
Disney Doll is giving some well-reasoned advice and the DSis has to decide what she wants.
About the jewelry...I had a friend whose husband took pieces of jewelry out of the house after he moved-out. He even removed the dining-room set and the bedroom set while she & the kids were away visiting her family, they came home to an empty dining room and bedroom. She couldn't change the locks because he had a legal right to be in the house.
But I bet she sure wishes she had removed all that jewelry...even if she didn't want to keep it she could have at least sold it for some cash. And the husband? I *never* would have thought he was capable of doing everything he did to his own children. I mean, I can maybe understand it a little bit towards the adult in the situation, but to his KIDS? ugh.
in addition to what others have suggested i'll suggest the following if she's trying to determine their assetts and income-
if she has access to any of the computer records she could use a zip drive and download files (it can at least document what occured in files up to this point),
start copying all the tax items that will be coming in the mail as of the new year (if he's the type that does'nt let her open mail that comes only in his name she can at least photocopy the fronts b/c it will say 'important tax information' and have the identity of the sender), make copies of prior years tax records (can compare sources of income to see if financial institutions added/changed/eliminated),
find and make copies of his pension paperwork-if it's anything like mine it will detail what his allowance is and what must occur in the event of a divorce (i'de have to have dh sign off his rights on the money, the medical and the death benefits on a specific notarized form that would require my divorce decree attached),
request copies of (as far back as they will permit) any landline and cell phone records (esp. valuable if she can get them for the time around when he got his big lump sum, can see where calls were made to-like banks).
As always, barkley gives great advice.
I think getting
everything from the computer on a zip is BRILLIANT. Also, IT people know this but most computer-users don't - when people think that items are erased, they really
aren't ....the bits of info are still floating around on the hard-drive, I wonder if there's any way she can get a forensic-type of history done. She can kind of do this herself, at least go onto the computer and copy down the history of the sites he has visited.
She also needs to make copies of ALL the e-mails.
She needs to keep her mouth SHUT around the guy. Her best offense and defense in this situation is his opinion of her - he thinks she's *stupid*.
Hoo-boy, won't he be surprised!
agnes!
no kidding!!!!!!!!!!
Make sure she gets all her ducks in a row before telling him she knows. He will cover his tracks better once he realizes she's on to him. She might not find his e-mail accounts again.
