Divorce Advice

[kimbac3]

Here's the deal my sister wants to divorce her husband. He's abusive and just awful. She's afraid to leave the house because she's afraid that then he will have all rights to it. (She also really doesn't want to be IN the house with him) He's also refusing to give her any money to pay their bills (they both work but need both incomes to survive). The house is the only thing in both their names, everything else is in his.
I have no experience with this and have no clue what to tell her. She has 1 DS13 and 1 DS19 - full time college student.
What should she do first? Any tips or things we should know? Any direction right now would be very helpful.
Thanks in Advance,
Kimba

 

[offwegotoneverland]

A lawyer...also speak with a financial planner/banker to work out budget plans etc for only one income.

You may want to contact local united way for a referal to a support group in the area for abused women etc.

Good luck

 

[mickeyboat]

The first thing she needs to do is to see a lawyer.

Denae

 

[mickeyfan2]

1) Do not leave the house. It can be seen as abandonment.
2) See a good divorce lawyer ASAP.

 

[ChibiJones]

Her safety and the safety of the children are more important than a house or any other material possession. LEAVE and LEAVE NOW would be my advice to anyone being abused. The house won't do her any good if her husband kills her, which sadly is not uncommon in abusive relationships. It is probably better for her to be somewhere unknown to her abuser.

Secondly, I would get them to a divorce attorney and seek a restraining order and a temporary support order.

 

[DVC Sadie]

She needs a lawyer ASAP! If her husband is abusing her she needs to call the POLICE and have him arrested, then file a restraining order.

 

[Chicago526]

I deleted my post, for some reason I though the OP's sister was in Indiana, but I re-read it and it doesn't say where she lives.

OP, just Google "divorce" and include the state your sister lives in, it should give you links to laws and information that pertains to her state.

 

[laura001]

I am not sure how things work in the states, but in Canada, she should see her lawyer ASAP! He/She will tell her exactly what her options are and will lead her in the right direction, especially if she is fearful of what he might do.

The biggest thing is that she has to do it herself (with support from family etc.) but the decision and the actual doing has to be done by her. If she doesn't do it herself she will go back to the same situation. (speaking from experience here)

Please tell her to stay strong and that she can do it. She needs to do what is right for her and her children (if there are any).

 

[CarolA]

1) Do not leave the house. It can be seen as abandonment.
2) See a good divorce lawyer ASAP.

Well, should she stay and get herself killed?

She needs to get out of there now.. A house can be replaced, lives can't.

 

[Wishing on a star]

If she is fearful at all, and she feels that she needs to get out... then she should.

There was a recent situation that I am personally aware of where the woman did not want to be considered as 'abandoning' the house, so she stayed.... her soon to be Ex assaulted and beat her pretty badly!

There has got to be a way around this whole 'abandonment' issue.

Your sister should see a lawyer ASAP and proceed from there.

Perhaps her husband could be filed with Divorce papers as well as a Restraining Order all at once????

There has got to be some way where he is the one who is required to find other housing during the Divorce proceedings?

 

[mickeyfan2]

Well, should she stay and get herself killed?

She needs to get out of there now.. A house can be replaced, lives can't.

I did not see anywhere in the OP that he was going to kill her. It said he was abusive (that could be many things) and the kids are 13 and 19, so she has been with him for a long time. Once she sees the lawyer and starts the proceding, she can then consider other options about living. If she is really in danger of being killed she needs to call the police and get him removed.

 

[suzannen]

Mickeyfan2 is absolutely right, though, that if she is NOT in any immediate physical danger, and she leaves the house, in many states (mine included), it is called abandonment. The party that does this then loses certain ownership and financial rights. If her future financial status is not secure, this could be problemmatic for her. Please get her to a lawyer ASAP who will advise her based on her specific situation, within her state's laws, including how to handle the abuse issue.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Abusive is 'abusive'.

That word alone speaks volumes.
I would never underestimate that word.

Your sister should see a lawyer, and proceed with caution.

 

[Floydian]

Well, I'm not normally a proponent of our justice system, but in this case, she needs to speak with a Divorce Attorney, ASAP! As mentioned above, that will give her an impartial 3rd party who is an expert in the laws and these situations. They'll let her know about abandonment, abuse, financial arrangements, and so on and so on and so on.

The most important thing is to protect herself, in every possible way, and in the case of marriage and property ownership and incomes and all of that, the best way to start protecting herself is finding a professional to advise and guide her.

 

[SillyMe]

I have never heard of the abandonment issue. I just left my ex. We owned our house for 8 years and I was the one who left. My name is still on that house and that mortgage. Whether I left or not, it is rightfully mine. Maybe my state is different, but that's just insane. Why in the world would the person who leaves be giving up the right to what they paid for and what they own? That would mean every couple has to stay together in the same house until the divorce is final. That just doesn't make sense. I could see if someone left and didn't try to get what they're entitled to until years later.

I would have her call a lawyer ASAP and ask about the stupid abandonment issue. Make sure she tells her lawyer about the abuse. IF there is an abandonment issue, you would think the abuse would be her way around it.

 

[SillyMe]

I just re-read your original post. The house is the only thing in both names and everything else is in his name...he's not giving her any money toward the bills. If the bills are in his name only, will her credit be ruined too, if they stop paying the bills?

 

[mickeyfan2]

I have never heard of the abandonment issue. I just left my ex. We owned our house for 8 years and I was the one who left. My name is still on that house and that mortgage. Whether I left or not, it is rightfully mine. Maybe my state is different, but that's just insane. Why in the world would the person who leaves be giving up the right to what they paid for and what they own? That would mean every couple has to stay together in the same house until the divorce is final. That just doesn't make sense. I could see if someone left and didn't try to get what they're entitled to until years later.

I would have her call a lawyer ASAP and ask about the stupid abandonment issue. Make sure she tells her lawyer about the abuse. IF there is an abandonment issue, you would think the abuse would be her way around it.

In a equitable property state the judge can award one person more than the other (my cousin got 66% of the house and her ex 34%, her brother's lawyer told him not to leave and he stayed and got the house. Had he left his ex would have been guaranteed the house.). Once you are in divorce talks, it can then be mutually decided that one leaves and this is not abandonment (depending on the state). Just leaving is abandonment in my state and the two other states I referred to above.

In a joint property state this could be different.

 

[aprilgail2]

We had someone at work in a similar situation and she went and got an order of protection and that forcedher husband out ofthe house since he could not come within a certain distance of her and if he continued to stay in the house he would be breaking the order of protection. But other than that I have no idea how she handled the rest of the divorce.......BYW we also had a guy at work that had this done to him and he was not abusive, she lied to get the OOP and make him leave the house!