Disney World with my mom and step dad?

[Jasperann]

Okay... Let me start out saying. This is the first trip that my family (DH 31, DD 13, DD6, DD5, DS 3, and Me 30) have ever planned. We are really excited to be going on this trip in March.

My mom and my step dad, are living and traveling in an RV (they will be at the time of the trip right now they are living with my cousin). My mom suggested coming to see us at the Campground one night (they will be about two hours from WDW) I said that sounds great. The kids would love to see them and a night isn't a lot of time out of family time. Well now it is moved up to a full day spent at Epcot together. Which is awesome , I love my mom so I'm looking forward to it. But now she is talking about going and Camping with the RV at FW where we will be staying.. and getting the seven days of park tickets like us. I'm sure she would expect to spend the whole time with us.. the problem is that it is my very first 'adult' family planned trip and I want to spend it with my DH and kids. When my mom is around my youngest children are very clingy towards her (because they like me love her very much). But our family trip isn't about her and it is about 'our' family spending quality time together. So I'm not sure how to let her know that although I am looking forward to spending a day with her in the parks, I don't want her to stay the whole week. She is the kind of person that she is VERY sensitive and I'm afraid to say anything at all because she might just be like 'fine we won't come at all'... 'blah blah blah... guilt trip, guilt trip, guilt trip.'

I think that maybe next year we could plan to go back and met them there. Then it would be a 'planned' Mom and Step Dad visiting vacation. Anyone have any ideas? I feel so bad about it... my DH is saying that he will talk to my mom about it if I don't... I don't want that, because she already seems to think he doesn't like her.. Not really sure why or how on that one? Maybe something about my step dad eating all of my DH's Reese cups when they were living with us? It is something really silly knowing my mom though.

 

[kevschickee]

There is no easy way to do this. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. I personally couldn't say that to my mom. Wow I am sorry you are in this situation.

 

[Jasperann]

There is no easy way to do this. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. I personally couldn't say that to my mom. Wow I am sorry you are in this situation.

That is my problem... I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I'm sure anything that I say would. This is a recurring theme concerning my mom. She invites herself places and I stay quite, because I don't want her to get upset. She has done it many many times, just not this extreme. My DH says she walks all over me.. lol I don't think it's that bad, she is my mom after all, so spending family time with her really isn't an issue.. But it's a bit different with her inviting herself on our family vacation. She started out joking about wanting to be in our suitcases two weeks ago and now it is at the point that it is at now.

 

[kevschickee]

That is my problem... I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I'm sure anything that I say would. This is a recurring theme concerning my mom. She invites herself places and I stay quite, because I don't want her to get upset. She has done it many many times, just not this extreme. My DH says she walks all over me.. lol I don't think it's that bad, she is my mom after all, so spending family time with her really isn't an issue.. But it's a bit different with her inviting herself on our family vacation. She started out joking about wanting to be in our suitcases two weeks ago and now it is at the point that it is at now.

That sounds awful I am so sorry. Maybe you do have to say somthing to her make sure you say somthing not you hubby. Good luck!

 

[wmharley]

I had a similar thing with my dad and stepmom. We always go and visit and when we do, we stay with them and they usually want to take us around. So this last trip we had our DS1 there and everyone in the family was loving on hiom and everyone wanted to spend time with us, so we try to pack as many people in the week. My DW was stressed and we had gotten a resort hotel for the last 3 days of our stay.

My SM and DF wanted to come and visit us at the resort, but I told my dad, plain and simple, that i'd prefer if they didn't, as we wanted to just unwind and relax as a family. He understood and that was it.. They didn't need to take days off for us.

that said, if i was in your shoes, and I have no idea how many days you are on vacation, but i'd tell your mom that you would love to spend a few days with them, but that you'd also like a few days just as a family. i'd do 2 days with them, and maybe 2 more evening dinners or more.. 1 day where the kids are JUST with them, so you and DH can spend time alone, and about 2 as a family. Then you can spend whatver else days in an unwind mode..

that is 5 days there without unwind mode. I don't think something like that is unreasonable. maybe like this too..

1st day- all together
2nd day- just fam
3rd - grandparents and kids together (you and DH alone)
4th- fam
5th- fam in morning, together afternoon
6th- all together
7- fam

 

[Jasperann]

I had a similar thing with my dad and stepmom. We always go and visit and when we do, we stay with them and they usually want to take us around. So this last trip we had our DS1 there and everyone in the family was loving on hiom and everyone wanted to spend time with us, so we try to pack as many people in the week. My DW was stressed and we had gotten a resort hotel for the last 3 days of our stay.

My SM and DF wanted to come and visit us at the resort, but I told my dad, plain and simple, that i'd prefer if they didn't, as we wanted to just unwind and relax as a family. He understood and that was it.. They didn't need to take days off for us.

that said, if i was in your shoes, and I have no idea how many days you are on vacation, but i'd tell your mom that you would love to spend a few days with them, but that you'd also like a few days just as a family. i'd do 2 days with them, and maybe 2 more evening dinners or more.. 1 day where the kids are JUST with them, so you and DH can spend time alone, and about 2 as a family. Then you can spend whatver else days in an unwind mode..

that is 5 days there without unwind mode. I don't think something like that is unreasonable. maybe like this too..

1st day- all together
2nd day- just fam
3rd - grandparents and kids together (you and DH alone)
4th- fam
5th- fam in morning, together afternoon
6th- all together
7- fam

Something like that might work, I'm not sure how much my DH would be willing to bend in this matter though. He didn't want to even tell his family we were going until it would be to late for them to come too. His brother is the type that would follow only spend four times more money than us and stay in the most expensive place... But he would only do that to make sure his brother knew that he could. Talk about sibling rivalry, guess some boys never grow up. (They are pretty silly with that kind of stuff if you ask me.) But I am trying to talk DH into doing a big family vacation. Where my DM and SD and his DM and SD and his DB and DSIL and kids can all go and met up there. I think that would be a ton of fun. We just need to get this first vacation out of the way first... one hurdle at a time...

 

[wmharley]

Something like that might work, I'm not sure how much my DH would be willing to bend in this matter though. He didn't want to even tell his family we were going until it would be to late for them to come too. His brother is the type that would follow only spend four times more money than us and stay in the most expensive place... But he would only do that to make sure his brother knew that he could. Talk about sibling rivalry, guess some boys never grow up. (They are pretty silly with that kind of stuff if you ask me.) But I am trying to talk DH into doing a big family vacation. Where my DM and SD and his DM and SD and his DB and DSIL and kids can all go and met up there. I think that would be a ton of fun. We just need to get this first vacation out of the way first... one hurdle at a time...

I made that schedule so that you spend the early part of the vacation with the grandparents as they would enjoy it the most.. then it tapers off so you spend more time alone as a family, concluding with a family day with the grandparents as they would like to spend one last hurrah with you all. you can modify it as needed.

 

[mumto3girls]

I feel for you, especially in regards to the very sensitive mother. Having said that though, it sounds as though this family trip is very important to you and to your DH. IMO you need to sit down with your DH and find out how much time (if any) he is okay sharing with your mother and then YOU need to talk with your mother. I would just explain to her that this trip was intended to be a time for your family to spend together and although you are willing to visit for an evening, a day or whatever you and DH decide, the rest of the time you want to be just about your family. You can plant the seed about a future trip in your discussion with her and I would be all about trying to make her feel better about your decision--something along the lines of life is so busy and the kids are growing up so fast and your family is feeling the need to get away and just be together without any outside distractions and the kids love her so much that it just wouldn't be about your family, etc, but I would be pretty firm with her.

Once you have your own family, you have to put that family first. You have said your DH thinks your mom walks all over you and she thinks he doesn't like her. It sounds as though he is unhappy with the boundaries between your immediate family and your extended family and she is picking up on that. Don't let him be the bad guy in this. Managing your parents is your job. This would be a good time to take a stand and show both of them that you are able to do so. If she gets mad she may pout for a while, but I bet she gets over it pretty fast especially if you are kind about it and continue to reiterate that this is about your immediate family having some time away and not about excluding her. She raised a family, I bet she sometimes wanted just to be alone with her own little family. I know I feel that way sometimes.

Good luck. And have a super trip.

 

[Jasperann]

I feel for you, especially in regards to the very sensitive mother. Having said that though, it sounds as though this family trip is very important to you and to your DH. IMO you need to sit down with your DH and find out how much time (if any) he is okay sharing with your mother and then YOU need to talk with your mother. I would just explain to her that this trip was intended to be a time for your family to spend together and although you are willing to visit for an evening, a day or whatever you and DH decide, the rest of the time you want to be just about your family. You can plant the seed about a future trip in your discussion with her and I would be all about trying to make her feel better about your decision--something along the lines of life is so busy and the kids are growing up so fast and your family is feeling the need to get away and just be together without any outside distractions and the kids love her so much that it just wouldn't be about your family, etc, but I would be pretty firm with her.

Once you have your own family, you have to put that family first. You have said your DH thinks your mom walks all over you and she thinks he doesn't like her. It sounds as though he is unhappy with the boundaries between your immediate family and your extended family and she is picking up on that. Don't let him be the bad guy in this. Managing your parents is your job. This would be a good time to take a stand and show both of them that you are able to do so. If she gets mad she may pout for a while, but I bet she gets over it pretty fast especially if you are kind about it and continue to reiterate that this is about your immediate family having some time away and not about excluding her. She raised a family, I bet she sometimes wanted just to be alone with her own little family. I know I feel that way sometimes.

Good luck. And have a super trip.

Thank you. I know your right. I just have to talk to her about it. It is very difficult to do.