ktlm
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jun 20, 2008
- Messages
- 9,699
I'm not sure you were really interested in ideas regarding your son's general behavior, but since you have been given advice from others, some who clearly appear to really know what they are talking about in regard to some kids' issues, and based on the way you described his behavior, I will throw my experience in here too. It could be that he is just throwing your general 2 to 3 year old asserting his independence tantrum- not related to food allergies or anything else at all. 2 to 3 year olds sure know how to throw a tantrum!
But what you describe as far as wanting to walk all over the store and get in trouble and having a meltdown if you don't let him, and doing well in places with a lot of stimulation or around people sounds similar to the way DD was and makes me wonder if you might be dealing with a gifted kid that simply needs a lot of stimulation, is curious and wants control. Sounds like he is curious and wants to explore and do his own thing and thrives on stimulation and activity. That is typical gifted kid behavior. They want to explore everything and they want to run the show. Their minds are constantly on the go. Before I had DD, when I saw a preschooler throwing a tantrum or going wild, I swore my kids would never behave like that. Then I got this wild kid that all the other kids would be sitting nice and listening, and mine would be running around the room getting into everything instead. Maybe the reason she was better behaved at WDW was the constant stimulation. (My DD actually did great at sit down meals everywhere as a toddler. She loved restaurants. She liked the interaction with the people at the table, the wait staff, and if that wasn't enough we had to keep her from being nosy and talking to the people at the tables around us). You might take a look at this list and see if he seems to fit with it:http://www.greatpotentialpress.com/authors/author-articles/preschool-behaviors-in-gifted-children
You will note in these giftedness signs between 1 and 3 years it includes among some good things, these not so good things: has fits when not permitted to do it himself; tenacity- needs to do it own way and is not done until he is done; not distracted from what they want to do; bossy; appear willful or spoiled; need to know why before complying; frustrated with lack of ability; doesn't forget promises or changes of plans; obsesses about some things; more likely to cooperate than simply comply with adult's command; throws fits or tantrums especially when thwarted in doing something his own way. We had the joy of getting all of those traits along with the good traits. Your typical parental strategies from the books or from others don't work with that type of kid-believe me I know (although I have to admit that watching my BIL who thought he knew better than us attempt child psychology or manipulation and watching her outsmart him or get the better of him every time was very amusing). With that type of kid your best shot is to give lots of explanations of "why" he has to do or not do things, or to provide choices (all acceptable to you) so he can pick one and feel like he is controlling things and making decisions. (We found three things did best- if she demanded a cookie we might say "Too many cookies aren't healthy so you can't have a cookie, but if you are hungry you can have an apple, orange, or carrots. What would you like? For WDW that could translate into "You can't have a Mickey Head Ice Cream bar right now because dinner is soon, but you can ride Small World, Teacups, or see Philharmagic- which would you like?" Any little piece of control you give them can sometimes prevent the tantrum. ) Whatever you do, don't let him think that he can get his way with a tantrum, because a gifted kid will quickly figure out to use that and throw more tantrums. I absolutely agree with the PP who say that ignoring the behavior until it stops can be a great strategy (easy at home, not always easy in a public place). The "when you quit throwing a fit or acting like that, you can do or have " sometimes worked well too. We knew DD was gifted from an early age because her first words were crazy early and she was speaking in full sentences at a year old (and fit within a lot of the other "signs"). We had no clue about all the bad (for the parents) stuff that came along with it. We were lucky in that we had preschool teachers that pretty much knew what they were dealing with immediately, and also knew how to funnel that energy. Teachers from age 2 on told us that she was clearly gifted and that they way she acted was totally "normal" for a gifted kid. I'm pretty sure she was much better behaved at school than at home. She is 10 now, and in first grade was tested and wound up being classified not just as G, but as HG, borderline EG (some number scales would put her as EG)- so I guess that explains the level of "intensity" and energy we got from her as a preschooler. My dear friend kept getting these awful reports from preschool about her 2 year old child's behavior and based on knowing him and recognizing similarities with DD I suggested she might have the wrong preschool/teacher- when the teacher suggested he might need medication they switched his school and his new teacher immediately recognized she was dealing with a "gifted" kid not a behavioral problem. He immediately went from the frustrated bored kid whose teacher complained about his behavior almost every single day, to the kid who was an angel (mostly) and got glowing reports. Clearly he had a teacher problem, not a behavioral problem. His new teacher knew how to keep him stimulated and moving forward in learning. He is 4 now and is reading books and working at about an end of 1st grade level. Just based on how you described your DS, that might be something for you to think about, and to watch out for in terms of preschool; teachers, etc.
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