Disney Themed Story

[passporterfan13]

Hi everyone! I am currently reading The Kingdom Keepers by Ridley Pearson and it has inspired me to strart writing my own Disney-based story. I got the idea for the begining on my last WDW trip while waiting for the ferry after the Hoop-de-doo Review. I thought I'd post it here for some constructive criticsm and input if you'd be so kind. Thanks in advance

She was standing on a dock, surrounded by swampland. Directly above her the moon cast its silver glow on the smooth, dark water. The only sound was the gentle lapping of the water against the legs of the dock. Xandra turned towards the shoreline but all she could see was a single paved pathway leading up the bank. She began to move towards it, her footsteps echoing in the silence and stopped. She could hear faint strains of music, they seemed to be coming from out on the water. Xandra, straining hers ears, turned back toward the water. The music was getting closer; she recognized the song, but couldn’t quite place it. She could see now to. On the horizon there was a faint light about 200 feet away and growing steadily closer. She realized belonged to a boat, a ferry to be exact and she could now make out the lyrics to the song – a rock version of zippa dee do da. But the music was getting fainter and the scene around her seemed to be fading, Xandra fought to hold on - she was so close but, even now she could feel the cotton of her bed sheets against her feet instead of the wet surface of the dock, and the sound of early morning traffic outside her window was replaced the lapping of the water. The next moment she was awake, staring at the crack in her ceiling with zippa dee do da still ringing in her ears.


PS please be kind, I'm kind of embarrassed putting this up here, but I want to know if it's any good before I go any farther. Eventually I think I'll put it up on my blog A Case of The Mouse

 

[hitchedpumpkin]

let's hear some more so we can get an idea where this is heading.

 

[vanyel]

I enjoyed your start - it's very intriguing and makes me want to read more. too!

 

[passporterfan13]

Here's what I have for chapter 1 so far.


Sighing Xandra sat up and swung her feet over the side of her bed feeling with her toes for her dilapidated pink slippers. This was getting ridiculous, it had been almost a month since the dreams had started. Every night without fail, Xandra would find herself standing on the dock in the moonlight, but tonight had been different. There had never been a boat before, only music and a light on the horizon. What did it mean? Xandra considered herself an intelligent girl, she got decent enough marks in school and read faster than any of her class mates. Even Jordan Straight couldn’t keep up, but she couldn’t for the life of her make any sense of these dreams. Dreams are supposed to be thoughts and feelings that the brain has warped as you sleep but Xandra had never seen that dock before and that kind of dark and quiet was rare in Toronto. And to have the exact same dream every night? That was definitely bizarre. She felt her questing foot make contact with something fuzzy, knocking it under the bed. Getting down onto her knee’s she retrieved her left slipper and headed downstairs in her pyjama’s leaving her bed unmade even though she knew this would drive her mother mad. Her mother looked up from her coffee as she came down the stairs, “Good morning dear, aren’t you going to be late for school?”

“Mom it’s Saturday” Xandra answered reaching for the Cheerio’s. “Oh, so it is. My mind’s been all over the place. Mrs Drew has decided she wants fresh orchids now. Where am I supposed to find orchids in November?” Xandra’s mom was a wedding planner and her latest client, the mother of the groom, was throwing her hoop after hoop. Last week she had insisted that the wedding procession include an elephant. She was paying well though so for all her frustration, Xandra’s mom wouldn’t dare voice any of her complaints to Mrs Drew. “So what’re your plans for today?” “Joanne wants to do some Christmas shopping at the Yorkdale” “Christmas Shopping? It’s only November” “Joanne doesn’t like the crowds remember mom?” “Oh yes thats right. She’s a peculiar girl Joanne. Well have fun dear” Anyone else might have been offended by this comment, but Joanne was peculiar and proud of it. “Normal is just another word for dull. Normal people have no imagination” she had told Xandra when they met on the first day of third grade. They had been friends ever since.



http://www.mousewriter.blogspot.com

 

[Macca1111]

I'll keep reading. subbing

 

[lewdyan1]

Great job so far!

 

[passporterfan13]

Hey I put more up I've been super busy with school lately, hence the delay, but its up now.