Disciplining a 2 year old

[smilie]

First of all, I DO NOT want this turned into a debate. Especially a spanking debate. If you want to be rude, please go somewhere else. I'm looking for real answers and help here.

My DD is now 2 years old. And boy is she showing it! At home she really isn't much trouble, she's very good at playing and behaving. It's when we go in public that the terror comes out of her. She's very sensitive and gets her feelings hurt easily. The more negative you are, the more screaming ensues. Especially at church. How do you get a 2 year old to understand that there's a time to be quiet and pay attention? There isnt' a "Sunday School" or child's room at our church. Now, I'm not unreasonable. I know it's not right to ask a 2 year old to sit quietly for an hour and 45 minutes and pay attention. What I would like is to find a common ground. For her to realize there's a time and place for things. I need help!

 

[happygirl]

First of all, I DO NOT want this turned into a debate. Especially a spanking debate. If you want to be rude, please go somewhere else. I'm looking for real answers and help here.

My DD is now 2 years old. And boy is she showing it! At home she really isn't much trouble, she's very good at playing and behaving. It's when we go in public that the terror comes out of her. She's very sensitive and gets her feelings hurt easily. The more negative you are, the more screaming ensues. Especially at church. How do you get a 2 year old to understand that there's a time to be quiet and pay attention? There isnt' a "Sunday School" or child's room at our church. Now, I'm not unreasonable. I know it's not right to ask a 2 year old to sit quietly for an hour and 45 minutes and pay attention. What I would like is to find a common ground. For her to realize there's a time and place for things. I need help!

I would bring books/toys or snacks to help her. If she gets loud you will have to take her out and put her in a time out.

 

[MushyMushy]

I think I'd find a new church.

If she's basically good at home, then you might just have to ride this phase out. Maybe public places are a bit too overwhelming or overstimulating for her right now.

Have you checked out the book 1-2-3 Magic? It's a GREAT book with a wonderful discipline technique.

 

[KimR]

My middle DD was a difficult toddler and I learned to bring earplugs and a book whenever I took her out. When she started to misbehave in public I took her out to the car, strapped her in her carseat, put in my earplugs and let her scream to her little heart's content while I read my book.

She eventually learned that nothing was to be gained by pitching a fit and then she was a joy to take out. Hang in there - it gets better, I promise.

 

[tw1nsmom]

First, you're right, an hour and 45 minutes is too much.

If bringing her to church is important to you I would make a goal of slowly working up to that amount of time.

Let her know she'll get a sticker (or some other positive, quiet reward) if she can sit "nicely" (no matter what she will squirm, climb off the pew, want to color, etc...she's 2...that is sitting nicely for a 2 year old...you just don't want her screaming in a full meltdown). If she does great for 15 minutes, try for another 15 minutes. I wouldn't go beyond 30 minutes for a few weeks. If she does well, take her outside to a playground and let her run around. If she melts down, take her outside immediately, tell her that behavior is not acceptable and go home without any big end reward (playground time). Slowly work your way up to an acceptable amount of time. The important thing is that the minute she exhibits the kind of behavior that's unacceptable you need to leave immediately. She needs to learn she can't push the limits.

As someone else said, bring plenty of quiet activities for her to do.

If she just isn't ready for it, consider leaving her with Grandma/Grandpa/friend, or take turns going to church each week.

 

[savannahcat]

It really does get better with time, but even my my 7 year old would have a difficult time sitting through a service that lasts an hour and 45 minutes without some kind of distraction.

My advice is to pack a "quiet bag" of activities for her to do - coloring books/crayons, snacks, quiet toys, etc. Aside from finding a new church, I'm not sure what else you can do.

 

[PigletsMommy]

I don't think this is about discipline.

An hour & 45 minutes? I have a 2 year old (just barely) and there is no way I would expect her KNOW that there is a time & place to be quiet for an hour & 45 minutes. There attention span, at most, is 15 to 30 minutes.

You need to bring LOTS of things for her to do. Coloring books, paper, crayons, favorite toys, and books. Snacks & drinks.

Is there music during the services? Is it upbeat? Encourage her to get up & "dance" during those few minutes to help burn some energy off.

Even with all of that, I would still expect to have to take my DD outside or in another room to run for a few minutes. She is very high energy, always running or moving, and very curious about other people. I just can't imagine expecting my DD to be quiet for almost 2 hours without bringing something to occupy her.

 

[simba20]

My middle DD was a difficult toddler and I learned to bring earplugs and a book whenever I took her out. When she started to misbehave in public I took her out to the car, strapped her in her carseat, put in my earplugs and let her scream to her little heart's content while I read my book.

She eventually learned that nothing was to be gained by pitching a fit and then she was a joy to take out. Hang in there - it gets better, I promise.

This is what I do. When DD(3) gets to the point where she is a bother or I've had to repeat the same point serveral times ("No touch," "Please sit down." "Etc.") then I remove DD away from the situation.

In a church situation, I'd walk her out to the commons area first for a few minutes to see if she calms down. If we go back in to worship and it happeneds again, then it's out to the car -- she may also get a second chance where Daddy takes her out to the commons area. I really have to look at what she is doing and determine if she truly is acting up or if it is somethign due to age. I would also have to say, that expecting a two year old to sit still and quiet through an entire 45-60 minute church service is an unreal expectation. Developmentally they just can't do it. With that said, if DD were to attend a church service with us, then I would expect to give her relief by taking her out to the commons area at some point.

A few weeks ago, our church (Methodist), held "Tent Sunday" where they just had one Sunday morning service out in the parking lot inside of a huge tent. Nursery service was available, but not Sunday school which DD attends. DD loves tents (she always pretends to go camping) so we had her come to the service with us. She was sooooo excited. So we get to church and go inside the tent. ABout halfway through, she stands up on a chair (folding chairs) and then begins playing a "game" where she was tapping my husband and me repeatedly, she also started to become a "chatty cathy". We asked her to stop and gave her a warning, and then finally, I just had to get up and take her outside of the tent for a few minutes. Being int hat tent meant something to her, so at first she cried and after waiting three minutes I took her back in, after a brief discussion of what she did wrong and why she had to be quiet and sit down.

I have also done this at Target and restraunts. Usually by the time I get her in my arms to take her to the car, she is crying and hugging me and promising that she will behave. At that point we have a little discussion and go back inside, and DD does then behave. I do understand about consistancy, but to begin to make the motions of leaving is just enough for DD.

I am not a spanker, and I do use time out (one minute per year for age). Sometimes the car, outside, or shopping cart is our time out spot.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

I don't have much in the way of advice of how to keep her mellowed out... maybe you could use the situation to seeing if the church would start a children's program/nursery/children's church?

Our services were about the same, but we would have a kid's moment during service, then the kids would go out of the sanctuary into rooms divided by age group.

If there are enough kids at your church, maybe this is something they could look into?

 

[Christine]

My daughter, at that age, was not very good with going places that required her to sit for long periods of time. She was a very restless/active child and, as a 19 y/o, still is.

All kids are different and sometimes as parents we have to look upon our expectations of how the child should be as "too much" at a particular time. It was hard for me to realize then that, while my best friend had no problems with her child sitting in a grocery store cart for 45 minutes, mine wasn't going to do that.

Oh, I tried to make it all a "learning experience" and that my daughter "should" be able to sit in a cart and be happy for 45 minutes without irritating everyone around her. I finally realized that it just wasn't happening at that stage in her life.

Now that she is 19, she behaves beautifully in the store.

My point to you, OP, is that it could be that your daughter is just not able to handle that much time sitting in church. There are probably 2 year olds that can (I would venture to say not many) but that doesn't mean it's right for her.

I probably wouldn't sit through that until she matures a bit, or as another poster said, I might find a church that has a nursery for younger children.

 

[SaraJayne]

I'm 36 and I wouldn't sit through an hour and 45 min church service.

You need to find a more family friendly church. Two hour church services are not family friendly (especially since they don't have Sunday School or a nursery!).

 

[Minniemouse07]

I agree...1:45 is waaaay too long for a 2yo to do anything, never mind be quiet and still while doing so!

I would either find a different church that includes children in their service, or has a children's room; get a babysitter; switch off weeks w/ dh to attend church; or skip it altogether until your dd is older.

Personally, neither of my kids would have sat through that long of a service routinely at that age...even with all the books and toys I could think of!

 

[smilie]

Sorry, I know she wont' sit for an hour and 45 minutes. That is not what I have an issue with. My issue is that she's not listening. She'll scream and scream louder. It's not just church I have an issue with. I gave that just as an example. I need her to understand that she needs to listen, not that she needs to sit for an hour and 45 minutes.

 

[smilie]

I just can't imagine expecting my DD to be quiet for almost 2 hours without bringing something to occupy her.

I dont' expect this, I said that in my OP. I just want to find a way for her to listen to me, not the service.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

My middle DD was a difficult toddler and I learned to bring earplugs and a book whenever I took her out. When she started to misbehave in public I took her out to the car, strapped her in her carseat, put in my earplugs and let her scream to her little heart's content while I read my book.

She eventually learned that nothing was to be gained by pitching a fit and then she was a joy to take out. Hang in there - it gets better, I promise.

This - if you react in any way, they get what they wanted. They key to ending this quickly is to avoid any reaction.

As for the church thing - most 2 year olds are not capable of what you are asking of her. I would go to a church that has a Sunday School for small children, keeping her out of the service altogether until she is mature enough.

 

[happygirl]

I dont' expect this, I said that in my OP. I just want to find a way for her to listen to me, not the service.

She two, I don't many two years that do listen lol

 

[HelenePA]

I have a 2 yr old (almost 26months) and there is NOTHING on earth that makes him sit for 1:45 nothing. Benadryl maybe? do you have a smart phone? how about getting her some games on it, or a dvd player with headphones? Even then my son prob. wouldn't sit that long... He's always on the go go go.. always. Even in his sleep, he talks, moves around.. the only thing he sits for is food going out to eat is fine with us lol

do you have other children? to be honest asking 2 yr old to sit for 2 hrs is asking a lot from them.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

She two, I don't many two years that do listen lol

This is a really good point that I have to remind myself of many times with my children. You cannot expect a 2 year old to act like a 5 year old, or a 5 year old to act like a 10 year old, or a 10 year old to act like an adult.

They are children. Love them for what they are and don't rush them into the next stage. As tough as the two year old stage was, it was also so wonderful.

 

[smilie]

Maybe I should change my original post? I am NOT asking for ideas on how to make her sit for an hour and 45 minutes. Completely disregard the church situation. I'm having problems with her listening to me in public. Like throwing full blown tantrums in public. How do you discipline in public??

 

[Christine]

Sorry, I know she wont' sit for an hour and 45 minutes. That is not what I have an issue with. My issue is that she's not listening. She'll scream and scream louder. It's not just church I have an issue with. I gave that just as an example. I need her to understand that she needs to listen, not that she needs to sit for an hour and 45 minutes.

Totally normal behavior for many 2 year olds.

As for the church, why do you think she *won't* scream when you tell her to behave. She wants out of there.

For other disciplining times, when you tell her to do something and she starts screaming, there is the old "time out" which never worked for my daughter. She was very headstrong, loud, and the whole time out was an all-out war. In these cases, rewards for prolonged good behavior are a great motivator. For screaming fits, sometimes it's better to turn your back on them and ignore.