Disciplining a 2 year old

[NVDisMom]

You have to leave the public place. You go sit in the car and you turn your back and let them scream it out. No talking, no "rewarding" the tantrum with ANY attention--nothing.

This is it. Take her to the car, strap her into her seat and let her scream until she can't scream any more. You cannot reward the behavior by speaking to her at all, negative, positive or neutral. Squash the urge to tell her she needs to stop screaming, or that she can get out of the seat when she is done, or anything at all. When she is done take her home. Once you are home you can try to explain what she did wrong, and the consequence that ensued. I have found sympathizing at this point works well. This goes for church, the grocery store, restaurants, etc. Be consistent, do it when she is someplace she probably doesn't want to be as well as places that she will be upset leaving, but is misbehaving for whatever reason. Eventually she will put two and two together that her behavior is leading to a time out in the car until she calms herself and then a trip home.

DD2 was the more difficult of my children. We didn't really eat out until she was 3 and a half?! She rarely went shopping with me either. For whatever reason home was her happy place and I happily left her there. It was better for all of us. We called it the terrible twos and the torturous threes. Then it started to get better and we could go do simple outings without a fuss.

Bribery may work too especially as she gets a touch older, but that is a slippery slope that can sometimes backfire. Then you have a temper tantrum because they didn't get the reward they thought they were going to get or you didn't stay at the park long enough or whatever...

Just know that age does bring maturity. Some kids get there more quickly than others. Good luck!

 

[NVDisMom]

Living that he** now. 13 and 11! And guess which child is the bigger head ache? Yep DD2! Repeat offender. The advice of not engaging still works. When she is unreasonable I walk away. Sometimes that does mean the chores stack up, but they wait for her. She has lost many a Saturday because she procrastinated all week to do simple little things. Some weeks she gets it, others not so much. I had to laugh at a recent episode. "Mother, you aren't making me very happy right now" Well, honey my job isn't to make you happy, its to make sure you are a productive, honest and caring citizen of this world. "Whatever"

 

[mhsjax]

My biggest piece of advice to use with teenagers, do not engage. Don't fight back, only try to reason once. Other than that walk away , until all have calmed down. Took me quite awhile not to react to rolling eyes and foot stomps etc, but once I did our home was a happier place. If he rolled his eyes during a discussion, I would walk away and quietly say when you can look at me without making faces we will finish what we are discussing.

HOLY MOLY , it is almost the same thing you do with a 2 yr old .

SHHH don't tell the teenagers I said that, they will only roll their eyes at us.

Your secret is safe with me. I am learning very slowly, not to fight back. It isn't in my nature to lay down. But I am realizing that this is what i have to do.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Almost 2 hours at church is way too long to expect her to sit quietly imo. She is 2. Bring her some snacks and quiet books and when that doesn't work it is time to go. You are setting her up to fail by expecting her to sit for so long. She is too young for that. You are going to have to entertain her for most of the 2 hours or you are going to have to take her out. No amount of punishing is going to give her a longer attention span. Adjust your expectations.

 

[lil mermaid]

. There isnt' a "Sunday School" or child's room at our church. Now, I'm not unreasonable. I know it's not right to ask a 2 year old to sit quietly for an hour and 45 minutes and pay attention. What I would like is to find a common ground. For her to realize there's a time and place for things. I need help!

I haven't read any of the other responses. Just the OP.

Yes, it is completely unreasonable to expect a 2 year old to sit in church for an hour and 45 minutes and pay attention. I'd either find a new church, or talk to whoever I needed to go help get a nursery started.

I truly believe this is a case of unreasonable expectations on your part.

 

[ilovejack02]

Your secret is safe with me. I am learning very slowly, not to fight back. It isn't in my nature to lay down. But I am realizing that this is what i have to do.

Don't think of it as laying down, think of it as out smarting them , because that is what it is .

Those little hormones are itching for a fight and Momma is not gonna play .

 

[mhsjax]

Don't think of it as laying down, think of it as out smarting them , because that is what it is .

Those little hormones are itching for a fight and Momma is not gonna play .

Ah, good point. I never thought of it like that. My DS was so easy, he was hormonal, and may be again, but he would just get quiet and tell me that he needed to be alone for a while, then he came out of his room 30 minutes later and was fine, satan, I mean the girl child. Not so much.

but if not engaging is outsmarting her,(insert evil laugh) I will do this.

 

[mamacatnv]

I'm having problems with her listening to me in public. Like throwing full blown tantrums in public. How do you discipline in public??

Stop what you are doing and deal with the issue right then and there no matter how inconvenient it may be. Children are smart, they know when it is the most inconvenient time for a parent to parent and they take full advantage.

You have to leave the public place. You go sit in the car and you turn your back and let them scream it out. No talking, no "rewarding" the tantrum with ANY attention--nothing.

Excellent advice

I think what frustrates me more is I know how good she can be. I guess every 2 year old needs to test their limits? Sitting her in the car I think would be a good thing. She really reacts positively when she's ignored at home. I just don't know how to do it in a store with a full grocery cart. But I guess you just have to do it.

You will need to be consistent. Being consistent is the key, one sign of weakness or giving in and the you lose!

Great post. Thank you. I really want to teach her what's right. I've seen the outcome of children that were given into and I don't want that for her. She's such an amazing and smart little girl, I want her to keep that and grow into a strong adult.

Remember, she is only 2, you have a lot of years to instill acceptable behavior and you cannot expect instant compliance in every situation.
IMO A parent must establish who is in charge and then reinforce the concept almost daily.

We left restaurants, church, grocery stores, the park, friends houses etc.......I am pretty strict and cannot stand children who cannot or will not behave. With that said I also am a firm believer in picking ones battles. I have no desire to spend all my time engaged in battle with my children. My battles changed depending on the age. When DS was young it was about behavior, when DS was older it was grades and good driving habits. For DD it was behavior when she was young and now at the wonderful age of 12 it is all about keeping her mouth in check!

I highly highly HIGHLY suggest you get the following 2 books by Dr. James Dobson.

The Strong Willed Child
Dare to Discipline

 

[indimom]

Oh you had to go there didn't you. I am in the pits of teenager or preteen he**. She was such a sweet easy baby, she really was. But now, she looks at me like I have 3 heads. And then rolls her eyes.

She will go back to being a sweet girl one day too .
Just gotta let them live. My Mom says to this day that she is so glad she let me live, that I am a joy to be around now .

NOw, I have to go and deal with my pre teen who, I guarantee you, will roll her eyes at me when I give her a few things to do in order to help me for tomorrow. See what you have to look forward to.

This is the exact advice I was given my a mom who won't take crap form anyone, I was shocked when she told me that. I am taking this advice , but it is so hard, she is only 12 and her attitude makes me want to strangle her sometimes. Than others she is great. But thanks for the info. I will use it.

My biggest piece of advice to use with teenagers, do not engage. Don't fight back, only try to reason once. Other than that walk away , until all have calmed down. Took me quite awhile not to react to rolling eyes and foot stomps etc, but once I did our home was a happier place. If he rolled his eyes during a discussion, I would walk away and quietly say when you can look at me without making faces we will finish what we are discussing.

HOLY MOLY , it is almost the same thing you do with a 2 yr old .

SHHH don't tell the teenagers I said that, they will only roll their eyes at us.

Living that he** now. 13 and 11! And guess which child is the bigger head ache? Yep DD2! Repeat offender. The advice of not engaging still works. When she is unreasonable I walk away. Sometimes that does mean the chores stack up, but they wait for her. She has lost many a Saturday because she procrastinated all week to do simple little things. Some weeks she gets it, others not so much. I had to laugh at a recent episode. "Mother, you aren't making me very happy right now" Well, honey my job isn't to make you happy, its to make sure you are a productive, honest and caring citizen of this world. "Whatever"

Your secret is safe with me. I am learning very slowly, not to fight back. It isn't in my nature to lay down. But I am realizing that this is what i have to do.

Don't think of it as laying down, think of it as out smarting them , because that is what it is .

Those little hormones are itching for a fight and Momma is not gonna play .

Ah, good point. I never thought of it like that. My DS was so easy, he was hormonal, and may be again, but he would just get quiet and tell me that he needed to be alone for a while, then he came out of his room 30 minutes later and was fine, satan, I mean the girl child. Not so much.

but if not engaging is outsmarting her,(insert evil laugh) I will do this.

I know this is completely OT, but...



You guys are cracking me up. I have one also and I feel your pain.
It's good to know that someday I may be glad I let her live.

 

[Dr.Girlfriend]

You have to leave the public place. You go sit in the car and you turn your back and let them scream it out. No talking, no "rewarding" the tantrum with ANY attention--nothing.

Exactly this. 2 year olds don't understand how to get their emotions out. My son is like this.

 

[shortbun]

I agree with another poster that you should find another church. Two year olds can maybe sit still for 20 minutes with things to distract them. She is obviously your first two year old. Parents learn with their children so pay close attention, lol! I'm sure your daughter is a normal, happy little girl. As her parent, you must choose your battles so she has a chance to succeed. Your church does not provide that opportunity. Maybe you could start the 'nursery' or 'Sunday school.' Most churches have kids in the church with parents for about 20 minutes then send them to Sunday School which for kids your daughter;s age is about coloring a relifious picture and having a snack.

 

[tink1969]

I dont' expect this, I said that in my OP. I just want to find a way for her to listen to me, not the service.

She is two! The question should not be how to get her to listen to you, but how should YOU expect a two year old to sit and be still/ quiet for almost two hours. That is unreasonable.
I'm sure she is 'listening' to your requests, but she can not yet process the reasoning behind your request. I think you are expecting a little too much from your two year old. I agree with others who say you should consider finding a 'family friendly' church.

 

[superme80]

I feel your pain. DS is almost 2 and trying to get him to sit still for 40 minutes of music and prayer is well...not happening. What is working for us is we take him in with us. Then when he starts to get fussy we try to distract him. This usually takes about 10 minutes. By the 20 or 25 minute mark he has had it and we take him out. Thankfully out church has a nursery so we take him there. Are there any chairs in the lobby where you can hear the sermon and start helping your daughter learn to sit quietly without disturbing anyone? In public I will take DS out. He is usually pretty good, but has his moments where he has a meltdown if he does not get his way. If he is just frustrated I will take him out and talk calmly to him about WHY his behavior is not acceptable and what emotion he is giving into. If he is just bent on having his way then we will leave. I have been doing this for about 4 months and he seems to be doing better. Good luck! I am right there with you!!!!

 

[PollyannaMom]

Honestly, think about whatever it is you" have" to do in public. Does she need to come along? Can you find someone to watch her?

If you do go out, make it short, quick stops. This way you can build on success. Perhaps you can go to the store for 3 items at first (milk, cereal and waffles or something). Get in, get out. This should, in theory, be a quick, painless trip. Finish, and praise, praise, praise!

Do your "big shop" when she doesn't have to come along.

The purpose of the quick trip? To take her out and let her have SUCCESS. Don't set her up to fail by expecting compliance for 45 minutes. Make it 10 minutes. Then slowly increase it.

Pretty soon, your expectations will match what she is developmentally capable of....

Baby steps. Two is, after all, still more babylike than big kidlike.

This sounds like a really good plan!

(And if you are there too long sometime and really have to get her out, explain at the service desk. - A kind manager once put my friend's whole cart in the cold room for her so she could take her screamer home, and then she came back for it while her neighbor watched the little darling.)

I also like the idea of setting expectations beforehand. (Though I always seemed to forget that one myself!)

With DS, I also sometimes did "one for you, one for me" - combining whatever my errand was with some stop he liked.

And as for church, like others said - bring quiet stuff to do (expecially toys she only gets then) and snacks.

 

[HOGFAN]

sorry, but taking them outside and swatting their behind WAS our solution..

 

[mamacatnv]

sorry, but taking them outside and swatting their behind WAS our solution..

Don't apologize, I'm with you on this one but that discussion has been known to get really ugly.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Don't apologize, I'm with you on this one but that discussion has been known to get really ugly.

Spanking a 2 year old because they can't sit still for 2 hours? Really?

 

[mamacatnv]

Spanking a 2 year old because they can't sit still for 2 hours? Really?

Perhaps you should read the entire thread including the part where the OP says take the church scenario out of the equation and asks how to get her child to listen and obey.

 

[disney1990]

I will take a 2 or 3 year old anytime.

TEENAGER is a 2 year old on hormones. Ouch!!!

 

[MushyMushy]

I will take a 2 or 3 year old anytime.

TEENAGE is a 2 year old on hormones. Ouch!!!

And I'll take the teenager on hormones over a 6'1" 200 pound 79 year old who's regressing to a 3 year old.