disappointed in a friend/coworker

[HOGFAN]

not gonna make life for her harder. love her too much to do that but have to be a manager.

 

[tasha99]

You seem really angry and making life herder for her at work on purpose does not sound like the making of a good manager.

Or a good friend (esp if this is coming from the doctor and the nurse).

 

[lillygator]

not sure, I know the nurse saw the memo i sent out. Friend,nurse and doctor were in a procedure together. Nurse asked friend(in front of doctor) if the memo affected her. Next thing I know nurse and doctor blindsided me.

friend is not a nurse. I am gonna make sure that she goes to 36, at least. Leaving an hour here and there, coming in an hour late, taking a long lunch, I can make it work. Her workload does vary a little bit from day to day. If she is so friggin valuable, then I dont see how I can possibly let her take any vacation,leave early for doctors appointments, call in sick, or anything else(sarcasm). I know part of her is trying to save her paid time off and preserve her paycheck. who of us doesnt have bills or want to take a vacation? She also knows that this will make it more difficult for me to be a manager. I will just do what I can and forget about the rest!!! Thanks for everyones opinion, even the harsh ones. I wont be looking for another job, been there over ten years, get paid very well, and have about 6 weeks vacation built up so Im not really worried about cutting back a little. I have very good friendships that I have built up over the years and this is not enough to drive me off. Everything will work out.

holy cow.....would so not want to be your friend. But hey I may be a bit upset if my skills were being overshadowed by someone they can't live without.

 

[Minnie]

not gonna make life for her harder. love her too much to do that but have to be a manager.

this is not being a good manager or a good friend

seriously, u need to reconsider how u are going to manage this situation. u will be the one looking like well the back end of a donkey

 

[tinah159]

One thing that will help you tremendously in your career is if you stop confusing "fair" with "same". Being fair does not mean you treat everyone the same. If the directive came from above to cut hours you should have started by prioritizing people in the various jobs and determining where the cuts could be made. If there are 3 people that do her same job and she is the best you start by preserving her hours and cutting back on the other two. If there are 96 hours/week to split in that job, she gets the first 40 and the other 2 split the remaining hours or if one of the other two are that much better, they get 32 hours and the other gets what is left. You will find you will maintain the most productivity this way. If those that get their hours cut are not happy, they are free to find another job.

Treating people fairly means they all get the same chance to prove themselves. You have a classic case of this going on in your office right now-you have one person that has far exceeded everyone else in her position and thus she should be rewarded and retained.

Also, it seems silly to not keep your office manager. you, on full time when you can step in a fill other spots where others can not.

I think in this situation you could have saved yourself a lot of worry if you had approached this from more of a business perspective vs trying to treat everyone the same. Doing a unilateral cut of EVERYONE's hours was just shooting yourself in the foot from the get go.

 

[lillygator]

not gonna make life for her harder. love her too much to do that but have to be a manager.

your last post sure doesn't make it sound that way. Good luck tomorrow.

 

[handinpocket]

You seem really angry and making life herder for her at work on purpose does not sound like the making of a good manager.

The OP posted about wanting to end this friendship a couple months ago. Apparently, the friend wanted to keep a strictly business relationship at work and the OP didn't like that. Judging from that alone, I doubt we are getting the whole story here.

I think the OP would be doing her friend a favor to cut ties. You know the old saying "with friends like these, who needs enemies?"

 

[srferson]

The OP posted about wanting to end this friendship a couple months ago. Apparently, the friend wanted to keep a strictly business relationship at work and the OP didn't like that.

Oh. That's telling. Perhaps it is time for the friendship part of that relationship to come to a close...

 

[lillygator]

The OP posted about wanting to end this friendship a couple months ago. Apparently, the friend wanted to keep a strictly business relationship at work and the OP didn't like that. Judging from that alone, I doubt we are getting the whole story here.

I think the OP would be doing her friend a favor to cut ties. You know the old saying "with friends like these, who needs enemies?"

Oh. That's telling. Perhaps it is time for the friendship part of that relationship to come to a close...

very telling...

 

[Allison]

your last post sure doesn't make it sound that way. Good luck tomorrow.

I was thinking the same thing.

 

[disykat]

I still don't understand why the fact that the doctor and nurse think she's too valuable to lose is her fault.

I've pretty much thought this from the first, but with your last post it was confirmed. I think the word "friend" here is not the right word. It's more like someone at work you are very resentful of and wish would go away.

 

[srferson]

When you're really frustrated with a situation it's pretty easy to misdirect that frustration. At first. I was hoping the OP would cool down and see that it was being misdirected. Her beef should be with the doctor and/or nurse, or herself for mishandling things a bit, or upper management if they support what she thinks is a wrong decision. Not with her friend. Unfortunately, it seems she still hasn't come to that realization.

Hopefully I'm wrong...

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I still don't understand why the fact that the doctor and nurse think she's too valuable to lose is her fault.

I've pretty much thought this from the first, but with your last post it was confirmed. I think the word "friend" here is not the right word. It's more like someone at work you are very resentful of and wish would go away.

I can only speak for myself--but in my work experience and in my husband's work experience, you don't need to bring the "valued employee" whom you are trying to get "extra" things for into a meeting to discuss it.

Usually--employee either asks for it directly and then that person will elevate it if needed and go through the proper protocol

OR

A superior notices something--and will request on that employee's behalf.


I have never in any career that I have had nor any career that my husband has had--witnessed a situation as the OP has described where the employee is brought in and had nothing to do with initiating it. To me--it screams set up and I can't believe that the employee had nothing to do with it. It is just so odd.

But it does seem that this entire relationship is inappropriate and the OP indeed sounds resentful. But I do have to wonder, if she has a valid reason for being resentful.

What I can't understand that if her feelings are valid--why she still adores this person, yet wants to in some way make her work life a bit tough. It seems the puzzle pieces are not fitting.


The doctor and nurse were not losing an employee. They just wouldn't get her as much as they would like. They IMHO--did not go about approaching this matter in the correct way at all if it was as simple as that.

 

[crashbb]

I can only speak for myself--but in my work experience and in my husband's work experience, you don't need to bring the "valued employee" whom you are trying to get "extra" things for into a meeting to discuss it.

Usually--employee either asks for it directly and then that person will elevate it if needed and go through the proper protocol

OR

A superior notices something--and will request on that employee's behalf.


I have never in any career that I have had nor any career that my husband has had--witnessed a situation as the OP has described where the employee is brought in and had nothing to do with initiating it. To me--it screams set up and I can't believe that the employee had nothing to do with it. It is just so odd.

But it does seem that this entire relationship is inappropriate and the OP indeed sounds resentful. But I do have to wonder, if she has a valid reason for being resentful.

What I can't understand that if her feelings are valid--why she still adores this person, yet wants to in some way make her work life a bit tough. It seems the puzzle pieces are not fitting.


The doctor and nurse were not losing an employee. They just wouldn't get her as much as they would like. They IMHO--did not go about approaching this matter in the correct way at all if it was as simple as that.

But the OP (not the nurse, doctor, OR friend) planned the meeting. The doctor and/nurse went to the OP, without the friend, to discuss keeping her on. It was the OP who decided to bring the friend in for a meeting. I agree that the meeting was weird (and a bad idea), but it was the OP's idea. She wasn't set up.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

But the OP (not the nurse, doctor, OR friend) planned the meeting. The doctor and/nurse went to the OP, without the friend, to discuss keeping her on. It was the OP who decided to bring the friend in for a meeting. I agree that the meeting was weird (and a bad idea), but it was the OP's idea. She wasn't set up.

Mismanaged in all areas.

Unsure of why the OP would have done that.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

But the OP (not the nurse, doctor, OR friend) planned the meeting. The doctor and/nurse went to the OP, without the friend, to discuss keeping her on. It was the OP who decided to bring the friend in for a meeting. I agree that the meeting was weird (and a bad idea), but it was the OP's idea. She wasn't set up.

I think the OP was setting up the "friend".

Being a manager for many, many years, I still can't wrap my head around the idea that the OP called an impromptu meeting with the "friend" without having consulted her superiors first or coming to some kind of agreement with the dr and nurse first.

The OP sat in that meeting, which she called, and let the Dr and Nurse tell the friend how good she was and that they wanted her to keep her hours. And then expected the friend to turn down the offer. By not being a manager herself, she forced "the friend" to have to choose between her career and the team/friendship. And now the OP is p'od because the friend did not choose her. This is one of the most unprofessional things I have ever heard.

The OP created a situation where "the friend" can't win no matter what she does. The OP created a situation, by not making the decision herself with her superiors, to make sure that the friend is now disliked by the rest of her group. The OP manipulated the situation to make sure "the friend" looked like she was not a team player.

The "friend" was set up by the OP, not the other way around.

 

[allison443]

all good posts and thoughts. The doctor has a contract with the hospital, not an owner nor employee.

If my friend does get to keep her hours, I WILL go on the record for saying that I disagree on principal and fairness. We have some folks in our department in a really bad way financially already and to ask them to sacrifice and not her is SO WRONG, in my opinion.

This is a slippery slope though. Do you really think decisions can be made based on employees' personal financial situations? Then it becomes a matter of who has kids versus who is childless, which man has a stay at home wife and kids versus a woman whose husband also works, etc. Plus how do you know everyone's true financial situation?

 

[Carly_Roach]

all good posts and thoughts. The doctor has a contract with the hospital, not an owner nor employee.

If my friend does get to keep her hours, I WILL go on the record for saying that I disagree on principal and fairness. We have some folks in our department in a really bad way financially already and to ask them to sacrifice and not her is SO WRONG, in my opinion.

As far as my position, to be honest, some weeks I wont be able to(meetings, deadlines,etc) but I will try to contribute as much as I can.

I guess my main gripe is with my friend who so quickly jumped on the opportunity to dodge the cutback, especially knowing her coworkers are sacrificing. To me it speaks volumes about her character.

One thing that has been drummed into me time and time again at new managers meetings is that you have to treat everyone fairly.

Sorry OP, but I would have jumped on the opportunity to dodge the cutback as well. My first priority is to my family and our budget. Friends don't pay my mortgage or buy my groceries. If I'm the best, you can bet I'm going to use that particular card.

As far as treating everyone fairly, experience has taught me that companies and bosses (even those who you think are your friends) won't give a ripe fart to fairness if it comes down to their own bottom line. They'll lay you off in a heart beat if their financial condition would improve. While it's unfortunate, we as individuals must the same cutthroat tack if we're going to get through this Recession with our houses and families intact.

I can't fault your friend and wouldn't think less of her character. If she's got the skills to go elsewhere, then "making it fair" by cutting her hours will mean that the practice you work for may lose her. Obviously the professionals who run the practice agree and made an exception to keep this better-than-average worker.

 

[Skywalker]

It seems like you are having a very hard time keeping this professional. Also, you sound jealous of your friend.

 

[Allison]

Sorry OP, but I would have jumped on the opportunity to dodge the cutback as well. My first priority is to my family and our budget. Friends don't pay my mortgage or buy my groceries. If I'm the best, you can bet I'm going to use that particular card.

As far as treating everyone fairly, experience has taught me that companies and bosses (even those who you think are your friends) won't give a ripe fart to fairness if it comes down to their own bottom line. They'll lay you off in a heart beat if their financial condition would improve. While it's unfortunate, we as individuals must the same cutthroat tack if we're going to get through this Recession with our houses and families intact.

I can't fault your friend and wouldn't think less of her character. If she's got the skills to go elsewhere, then "making it fair" by cutting her hours will mean that the practice you work for may lose her. Obviously the professionals who run the practice agree and made an exception to keep this better-than-average worker.

I agree. If the superiors told me they wanted me to keep my current schedule, I certainly would.

I don't blame the coworker in this.

OP-Is this management role the one you were promoted to in the last month or so? I seem to remember you talking about this and the relationship with your coworker. I'm just curious how much experience you have dealing with these kinds of issues and specifically with the group of people.