This amused me, so I thought I'd share it. 2007 diet horoscopes (not that I really believe in this stuff, but part of mine was spot on - Cancer).
Aries:
(March 21 - April 19)
Aries is ruled by Mars, the planet of physical movement, and so exercise will always be your preferred method of staying in shape. If you let your fitness program slide during the holidays, it's a matter of getting back into your regular workout schedule. That may be easier said than done, because things are getting very hectic at work. However, do make the time. You'll be much more effective on the job if you do.
Taurus:
(April 20 - May 20)
There's a strong possibility that you're on vacation in January, which could be good or bad news for your diet good, if you're trekking in Nepal; bad, if you're lying around on a cruise ship sipping margaritas. If it's the latter, check out the shipboard activities and get moving. No matter where you are, exercise is your fastest route to shedding unwanted pounds. If nothing else, get out of your car and walk.
Gemini:
(May 21 - June 21)
With Jupiter in your health sector last year, you may have gone into the holidays a little heavy to start with. Now that the Big Guy has moved on, you can lose the love handles. As it turns out, the best way may be your favorite indoor sport (no, not Internet surfing), as Mars is in your sector of passion and intimacy for six weeks starting January 16. Then, you could always go jogging.
Cancer:
(June 22 - July 22)
Poor Moon Baby, are the seams of your jeans leaving imprints on your thighs? Of all the signs, you are the most likely to hold water. With Jupiter in your health sector, this will be an ongoing battle in 2007, so you'll need to avoid salty foods. And while it doesn't seem logical, drinking lots of water will help. If you get discouraged because you can't lose as quickly as you'd like, resist the temptation to just give up and dive into a bag of chips.
Leo:
(July 23 - August 22)
You were totally unrestrained over the holidays, and it sure felt good! It's been way too long since you've felt the warmth and good cheer that are as necessary to you as food and water. But yes, it had consequences for your figure, and now it's time for a little discipline. Fortunately, you'll have no trouble finding it. Just be sure to keep moving and don't let inertia get the better of you, or the pounds will come creeping back on.
Virgo:
(August 23 - September 22)
With Neptune in your health zone, you may be tempted to try the latest fad diet, even if you didn't gain weight over the holidays. The last thing you need is another diet! Of all the signs, you are the most obsessed with what you put in your body, sometimes to the irritation of everyone around you. Your best bet is to eat a sensible, varied diet and to exercise in moderation.
Libra:
(September 23 - October 22)
With all the running around you did during the holidays, you might have lost weight, but you weren't eating right, either. Libra's keyword is "balance," and that's what you need to get back. A balanced diet and regular eating habits will help. Since Libra is notoriously lazy when it comes to cooking, enlist the help of your sweetie or stock up on low-fat frozen entrees. Be sure to set aside time to relax and enjoy your meal.
Scorpio:
(October 23 - November 21)
You overindulged big-time this holiday season, but it had less to do with eating than with shopping and lavishing gourmet goodies on your loved ones. That may include a new sweetie. If so, you're lovesick and off your food. Whatever your circumstances, your challenge is to maintain some semblance of stability and to eat properly. Yoga, stretching, and gentle exercises such as walking are better for you now than power workouts at the gym.
Sagittarius:
(November 22 - December 21)
There's good news and bad news for you, Sag. The good news is that, with Jupiter in your sign for most of 2007, you will succeed in everything you do . . . well, almost everything. The bad news is that success will go straight to your hips. Unless you're prepared to eat like a Tibetan monk (and you're not), just accept the few extra pounds and resolve to lose it all next year.
Capricorn:
(December 22 - January 19)
Of all the signs, you will have the easiest time trimming down after the holidays. With Mars entering Capricorn on January 16, exercise will be your best bet, and you'll actually want to do it! Hiking, biking, swimming, or working out on the stair climber will all be enjoyable. You've also got the benefit of the New Moon in your sign on January 18 to make a fresh start. We should all be so lucky.
Aquarius:
(January 20 - February 18)
You were the consummate party animal this season, and now you're feeling it! Fortunately, planetary influences in January support you in a good detox regimen to undo all that damage. Consult your alternative healthcare practitioner (probably the only kind you have) for the cleansing diet that is best for your body and blood type. Be sure to schedule some down time when you start, as you may feel tired and achy for a couple of days.
Pisces:
(February 19 - March 20)
Over the holidays, you may have given new meaning to "drinks like a fish." With Jupiter at the top of your chart and a concentration of planets in your career zone, you had plenty of occasions to network over drinks and enough stress to make you want to drink heavily! Well, now it's time to stop. It's not doing your mental health any good, and it's extremely fattening. Cut out the alcohol for a few weeks, and watch the extra pounds melt away.
to all the peeps.
You would think that their "legal dept." would have had somebody to oversee this. I know she probably never thought that she could die from her activity. She was probably very proud of herself for drinking the two gallons of water, and hoping to bring home the Wii to her kids. Such a shame.
I guess I need some rest too. See ya' tomorrow.
Just like butter in your mouth. But I know what you mean.
We can do it!! 
