Dis Breast Cancer Survivors Part IV - GAGWTA

[smiley_face2]

Had my 6 month mammo today, go for bloodwork tomorrow, then get to spend the next 8 nights having bad sleeps till I see the onc for results. I hate waiting!! I took a painkiller this time before so it was not as bad, but still made me clench my teeth!
going tomorrow to pick out and order flooring, and pick up some boxes to do some sorting and packing up stuff, I am so excited to be getting it done....it will be good to have a big project going on to keep my mind occupied, and hopefully get me so tired out I can sleep!!
Snappy....Love the sound of what you are doing! everything here is in full bloom right now, magnolias, ornamental cherries, rhododendrons and azaleas, daffodils and tulips....it is so beautiful!

 

[CherylDan]

Thought I'd pop in for a quick update ......just spent another three days in the hospital, came home yesterday. Blood counts were a mess and of course I was dehydrated again, despite going in for fluids. Even ended up getting a blood transfusion due to low hemoglobin levels. And then today I started all over again with the vomiting and diarrhea. I'm growing very weary of all this. Seeing my oncologist on Thursday, I hope we come up with a new treatment plan that I can better tolerate.

 

[snappy]

Cheryl,

So sorry about the vomiting and diarrhea. I hope you are able to stay out of the hospital this time.

Good luck tomorrow and please keep letting us know how you are doing.

 

[snappy]

Smiley, I had my diagnostic mammogram yesterday too. Even got a discount for only needing one side done!

Good luck waiting for results, here we find out immediately as one radiologist reads them before you get dressed and leave, another one reads them afterwards to confirm.

I got the all clear but I did hold my breath for a minute when one of the staff called me into a consultation room. She did not identify herself, and she was not the tech, so I did not have a clue whether she was the radiologist or not.

All was well, but I really think it would have been better if she had said, I am nurse XXX. I think maybe a survivor should suggest the protocols in these clinics. By the way this is the local Women's hospital and they specialize in births and breast stuff. You would think this could be handled a little more sensitively by I guess you have to have lived this to understand the trepidation involved in thinking you are being brought into a room to be told you are looking at further testing.

Am I over thinking this?

 

[luvmarypoppins]

Cheryl - sorry to hear you had to be in the hosp. and that you are dealing with all these issues. Hope the visit goes well with the onc. tomm. and you can get a plan you are both comfortable with. Thinking of you.

Linda - so sorry about Woody.

Laurie - how are your feet? Glad your results were good. Yes, I think techs etc. should realize how a patient thinks is different from how they think etc.

smiley - so sorry you have to wait so long. Yes as Laurie said we usually know results right away here etc. Only thing I ever have to wait for is biopsies and they usually take a week. Your project sounds ambitious and wonderful. I wish things would bloom here. They are just starting.

Well I hurt my r knee again. I have been having to be so careful. I used the knee brace for a while and cant sit at the kitchen table until something is
done. I think a higher chair or one with handles is in order or a cushion etc.
Also dh wants to buy me one of those lift chairs. I am sure all of this will just be putting off the inevitable eventual knee replacement. Remember how I commented that when I had the knee xray I scared the tech when she heard my knee creaking etc.

Dh has been gone to calif. since monday. The only good thing is the ff miles. I wish he would not travel so much but such is life.

I am in the midst of rescheduling my reclast infusion for next month. I am also so behind on getting the sono too.

GAGWTA. Thinking of you all.

 

[smiley_face2]

Cheryl I am so sorry you are suffering with your treatment. Believe me I know how you are feeling. trips to the hospital in between treatments to manage the side effect I sure hope they can work out something that is not so hard on you.
snappy, and Lmp.... I had to wait this time because of having it done somewhere else....a hospital as apposed to the Cancer agency (changed oncologists because the last one was horrible, new one is not based in the cancer agency)....they always used to tell me right away there. The one good thing I guess is that I have never had to pay a penny for any of my treatments or scans or anything.....as it is, my own family dr got the results in and phoned me to let me know!! diagnostic mammo looks good....just an oil cyst at the base of the surgery where the seroma used to be....and the one tumor marker that was up at the borderline, has gone back down! (from 25 to 21) so it was awesome news! I almost want to phone my oncologist in the city and cancel the appointment now....but he probably would not like that! I think maybe we will go out for a nice dinner to celebrate.
the weather here was beautiful again today, I have been getting back out in the yard cleaning out my pond, must have scooped at least a full wheelbarrow if not 2 of debris and leaves out of there!! and today I repaired the pump that broke this winter and cleaned out the filter box that has not been done for at least 5 years!! It was hard work, but it felt so good to be out there in the sun with the energy to get it done!
Monday morning the contractor starts! eeeek!! I have ordered in the flooring and tiles, new stainless steel chimney style range hood is on its way, and the stove I want just went on sale for $650 less!! hurray! its a frigedaire gallery gas convection stove....so excited, pretty soon my kitchen will finally be finished too! While picking out flooring I checked and the cost to do the rest of the house wont be as much as I thought so next year we will just get it all done at once instead of dragging it out over 2 years. its 2600 sq ft, minus the 2 rooms being done now, so I didn't think we could afford to do it all at once but the stuff I like is cheaper than I thought! nice change!!!

 

[Feralpeg]

Cheryl, I am so sorry you've been feeling so bad. I hope the doctors find some relief for you soon!

Snappy and Smiley, waiting is the pits! Hope you get positive news soon!

Things are going well here. The new kitten is home. So far, he won't venture out of the carrier, but we aren't pushing him. He is still recovering from being fixed and has been through a great deal since we found him. Luna has been so good. She sniffs around the carrier, but hasn't tired to bother him. Better yet, he hasn't seemed that bothered by her. Hoping they will bond!

Ladies, Wishing the best for you all! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

 

[smiley_face2]

Cheryl, I am so sorry you've been feeling so bad. I hope the doctors find some relief for you soon!

Snappy and Smiley, waiting is the pits! Hope you get positive news soon!

Things are going well here. The new kitten is home. So far, he won't venture out of the carrier, but we aren't pushing him. He is still recovering from being fixed and has been through a great deal since we found him. Luna has been so good. She sniffs around the carrier, but hasn't tired to bother him. Better yet, he hasn't seemed that bothered by her. Hoping they will bond!

Ladies, Wishing the best for you all! My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Both Snappy and I did have good results..... it was mixed into my long winded post! Lol.... mammo clear and tumor markers down to within normal range Snappy also had good news! Like my mom used to say "clear as mud and covers the ground"

 

[snappy]

Sadly, Snappy has not improved since she had a third hydration done Wednesday. I took her to see the vet Wednesday since she lost her appetite even for her chicken and rice. I think we should have had the vet come yesterday but we had DD18's graduation photos scheduled in the afternoon, after a trip to get her hair cut. I am sorry now I did not arrange for the vet to come over last night.

Yesterday Snappy did take two short walks and seemed to enjoy them. I noticed she was coughing the night before and even while we were walking some. More coughing this morning.

We have grieved as much as we can since November. We have had many family discussions in the last few days, so I think we are all resigned and as much at peace as possible. The clinic closes at four so I am hoping the vet will come over afterwards. If she can't we will have to bring her in today, but during the long conversation I had with this wonderful vet, she said she makes this a priority in her practice. I think she will come tonight.

This is hardest for me, as Snappy is completely devoted to me, but I have to say DH, DD18 and DS 25 are all sad too. They have comforted me to no end.

Both DD34 and my brother Tom have said their goodbyes when they were here in the last few months, and my mom and my sister and brother were at our house for Easter and I am grateful Snappy was up and about just 6 days ago.

At this point though, I will not let Snappy suffer any longer.

What gifts she has given us. I have been journaling all the special moments we have had with her over the years, I actually started that back when she first got sick in November. I have more things to write though, there have been so many it is amazing.

Sorry to post such heart break here, as I have unburdened myself here before, and I do not like to bring everyone down. Instead, help me celebrate my great good fortune to have Snappy give me such joy for over 14 years. I think you all understand my connection with this wonderful little being. She has ministered to me over the years in countless ways with her great big heart, today I minister to her. One last gift I can give her.

Love to you all.

 

[snappy]

Looks like the vet can't make it today. She is tentatively coming out on Monday. This is going to be a long weekend.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Laurie I know how hard this is. You are doing the right thing. I wish there was something more I could say but there really is nothing other than to say I an totally empathize, as can so many others here. Your Snappy is such a fortunate girl to have you and your family loving and caring for her. I got a book the other day (at the pet crematory; there with our hamster). It was written by a Friar with a religious tone, and I liked what he had to say. He talked about heaven not being a past, present or future, but an "eternal now". And that because we are (or will be) supremely happy in Heaven, if what it takes to make us happy is being with our beloved pets, then that is how it will be. I liked that, and do believe that we will see our pets again. With that said, once again, I think this helps a lot in the days leading up to "the vet coming":

FROM FRIEND TO FRIEND

You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.

But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.

So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic, that will
Once more make me whole.

The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it's the only way.

That strength is why I've followed you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years...
My partner 'til the end.

Please, understand just what this gift,
You're giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost,
And all my dignity.

You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it too.

So one last time, I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you,
To now grant me this appeal.

Cut the leash that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady dog,
My pain and struggle done.

And don't despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I'll stay.

I'll be there watching over you,
Your ever faithful friend,
And in your memories I'll run,
...a young dog once again.

www.petloss.com

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I also wanted to thank everyone for your good thoughts and prayers for us with our situation with Woody, our hamster, recently. I'm sure the whole thing was more difficult for all of us here because we know we're facing this with our dog, too, and it almost seems like to much to bear sometimes.

Cheryl, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm glad others had good results.

 

[snappy]

Thanks for always saying exactly what I need to hear, Linda. And for posting that poem again. I read it just now and it gave me peace.

I imagined that losing woody when you are facing a decision where your girl is concerned must be heart rending.

I was thinking earlier today about something I read in that book you recommended to me years ago. I can't remember the name of that book, I lent it to a co worker and it was never returned. Do you recall the name? I would like to order another copy. The author spoke eloquently about how having a family dog provides the chance for the children to learn about compassion and caring. At this point I realize that even though this stage of being a dog owner is difficult, it also offers a chance for us to grieve together and grow with our kids. We are having the conversations we need to have together. And we will heal together. Snappy will continue to give us gifts tha I had not even anticipated.

Let me know the name again of that book if you remember.

Thanks

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I am not sure which book you mean. Was it Dog Heaven?

 

[snappy]

No, I don't think it was a book about dogs' final days. May have been a book you recommended when we got Naj and had trouble integrating her into the family. Maybe I dreamed up that you recommended it. Very possible. I probably ordered it from amazon. I'll check my ordering history.

Thanks.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I always recommend Good Owners, Great Dogs by Brian Kilcommons and Sara Wilson, and their other titles as well. Maybe it was one of those. (I just got their puppy DVD myself.) Let me know, now I'm curious. How is Snappy doing today?

 

[snappy]

That was it! I recognized it immediately!

She ate a small amount of lightly cooked salmon. No appetite for even her beloved cheese.

She is not having to go outside much so not too much gastro discomfort I think.

I would say she has little energy and just wants to sleep. She was doing this little choking /coughing thing during the night on and off. Like she is trying to clear her throat. I heard than some the last couple days but more during the night.

I have not gotten a confirmation yet about Monday. I wonder if it is a mistake to wait until Monday. I was just talking to my brother Tom and he said we could try and use another vet. Not sure if I could find another that would come to our house.

I am struggling.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I like to think my pets are most comfortable with the vets we know, although one time we were forced to use an unknown vet to put our dog to sleep, also at home. (Long story.) Sometimes if I need my vet to know something, I leave a message on their answering machine. I know they listen to them after hours. Maybe you could do that and tell them what you're thinking, that way they know about Monday and might even call you or offer to come tomorrow or something if they think it's necessary. There are also mobile vets who go places in a van, etc. I'm sorry this is so tough. If she's not struggling to breathe, or in pain, she should be ok until Monday.

 

[snappy]

Not struggling to breathe. Hard to say if she is in pain. They gave me pain meds for her a while back. Have not had to use them.

The tech just called me. She spoke to the vet and she is coming Monday at 5:30. DD 18, DH and DS25 all want to be present and will be able to on Monday.

I am also in daily contact with DD 23 who is very supportive.

If Snappy takes a turn for the worse, I'll call and leave a message. That is a good idea.

I too would like to think it's better to use a vet we have known for awhile. In the back of my mind I wonder if it is better more for my comfort level than for snappy's.

If I am overly emotional or agitated Snappy might sense it? I don't know, I think she may be beyond that now.

I am concerned about my emotion upsetting her, now and up and until she passes on. How can I submerge that so there is no chance she senses my distress?

Time to turn to prayer.

 

[snappy]

Snappy is sleeping peacefully right now. I am going to try to do the same.