Difficulty Receiving Gifts

[Lewski709]

I have always had difficulties receiving gifts. I don't ask for anything and tell people not to get me anything. I buy what I want, when I want it.....pretty much, but really not enough. I love to give to others and take care of me last. While I do appreciate others thinking of me, apparently I am not good at hiding or disguising my feelings about getting gifts I don't like. I often re-gift a lot!

The biggest problem is DH tries so hard and 75% of the time fails. He says he wants me to tell him, but I always feel I am hurting him when I do. If I am not honest by saying I don't like it, it isn't me, isn't big enough or it is too small.....he knows anyway because I won't use it, put it out, wear it....whatever.

This year I said.....no gifts, but last night he went out anyhow. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I feel Christmas has turned into just buying someone a present. I think sometimes people go out looking for gifts to spend money on, without thought. They buy something just so you have something to open, not because they actually think you want or will like it. Have to get her/him a gift.....ah...this'll do. I don't agree with that.

Does any of this make sense? What's my problem? I am a bad receiver. What can I do?

 

[caitycaity]

What can I do?

if your dh gets you something you don't like, suck it up and wear it/use it anyways.

 

[Lewski709]

he knows and so do other people. I am really going to try HARD to disguise any feelings other than thankfulness.

 

[caitycaity]

then come up with a list of things you'll like...there has to be something.

 

[Lewski709]

I figured this would come up. I have given lists and quit because people did not buy from the list. When asked what I want/need, I usually say a gift certificate. Even I hate giving gift certificates though. I feel they are so impersonal, so I have gone to getting gifts with gift receipts.

 

[MHopkins2]

Have you tried the donation to charity route? IMO this is a good direction in which to steer those wellmeaning but hopelessly bad gift-givers. "I would be honoured if you'd make a donation in my name to Siamese Rescue of Virginia - how thoughtful of you to ask me what I'd like this year!" The nice part about this is, it works even for people who are uncomfortable giving cash or gift cards, because the certificates / thank you notes typically just say "A gift was received in your honour" without stating the amount. It's probably too late to "save" you from your DH's efforts this year, though.

 

[mus muris asinus]

Either give him an idea of what you like or act like you like it when you don't. Sounds like the poor guy is trying hard -- give him a break, most men wouldn't try that hard.

 

[Lewski709]

That's a nice idea. Thank you. For next year, I will try to remember this! In fact, maybe I can start telling people to get me a scarf and mittens and take them to the Hope Rescue Mission for the homeless.

 

[MHopkins2]

Originally posted by mus muris asinus
Either give him an idea of what you like or act like you like it when you don't. Sounds like the poor guy is trying hard -- give him a break, most men wouldn't try that hard.

It sounds like she's doing her best acting job already, and it isn't working. Some people just aren't good at the acting thing. I don't read it as, "That JERK! Look at this crap he bought me!" but rather as a genuine, "How can I manage not to hurt his feelings when I just plain don't happen to like what he bought?"

 

[caitycaity]

if you give people lists and they don't buy off the lists, i doubt the charity thing will work either.

 

[MHopkins2]

Originally posted by caitycaity
if you give people lists and they don't buy off the lists, i doubt the charity thing will work either.

You're right of course, that's always going to be a possibility. Here are the two things I like about this route though:

1) It solves the "but you'll know how much I spent!" problem.
2) It's harder for someone to say, "But I don't WANT to give money to charity." than, "You don't really NEED that Christina Aguilera CD. I'm sure you'll like this hand crocheted TP holder so much more!" You've gotta love it when the guilt factor plays to your advantage.

 

[caitycaity]

i'm just saying that b/c in the past i've suggested the charity route to people and i always hear: "but i want to buy something for YOU!"

 

[MHopkins2]

Originally posted by caitycaity
i'm just saying that b/c in the past i've suggested the charity route to people and i always hear: "but i want to buy something for YOU!"

Bummer! Maybe the people I've used it on just have a thicker guilt-streak??

 

[Lewski709]

Did you see my post on the worst gift ever thread MHopkins2? ZI posted that as being the worst gift I ever received......funny coincidence????

And correct, I am not trying to be mean about getting a gift. I posted to ask for help because I am trying to be genuinely appreciative and need help.

I would never make it as an actor and can't stand fake people. I am honest to a fault, but I try to be gentle with my honesty as to not hurt people. Sometimes I have to think about how to say things for a while before saying them.....as a supervisor at my job, I have also learned that I need to put myself in their shoes too and imagine how I would like to be told about something rather than just saying it without considering others feelings.

 

[FreshTressa]

I kind of have the same problem.

Start a collection of something.....snow globes, ceramic frogs, penguins, roosters, pansies, fairies, or whatever you kind of like.

Then tell people you want that. They will think of you everytime they see that item somewhere and you will keep getting more of that item. Buy a little table or shelf to put them on in your house somewhere and then everyone can see just how much you enjoy their tacky little gift.

Wont work with DH, but will for others. It makes gift giving and receiving easy for both sides.

Only downside is you will have a little shelf of tacky ceramic frogs or something in your house, but hey, everyone will have happy feelings.

 

[MHopkins2]

Originally posted by Lewski709
Did you see my post on the worst gift ever thread MHopkins2? I posted that as being the worst gift I ever received......funny coincidence????

I saw that post, but what's funny is I had no idea it was you - I just remembered someone posting about such a dorky gift. LOL!

 

[Lanshark]

How about an extra nice evening out?

Maybe you could go out with him and help pick your own gift out.

 

[moinab]

I am with you 100%!! My DH is very loving and sweet and wants to buy me anything I want, all year long. The problem is, I have very few wants. I get to stay at home with my two beautiful children. That's his best gift to me. It's hard to get him to see it that way, though.

He has been nagging me all week to tell him what to buy me for Christmas. I have tried very earnestly to explain to him that I don't want anything. We are already buying the Sopranos 4th season DVD set as a gift to each other, and are buying FL resident seasonal passes for WDW. Money is really tight now, and I can't see the point spending anything extra just so I have "something to open on Christmas," even though I will know exactly what it is because I had to tell him what to buy. I've also tried to explain that the most enjoyable part of Christmas morning will be watching the kids. And that it is important to me that we celebrate Christmas as Christ's birth, not a frenzy of presents.

When I do give him a list, his taste is, umm, not great. Last year, I told him I could use some pajamas. He bought the most awful, red and purple plaid pajamas (maybe they'd look good on someone else, but I don't own a single piece of red clothing. It's just not a good color for me.) I can't act to save my life, so he knows immediately how I feel, but I do wear them all the time, and even wore them in the hospital after DD was born. I think that helped make him feel better about it.

It's a fine line, and I haven't figured it out yet, so I don't have any advice. Just wanted to let you know I understand what you're going through. I'm going shopping today (DH's birthday is Sunday), and I'm going to try real hard to find something that I can tell him to go buy for me. (Kind of a gift from me to him )