I went through something similar. The second Christmas that I left my mother's home in tears my husband put his foot down. He won't tell me what I can do but he was adamant that if I chose to go the next year it would be without him or our son- that he could not put the kid through that again.
He was right and I needed him to set that boundary. Your husband has given you a gift. Your mother is a grown woman and can make her own holiday plans. You are not required to do this every year.
My DD did the same thing with her DH family. They were terrible to Jeff, and ignored their DD. She told him she would never come between him and his family, but no way would she ever allow their daughter to see her father treated with disrespect. He agreed, but for him it was becasue they were not nice to my DD, and he was furious that they did not see Kady as the gift she is. They still avoid most family gatherings, but when they do go, the family knows how to behave. I guess you sometimes need to teach people how to treat you.
My prayers go out to you and your family. Dealing with a mentally ill and manipulative family member brings stress and heartbreak that only others who have experienced it can imagine.
Focus on your own little family and be the best mom you can be.
I agree. You can only do what you can do, no more thatn that. Sounds kind of silly, but it is true, and if your family member does not accept responsibility, you control is limited.
thank you for all the support/advice etc. I'm officially "done" w her .i just can't take another moment of her.
She popped up unannounced and went through my mail on the counter.
I told her "my mail is none of your business."
She grabbed a Home Depot credit card bill and started screaming "why did you let your husband charge?! He's nothing but a _______ parasite!"
I'm like "what are you talking about .. The card is mine and the purchase was mine." Had nothing to do with my husband.
She's officially 100% nuts and I myself cannot take this mentally nor does my family deserve to witness or be a target of this ludicrous behavior.
I'm just beside myself. I guess .. Looking at the past, I've always tried to rationalize her behavior or accept the behavior and I just cannot.
You poor thing! Take your husbands advice and try to move her out of your intimate family gatherings. My DDIL is the most loving woman, and is a daughter in my heart. Her mother is batcrap crazy. DDIL has her hands full with her, and my heart beaks everytime the woman invades their home. My DS finally put his foot down and told her that he won't refuse her to stay, but there are some new rules in place, and the blatant disrespect of them and their home stops. DDIL was worried Mom would be mad, but didn't the woman start badmouthing my son? It's funny, DDIl would put up with a lot from her mom but when she started attacking Daniel, all bets were off. In ten years she had never seen the bond between her DD and DSIL as stong as it is, and crossed the line.
Please try to look at this decision as one that may help your mom, not just your family. When Erica tols Mom she has had enough, and that if she chose to visit, sh eneeded to remember her manners, so to speak, Mom knew she either had to accept that she would no longer be welcomed, or she needed to control herself. I don't know how long th emanners will last, as she is a traveler and really wants to use DDIL as a free hotel, but I do know that DDIL said things are a little improved.
In the end, you are not responsible for a parents behavior, but you are responsible for teaching your children what is acceptable behavior towards others. If you had continued to allow your mother carte blanche in your home, with that level of disrespect towards your husband and youself, the lessons your children learned would be that it is okay to disrespect the two of you, and that in an adult relationship, them as well. My husbands mother was that woman, as was her mother. If left to fester, these relationships continue in a circle that is horrendous. You did the right thing.
