Did you wear purple today?

[Magpie]

Unfortunately I didn't know about it. My wife wore her only purple shirt without knowing about it. When she got to School (she's a teacher) the music teacher (a gay man) was wearing lavender and took note. She told me she that she had a long conversation with him because our 13 year old son has had problems this year being bullied. Our older son has also experienced insults along these lines. The other teacher shared his own experiences growing up.

For all those on this thread who do not understand why there should be a special day for gays I ask you to think about how teenage boys taunt each other. More often than not it is with words like gay and ******. I don't know if my sons are gay or not. It doesn't matter. The fact that our society teaches our young men to disdain others because they do not fit into a single "tough" masculine image that so many seem to value is disgraceful. If a boy is smart, sensitive, caring, artistic or any other of a number of qualities he seems to attract insults from a segment of the population. This in turn can isolate the victim even from friends who do not neccessarily share the aggressors opinions but who are scared to stand up for what is right. All too often the shame associated with being bullied prevents victims and witnesses from reporting incidents.

By dedicating just one day to these issues we are saying that it is OK to stand up to intolerence. It is OK to label the aggressors as bullies and to proclaim that what they do is wrong. That it should be stopped.

 

[Pooh67_68]

Yes I did.

 

[disneyplanningdad]

Sorry about the inappropriate word. I guess it just goes to show that words that kids use all the time are offensive and something needs to be done aboutit.

 

[Eeyore5]

Yes, but 2/week is about 100/year. Even if we take the 30% of teen suicides are gay as fact (and there is some debate about that), then, sadly - 12 in the last six weeks is not exactly abnormal. There are about 275 teen suicides per year - each one a tragedy, but until there was a "trend" (which may nor may not actually exist), no one cared about teen suicide.

IMO, we really need to get away from the idea that high school years are "the best years of your life." If I had fallen for that, I certainly would have killed myself. (And given serious though to taking as many with me as possible.)

I would like to see more help for ALL bullied kids. I was terribly bullied as a kid and would have felt even more like I didn't count if my school did a don't buy group XYZ day and I wasn't in that group. The message "It gets better" needs to be heard by all teens not just gay teens. I am straight and had a horrible time as a teen. If it wasn't for my mom saying "it gets better" over and over again, I am not sure where I would be. I understand the desire to react to what was on the news the past 2 weeks. But how many suicides were there that weren't covered by straight kids. I think by making it a gay issues, it minimizes the straight kids pain. I am not trying to minimize what gay kids go through. Keep in mind most teens think primarily about themselves and how all things around them relate to themselves. It is part of the way their brains are at that age.

 

[Holly]

I would like to see more help for ALL bullied kids. I was terribly bullied as a kid and would have felt even more like I didn't count if my school did a don't buy group XYZ day and I wasn't in that group. The message "It gets better" needs to be heard by all teens not just gay teens. I am straight and had a horrible time as a teen. If it wasn't for my mom saying "it gets better" over and over again, I am not sure where I would be. I understand the desire to react to what was on the news the past 2 weeks. But how many suicides were there that weren't covered by straight kids. I think by making it a gay issues, it minimizes the straight kids pain. I am not trying to minimize what gay kids go through. Keep in mind most teens think primarily about themselves and how all things around them relate to themselves. It is part of the way their brains are at that age.

Instead of people like you and SAHDad being resentful and seemingly angry, why not just put the effort into starting a day for all bullied teens?


No one is saying you can't, and having a day to recognize the bullying of lgbt teens doesn't take away from all other bullied teens.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Yes, but 2/week is about 100/year. Even if we take the 30% of teen suicides are gay as fact (and there is some debate about that), then, sadly - 12 in the last six weeks is not exactly abnormal. There are about 275 teen suicides per year - each one a tragedy, but until there was a "trend" (which may nor may not actually exist), no one cared about teen suicide.

IMO, we really need to get away from the idea that high school years are "the best years of your life." If I had fallen for that, I certainly would have killed myself. (And given serious though to taking as many with me as possible.)

That's a pretty scary omission.

I wore my purple shirt proudly yesterday. I think all kids have it rough. I think being a teen stinks, but I think it's twice as bad for those who are gay. It's not just the regular bullying, there's an added component.

And FWIW, kids learn from their parents and those in their families. Hatred and intolerance are learned. I don't even like the words "tolerate" or "tolerance". They just rub me the wrong way. Like you have to, there's no other choice, or you're being forced to. I prefer acceptance. To me that rings truer -- you need to voluntarily accept someone, not tolerate someone, KWIM?

 

[lil mermaid]

I would like to see more help for ALL bullied kids. I was terribly bullied as a kid and would have felt even more like I didn't count if my school did a don't buy group XYZ day and I wasn't in that group. The message "It gets better" needs to be heard by all teens not just gay teens. I am straight and had a horrible time as a teen. If it wasn't for my mom saying "it gets better" over and over again, I am not sure where I would be. I understand the desire to react to what was on the news the past 2 weeks. But how many suicides were there that weren't covered by straight kids. I think by making it a gay issues, it minimizes the straight kids pain. I am not trying to minimize what gay kids go through. Keep in mind most teens think primarily about themselves and how all things around them relate to themselves. It is part of the way their brains are at that age.

I didn't wear purple yesterday, because I didn't hear about it.

Although I do applaud the effort, I agree with this poster. I want ALL kids who are bullied to know that it will get better, and they shouldn't be afraid to ask for help.

Kids are bullied for all sorts of reasons. The worst case that I remember in high school was a friend of mine, and the only reason I can see that she was bullied was that she was too pretty. She would get phone calls, all the time, from girls she didn't even know, warning her to stay away from their boyfriends (she didn't even know who the boyfriends were!) I remember one time she got a note in her locker letting her know that she wasn't safe anywhere, because the bully girls in our school had their friends from other schools watching her at all times. She was constantly threatened by other girls, and people would throw food at her in the cafeteria. I was threatened and bullied too, because I was friends with her. One of the worst bullies of all was a girl who had been relentlessly bullied in middle school for being "the fat girl."

And don't forget about poor Phoebe Prince in Massachusetts. She took her own life because she couldn't take the bullying any more.

 

[disneyplanningdad]

IMHO Anyone who has experienced bullying should feel solidarity with other victims of bullying. Bullies act the way they do precisely because they do not feel empathy. By wearing purple yesterday people exhibited their ability to feel empathy with victims.

 

[Eeyore5]

Instead of people like you and SAHDad being resentful and seemingly angry, why not just put the effort into starting a day for all bullied teens?


No one is saying you can't, and having a day to recognize the bullying of lgbt teens doesn't take away from all other bullied teens.

I am not angry or resentful. I just remember the pain I felt at that age and wish all kids had the support they need - I had that from my mom. I am a successful adult am and far from a bitter person. I credit a wonderful mom for that. I know thought that there are a lot of kids who are hurting and don't have that support. You don't know me at all. Why do you assume I haven't been working to end bullying? One critical factor for getting through the tough times as a kids (bullying and other issues) is a supportive adult who cares. That is one of the things I am doing for several young people. What are you doing?

Edit: Please read this with a conversational, pleasant tone of voice. Please don't put anger or resentment in the tone when reading it since none was there when I wrote it.

 

[Holly]

I am not angry or resentful. I just remember the pain I felt at that age and wish all kids had the support they need - I had that from my mom. I am a successful adult am and far from a bitter person. I credit a wonderful mom for that. I know thought that there are a lot of kids who are hurting and don't have that support. You don't know me at all. Why do you assume I haven't been working to end bullying? One critical factor for getting through the tough times as a kids (bullying and other issues) is a supportive adult who cares. That is one of the things I am doing for several young people. What are you doing?

I don't care what you are or aren't doing, Eeyore, nor did I say that you weren't doing anything to end bullying.


All kids do deserve support. I don't understand why you have such an issue with lgbt kids getting it. It's not as if it's taking away from any other group.

That's like saying those pink ribbon wearers are taking away from people with other types of cancer! How dare they?

Lame.

 

[Eeyore5]

I don't care what you are or aren't doing, Eeyore, nor did I say that you weren't doing anything to end bullying.


All kids do deserve support. I don't understand why you have such an issue with lgbt kids getting it. It's not as if it's taking away from any other group.

That's like saying those pink ribbon wearers are taking away from people with other types of cancer! How dare they?

Lame.

Name calling on an anti-bullying thread - very ironic

Instead of people like you and SAHDad being resentful and seemingly angry, why not just put the effort into starting a day for all bullied teens?
No one is saying you can't, and having a day to recognize the bullying of lgbt teens doesn't take away from all other bullied teens.

That is what I took to mean I wasn't doing anything.

 

[Holly]

Name calling on an anti-bullying thread - very ironic



That is what I took to mean I wasn't doing anything.

I didn't call you a name. How can you even read that as me calling you a name?

I also didn't say you weren't doing anything. I said that anyone is free to start a day for whatever they want, and one thing doesn't take away from another.

 

[RadioFanatic]

My husband wrote the Dignity for All Students Act in NY which recently passed. I was so proud of him! Both I and my 2 year old DS wore purple yesterday.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

My husband wrote the Dignity for All Students Act in NY which recently passed. I was so proud of him! Both I and my 2 year old DS wore purple yesterday.

 

[Eeyore5]

I didn't call you a name. How can you even read that as me calling you a name?

I also didn't say you weren't doing anything. I said that anyone is free to start a day for whatever they want, and one thing doesn't take away from another.

I read it as calling my opinion lame. How would you feel if I called your opinion stupid (which I wouldn't do)? I am sorry if I miss read that. If you weren't calling my opinion lame, what were your referring to?

 

[Hoodie]

I would like to see more help for ALL bullied kids. I was terribly bullied as a kid and would have felt even more like I didn't count if my school did a don't buy group XYZ day and I wasn't in that group. The message "It gets better" needs to be heard by all teens not just gay teens. I am straight and had a horrible time as a teen. If it wasn't for my mom saying "it gets better" over and over again, I am not sure where I would be. I understand the desire to react to what was on the news the past 2 weeks. But how many suicides were there that weren't covered by straight kids. I think by making it a gay issues, it minimizes the straight kids pain. I am not trying to minimize what gay kids go through. Keep in mind most teens think primarily about themselves and how all things around them relate to themselves. It is part of the way their brains are at that age.

I agree with this. I purposely did NOT wear purple yesterday because I think segretating kids into different groups with regards to bullying is serving to enforce the problem, not solve it.

Regardless whether the victim is bullied because they are gay, straight, black, white, fat, thin, smart, dumb, pretty, ugly, or whatever, it's horrible. IMO, choosing to focus on one group that is bullied is really bullying all the other groups by omission.

 

[Holly]

I read it as calling my opinion lame. How would you feel if I called your opinion stupid (which I wouldn't do)? I am sorry if I miss read that. If you weren't calling my opinion lame, what were your referring to?

You said that by making it a gay kids issue that it minimizes the straight kids pain.

It's not about that at all, and to make it so sounds very resentful.


Would you say that bemoaning the pink ribbons is taking away from people suffering from other types of cancer and minimizing their pain?

I doubt it, and I think that anyone who has a problem with the "wear purple" day might want to look a little deeper at why they don't like it.

 

[disneyplanningdad]

My husband wrote the Dignity for All Students Act in NY which recently passed. I was so proud of him! Both I and my 2 year old DS wore purple yesterday.

Please tell your Husband that you met a New Yorker who's life is better off because of his work. My son was being subjected to taunts and when the pincipal heard that the insults included gay slurs she responded "That's illegal." she took swift firm action and my Son's school days have been better because of the action she took. I'm not sure that she would have acted as aggresively a year ago. Three cheers for your husband's work. You should be proud. Tell him a Disney Dad said "Thank You."

 

[Eeyore5]

You said that by making it a gay kids issue that it minimizes the straight kids pain.

It's not about that at all, and to make it so sounds very resentful.


Would you say that bemoaning the pink ribbons is taking away from people suffering from other types of cancer and minimizing their pain?

I doubt it, and I think that anyone who has a problem with the "wear purple" day might want to look a little deeper at why they don't like it.

You are misinterpreting my post. I am not resentful.

And, I know a few people with other cancers who have felt like their cancer wasn't important since they don't get the support/recognition that those with breast cancer get. And I say this as a woman who has the BRCA gene (breast cancer gene) in her family. My aunt (not BRCA - other side of the family) and grandma (possible BRCA - died before the test was available) have had breast cancer, my other grandma colon cancer, my mom skin cancer, my uncle prostate cancer, and a good friend of the family is currently dying of stomach cancer. And that is just off the top of my head. I would tend support a group that helps all people with cancer rather then a specific type. But that is my opinion. You are welcome to yours.

You didn't answer my question, were you calling my opinion lame?

 

[PghLybrt]

Who says these suicides were the result of bullying? Many gay people will tell you that they hate being gay and would love to be "normal". Don't you think the high suicide rate among gays in general (not just teens) could be related to this? You could ask my gay brother who would attest to this fact but he committed suicide 9/9/09.

I am very sorry your brother and your family had to suffer through this pain.

We are in fact normal people. We( some of us, maybe most) have just been bullied and belittiled into thinking there is something wrong with us. Bullying does not only happen on a schoolyard. We do not wake up one day thinking that being gay is wrong and not normal out of the blue. It is due to the rehtoric that we are feed over and over.

However to answer the OP , yes I wore purple. I was the only one that I saw that did.