Did you struggle when your kids were young?

[Mickeyluver37]

Thank you, ITA!! I have been trying to explain this to my friend/co-worker and he just doesn't get it.



Exactly, kind of....I don't have tuition yet, but I know exactly what you mean. I thought when my 2 got out of daycare, it would feel like I hit the lottery. Then it happened and it didn't feel much different. Actually, I feel we are struggling now as they get older and have more unplanned and planned activities.

I have been trying to explain this to my friend and he just keeps saying, "not paying X amount in daycare each month has got to make a difference." I thought the same thing until they reached school age. I guess it got a bit better for a few years, nothing drastic, but now uuuugggggg.....

The cost of everything is going up and my paycheck has gotten smaller and they need/want more. And sometimes the expenses just happen and you can't say no. Example, my DD 13 was selected for an honors Leadership class. Got a letter one Monday saying they need $260 by Friday for the expense of the class. I couldn't say "No honey, that wasn't in the budget." I guess I could of, but wasn't going to unless it meant not eating. It is more of a struggle now than when they were younger and I was paying daycare.

I have to agree with this. When I just had two small kids and was a SAHM, dh was in the military. We were pretty much still "kids" ourselves. We had one car, pretty set bills every month, and spend about $100/week at the commissary. There wasn't too terribly much left over, but that was ok- everything worked out, and we were able to live on a budget.

NOW...Sure, having the 3rd child adds to the craziness, but just in the last MONTH....2 out of town tournaments for DS11's baseball. Both weekends necessitated in us going down at different times, so 2X the gas, plus hotels. One of those was at the beach, so prime rates for that hotel. Swim team fees, plus new bathing suits- right at $200 per kid. And it's already time for football registration- have to pay that by this month or there is a late fee- that was $210. Thank goodness school is over because I don't even want to think about what I spend in field trip fees for DD's 8th grade year- 1 of which was out of state, the other out of the country. Even a trip to Philadelphia was $75/person. Birthday parties come up regularly for all 3, and no one seems to give anything under $25 anymore. Like you said, yeah you can say no to some of it, but you'd feel really bad if you have to- it's not like we live extravagantly- just typical of everyone else around here. I don't even know how I would be able to accurately budget for all of this stuff. We'd need a sizable "kid/misc" in our budget.

Our health care costs out of pocket since the early years have increased dramatically each year too. And that's before you even look at orthodontia- as of Friday I'll have TWO in braces. That's equivalent to a car payment in their mouths each month.

I don't even want to think about car insurance and college right now. DH and I are still paying our own loans, and will be when the older 2 are in college.

So, I wouldn't say it's harder...because we're not struggling. Thank goodness we both worked our butts off in college so that our income increased steadily. But don't expect the cost of the kids to go down!

 

[bethy]

Hugs to the OP. Here's another perspective if it helps at all. We are very fortunate in that my DH makes a wonderful living. He's worked very hard for many years to get to where he is, including putting himself through grad school, and working countless overtime. And yes, in some ways it is really wonderful not to have to live paycheck to paycheck.

But you know, life is so short and money only gets you so far. You can't take it with you. Plus, we have other stressors in our lives - some of which are related to DH's career and some which are not.

I guess I'm saying we're all stressed and challenged in some way at any time in our lives. It's just different stress.

And as a sidenote - we struggle often to not fall into the trap of feeling like we never have quite as much income as we would like. It's easy to keep thinking, with the next raise or bonus we'll have the perfect amount of money. If a person is not careful it's very easy to fritter away extra money. It's also always a temptation to try and keep up at least a little with the Jones's. We are usually able to resist but the temptation is always lingering there.

I grew up with very, very little and it's really helped me negotiate this world of "plenty" and keep in mind what's really important.

OP, I can tell you are a great mom. Your kids will remember the love and the time you spent with them.

 

[MrsPete]

Yes, things were hard financially when our kids were small. We were earning a great deal less and day care was expensive. Once they started school, things were easier financially, and now that they're teens our salaries are higher so it isn't difficult to pay the things they need.

It'll get better. Just work on living frugally and avoiding debt. As long as you're "paying off" yesterday's spending, things can never get better.

 

[Aisling]

I hope to pass the NCLEX in July and then try to find a job. Yet, nursing jobs in our area are difficult to find....so I may need to have a long commute for a while.

I admire your strength to have a 5-year goal. 5 years sounds so long and it's discouraging for me. It sucks to work hard in college to better our situation only to have a hell of a time finding a job.


Adding my hugs to the OP and to everyone struggling.

 

[Colleen27]

I have to agree with this. When I just had two small kids and was a SAHM, dh was in the military. We were pretty much still "kids" ourselves. We had one car, pretty set bills every month, and spend about $100/week at the commissary. There wasn't too terribly much left over, but that was ok- everything worked out, and we were able to live on a budget.

NOW...Sure, having the 3rd child adds to the craziness, but just in the last MONTH....2 out of town tournaments for DS11's baseball. Both weekends necessitated in us going down at different times, so 2X the gas, plus hotels. One of those was at the beach, so prime rates for that hotel. Swim team fees, plus new bathing suits- right at $200 per kid. And it's already time for football registration- have to pay that by this month or there is a late fee- that was $210. Thank goodness school is over because I don't even want to think about what I spend in field trip fees for DD's 8th grade year- 1 of which was out of state, the other out of the country. Even a trip to Philadelphia was $75/person. Birthday parties come up regularly for all 3, and no one seems to give anything under $25 anymore. Like you said, yeah you can say no to some of it, but you'd feel really bad if you have to- it's not like we live extravagantly- just typical of everyone else around here. I don't even know how I would be able to accurately budget for all of this stuff. We'd need a sizable "kid/misc" in our budget.

It is a bit different when you start out with a SAH parent, though. My son is a teen and a musician & athlete so I know how the fees add up. From our perspective the kids don't get cheaper... but we're not coming from a place of having paid for full time childcare. I left my job when DS was barely 1yo, but up to that point we were paying just shy of $200/week for childcare for one child. His expenses didn't get to anywhere near that bad again until middle school and getting serious about a sport. Kids don't stay cheap, that's for sure, but if you're paying for full time daycare I do think that the elem years offer a reprieve between the end of the daycare bill and the start of the bigger school and activity expenses.

 

[shortbun]

Yep, we made our nickels scream at one time and the habits die hard. I still shop at thrift shops for some things and we cook at home mostly. My parents gave me two mottos for life and I have to say that other than cable and internet...I buy very little and we take good care of what we have.
"Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without" and "If your outgo exceeds your income then your upkeep will be your downfall."
Good luck. Those cakes from scratch and library trips will make good memories. My son still gets many books from the library and so do I for that matter. Instead of joining the pool, my son and his friends ran through the sprinkler and had squirt gun battles. We, Mom and Dad, often played along. Lights get turned out, we had dance in the dark night every week. Pizza was homemade-we got really good at making the dough, yum. We gardened, canned, froze and dried things from our garden. My grandmother taught me how to mend when I was little so socks got darned and holes mended until clothes were really worn out. None of my friends even knew what darning was so I taught them how to mend socks. Video games were often traded or borrowed instead of purchased and We just got air conditioning, for the first time, last year when we bought our current home. Good luck. Make memories. Buy in bulk and buy local.

 

[littlered]

OP Here:

Thanks so much for the encouragement and insight! MY DH does have a very small part time job mowing lawns and landscaping peoples houses. Its his own little business. He does lawns in the evening when I get home. I hope he can get a few more houses as it would be a blessing.

He was a retail store manager for a big box chain that let go 2700 people at one time. He is good at what he does but it seems the wage has fallen from about 16$/hr to around 8.50 around here b/c they can hire teenagers, etc and also b/c supply way out numbers demand. I know at my work about 500 people applied for one open position.

I have a retirement plan at work and they force me to put in 11.25% a month, i really wish for a few years they would let me take home that money. I'm not even 30. Its hard to pay for tomorrow when I am paying for yesterday They do fully match so I realize its a good deal but its one of the things I feel could make a difference.

Thank you again. It helps to know there are others out there! Now to come up with more cheap memory makers!

 

[Happy Mom2]

You are not alone. DH has been unemployed for almost a year, so I know it's not easy. Hang in there. Things will get better.

 

[MinnieForMe]

Hi:
We struggled the first five years of our marriage and looking back I'm glad we did. It taught us to budget, how to live off one income (even though I was working two jobs) and how to save to get what we wanted. I truly believe it was that original struggle that taught us how to get through the three years of unemployment that came later without any debt. Now, life is comfortable, we can travel and appreciate all we have!

 

[thegilchrists]

We struggled EVERY day when our kids were younger.......paycheck to paycheck......eating "hotdish" casseroles, bologna and cheese, mac & cheese-you name it........we were a blended family and my DH paid child support for his DD. Money was tight! Our kids our now 28,23, & 22.
And now we are raising our 2 grandsons (3 1/2 and 20 months).......it is not easy but we coupon religiously and carefully plan how we are going to spend our $$$$. Not eating out....shopping the clearance racks, etc. Old habits die hard I guess.......
It will get easier and there are several ways to make extra money....I sew and do home embroidery as well as work a full time job.And that is mainly so we do have the extra $$ to take our Disney excursions. And we do not do the full blown Disney extraganza-stay at a value resort, free dining if available, budget for souvenirs. You get the picture.....
Just keep plugging along and keep the faith!

Sherri

 

[TammyAlphabet]

Oh my YES!! I can remember, three years of no cable, having to watch every penny at the grocery store. I remember trying to figure out how to afford a new winter coat for my son. Driving junk vehicles with no air conditioning. It is hard, but it will get better IF you make it happen. Which is what I did.

Things are much different now, my DH passed away, and just when my career started to take off and we started having extra money to live a little nicer. I don't have the problems I did then with money, but I look back on those lean years and how we struggled, and all I can see is the WE. He was with me then.

Concentrate on your blessings is my advice. I know it is hard financially but try to look past it and look around at all the love in your life. JMHO. Hugs to you.

 

[LovableGluttons]

Hi:
We struggled the first five years of our marriage and looking back I'm glad we did. It taught us to budget, how to live off one income (even though I was working two jobs) and how to save to get what we wanted. I truly believe it was that original struggle that taught us how to get through the three years of unemployment that came later without any debt. Now, life is comfortable, we can travel and appreciate all we have!

My parents did not have much when I was growing up. My children have not known poverty, but I was very financially strapped when I was in college. I rented a room, worked three jobs, and sometimes had to choose to pay for tuition over food.

I can remember several classes I couldn't afford the textbooks for, so I winged it. LOL

My son is in scouts and my daughter often accompanies him for the holiday share baskets they assemble and distribute.

During the recent economic turmoil, they have both had close friends move away due to finanical difficulties and I think it was sobering for my kids to see that loss pretty close to home.

 

[mwatson011]

We are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel since having our DD almost 6 years ago. And it seems all goes good at once. Prior to having kiddos, we were DINKS both with good salaries. We listened to NOONE when they told us to save for a rainy day. We bought lots of stuff.

Anyway, had DD in 2005, then other DD in 2006 (planned, since I wanted to be a SAHM when they were babies, thought it would be best to just have 2 in a row, still happy with the decision). Then it started raining buckets. DH lost his job TWICE along the way, I had surgery that left me unable to work for a good 2 years. Almost lost the house to foreclosure TWICE.

In the end, I am working PT and DH has a wonderful job (counting those blessings bigtime!). Although we did not make the same choices that others would make, and we could have done things differently, I would not give back one minute I got to spend with my girls. The only thing I WOULD do differently, is to go back to when we were younger and listen to someone, anyone, and SAVE $.

Looking ahead, once both girls are in school full-time, we will be saving $600 per month on the cost of preschool (cheapest alternative to daycare while I am working PT), and our car will be paid off, all at the same time. So, sunny days are ahead, and we have been able to put away a little $, and going forward it will be a lot more. It seems like when you are down you are WAY down. Congrats to you for holding it together (mentally!), it is really a challenge some days, I know.

 

[momejay]

My children are all teens now. It doesn't get any easier. They tend to eat more as they get bigger. A pound of pasta used to feed us a dinner and lunch for 2-3 days. Now, I am lucky if I only have to cook a pound for dinner. The bargin store sneakers or jeans become totally uncool. You just need to get creative. Instead of taking a group of teens to the movies, which costs gas, tickets and refreshments. I find a free Redbox code and pop some popcorn at home. Friends show up in lounge pants and we do nail painting or hair syling with our movie night. My son's friends are happy as long as there is food. This is where coupon skills come in handy.

Good Luck!

 

[SeansMom]

(I feel like my parents, but...) when our oldest was young, we had to scrape together the .99 cents needed to rent a VHS tape.

If not for Grandma, we never would have had snack type food (she always mailed things like chips, candy bars, etc, don't know why but it our only junk food for the month).

We never went to movies, shopped just to shop, or even went to DL. We just didn't have the money, and were paying off bills left by the "ex". Things were hand to mouth, but we still went to the zoo on free days, the library, the park, and got together with neighbors. We went camping and visited with family. I don't look back and regret any of it. A roof and your health are more valuable than possessions and expensive vacations. And hopefully, like all things, this too shall pass.

 

[*Seanaci*]

I feel like we are struggling right now. My DH has been unemployed for about 27 months and he is looking but we live in a state with one of the highest unemployment rates. We can not sell b/c were upside down like everyone.

I am fortunate I have a job with benefits that cover us but it is like every month we barley make it. The thread about could you find 2,000$ on another board was totally me. DH's unemployment has drained everything and while I work we have taken pay cuts the last 2 years.

We have 2 kids so a job has to pay somewhat decent to make it worth it. I try to tell myself that doing things with my kids(both under 5) is important and we do a lot of cheap things like bake a cake, go to the park and splash park and library all free.

I don't know what I am asking, maybe just commiseration that it doesn't last forever. I am paying debt down(student loan and medical for the most part) as I can and am looking into Dave Ramsey..it just seems like how can you pay down debt when you barley can pay day to day expenses.

And before I get flamed, I have not been to WDW since 2005, my honeymoon, so no trips planned. Vacations are driving to the inlaws in another state..

First of all *hugs*. Being without a job is so hard. And I couldn't imagine going through what you guys are going through.

It is tough right now. BUT I think you are making the best of it by at least doing free activities with the kids. When they're little, it's not about how much money you spend on the activity, it's about spending time with mom and dad doing something fun. <3

Just keep your chin up...and know that it will get better. Things always get better. *hugs*

 

[DawnM]

We actually were better off financially when my kids were little because I worked full time. I now stay home.

Dawn

 

[njmom47]

momejay: My children are all teens now. It doesn't get any easier. They tend to eat more as they get bigger. A pound of pasta used to feed us a dinner and lunch for 2-3 days. Now, I am lucky if I only have to cook a pound for dinner. The bargin store sneakers or jeans become totally uncool.

Thank goodness I have only one ds who eats like that! But to feed 5 adults, it isn't cheap. Factor in cars and car insurance and repairs...proms and school-related things, especially Senior year!...not to mention sports (cheering, baseball, etc). Yes, my kids have/had jobs and savings accounts but my thoughts are if you need it, I will pay; if you want it, you will pay. My dds have discovered consignment shops (yay!) and bargain hunting.

ETA Dh found a job 1 year ago after being on partial unemployment for over a year (and working pt). I was on unemployment for a year in 1999. I was a single mom with 2 small dds (before we met current dh). Yes, we struggled at many points in our life!

 

[Diegosmom]

I have a count down going till DS4 goes to kinder...we have spent $9,000 a year in daycare for the last 4 years...all said and done it will be almost 50,000 I could have my house almost paid for lol...I know I will have other things like summer camps and after school programs and school lunch but I think I can keep it under 9,000 lol...

I feel like we are just starting to see the light...we had a few rough years...DH was out of the country a lot (and not working) and we were just getting by. Now (praise the lord) thinks are getting better and we are paying off debt...God willing we will be paid off in April (including a trip to Disney in Jan)...then we will start paying down on the house...would love to be totally debt free...