Did you feel pressured into breastfeeding

[goodstarr]

For those moms who weren't going to breastfeed or were on the fence about it, did you feel pressured by family (DH, DM or DMIL, etc.) or friends into breastfeeding and ultimately had a bad experience because of it? This thread is not about whether breast or bottle feeding is better for a baby, this is about whether people felt that they were pressured into doing it. This thread is prompted by numerous patients I've had that breastfeed but admit that they don't want to and they are almost miserable the entire time that they are doing it. Then, once their visitors leave at night, they ask us to give the baby a bottle in the nursery. They admit that it's their DH or DMIL who really are the ones who want them to breastfeed. But they seem very unhappy about doing it, thus defeating the whole "special bonding". Please, we all know about great breastfeeding experiences (I too nursed for 18 months and it was wonderful), so I am not bashing breastfeeding. I'd just like to hear from people who didn't have a good experience because they did it without having their heart into it, just to please somone else (other than the baby, of course)

Please note that there is a separate bottlefeeding pressure thread.

 

[4greatboys]

I never felt pressured into breastfeeding but once my youngest wanted to nurse past 12 months I got a lot of pressure to stop breastfeeding. I didnt stop then but I would always hear, "oh, your still breastfeeding"?

 

[Robinrs]

I never feel pressure from anyone because I make my own decisions because THEY don't have to do it.

I listened to the rhetoric and read every book and it was my decision to do it. Unfortunately, Michael was jaundiced and birth and had to be under the lights for two weeks. The home health people needed to know exactly how much he was ingesting and it was difficult to gauge while breastfeeding so I had to give it up after 4 days.

I can't imagine someone making that decision for me. People can suggest, cajole or imply, but it's up to me if I feel "pressure" from it.

 

[flrose]

My DH was trying to "run the show" and was all for it but, I just
didn't feel it was right for me. However, I had decided I wanted natural child birth and the nurse was telling me I didn't need to be a martyr etc, etc. But, there was NO WAY anyone was sticking a needle in my back! To this day I don't regret either decision, I did it my way.

 

[swea_pea1]

We have two threads out there and I didn't know which one I fits my situation

I was pressured by my mom to bottlefeed, by everybody else to breastfeed. After 4 or 5 days of my DD not being able to latch on, staying up 24 hours/day pumping, cup-feeding, and then trying again to get her to latch on with no success that I had to start the cycle over again, I finally went to bottlefeeding. I felt much better about finally *knowing* the baby was being fed and getting at least 3 or 4 hours of sleep in between feedings. Subsequently DD was more relaxed as well (I really do think they can tell when mommy is nervous or frustrated). So, it was the right decision for me.

I'd encourage anybody being pressured either way to do what feels best for her and the baby. There are too many people in this world who would want any baby at all to feed either way and too many other things to worry about as a new parent than to add one more pressure to the list!

 

[Mimi Q]

I felt pressured to NOT breastfeed. My mother and mother-in-law couldn't believe I wanted to do it and don't even get me started on my husband's grandmother, but I breastfed both my children and enjoyed every minute of it. My DH was very supportive.

 

[pajamommy]

I felt pressured by the nurses at my ob/gyn's office and at the hospital to breastfeed, because I wanted to bottle-feed. I was very clear that I was not going to breastfeed, but they kept trying to talk me into it and asking me why, why, etc. I had actually tried breastfeeding with my first baby, but for several reasons it became impossible, and I went to the bottle, and I knew with my second child that the bottle was they way to go for us. I just stood my ground, and let them talk to me about it, but let it go in one ear and out the other!

 

[GEM]

I definately felt like my doctor as well as the hospital and NICU staff (DS was a micropreemie) were very much pro breastfeeding and encouraged me to do so by providing lots of information on the benefits, giving me access to lactation consultants, trying to help me overcome any problems I had, etc. I was glad that they did because it really helped me breastfeed my little guy successfully. I was planning to breastfeed anyway, but their support definately made it easier. We're still breastfeeding very happily 11 months later with no plans for weaning, and I think that is partly due to the wonderful support I got from the doctors, nurses, etc. So, I don't think I felt pressured, just supported in my decision. I suppose I might have felt a little pressure if I had been wanting to bottlefeed, but I honestly don't think that providing information about the many benefits,offering help, etc. is "pressuring". Now, if they keep on after a mom who has obviously made a definate choice to bottlefeed, I can see how that mom would feel pressured, and I don't think that's appropriate.

 

[GlennandAnn]

I got big time pressure from the nurses in the hospital after my older boy was born. I felt that they should not have pressured me, however, I had made up my own mind about it. Those nurses weren't going to be at my house at 3AM to breastfeed for me, so why should I let them decide for me? Every mom needs to make her own decision, breastfeeding is a big commitment and not for every mother.

Ann

 

[chris1gill]

It seems everybody had pressure one way or the other. My mother COULD NOT BELIEVE I would breastfeed my children Besides her, everybody was great about it, but she WASN'T!

 

[Lisa L from MI]

With my first....I felt totally pressured by everyone around to breastfeed. I wanted to and did at the beginning...but about 2 months later....I felt that it was expected and I really wanted to stop and felt that I would be "letting everyone down".

It is just such a funny topic because I totally remember me and DH walking DD in a stroller and I actually broke down in tears, afraid to even tell DH that I didn't want to breastfeed anymore. He said it was up to me to decide...but I still felt everyone would think I was such an awful person.

I did have an especially hard time with pumping....it took FOREVER to even get 4 oz!!!! And that was even with one of those electric pump things I rented. And my neighbor friend would tell me she would practically pump gallons in no time!!!!

Eventhough it has been almost 11 years....I still remember that walk and telling my DH and crying my eyes out about it!!!

 

[Feralpeg]

No, I'd previously had breast cancer and had only one breast. The doctor told me not to try it.

 

[piglet too]

I breastfed or pumped with all three. The only problems I encountered was with wanting to pump instead of doing it "naturally" as one person put it. I breastfed or pumped for at least 6 weeks with each. I stoped with the older two when they had problems digesting my milk. With the youngest, she too had problems digesting it, but other problems as well, so I had to stop for her well being. When I returned the pump from my last one, I was so sad and cried the whole time she was checking it in. The lactation lady was such a comfort when she told me that I was not the only one with my problem. She had just sent home a lady whose baby could not digest her milk at all. It is an uncommon occurance, but very real. She told me that I did the best I could and now I was doing even better by realizing that my daughter needed something else to sustain her. I think it is a shame that any woman feels pressure either way. We know what is best for us, and when we are coping with no sleep and all the other life changes of a new baby, we need to decide for ourselves what is best not only our baby but ourselves as well. I hated when someone commented on my youngest having a bottle. At first it was bad enough because even though it was a bottle it was still breastmilk. Then when she had to go on formula, they did not know of the health reasons that made it so she needed to have it. Hey, it really does not matter how you choose to feed your baby, at least you are feeding it!

 

[Hemi-mom]

I bottlefed by choice. I did feel pressured with all of my kids from doctors and nurses and some family/friends. Medical issues at birth would have made it impossible for my third child anyway. My mother did not breastfeed and she did not try to sway me either way.

But I must say that one nurse at my OB/GYN told me that she did not breastfeed and that it was not for everyone. She talked to me a LONG time about me being COMFORTABLE with my decision and therefore comfortable with my baby. I felt an extremely close bond with all of my children and RARELY passed them off for anybody else to feed. It did make it simpler if I had to to go somewhere, but actually I very rarely had someone else feed my babies.

My reasons for choosing to bottlefeed were personal and it IS a personal decision. People appreciate when you leave them alone about a personal choice whether or not you agree with them. I would have appreciated it if people would have been more supportive. I was not hurting anyone by choosing NOT to breastfeed and as I said I developed a strong bond with all of my kids.

No one should be made to feel pressured either way. I did make sure that I was well educated about my choice and I never saw people's attempts to educate me as pressure...but once I had made my clear choice there were many people who tried to persuade and guilt me into changing my mind.
It is actually very painful to NOT nurse your child since they stopped giving meds to ease the pain. I think when you nurse and then give it up...as long as you don't go cold turkey, the pain is less severe. ??? Although that was not a factor in my choice it may be important to some.

I think that the point should be made that feeding your baby is about giving your child proper nutrition and bonding with them. It is a wonderful time of love and happiness for both mother and child as long as both are getting what they need and feel good while doing it.

 

[Talking Hands]

For me the pressure was just the opposite. I was pressured not to breastfeed because my OB felt that a diabetic should not breastfeed. I did breastfeed but it was a challenge since my daughter was in NICU for 10 days. We ended up doing it until she was 2 1/2. Her sister quit at 18 months.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I used to be a nurse in an OB hospital so when I decided to bottlefeed, no one really said anything because I guess they figured I knew the pros and cons of both. But as a nurse, I seen ALOT of pressure to breastfeed. Even moms to babies that the docs knew were probably going to die. And I know this was not their choice. Because when they came back from the NICU the mom would usually say, could you show me how to pump so when the baby gets old enough to feed he'll have my milk. Then in the next breath, the docs are telling us nurses, the baby is not going to survive.

 

[disykat]

I think I felt pressured. I definately planned on breastfeeding - that wasn't the issue. I just had difficulty doing it and hated it.

My first child was starving, so we were supplementing on Doctor's orders. I didn't have enough fat in my breastmilk. I was having difficulty eating because of an infection I got during birth. I was told to eat lots of peanut butter. I did. My peanut allergic baby didn't do well. I kept trying to breastfeed because I felt like I would be failing my child if I didn't - and ended up harming him in the process. I was determined to make it 6 weeks - my son was so happy when we stopped. He would scream while nursing, but would suck a bottle down in seconds.

My second child had poor muscle tone around one side of his mouth. To compensate for it he sucked weird and I had huge blisters! It was so painful I would just sit and cry while nursing. We made it 6 weeks, but it was not a good bonding experience!

Both times I worked with lactation specialists (through my doctor)who were great. I don't have very nice things to say about LaLeche League though. I've had way to many people associated with them tell me I didn't try hard enough.

 

[luv2nascar]

both DDs were breastfeed
DD#2 just wasn't getting the hang of it
she dehydrated which was pretty scary so I had supplement her with formula which led to her being bottle fed
I don't think my mom thought I should breast feed she didnt pressure me to bottle feed though
DH's family all breast feed not really pressure though
I did what was best for me and my babies
which turned out to be one breast feed baby for 6 months
and one baby only breast feed 3-4 wks

 

[Chim Chiminy]

I breastfed both my children, and while I didn't feel pressure to do so, I did feel pressure from some people to not breastfeed.

I was pretty young when I had DS, 19, and a lot of my friends, DH family, looked down on my breastfeeding. They all thought it was "disgusting and gross." Fortunately my family and DH were very supportive. I breastfed him until he weaned himself at 12 months old.

With DD, I was 25 when I had her. My co-workers didn't understand it. Many of them thought it was gross. I quit work after my maternity leave was up to stay home with DD.
I got a lot of comments from people, friends, neighbors, strangers to quit. People felt like she was getting to old to nurse, like 6 months is the magic cut-off number.
Those same people made me feel like I was sick or perverse for continueing to nurse her even after she could walk, after her 1st birthday, etc.
I nursed her until she decided to wean herself, at 18 months.

Most of the comments I just let roll off my back, especially from strangers.
The only ones that hurt were comments from people I considered friends. But I got over it. Still friends with those people.

Ultimately you have to make the decision that is right for you and your baby.

 

[Kallison]

Yes, with my first one I had a young woman ped with no kids, that insisted it could be done. DS was a month early and had a real hard time latching on. Plus he wasn't getting enough milk, then she told me to pump. I can remember just being emotionally and physically exhausted. I would literally, no exagerration breast feed for 8 hours during the day and then another 3 hours at night. I started supplementing with bottles for my sanity but she always made me feel bad. I bf for about 6 months. Along comes DS #2 - 18 mos. later, the same ped is giving me a hard time -- you MUST pump. I said I can't. She says real snotty - can't or won't? I bf him for about 6 weeks. Then along comes DD #3, got a new woman ped who has 5 kids. When I hesitatingly told her I didn't think I wanted to bf, she said - oh so what, I was bottle fed and I"m a doctor, it didn't hurt me, it is no big deal. So I did DD for about 6 days.

I have a friend who breastfed her kids until the age of about 6 YEARS. She always comments that my kids are just as healthy. Hers have all kind of allergies and other problems. I think it is great if you can do it, but if you can't you should not feel guilty.