Did you change your last name when you got married?

[mickeyboat]

I do not feel one bit different as a person because I chose to change my name. My name does not define me. No one stripped me of anything when I chose to take DH's name. I did not lose my identity. I have the same ancestors, same life education, same work experience, same life at home as I would if I had not changed my name.

 

[tzolkin]

Why not call it your 'given' name instead of your 'maiden' name. 'Maiden' insinuates you would change it when you were no longer a 'maiden' -whatever the heck THAT means!!

Your given name is the name you are "given" to differentiate you from other members of your family. A last name is your "inherited" or family name. So your last name is not really part of your "given" name.

I do get what you mean about the whole "maiden" thing though.

 

[ginna74]

I had my maiden name for quite a while. I remember trying to change it while I was in the navy and somehow I did the chit thing wrong and they denied me and told me I couldn't!!!! I being nieve just decided to keep mine then.... I have his name now and boy changing it in the VA system I think was probably harder then if I had pushed it through while in the navy. It is a Different name and always spelling and pronouning to everyone I have to give it to lol.

 

[Pooh67_68]

I changed my last name because I didn't want my bio fathers name. Had I not married, when I turned 18 I was just going to take my moms madien name.

 

[Pixiedust34]

Yes, I changed my last name to dh's last name. Our children have the last name that dh and I share.

 

[pearlieq]

I do not feel one bit different as a person because I chose to change my name.

I always wondered what it actually felt like for people who had done it. I suppose you must get used to it. As a PP mentioned, you often do carry your married name longer than your maiden name.

It just felt so strange--like before the wedding I would be named "Rebecca" and after the wedding I'd suddenly be "Stacy". I just couldn't get my head around it.

I'm just so glad we all have a choice now. That's the best part!

 

[2binak]

I hyphenated my & Dh's last names. My thinking was that by getting married, I was adding to my family and who I was, so to symbolize that, I added DH's name to mine. It took me a good year to make the addition legal though, not sure why, but I just wasn't in a hurry to make it happen. DH was a little worried about what last name our children would use, but I assured him that our children would have his last name and that's what we've done.

 

[turkeymama]

I always wondered what it actually felt like for people who had done it. I suppose you must get used to it. As a PP mentioned, you often do carry your married name longer than your maiden name.

It just felt so strange--like before the wedding I would be named "Rebecca" and after the wedding I'd suddenly be "Stacy". I just couldn't get my head around it.

I'm just so glad we all have a choice now. That's the best part!

Agreed. I feel like there was a time where women were pressured to not take their husband's last name, just as in previous generations it was assumed a women would take the husband's last name. It seems as though we are finally getting around to a happy medium.

 

[Kimberly815]

I took my DH's last name. And now it is our Son's last name too. It was weird having a new last name at first, but once I got to the point where I didn't have to THINK to remember what my name was, I didn't mind one bit.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I do not feel one bit different as a person because I chose to change my name. My name does not define me. No one stripped me of anything when I chose to take DH's name. I did not lose my identity. I have the same ancestors, same life education, same work experience, same life at home as I would if I had not changed my name.

My name doesn't define me either, nor did I lose who I was. But I AM Italian, and people could tell by my last name. They don't know now unless I announce it. Crisis? No. Am I flailing through life with an identity crisis? Nope. But...I liked having my last name, it WAS part of who I am, and I no longer have it, and I wish I did.

Would you have been willing to change your FIRST name? My last name was as much a part of me, IMHO, as my first name. I don't respond to "Mary"...it's not my name, nor my accepted nickname. I respond to "Mare", because that IS my nickname.

I remember in 8th grade having a teacher who "nicknamed" just about everyone in the grade. Richards were all "fill in the blank ", Anthonys were Tonys, etc. But...those weren't their names, even tho they were standard nicknames.

 

[Halloweenqueen]

I changed my name. It would have been no biggie either way. I just thought it would be easier, since we planned on having a family.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

Yes.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I changed my name. I personally think my first name sounds stupid with my "new" (it's been 6 years now) last name, plus sometimes I get weird looks from people who expect me to physically match my very ethnic surname, but it's no biggie. As to why I did it? Mainly, I didn't want to have the issue come up again when we had kids. Plus, as I've said to others, "I like my DH; my dad, not so much."

In retrospect, I bet I could have gotten DH to change his name. That might have been a better idea.

 

[Leggyb]

I got married 4 months ago and I haven't changed my name either! I want to.. It is just a pain. Everyone calls me by my new last name and I like it. I would never consider not changing my name because I am excited to start our family and have the same last name. It is just a pain to go to social security and get that all taken care of.

Having the same last name helps up be united and it feels so good!

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Having the same last name helps up be united

Maybe other people feel fully united as a family based on love, commitment, support, etc, without the "help" of the same last name.

 

[2cats1kid]

I kept my own name to start with, then my married name started creeping into certain things (esp. when we had DD). Then it got way too complicated as I had some credit cards in one name and some in the other. I signed the wrong name a few times and the cashier didn't even notice! Gradually I have changed over although I do have one bank account left in my old name, 16 years on.

I'm always intrigued by the whole hyphenating the names thing. What if Mr Wilson and Miss Jones become Mr and Mrs Wilson-Jones and produce little Wilson-Joneses, and Mr Brown marries Miss Thompson and they have little Brown-Thompsons. And then Mr Wilson-Jones wants to marry Miss Brown-Thompson and neither of THEM want to change? Do we then end up with Mr and Mrs Wilson-Jones-Brown-Thompson??? Just seems to be a delaying tactic to me - someone somewhere has to jump one way or the other.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I always wondered what it actually felt like for people who had done it. I suppose you must get used to it. As a PP mentioned, you often do carry your married name longer than your maiden name.

It just felt so strange--like before the wedding I would be named "Rebecca" and after the wedding I'd suddenly be "Stacy". I just couldn't get my head around it.

I'm just so glad we all have a choice now. That's the best part!

It felt a little funny at first. Like someone said, the first few times someone called me "Mrs. Hislastname", I thought of my MIL! But I got used to it very quickly. I have always identified more with my first name than my last name. Even though I was 28 and fully established in a professional career when I got married, I went by my first name with friends, relatives, colleagues and clients. The change of my last name was nowhere near as strange as the changing of my first name would have been.

I agree that it's good we all have the choice to do what we are most comfortable with, without too much pressure in either direction, save for some medding parents and message board comments!

Maybe other people feel fully united as a family based on love, commitment, support, etc, without the "help" of the same last name.

I got the impression she was talking about herself. Her feelings are as valid as those who don't want to "lose their identity" by giving up their maiden names, when it's equally possible to keep your identity when taking your husband's last name.

 

[Lindsay22]

I got married in April and did not change my name and have no plans to change my name. We got the usual questions of "why are you getting married then" I ignored them. The older people in my family continue to send mail to Mr. and Mrs. DHslastname and it's whatever. That doesn't really bother me that much. I was bothered by the negativity that seemed to surround me when I said that I wasn't changing my name. I expected it from the older generation, I NEVER expected it from my friends. Ever. Now I'm called everything from Miss Dhslastname to Mrs. Mylastname (to which I always reply that I did not marry my father)

There were lots of reasons why I didn't change it. 1 being that my name is a part of myself and I felt I would be insulting my father to just drop it (which he wouldn't be insulted at all... it's just that's how I felt.)
2.) I really really really dislike my FIL. He abandoned my DH, and his brother and sister and got a whole new family and that REALLY bothers me. So I didn't want to have his last name.
3.) DHs last name starts with the sound RAY. The spelling begins with HRA. The silent H was just a nail in the coffin.

I'm pregnant now with a girl and we'll give her DHs last name. I'm fighting for a hyphenate, but I don't think I'll win that battle.

 

[jasta]

It was never even a thought to NOT change my last name. I want the same last name as my kids. Forget even trying to travel overseas with kids that have a different last name then you.....happened to a family member of mine. And I will tell my daughter she should change her name too whenever she gets married. No joke, everyone I know who did not take their husbands last name are divorced! Some women have such issues with independency, when marriage isn't an independency, it is the joining of 2 people to start a new life together....not separate. Don't even get me started on separate bank accounts!!! Lol!

 

[lspst8]

OP here. Thanks for all of your opinions. I think most of them are very interesting, both the reasons why people did or did not change their names.

I don't dislike my husband's last name, but I do dislike the rest of his family which I think has a lot to due with my resistance to changing my name. It almost feels like I'd be dropping my own immediate family (who I love tons) to join his immediate family (who I prefer to see as little as possible). I logically know that isn't true, but whenever I think about changing my name, that's how I feel.

My last name is also really short, easy to spell, and not at all common. I've never met another person with my family's last name -- they are out there, but I've never met one.

I definately don't want to do the hyphenating thing. And I love my middle name, so I would never drop it.

Maybe I could be 1st Name-Middle Name-His Last Name-My Last Name?