Did you change your last name when you got married?

[Holly]

I took my ex's name when we married and kept it when we divorced ten years later. It grew on me and I wanted to keep it.

 

[Boo'sMom]

My maiden name is the same as my married name....meaning, that before my husband and i married, we each has the same last name.


It's a VERY common name.

 

[Crankyshank]

I did change my name, and I regret it. It's not a HUGE deal to me that I did, but I still think every so often that I'll change it back, or change it to my mother's maiden name. I'm 100% Italian, and I now have (a very lovely) WASPy name. Yeah, I love my husband just like all the other people who are going to come on the thread who took their DH's name (I've seen this thread before over the years...I started one once). But there's a certain sense of my identity that I feel I lost.
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Bolding mine. I also took my husband's name after we were married and regret doing so. Not because I don't love my husband, or that I regret marrying him. I just feel as though a bit of my identity was lost. Additionally I like the flow of my maiden name better.
At the time I did it because his name is much easier to spell and pronounce, and I really wasn't up to dealing with the aggravation his family would heap on me for not changing it.
I flirt with the idea of changing it, or legally adding my maiden name as a middle name but it just seems like it would be a huge pita to change it.

So OP: go with your gut. Do what is best for you.

 

[Kennywife]

I kept mine and hyphenated it. I'm the last one in my family, so for me, it was wanting to keep it going.

Anna

 

[SC Minnie]

I changed to DH's last name but made my maiden name my middle. Now that I am in a more professional field I wish I would have kept my maiden name. It is very common, like Smith or Jones, and flows better with my first name. My married name has the name beginning sound has my first name and its hard for people to understand especially over the phone. People don't know how to spell it either.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

My husbands, kids and I have the same name because we are a family.

So...every woman who kept her maiden name isn't part of a family? It's almost 2010...there are lots of different families. (And how many husbands do you have? J/K Just a typo, I'm sure.)

No disrespect, but if my DH said that not taking his name was a "deal breaker", then the deal would have been broken But then again, I chose to marry him because we have similar views on these types of things.

Ditto.

I just don't get why people can't just post their decisions about this issue without trying to put in a dig, jab or post their opinion on someone's choice. It's kind of sad.

It's a discussion, not a list.

My maiden name is the same as my married name....meaning, that before my husband and i married, we each has the same last name.

Well, that's not fair!

Bolding mine. I also took my husband's name after we were married and regret doing so. Not because I don't love my husband, or that I regret marrying him. I just feel as though a bit of my identity was lost. Additionally I like the flow of my maiden name better.
At the time I did it because his name is much easier to spell and pronounce, and I really wasn't up to dealing with the aggravation his family would heap on me for not changing it.
I flirt with the idea of changing it, or legally adding my maiden name as a middle name but it just seems like it would be a huge pita to change it.

Jenz, let's revolt and start a RI Women Against Married Names Club, and all change our names back. (And while I'm here, have you been to the new Dave's? Big thrill. I lead a less than exciting life. )

 

[Mrs.Toad]

My maiden name is the same as my married name....meaning, that before my husband and i married, we each has the same last name.


It's a VERY common name.

The best of both worlds!

 

[My2Cinderellas]

I would say KEEP your maiden name. OR take your husband's name. DON"T do the double last name or hyphen thing. It has caused me continual problems.

I wanted to keep my maiden name, DH really wanted me to take his name. Our compromise is that I have a double last name (it is NOT hyphenated) MINE HIS with a space between. When I was working I used both last names, and I still sign important papers with my full name. But most people now know me with just my husband's last name.

The problem - getting my full legal correct name on documents and credit/cash cards. I have quit using my middle initial to save space and still have to fight seemingly everyone. Many companies have a finite limit on the number of characters in a name field, many are 20, or limit the last name to 12. my name without a middle initial is 21 characters, and my last name is 15. I have cancelled a credit card account because they couldn't get my name listed on the card correctly. Seems like a small thing, but it's not to me.

I am at the mercy of office staff everywhere to list my name correctly. It doesn't always happen - sometimes they don't "get" what I tell them, sometimes it's the underlying computer program that is the issue. The DMV computer automatically puts a hyphen in my last name every time I renew my license, and I have to ask for a corrected license before I leave the building. every time. I've had car titles with my last names reversed, and my new favorite - junk mail that uses one of my last names as a first name with my middle initial and then my other last name.

My kids have my husband's last name - and only his. I have had such bad experiences with a combo name that I would never do this to my kids in a million years. And imagine when 2 people both with double last names decide to marry - which of the 4 last names do you combine and keep - or pass on to the next generation? So my advice at the top stands - KEEP your last name OR change it, but no combos. If I had to do it all again, I would keep my maiden name.

 

[Crankyshank]

Jenz, let's revolt and start a RI Women Against Married Names Club, and all change our names back. (And while I'm here, have you been to the new Dave's? Big thrill. I lead a less than exciting life. )

Let's. I'll be honest, the thought of having to deal with the registry is the main reason I don't change my name.
I live near the new Dave's and I swear either DH or I are there almost every day. We had their chowder last night (fantastic) for dinner. Have you tried the mac & cheese?

 

[Subrbnmommy]

I didn't change my name. I just felt that I was losing part of my identity. Then add the mountains of paper work required (passport, driver's licence, diploma...). Nope I just couldn't do it.

At first my DH was pushing for me to get my name changed so that we could both have the same last name. I told him that if it was that important to him, he could change his last name to mine. He didn't want to, I asked him why not. His reasons were the same as mine. So he laughed and that was that. None of us changed our name.
Our DD has both our last names. My Dh initially only wanted her to have his last name but I travel more than my DH and I figured it would be a lot easier to go through customs if she had my name as well.

To compensate for the long last name, she has a really really short first name.

 

[shrubber]

I wouldn't ever have considered not changing my name. My husbands, kids and I have the same name because we are a family. (We've been married 15 years). The new name is MINE now- my maiden name no longer feel comfortable to me.

Of course. Isn't marriage a union anymore?

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Let's. I'll be honest, the thought of having to deal with the registry is the main reason I don't change my name.
I live near the new Dave's and I swear either DH or I are there almost every day. We had their chowder last night (fantastic) for dinner. Have you tried the mac & cheese?

My mother gave my DS her old car, and we couldn't find her title to it. You wouldn't believe the amount of time DH spent there on that whole thing. Even getting the VIN check was a hassle...I had to drive ALL THE WAY to Burrillville!

Yeah, it's the changing of all the documentation that really holds me back. When we got married in the first place and I changed my name, we didn't own as much, I didn't have a passport then, etc.

I was just thinking what an interesting topic of conversation this would be at my ILs' Christmas Eve.

Dave's...one of DD's friends (19) told me about it before I had gone and described it as being like "an amusement park". LOL DH and I went to dinner there one night...very hard not to say "I'll take one of those, and one of those, and one of those..." Wish you hadn't mentioned the mac & cheese! I love mac & cheese in general, even the boxed stuff (comfort food), but I'm low-carbing! I might just have to break my diet...just a little.

 

[2binak]

I would say KEEP your maiden name. OR take your husband's name. DON"T do the double last name or hyphen thing. It has caused me continual problems.

So my advice at the top stands - KEEP your last name OR change it, but no combos. If I had to do it all again, I would keep my maiden name.

I'm sorry you've had problems, but I've never had problems using my hyphenated last name in either my personal or professional life. We've bought houses, cars, enrolled DD in daycare, gone on numerous vacations, etc. in the over 10 yrs that we've been married and I've just never run into any problems. I've never even had problems with my name being hyphenated and DD having just Dh's last name, even though I'm the one who takes her to school & all of her dr's appts. We live in the Northeast so I don't know if it's more common here so people are just used to it or if I've just been lucky.

 

[castleview]

I did slowly over time. The checking account still has both my names, but I'm pretty much DH's last name now. Neither name is pretty or cool sounding, so it's of no concern to me. Frankly, I answer to whatever I'm called (as long as it's nice ).

The kids took DH's name too. Although, I like when mom's maiden name is used as a middle name too. I'm going to get flamed for this because I consider myself pretty progressive, but when a man hyphenates his last name and takes his wife's - that's just weird to me. I guess I'm a closet stone-ager.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

I was given my name at birth just as my husband was given his. I've never objected to being called Mrs. Hislastname...just as he's never objected to being called Mr. Mylastname.

We're married, have a child, own a house, etc. I've still kept the name I was given at birth and he's kept his. It isn't a problem for our son with doctors, schools, etc.

I never felt that I was "less married" because I didn't take his name nor have I gotten any weird looks from people because my last name is different from my husband's and son's. (OK....my MIL thought it was odd but then again, she thought my mashed potatoes were lumpy, my turkey too dry, the spices I cook with were too hard on her son's system and my housekeeping was awful. Since she's now passed, I don't deal with those issues any longer either.)

OP, talk with your SO about it. When I got married (20 years ago), I told my DH that I didn't want to change my name and he was fine with it. Now, since my SIL and I have the same first name and middle initial I'm really glad I didn't change my name -- otherwise it would look like I married my DH AND his brother!

K

 

[surfergirl602]

I couldn't wait to change my last name! I went from a blah last name, that represents a dad that I don't care about and wasn't there for us, to a nice Irish name. Couldn't have been better!

 

[aprilgail2]

I had always wanted to keep my maiden name like the OP I was 30 when I got married and was used to my name. But my now DH said it was important to him that I take his name and for him it was a "deal breaker" - so I decided to compromise and take his name as it seemed much more important to him than me

Him threatening me with a "deal breaker " would have been the deal breaker for me!

 

[AKL_Megs]

I got married 6 months ago, and I have yet to change my name. For me, it's mostly work related... too much "stuff" to do to change my name for work (I work in the airline business and have something like, five work photo ID's and a passport).

I plan on changing mine come the new year, once things settle down. I am excited to take my DH's last name, and I use it whenever I can... on anything that isn't an official document.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Yes I did. I have been wanting to separate from my maiden name forever. My personal choice.

I don't balk at anyone who opts not to as long as they don't balk at my choice.


And for those who are anti-combo--I don't see what it would be a big deal. I've had two middle names all my life. It isn't a big deal at all. I get more peeved when they don't have enough room for my home address? Evidently those forms come from back in the day when people only lived on Elm or Oak or Maple...not 26 characters in the name-Drive.


My mother was divorced--bunches and while if one chooses to maintain their maiden name..it isn't a big deal. But I can see why women would choose to change their name so that their individual family will be one. For me--it always sucked to never share a name with my mom.

I would have an issue with a DF who said that not taking his name was a "deal breaker". That just seems too domineering to me. Being dumped b/c you don't want to change your name???

 

[Boxley]

I changed mine, he just has a nicer sounding last name then mine. Call me shallow, but I liked his better.

I would of told him off if the hubs made the deal breaker thing though.