Did you change your last name when you got married?

[clovergirl5]

Got married in 1995 and I couldn't wait to change my last name! Of course dc have our last name. I remember feeling all giddy when someone called me Mrs. .... when we first got married.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

I changed my last name and I'm glad I did. I had a very Italian last name that really didn't seem hard to spell or pronounce to me, but apparantly it was to everyone else! I love having a more common last name and not having to answer all the questions about it. Though I'm proud of my heritage, I don't feel the need to talk about it with every stranger who hears my name!

I'm not generally very old-fashioned at all, but I wanted to have the same last name as my husband and kids. I know plenty of women who kept their own names, and the kids all use the dad's last name, and while it isn't so uncommon anymore, it's still a little bit of a PITA at school and activities where people are trying to figure out who is whose parent.

I definitely didn't want a hyphenated name. I just don't like the sound of them, especially with longer last names, and then what happens with the next generation? Do the kids of two hyphenated parents get a four name long hyphenation?

 

[BethID]

I hyphenated my last name. The kids use their dad's last name. I wanted to keep my last name, but it is nice to have my married name as well. It also makes it easier to connect my kids to me since the last name is similar. I also always introduce myself as the hyphenated name. Even my kids know that is my name and tell others that.

 

[beattyfamily]

I was young. Was mixed with the feeling of wanting to be independent yet also tradition and I really loved my maiden name and how it sounded with my first name.

I HATED hyphenated names; the way they sound and look. That was NOT an option for me.

I decided I wanted our new family to have the same name...that is what I did. I don't want any confusion for anyone, the school or my kids.

I decided to drop my middle name (that I never liked) and keep my maiden name as my middle name and I took my DH's name. No hyphen, no need to always say my middle name when you say my name. It's just my new middle name.

The chance of a divorce and the difficulty in changing my name back to my maiden name was not reason enough to keep my maiden name. Both my sisters are divorced and changed their names back with no issues. My mother is divorced and kept her married name.

No regrets whatsoever. No thoughts that I made a 'silly', old fashioned decision at all! 17 year and counting.

 

[phragmipedium]

It was always important to me to keep my name in some form. Retaining that part of myself legally was important to me. With my first engagement, I didn't plan to change my name at all. His mother gave me a dirty look and said, "Well why are you even getting married then?" Perhaps she knew something I didn't at that point, because I ended up ending the engagement.

With my husband, I chose to keep my last name and add his to it. No hyphens, and I did not drop my middle name. Kimberly /Middle /MyLast HisLast legally. Both of our last names are short so it works out fine - when I introduce myself or sign something, I sign it Kim MyLast HisLast. Our children will have HisLast as their last name, which I am fine with. This way I get to keep my name but also share a name with our children and my husband, and I chose not to hyphenate because I (rightly) assumed many people would just call me Mrs. HisLast and they do which doesn't bother me, and I felt it would be easier with no hyphen. Depending on the company sometimes I introduce *myself* as Kim HisLast, but I always use both professionally or when signing.

I'm happy with my decision - I didn't lose any part of my name, and just added to it. The only real "problem" which isn't a big deal to me either is that I now have a ton of variations of my name floating around out there - especially with credit cards which never get it quite right. Any combination of my first name, my nickname, my middle name, middle initial, my maiden name, his last name, my new combined last name, or an incorrectly hyphenated version of our names that you could think of. I'd still do it again if I had a choice.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

My MIL about had a fit and refused to use my legal name. For a few years everything she mailed to me was to Mrs. Hislastname. Dh and I asked her politely to use my name, but it didn't happen. Finally, I started marking stuff "Return to Sender, Address Unknown" and that did the trick. To this day, she'll introduce me to people and then say afterward, "But they really ARE married."

You're my hero, returning the mail to your MIL! I got a card from my MIL one time addressed to "Mrs John Smith". I gave it to DH, unopened, and said "My name isn't John...this must be yours." I think he told her, because she never did it again.

FWIW, taking your husband's name has nothing to do with devotion.

Got married in 1995 and I couldn't wait to change my last name! Of course dc have our last name. I remember feeling all giddy when someone called me Mrs. .... when we first got married.

I remember looking around thinking "My MIL is here? "

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

BTW, my daughters used to say when they were younger how much they liked my maiden name better than their own (DH's). They thought it was cool. (I haven't asked lately.) Also, they loved NJ, where I grew up, better than RI, where DH grew up and where ILs, and we, live.

My ILs would be horrified by both of those opinions.

 

[clovergirl5]

You're my hero, returning the mail to your MIL! I got a card from my MIL one time addressed to "Mrs John Smith". I gave it to DH, unopened, and said "My name isn't John...this must be yours." I think he told her, because she never did it again. I remember looking around thinking "My MIL is here? "

Huh, I never thought that...suprising too cause me and mil didn't always get along. I think I was happy to get a notsocommon last name cause I never liked mine.

 

[NotUrsula]

I understand that but then can't the same thing be said about giving your kids the father's name? It just keeps spiraling from there. Kids were also once viewed as property if I'm not mistaken (or at least they weren't considered very high up on the importance level)...therefore by giving your kids the father's last name isn't it saying they are property of the father?

You really are just trading one male last name (your father's) for another male's last name (your husband's).

To the bolded part: no, what *he* is doing is publicly declaring that they are HIS children, and thus his responsibility. That is why children traditionally take their father's name. Before DNA testing, if your Dad didn't claim you, then you had no simple way to prove your right to his protection and support.

My answer to the OP is no, I didn't. My father's name was dying out, and I miss him very much, so I kept it. My name is ethnic, long, and difficult to pronounce. DH's name is ethnic, short, but equally difficult to pronounce, so there is no difference in the convenience factor. The children have DH's name.

We've been married nearly 20 years, and DH is still regularly getting in little "comic" digs about my not changing it. Tough noogies; it stays.

PS: My maiden name is also the name under which I earned all my professional degrees. Changing those would have been a PITA and cost rather a lot, so that was another factor that supported my decision.

 

[pearlieq]

You really are just trading one male last name (your father's) for another male's last name (your husband's).

I didn't really look at it that way, and that may be due to the fact that my father wasn't a part of my life, even though I got my name from him.

By the time I got married it was MY name. I had lived with it for 21 years, worked and studied under it, and made a reputation for it. Changing it just seemed so unnatural. I couldn't bring myself to do it.

DH (and this is one of the reasons why I married him) didn't care one bit. He did ask that any kids we had carry his father's name, because he loves and respects his father and wants that honor for him. I'm totally fine with that.

In practice, there has been very little hassle. I don't get my panties in a bunch when someone calls me Mrs. HisLastName. If they're someone I'll be seeing regularly I'll correct them, but if it's the pizza guy I just let it go. No biggie.

DH answers to Mr. MyLastName much more often, and it doesn't bother him at all. To be honest, I find that really hot! I love the fact that he's that secure--confidence is very appealing.

 

[pigletgirl]

I changed it but use my maiden name as a middle name.

That is what I'm planning on doing!!

 

[disykat]

I chose to switch to my husband's last name because I wanted us to share a last name. It didn't make me uncomfortable at all. However, I didn't have my Dad "give me away" at the wedding.

If I were to divorce, I wouldn't change my name back to my maiden name. I'd still keep the name that I share with my children.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

We've been married nearly 20 years, and DH is still regularly getting in little "comic" digs about my not changing it. Tough noogies; it stays.

These topics always make me start thinking again about changing it back to my maiden name. Turning 50 last year did that too. I wish I had celebrated my 50th by changing it.

 

[pigletgirl]

Why?

 

[Frye7127]

I had trouble switching as I was 29 when I first got married. No boys on our side and felt I was a "XXXXX". I hyphenated for about one year and then just his last name. People still refer to me as my maiden name, even my husband (you know, like shouting out one's last name only). He likes my maiden name better than his own, but his dad would have completely flipped and it was not even considered at the time. Sometimes I use my maiden name as my middle name, sometimes not. 15 years later and still struggling a little..never jumped in full feet!

 

[shortbun]

I've been married 26 years and never changed my name. We have a son, he has his father's name. The reason we did that was for genealogical ease - for the next generation or anyone doing research on our family. It's merely a name; no reason to change it and no reason to make up a new one for children. Lots of our friends who had more than one used Dad's name for some and Mom's name for some. Another friend gave her children her last name as their middle name; easy for her because both her children were boys and her last name is Mitchell. People used to ask me, 'what did you have to do to keep your given name?' My answer, 'nothing, what did you have to do to change yours?' I told my mother-in-law that I was keeping my given name because I wanted all my old boyfriends to be able to find me. Lol, she was horrified but never questioned me about it again. I know, it was mean but she was driving me crazy. You do what you want darlin', it's your name and the schools are full of children with all sorts of combined and creative names.

 

[tzolkin]

I changed my name.

I considered not doing so for the principle of it, but I really wanted my children to have the same name as me. I think it would really bother me if they didn't.

Many of my friends have kept their maiden names, but every one of them gave their children the husband's last name.

I know it doesn't matter to many people, but it just feels detached to me to have my children have their father's name and not mine. I had my oldest daughter before I was married so she shared my maiden name. (She has never met her "father".) When DH and I were married, he adopted her and DD and I both changed our last names. I didn't really think of it as taking my husband's last name, but rather as us sharing a "family" name.

I changed it but use my maiden name as a middle name.

My mom does the same.
I honestly didn't care for my maiden name (and love my middle name), so I just changed the last.

 

[shortbun]

Why not call it your 'given' name instead of your 'maiden' name. 'Maiden' insinuates you would change it when you were no longer a 'maiden' -whatever the heck THAT means!!

 

[ronmama5]

I have been married twice and I did not change my name either time. In my first marriage, I had no respect for my husbands father and had no intention of being linked in any way to him. I also felt strongly that being married did not change my identity and therefore there was no reason to change my name. The four children from my first marriage all have my last name, eventually my husband planned to change his. When he died, I remarried three years later. When my current husband and I were expecting we discussed the name and came to the compromise that if it was a girl, she would carry my last name, a boy would carry my last name as his middle name and my husbands last name as his own last name. My current husband is the only male on his side (as was my first husband, but he didn't care)and wanted to make his father proud. If I had known what absent Grandparents they would turn out to be, I would have given my youngest my last name like his siblings. I have never regretted not changing my name, I am proud of who I am and maintain an identity that is not dependent on my husband.

 

[turkeymama]

I changed mine. I'm southern and very old-fashioned, and I didn't really feel that my identity would be threatened if I changed my name (not singling out the previous poster, just making a general observation). Also, like others have pointed out, I wanted my kids and I to have the same last name. I never liked the sound of hyphenated names so that wasn't an option. It just never occurred to me not to change my name to my husbands.