DH won't budge on this one

[Rock'n Robin]

Today DH and I had a conference for my son at preschool. He will be 5 in June. I had indications last fall that he may be behind maturity wise so we had him go 5 days a week from that point instead of 3.
While that has helped, his teachers remain convinced that he should wait another year. They gave us several articles on kindergarten readiness. They said while he is smart and very verbal, he is also small for his age, is just now getting better at sitting still for a long story, and cries easily (he cries when he gets yelled at or if he thinks you are mad at him). What he needs is not something I can work on this summer, like flash cards or with the leap pad--it's maturity that comes with time. Even found out his best friend there will be 6 this June and was in the same boat last year, and his mom is "so glad" they kept him in one more year.
I have been wondering about this since he started--was hoping 2 years of preschool would do the trick.
DH is adamant that he is going to K. Even if our district did offer readiness K (which they cut) he said he would not be going. He was very nice about it with the teacher, but said unless something really significant this summer shows him he is not ready, he will be starting K this fall. Plus (and I hate it when he says this) "His mom has all summer to work with him". Not that I don't have new classes to prepare for or anything!
I know about the advantages of holding back from K--also know some disadvantages--please don't post stories about how great a decision it was to hold your child back, it will just depress me further--DH is a wonderful guy, but when he gets this stubborn nothing can shake him--even though they have college degrees and I have a Master's in Education. At least we still have half day kindergarten so it won't be so bad--and I can work with him on anything else he may fall behind on--I just keep hearing my neighbor who wishes she held her youngest back, since in 6th grade the girl still has a lot of trouble keeping up with her peers. I guess I just needed to vent since it looks like I won't be able to win this one.
Perhaps if you have stories about successful kids who were NOT held back it would make me feel better!
Robin M.

 

[lisajl]

OM goodness...I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes.

I'm sorry. My DH and I make these decisions together.
Our son is finally going to K-next fall. He will be 6 and tall....and ready.

Good luck...to you and your son.

 

[bsnyder]

Robin,

What are your DH's reasons for so adamantly opposing holding him back?

 

[Kteacher]

I have seen lots of kids come through my classroom who started the year in September a little behind and with the right help and support from teachers have surprised everyone with how well they did. Meet with the principal at the school and observe the teachers. Let the teachers know your concerns up front during screening. i have some great success stories in my classroom this year- i am so proud when I see kids with very little letter recognition at the beginning of the year writing their entire name with caps and lower case letters And when a kid has that "lightbulb moment" when they get a concept it's like magic Nothing more to say but {{{{hugs}}}}to you

 

[Michelle]

Robin, my daughter was FOUR when she started kindergarten (the cut-off in California at that time was December) and although she was definitely immature she was exceedingly BRIGHT and there was no doubt about starting her then.

She did have to go through an adjustment period getting used to the routine of sitting still, listening and following directions. It wasn't always easy but it was most definitely the best decision for her. She's STILL immature (in 4th grade) but excels academically and I have no qualms about having started her in kindergarten when I did.

Your son may surprise you with his adjustment to kindergarten. Just give it a chance and give it time.

Good luck!

 

[Kallison]

My DH was the same way and I said Sorry no it is my decision since I know I will be the one dealing with the homework and school issues. He will regret it when he gets older. I work with learning support kids in middle school and most of them are 12 year olds who have late birthdays and could have really benefited from another grow year. My son would be so stressed out as a middle schooler now and is also on the small side. You cannot catch them up over a summer. If the teacher recommended he stay back another year then no way would I let my ego about my child not starting K on time get in the way. School is much more intense than it was when we were growing up.

 

[SilverLily]

I think it is a shame that your husband won't trust in your expertise and that of your son's teacher.

I think it is a shame that your husband is putting your son's best interests second after his own pride.

If you and your son's teacher think that holding him back is what is best for him, you need to stick up to your husband for your child's sake.

Does your son and husband like sports? One thing I have heard mothers in similar situations is point out that their son will be bigger than other kids if he is held back, which would be an advantage in most sports. Sad that they have to resort to using that argument, but sometimes it is the only one that gets through to some dads.

 

[caitycaity]

i was also 4 when i started kindergarden, and i was fine. like wmmichelle's daughter, i had to adjust, but i made great grades all through school and was fine.

 

[jipsy]

I never went to kindergarten. My parents sent me right to first grade when I was 5. I did fine. You have to do what is best for your child though. What are his reasons for being so adamant the child starts? Does he think it makes him look like a bad parent?

 

[WilmaBud]

I wrote one reply, and I didn't post it. But I can't stay away from this subject without commenting! What do YOU think is best for your son? You have the master's in education. There is NO way you should let your husband dictate anything , regarding your child or anything else in your lives together. Your child's best interest and welfare should be the ONLY considerations when making this decision. I know the posters saying they or their child did just fine after starting school early are trying to make you feel better, but really, no one else's experience has any bearing on your son. Every child is unique. You know your child best - do what's best for him. Your husband will just have to deal with it if things don't go his way. As some other poster asked, why is it such a big deal to your husband anyway? And why are his feelings or opinions more important than anyone else's? Empower yourself!!

 

[jel0511]

Rock'n Robin - I can TOTALLY relate to your story. My DD will be 5 in May, and during my last conference in Dec with her preschool teachers, they also recommended holding her back. I'm like your DH and believe that she'll be find in kindergarten. Her issue is also a maturity issue. She is VERY shy with the teachers, and doesn't listen to directions all the time. They feel she could do well, if she was in either a small classroom, or has a nurturing teacher. They just don't want her to get "lost." Again, nothing I can work on over the summer, just hope it will come. I've talked to MANY people, as well as teachers, and they've all advised me to send my DD. Not all kids get the opportunity to go to preschool, so some kids coming into kindergarten will be behind my DD anyway. The one thing that does hold me back, is that we have full-day kindergarten in my district. You have a half-day program, and I believe that is an advantage to you situation. When I meet with the teachers for the last time before the end of the year (probably in May) I'll discuss at length again, their concerns if there are any. She seems to be improving amazingly and I think she is MUCH better off than she was in December. If the teachers are adament about keeping her back, DH and I have decided that a private school might be in order. I don't want to hold her back, mainly for social reasons, which will creep up later on. Even though she might be the smartest one if she is held back, she also might be ostrisized for being the oldest. I didn't have the greatest experience growing up, always picked on etc, and I wouldn't want that for my DD. If placing her in a more nurturing, smaller student to teacher ratio, will solve the problem, than that's it. I wouldn't want my DD to be the brunt of jokes, just because I didn't think she was ready for kindergarten. When I went to kindergarten, I didn't go to preschool, and I turned out fine. I know things are different now, but I have faith in my DD that she'll be fine. I'll be there for support and work with her teachers to make sure she succeeds.

 

[WDWHound]

I find it interesting that so many people feel that your husband's only reason for doing this is "pride". There are benifits and disadvantages to either approach, but very few people here seem to be willing to think that he may be considerering these and making a desision that he believes is best. This does not mean he can ignore your views (which he appears to be doing), but his input should not be ignored either.

Rock'n Robin, I can offer no advice, only my prayers that you and your husband will be able to work this out and find the best solution for your son together.

 

[WilmaBud]

With all due respect, Hound, the decision is not the husband's to make alone. That's what I have a problem with. What valid reason would there be to dismiss and disregard everyone else's viewpoint? That's what points to pride. People who are married should make decisions together , especially decisions impacting the welfare of their children.

 

[WDWHound]

Wilmabud. You are correct of course, and that was what I was trying to say, but I apparently did a very bad job of it. I have reworded my last post to be a clearer on that point. Niether parant can veto the other on this. Somehow, some way, an agreement has to be reached as to the best course of action.

 

[WilmaBud]

I agree, Hound!

 

[Bichon Barb]

My first son is a November baby. Our cut off date is 12/1. We took the plunge and put him in K at 4 years old. Things started a little slow with things like fine motor skills, but it didn't take long for him to catch up. I've read that birthdates don't matter by 4th or 5th grade. (He's in 4th now and doing great!)

On the other hand, we have two boys in the neighborhood who are also November kids. Both of their fathers are involved in sports (one is a high school football coach and the other is head of athletics for our district). They both held their sons back so that they would be large for their grade and would have more of a chance to excel in sports. You might want to try that one on DH! LOL.

 

[Jenzebelle]

I started K almost 4mos before my 5th birthday.
I had never been to preschool, but I could read, so my parents put me in Kindeergarten instead of holding me back.

It was great for me as far as academics. I always made great grades, except for math. But putting me in Kindergarten without first sending me to preschool was a bad decision. I had little contact with children of my age, so I always had some social problems.

I'm sorry you and your DH can't come to an agreement about next year. I think if both you and your son's teacher think it's best he stay back, then he should probably stay back.

Is your husband worried that he might get picked on for his age? If so, I definitely don't think that would be the case. I know lots of people that were held back before Kindergarten (including both my brother and sister- my sister will be 2mos from her 19th birthday when she graduates). They've never been teased about it.
In fact - my sister's friends all thought it was cool she got her license first.

 

[Pembo]

My ds will be 5 in September. He's going to Kindergarten. He's academically ready but I know that he is a little immature. His preschool teachers say that in spite of his immaturity they believe he will do fine. Another year in preschool would be too boring for him. He definitely is more grown-up at school than at home.

So next fall-we can commiserate on if we made the right decision and also how we can help our kids.

I'm of the opinion that if they are "of age" to go, they should go. Just my opinion, please don't flame me!

 

[CamColt]

I started K when I was 4 and I was always one of the youngest in my class. The cutoff was Dec 31, and my birthday is Dec 28. I think it helped me to mature since I was always around older kids. I never had any problems with grades(well, there was algebra in HS, but even now at age 31, that doesnt make sense to me ). The only "problem" I had was that I was the last of my friends to turn 21, which stunk, but hey, now Im the youngest of them all and can rub that in.
So, Im a firm believer of going when they are supposed unless there is an extreme situation. Could you wait until this summer and see how he is then, and make the decision according to that?

 

[lmj]

I sent my son to kindergarten this year. He turned five in September and had been to preschool for two years already. I wasn't really sure if he was ready but I did not want to send him back to the same preschool for another year. He would have been with 3 year olds as this school does not separate the ages.

He has done all right this year but I have decided to have him repeat kindergarten next year. He just is not ready for a whole day. Writing and reading is still so much work for him. I don't want him to get frustrated with school so early. I don't regret sending him this year but I think he will really benefit from kindergarten again. At this point it doesn't really matter to him. He says he wants some more practice with his letters.

I don't think he would be scarred for life if we were to send him on and I think you son will be fine with whatever you decide.