DH wants to sell our puppy :( SOMEWHAT OF AN UPDATE PAGE 10

[hlane]

Well OP here again, lol

Last night went very well but once again I wont know until I get to work this weekend.
Him & her spent a lot of time together, playing, cuddling, took a walk...it was so sweet & made me so happy!
After we went to bed him & I started talking and he said he could tell how much she loved him (which is obvious). Then he said, "I will admit, I love her too but it is so much work, I never can get anything done when I'm here alone with her."
I asked him how often he puts her in her crate. He said, never, unless he has to go somewhere such as the store!!!
He said he didn't want to be cruel by locking her up so he keeps her by his side the entire 9 1/2 hours I'm gone!
I told him THAT would be the problem!! There is no way I could get anything done around here during the week if I wasn't using her crate. Thats what its for, to keep her safe so we can get things done.
Being a bully & a puppy, she sleeps a great deal....there is no point in us sitting, staring at her while she's sleeping in her bed or on the floor when she can be sleeping safely in her crate while we use that time to get things done.
She doesn't mind the crate at all, in fact sometimes she grabs a toy, heads in there and gets in herself, plays & eventually falls asleep for a couple hours. But he said he just keeps the crate door shut & locked so of course shes never done that when he has her.
He said OK, he'd start crating her as needed throughout the day when he had things to do and he thought that would probably help.
I am praying this is our breakthrough but I let him know I will not just sit by and let him sell her! He seemed to finally get how much she means to me and that he would have a fight on his hands pushes for it. And if he does this without my knowledge or blessing then thats a whole other mess that I don't want to think about because I will be his worst nightmare
Like I said, I wont know until the weekend because everything is always peachy M thru F
To those that ask, I'm in Ohio, she's an English Bulldog, & yes around $2000 is how much they cost. I have no concerns about DH abusing her or being mean to her so thats not an issues. Those that asked how the kids feel....they do love her but they feel bad that me & daddy are have issues due to having her so they go back & forth between wanting her & then saying, go ahead, sell her. Its quite sad & I explained that to DH too
So yeah, I know it would be 3 of us that are heartbroken and thats not fair
I had looked into daycares but the ones I checked into didn't provide day services on the weekend, only for boarding. That would be a big chunk of my small pay check each week so thats not an option but I will continue to check around in case DH still continues to have issues.
He was talking about some things he wanted to go buy for her later on this week so I have to take that as a good sign. He also mentioned about getting together with the neighbor and their puppy for a play date on the weekend. I figure he's not going to go out & spend money on a dog that he has no intention of keeping as well as making play dates.
Thanks for all your advice, I feel bad if I somehow made DH sound like a horrible person because he isn't, at all. Just for some reason he's having a difficult time adjusting to being a doggy daddy, lol. I'll keep you updated with anything new.

 

[kacaju]

does she bark at all in her crate? If she does you need to explain to hubby not to let her out if she barks because that will only be teaching her to bark to get out.
We have a 6 month old collie pup, dh feeds her all the time from his plate, but then gets upset he can't eat in peace..

 

[hlane]

does she bark at all in her crate? If she does you need to explain to hubby not to let her out if she barks because that will only be teaching her to bark to get out.
We have a 6 month old collie pup, dh feeds her all the time from his plate, but then gets upset he can't eat in peace..

Yes, if she doesnt want to be in there she will bark but if I ignore it she will eventually occupy herself with her toy or go to sleep. I will be sure to tell him that though...thanks

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

Yes, if she doesnt want to be in there she will bark but if I ignore it she will eventually occupy herself with her toy or go to sleep. I will be sure to tell him that though...thanks

You could also get a bark control collar. There are many kinds that don't shock (spray ones that shoot a cirtusy smell if they bark etc.).

 

[kacaju]

Yes, if she doesnt want to be in there she will bark but if I ignore it she will eventually occupy herself with her toy or go to sleep. I will be sure to tell him that though...thanks

Really take the time in the next few days to write out a complete schedule of what you do with this pup during the day. Including how long it takes to *eventually* stop barking.
Dogs are really smart when it comes to us people, they know what they can get away with.
Case in point.... I just noticed our pup is laying down on the floor near me. I just got up from the computer, walked past her into the kitchen got a small bowl of crackers and brought them back to the computer and started to eat them. This pup watched me, and now has her eyes closed facing me and is still laying down.

If my husband did that instead of me?? the dog would have jumped as soon as he went into the kitchen followed him back to the computer and would have been at his elbow barking for a treat. DH thinks it's cute at first, throws her a few treats and then gets mad when she doesn't leave him alone... DUH...I always tell him to stop feeding her and she'll leave him alone too!!
It takes a lot of time to train a dog. He will need to follow what you do during the week to help make this go faster!!

 

[mhsjax]

I don't think asking the husband to act like an adult and take resposibility for his decisions is treating him poorly, but to each his own.

Asking him to take responsibility is not treating him poorly, however there has been name calling from posters, which is not acceptable. This is the OP husband, the man she choose to spend her life with, and although I don't agree with what he is doing, who are we to name call. If I have a problem with my hubby, I can bad mouth him because he is mine, But anybody else bad mouth him and there will be you know what to pay. It is tacky.

To the OP, hang in there and stand your ground. We got a puppy about a year ago. Hubby got him on a whim and he knew the kids wanted one. He was really sorry for about the first several months, Now he is over the top in love with the little guy. Hang in there I am sure your hubby will come around.

 

[Tuffcookie]

OP, I hope things continue to progress in a positive manner!

TC

 

[airhead]

This may sound extreme or even silly, but I agree.

My DH wouldn't let us get a dog in the 25 years we're married, said absolutely not, he'd put it out on the street if we got one, because he was afraid of the responsibility (like having another baby) and also vet expenses. I've wanted a dog my whole life, and my father said when I get my own house I can get one. Well, I have my own house (yes, shared with DH), but I STILL wasn't allowed to get a dog.

Well, 9 months ago, I put my foot down. I told DH I was going out and coming home with a puppy. I'd been searching for one without him knowing, and found one I fell in love with. He threatened me with putting the dog out, and I said "just try it" and left the house.

Two hours later I had my puppy in my arms, brought him home, and DH didn't speak to me for a couple of days, and wouldn't acknowledge the pup at all.

NOW, 9 months later, he is in total love with that dog, and would probably put ME out before he put the dog out.

He sees how much I love my Brian, how the pup has brought joy into my life, and is like my own child.

Give your DH some time, stand up for your love of the dog, let him see how much the dog means to you and that you'd be brokenhearted if you had to give him up. Show him that you take good care of it. I'll pray that he comes to his senses and puts your happiness before his own stubborness. Good luck!


It's hard to see since I took it with my cellphone, but this is my DH holding Brian while both of them watched a ball game. Yeah, right, he didn't want a dog!

Aisling,I LOVED this post and the photo!!!!!

 

[DutchsMommy]

It might be worthwhile to get you & hubby the Cesar Milan book 'Dog Whisperer'. We just adopted 2 rescue dogs (older, not puppies, but big - GSD and Turveren) and we read Cesar and also had a company called 'Bark Busters' come out to the house. They are GREAT and their philosophy is in line with Cesar's. We as humans generally treat our dogs completely backwards to how we should be from a dog's perspective, and this can cause stress in the dog which leads to the behaviour issues.

I truly would urge you to look into this, as now is the time to set you up for success in the future, and ensure everyone's happiness!!

 

[Buckalew11]

Maybe he just needed suggestions and some time. He was jumping the gun awfully quick and needed to try a few things before saying "get rid of her/him."

I hope Sat. and Sun. go well. Or at least better.

 

[rowbear]

I didn't read all of this... is there some reason the dog is indoors all day? I can work with one of my dogs but the other drives me batty so they go outside during the day. They seem happier because they get bored if they are confined to the house for too long. They are big dogs and like big toys which doesn't work well inside.

In the summer I just make sure they have access to the swimming pool so they can keep cool. It is gated and the wind will close the gate so I have to put a rope on it to keep it open for them. It is a little bit of a pain to net out the dog hair but they love it so it is worth it.

It never gets cold enough here to worry about the winters. That is when they want to be outside the most anyway because they are more comfortable.

 

[hlane]

I didn't read all of this... is there some reason the dog is indoors all day? I can work with one of my dogs but the other drives me batty so they go outside during the day. They seem happier because they get bored if they are confined to the house for too long. They are big dogs and like big toys which doesn't work well inside.

In the summer I just make sure they have access to the swimming pool so they can keep cool. It is gated and the wind will close the gate so I have to put a rope on it to keep it open for them. It is a little bit of a pain to net out the dog hair but they love it so it is worth it.

It never gets cold enough here to worry about the winters. That is when they want to be outside the most anyway because they are more comfortable.

English Bulldogs are inside dogs and cant be outside for long periods of time. They can become overheated very quickly. Even to use the bathroom its out & right back in because she gets to overheated so easily. Our main time outside is in the evening once it cools off. Also they have to be watched very closly around water or they can drown, their heads are too heavy to swim, they sink. I was telling my brother all this kind of stuff and he said it sounded like I had purchased a little old man instead of a puppy

ETA: even inside, we keep the air set around 72 and I had to go buy her her own fan to keep her cool, it amazes me how hot she gets...

Also I dont know if its her age or not but she tries to eat any and everything, grass, weeds, bugs, mulch, even rocks! So the entire time she is outside some has to be right there.

 

[rowbear]

English Bulldogs are inside dogs and cant be outside for long periods of time. They can become overheated very quickly. Even to use the bathroom its out & right back in because she gets to overheated so easily. Our main time outside is in the evening once it cools off. Also they have to be watched very closly around water or they can drown, their heads are too heavy to swim, they sink. I was telling my brother all this kind of stuff and he said it sounded like I had purchased a little old man instead of a puppy

ETA: even inside, we keep the air set around 72 and I had to go buy her her own fan to keep her cool, it amazes me how hot she gets...

Also I dont know if its her age or not but she tries to eat any and everything, grass, weeds, bugs, mulch, even rocks! So the entire time she is outside some has to be right there.

Wow that is a high maintenance dog. Are you sure you picked a dog that properly fits your lifestyle? That is the number one mistake people make with pets and usually leads to problems (like this one). I have a pair of german shepherds which fits me because they get their exercise outside and they are a very low maintenance dogs. They are so smart they are almost self-training. It took them all of 3 days to be housebroken (using the crate). I work long hours so I get all the joy of having pets with very few of the hassles.

 

[rowbear]

Oh and all dogs eat grass. It is a digestive aid. My dogs eat bugs all the time. I have never seen the harm, in fact, they get tons of exercise chasing them around the yar. They are little more careful around wasps now though.

Rocks could be a problem.

 

[MushyMushy]

Wow that is a high maintenance dog. Are you sure you picked a dog that properly fits your lifestyle? That is the number one mistake people make with pets and usually leads to problems (like this one). I have a pair of german shepherds which fits me because they get their exercise outside and they are a very low maintenance dogs. They are so smart they are almost self-training. It took them all of 3 days to be housebroken (using the crate). I work long hours so I get all the joy of having pets with very few of the hassles.

Are German Shepherds naturally high strung? I've known a few people who owned them and I don't know if some of them just didn't have a firm enough hand with them or what, but the dogs inevitably ended up biting someone. BUT, the two I knew that didn't bite were the nicest, calmest, BEST dogs I'd ever seen.

 

[hlane]

We picked these breed of dog after lots and lots of research. They are very calm, low energy dogs & do great around children.
I always have anywhere from 2-6 kids at my house each day so that was very important to me.
We've had her 6 weeks and shes been great with the kids. Other than my sons she really has no interest in the others, she just looks at them & either walks away or gets in her bed, they dont seem to annoy or bother her, she just acts she couldn't care less, lol.
This breed also sleeps a lot and are not very active, once again this is great for us because we are not an active family...at all

 

[rowbear]

Are German Shepherds naturally high strung? I've known a few people who owned them and I don't know if some of them just didn't have a firm enough hand with them or what, but the dogs inevitably ended up biting someone. BUT, the two I knew that didn't bite were the nicest, calmest, BEST dogs I'd ever seen.

They are really no different than other dogs. All puppies should be socialized with a good number of people so they are not nervous when they get older and bite people. All puppies should have their food and toys taken back away so they learn it does not belong to them which prevents them from being aggressive later on. All puppies should learn that begging gets them nothing so they are not a hassle later on.

 

[muffyn]

Well OP here again, lol

I asked him how often he puts her in her crate. He said, never, unless he has to go somewhere such as the store!!!
He said he didn't want to be cruel by locking her up so he keeps her by his side the entire 9 1/2 hours I'm gone!
I told him THAT would be the problem!! There is no way I could get anything done around here during the week if I wasn't using her crate. Thats what its for, to keep her safe so we can get things done. .

um
you have had the puppy 6 weeks and you just found this out?
did he just say at 1st he knew how to take care of a puppy & you never discussed this?
you could have stopped a lot of stress in your life if the communication would have been there . I think with a PLAN , like a list you leave with a child babysitter things can reallly improve & al lwould be happy. make a spot on the daily sheet for the kids to let her out from her nap, then back in for some together time with them.
you should stress that puppies NEED a place to call their own , they think of crates like a den , its instinct. they need someplace to go when they want to.
I have tried leaving my 2 yr olds (dogs) out all day, but they never get a really good nap, & are grouchy. so off they get put in their crates for an afternoon nap. makes them much better companions.


good luck I am sure things will work out.

 

[hlane]

um
you have had the puppy 6 weeks and you just found this out?
did he just say at 1st he knew how to take care of a puppy & you never discussed this?
you could have stopped a lot of stress in your life if the communication would have been there . I think with a PLAN , like a list you leave with a child babysitter things can reallly improve & al lwould be happy. make a spot on the daily sheet for the kids to let her out from her nap, then back in for some together time with them.

This is the first dog for both of us (other than when we lived at home, years ago, but for both of us, our parents took care of the dog).
I figured things out right away so I didn't think it was that complicated
I just treat her like one the babies, when a baby is tired you put them in their crib, they nap and you can go do what you need to do, housework, etc. You don't normally just sit and stare at them all day, even while they sleep.
He also mentioned that he tries to keep her up so she'll sleep more at night, I told him it doesn't work that way, he needs to let her sleep when she wants to sleep regardless of what time it is or how much she's already slept, shes a puppy, she needs her rest
IDK, DH is a very smart man, so I guess he just hasnt been thinking
Starting yesterday I have kept a log of everything she does, waking, eating, potty, playing, napping, on and on. I'm going to do that today & tomorrow as well so he'll have 3 days of information to reference come Saturday.
Thankfully I am off on Sunday this week for our anniversary so he'll just have to make it one day

 

[kacaju]

I hope he will do better this weekend. It will be nice that you are only working one day. On Sunday, be sure you keep up on the routine so he can see you *in action*!!

Don't forget to get the kids involved as well. They can put the puppy in the crate too if Dad *forget*