Dh thing again--- I'm confused

[Serena]

I guess the reason I hesitate is because right now things are going great. He sees the girls more than he did when he lived here, and he's in a good mood when he visits.
I guess I don't want to rock the boat, or not quite yet anyway.

 

[Claudia1]

Just because you start the process, it doesn't mean that you must go at "warp speed". Please continue to get in touch with the attorney. It will be better for you to have a firm footing, just in case he pulls the rug out from under you.

Glad you are finding WorkOne as beneficial! You have lots & lots of talent and would be a gem of an employee!

 

[Serena]

Aw shucks, Claudia.

I am waiting for a call. I am going to go ahead and get things started, at least that part will be taken care of. I can sign them when I'm ready.

 

[Dan Murphy]

No suggestions, Serena, but looking forward to giving you a real {hug} in a few weeks.

 

[Serena]

LOL, that'll be nice Dan.

 

[KimRaye]

You sound good, Laurie. The job search is just another positive step in the right direction.

{{HUGS}} & Best Wishes.

 

[Pugsley]

I'm so happy that you're doing so well. I haven't responded to your previous posts, but I've been following your saga. You sound so much better now than you did at the beginning. As much as I hate to see the jerk get what he wants, I don't see any reason to pursue the divorce right now as long as he continues to support you. This actually gives you more power over him since he needs to be nice to you so you won't file. If everyone is doing fine with the current situation, why spend the money and rock the boat. You can get the divorce when YOU are ready. Maybe that will be when you find someone else, or maybe it will be when and if he decides to marry the bimbo. Do what makes you comfortable. Just please, please, please never take him back. One a cheater, always a cheater.

 

[dianeschlicht]

I have no answers either, but the arrangement he is talking about sounds "fishy". Not sure what would be in it for you, but he would probably come out better paying on his terms rather than a court's.

 

[Disney Doll]

I understand what you're saying from a personal aspect, as far as everything being pretty calm right now, and him spending time with the kids etc.

My only reservation about the "keep it the way it is" arrangement is from a practical/financial aspect. If he,or new GF, runs up big bills and you guys are still legally married, do you become responsible for paying them should he renege? What about income taxes? What about if he suddenly becomes injured or incapacitated...are you the decision-making person? What about finances then?

I think talking to an attorney would be the best thing, as he/she can probably answer these kind of questions. I'd hate to see you meander along and suddenly get slammed with something big, ie-huge bills or something like that.

 

[padams]

As an attorney (but not a family law one), I agree with the others that you need some good legal advice so that you know what your options are and you aren't suddenly taken by surprise. I don't have any other answers but to say hang in there. You are doing just fine. Pamela

 

[shortbun]

I'm glad you've all found a peaceful place to breathe
and relax. You only need to talk to an attorney right now
to see what your options are and get some questions
answered so you can think about your next
moves. You may decide that getting a divorce or
defining 'who is supposed to do what' is too much
right now. I've known people to live in separate homes
for years before they actually divorced-the divorce
usually came because one of them wanted to
get into another permanent relationship. Take baby steps
if that's what you need to do. Who knows, maybe
you and your h will find a friendship outside of your
marriage that you couldn't find as husband and wife.
Wouldn't that be wonderful! Glad things are going
well. Glad you feel relief and calm. I'm happy for you.
BTW, most of my friends getting child support say it's
not enough.
mimi

 

[December99]

Serena...when I asked my ex-husband to leave - it was the best thing I had ever done and I knew immediately I had done the right thing. There's only so much a person should ever have to take and if that trust isn't there, there isn't any reason to be together if you've already tried and it hasn't succeeded. There will be times when it hurts - when you really need a second person around, when you need to run an errand and can't take the kids, when you want to go do something but you can't leave the kids at home alone, when you are really really really lonely and need someone to talk to.

But it's natural and okay to not be having the feelings you are concerned about. It means that this decision that you have made was a right one!!!!

Hang in there sweetie!!!! You will do alot of this type of questioning yourself over the next couple of months. Maybe not for you but for the kids or other reasons and it will be okay!

 

[ckr]

Don't lose sight of the fact that he betrayed your trust by engaging in an affair. Are you sure you should be so trusting with you and your daughter's financial future by NOT getting the legalities taken care of? While I'm sure you don't think he'll do something dishonest to you or the girls financially, for almost 20 years up until a few months ago, did you ever think that he would CHEAT on you? Just be careful. Be strong. Yes, you may have to rock the boat and it may be uncomfortable, but better for you to decide how and when to rock it than to come home one day and there be no boat to rock!! JMHO. Good Luck!

 

[Serena]

Yep, I understand. And believe me, depending on his "good will" isn't something I want to do for long. I couldn't trust it in the past, I sure can't trust it now.

 

[honeywolf7]

Laurie, it sounds like you're doing better all the time which is really good to hear