DH has finally had it!

RUDisney

Mom to Ivan & Kristina
Joined
Apr 8, 2002
Messages
10,549
When our kids first arrived in this country about 19 months ago, we were smothered by DH's family. They were of the opinion that they should raise our kids, and not us. How could I ever be expected to raise a child properly??? I have no Italian blood running through my veins. :rolleyes:

In January 2002, my SIL sent me an email telling me that I am a despicable person and that I don't deserve her brother or the kids. Other nastiness... blah, blah, blah. My DH didn't try to put a stop to her behavior because he is non-confrontational and though it would blow over. Other nasty emails were sent by her (I have never responded to any of them.) She called our house so many times each day to attempt to talk to the kids that I put a block on our line for all of the numbers that she would use (excluding her mother's.)

To this day, she goes out of her way to drive up and down our street to see what we're up to.

So, fast-forward to this past weekend. My other SIL was married and I told my DH that I wanted for him to make sure she stays away from our kids and me. I was not going to cause a scene to ruin his sister's wedding, and I was not about to be caught in the middle of one of her scenes. He refused to cause any trouble by telling her this, but her mother must have told her to behave. She ignored us all day and evening. It was actually bearable for me to be around the rest of his family....

Until yesterday... I received an email from her telling me that I should was my hair before I go to any parties, weddings, showers, etc. It tells me that I need psychological help because I obviously can't handle things on my own; that I'm using our kids as weapons, and that I'm very jealous of her. When we finally caught up with one another last night and I told my DH about the latest letter in the saga, he finally got mad. Whoo Hoo! He called his mother and told her to fix this situation. He told her that he can't understand why she continues to harass me without provocation and that he doesn't appreciate that she's stalked us for the past 17 months. He told his mother that if I'm willing to be around her and ignore her, then she should be adult enough to do the same. (MIL is SIL's clone, and she feels pretty much the same about me.)

OK, so you're thinking, "why didn't he call his sister directly?" Well, I was the last straw yesterday. My DH is a loan officer and is working with her husband on a deal to start a new business. No one has told my BIL that he can't have the money, they are just going through the normal process to cross every t and dot every i. She thought she was going to get the check yesterday. When her husband came home from talking to my DH, she freaked out and has been bad-mouthing the bank and it's lending practices. He probably would have let everything pass again, if it wasn't for her email to me. He told his mother that if the harassing doesn't stop, if the badmouthing doesn't stop, he will tell them to go somewhere else to get their loan.

Ahh, families... and we get to do everything all over again at my DH's brother's wedding in 2-1/2 weeks. And, if you're wondering, I will be wearing my hair the same way... long and straight, with bangs, tucked behind my ears. It'll be washed, just the same as it was for SIL's wedding. ;)

Sorry this is long. I needed to vent and praise my DH's long-overdue actions. Thanks for listening, er, I mean reading....
 
Oh boy! Loads of pixie dust to you!!!! I do know how good it can feel when your DH does finally speak up. Good for him!!! We had a similar situation recently and when DH(who likes keeping everyone happy) finally spoke up for me, it solved a lot of problems.
 
I'm exhausted after reading your post. I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom but I want to send you some pixie dust and hope you and your DH are happy. Good luck at the wedding!
 
Originally posted by RUDisney
When our kids first arrived in this country about 19 months ago, we were smothered by DH's family. They were of the opinion that they should raise our kids, and not us. How could I ever be expected to raise a child properly??? I have no Italian blood running through my veins. :rolleyes:

In January 2002, my SIL sent me an email telling me that I am a despicable person and that I don't deserve her brother or the kids. Other nastiness... blah, blah, blah. My DH didn't try to put a stop to her behavior because he is non-confrontational and though it would blow over. Other nasty emails were sent by her (I have never responded to any of them.) She called our house so many times each day to attempt to talk to the kids that I put a block on our line for all of the numbers that she would use (excluding her mother's.)

To this day, she goes out of her way to drive up and down our street to see what we're up to.

So, fast-forward to this past weekend. My other SIL was married and I told my DH that I wanted for him to make sure she stays away from our kids and me. I was not going to cause a scene to ruin his sister's wedding, and I was not about to be caught in the middle of one of her scenes. He refused to cause any trouble by telling her this, but her mother must have told her to behave. She ignored us all day and evening. It was actually bearable for me to be around the rest of his family....

Until yesterday... I received an email from her telling me that I should was my hair before I go to any parties, weddings, showers, etc. It tells me that I need psychological help because I obviously can't handle things on my own; that I'm using our kids as weapons, and that I'm very jealous of her. When we finally caught up with one another last night and I told my DH about the latest letter in the saga, he finally got mad. Whoo Hoo! He called his mother and told her to fix this situation. He told her that he can't understand why she continues to harass me without provocation and that he doesn't appreciate that she's stalked us for the past 17 months. He told his mother that if I'm willing to be around her and ignore her, then she should be adult enough to do the same. (MIL is SIL's clone, and she feels pretty much the same about me.)

OK, so you're thinking, "why didn't he call his sister directly?" Well, I was the last straw yesterday. My DH is a loan officer and is working with her husband on a deal to start a new business. No one has told my BIL that he can't have the money, they are just going through the normal process to cross every t and dot every i. She thought she was going to get the check yesterday. When her husband came home from talking to my DH, she freaked out and has been bad-mouthing the bank and it's lending practices. He probably would have let everything pass again, if it wasn't for her email to me. He told his mother that if the harassing doesn't stop, if the badmouthing doesn't stop, he will tell them to go somewhere else to get their loan.

Ahh, families... and we get to do everything all over again at my DH's brother's wedding in 2-1/2 weeks. And, if you're wondering, I will be wearing my hair the same way... long and straight, with bangs, tucked behind my ears. It'll be washed, just the same as it was for SIL's wedding. ;)

Sorry this is long. I needed to vent and praise my DH's long-overdue actions. Thanks for listening, er, I mean reading....


im usually not here at this time of day, what happens. long post going wild
 

Originally posted by s&k'smom
I'm exhausted after reading your post. I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom but I want to send you some pixie dust and hope you and your DH are happy. Good luck at the wedding!

He and I are very happy. That's just another bone of contention for them. How can we possibly be happy together? ;)

Cam, I'm hoping that his growing some b.... will finally help to abate some of these issues.
 
RUDisney you hit the nail on the head. My MIL was like that and she couldn't understand how we were happy. I think at the end of her life she understood and sadly my SIL and I understood her more when FIL true colors came out. Have you ever felt if you wrote a book about your family people would think you were nuts! Take care.
 
I figure that the book would be a best seller. His family has it all over My Big Fat Greek Wedding's eccentricities.
 
I'm glad I don't have YOUR family! Glad your DH has finally grown some "B" and hope someone cuts your SIL off!
 
Originally posted by AirForceRocks
Perhaps SIL's DH can cut her off, assuming he knows who she's getting it from...

His are smaller than hers. It'll never work that way. He just plods along behind her, doing as she says. Ahh, but that's a story for another day.
 
Boy RUDisney, can I ever relate to your post! We actually moved 2000 miles away to have some peace in our marriage, or it would have ended 9 years ago (as soon as it began!) :rolleyes:

My SIL is EVIL with capital letters all the way. My DH also doesn't have any "you know what's" so he never stood up for me. But distance does help. He does go see his family on the west coast every so often but the kids & I stay behind. My SIL never has met either of our children & my MIL & FIL got to meet the oldest when he was 2 weeks old & then again just before we moved away. YIPPEEE!!! Not that they cared though. When my son was born, it took them 2 weeks to finally drag their butts over to come see him for the first time. (They lived 7 miles away.) They didn't even answer the phone or call my DH back when he called them from the hospital when our DS was born! :mad: Then they didn't seem to want to see him again. I brought the baby over briefly the day before we moved so that they could see him one last time. There is no love lost though.

Actually, it's pretty sad but it's their choice. I was so happy at first to have been surrounded by his family since mine were so far away. Now we live near my family & that's that.

Just keep ignoring them. They are not worth your time or trouble. No matter what you do, it will be wrong in their eyes.

BTW, if you don't mind me asking, where are your children from? I have a precious Godchild from China..

Good luck my friend!
 
Your SIL sure is wasting a lot of energy to be negative. I am glad you can spend your energy on positive things!
 
The kids are from Russia. At least they have my family to show them how a normal family interacts.

I completely agree about wasting time with negativity. Life's too short.

I was told by my FIL, whom I spoke to for the first time last summer (DH and I have been together for 14 years) that when my SIL was young, she had an evil streak, too. She once turned on the hot water in the shower, turned the sprayer toward the wall and let the water run until the glue behind the tiles melted enough so the tiles fell off the wall. She's had issues for a LONG time.

BTW, FIL isn't from Italian descent, either, therefore, he's also no good. ;) This is certainly not to imply that all Italian-Americans feel this way... just my DH's family.
 
All of this started because they dont feel you can raise a child because you arent Italian?
Im sure it must feel good to have your husband behind you. The problems dont seem quite as bad when you feel DH is taking a stand! That would irritate me so much if my husband didnt stand up for me!
 
The Italian thing is a big part, but the bigger "problem" is that I make him happy and that we are independent. How dare we try to make our own decisions without consulting, and abiding by, his mother's wishes.:confused:
 
Is moving an option? far away if possible
 
Would that it was.

Before we got married, my DH had me promise to live and die in the town we're in. He promised me that we'd go away to "good" places several times a year. So far, this has worked for us.

Most of the time, we don't have anything to do with his family. We're only made miserable for holidays and special occasions... you know... the one's where everyone is supposed to be unhappy. ;)
 


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