Desperately seeking help!!!

[maddi]

] My daughter has never been with anyone other than our immediately family since birth. She has never been to a sitters, spent the night anywhere, or anythig else to the such. She has basically been by my side since birth, including going to work with me each day since she was 10 days old. Up until two weeks ago, she has taken naps each day from 9-11am and from 1-3pm by choice, not us making her. Since I knew school was starting, we cut those out and wouldn't allow her to take naps. Which by 1pm she was unbearable to live with.

Now for the problem, we have to by Ohio Law, send her to kindergarten this year. The school she is enrolled in is 5 days a week, all day kindergarten. I explained to her teacher that this was her first experience without me and was concerned. She eased my fears with her knowledge and sunny attitude. Yesterday was the first day and she did quite well in the morning but got a whiney streak after noon and by 2ish she became bullheaded and wouldn't do any of the work. Today, we had to literally fight and bribe her to go to school, but once I got her there, when went in like a little trooper with a smile on her face. By 11 today she started having a melt down. By 2ish she was totally done with anything and everything and had a total royal melt down. She wouldn't do any of the work, became so upset she literally threw a tantrum. At this point they physically restrained her and put her in the clinic to finish her tantrum. I understand the reasons totally though I am not happy I wasn't contacted until I arrived to pick up a little girl who was sobbing uncontrollably who now wants no part of school.

When I picked her up to hold her to offer her comfort, she was running a fever. The teacher and principal both said they had noticed she was clearing her throat alot and coughing. In my mind, it's saying if you knew she was not feeling 100% and she was having a horrible day, I should have been called to intervine before it got to the point of total amuck. I was then informed that since she is having such problems adjusting with not being with me, I have three option. Let it as it is and when she melts down, they will continue to do as they did today(I will not even consider this...I'm fearful we will be setting the stage of 13 years of H*LL getting her through school, I can go to school for the next month each day with her to help her adjust to kindergarten or I can transfer her to another school district that goes 1/2 day every day(the same school district we transfered our children out of because or the poor educational system).

After her bad experince today, she hates school, teachers, and anything else that goes along with it. I know my daughter quite well and I know that even if I was to physically pick her up and put her in that classroom she will have a totally meltdown on the way in the door and it will continue throughout the entire day. This isn't fair to all the other little children in her class, to her teacher to have to face this each and everyday, or for us to go through with this.

But I am up for a loss on what to do in this situation. I have 4 other children (ages 26, 22, 18, and 14) and they were all so eager to go to school. She never has and I am so afraid she will never be eager if I phsyically place her in that room each day.

I have thought about homeschooling but haven't a clue what is involved. I work a 40+ hours a week job but she goes with me. So it is possible. Nor do I want her to think she has won a battle by not making her stick it out. I could porbably take a week off from work to go with her, but at this point...after today...I'm not even sure I can get her back in the building.

We have never man handled any of our children, time out very well know and we feel talking to a child as a person is how to get through to them. So for someone that she doesn't know to yell at her, man handle her(understandably to a point) and give her the image that they are mean people just blew all the positive things we have told her about school.

The bottom line.. I don't know what to do and everyone is always so helpful with everything on Dis I was hoping someone could help all of us(teachers, school, DD and our family with this situation. What to do....HELP!!!

 

[Harvest02]

I read this post and am trying to think of some ideas for you. Here in Indiana, kids that are ready for kindergarten by their age(they have to be 5 by Sept. 1st) can be held back if the parents think they are not ready. But, I guess you don't have that option in Ohio. That is really sad that a law like that is in effect. I don't think that is fair to the child or to the parents. If I child is not ready, you should have every right not to send them!

Is it possible that since she had a fever and was not feeling well that is why she was acting so out of sorts? I know when my kids are sick, they are VERY grumpy and crabby! They don't want to deal with anyone, especially teachers and kids at school. I would say see how she does when she is feeling better.

I also don't agree with the way everyone at the school handled the situation. They should have called you IMMEDIATELY! Our school is EXCELLENT at doing that and call if there are any concerns. Maybe you should go to school with her for a few days to see what is going on. It might make your child more apt to handle school a little better knowing that you are there with her. Sounds like really the only option, unfortunately. Good luck and we will be thinking of you. I have 2 kids in elementary school myself, so I know what it is like to have a child that is having a hard time adjusting to school! Hang in there! It will all work out OK!!!!

 

[NotUrsula]

I have to ask: did you keep your older children so close when they were small?

I think home-schooling would probably be a bad idea for this child; she has got to learn to function without your presence. She has to go to school, and you or her father have to make her go. Obviously, she cannot be continually disturbing the learning environment with physical tantrums.

I agree with you that all-day kindie is probably not the best idea at the moment, but that may mean that she will be a year behind her age-peers in school. If you can find a private preschool that has a half-day program, you might be able to start by sending her there for a semester, and going to full-day in the spring, with an eye to taking another try at public school in fall 2007. She needs to become accustomed to going an entire day without you *and* without sleeping before she returns to public school, and I think that getting that down pat will probably take a while.

PS: the fever might be a real fever, or it might be a really bad flush from prolonged crying and exertion. Here's hoping she cools down in a few hours.

PPS: I just read the Ohio statute, and it seems to say that while school attendance is mandatory from age 6, the mandatory kindie requirement is only for admission to 1st grade (i.e, you have to complete K to be admitted to G1). It looks to me like the rule is only that she must begin attending school by age 6, so if she is 5 now, you would be able to enroll her in K next year, no?

 

[sgmom]

I agree with the last comments. She needs a year to adjust to being a way from you and better to do a 1/2 day situation than a full day. Is there a private school or even a daycare with a K class? That way she can have 1/2 day K and then maybe quiet playtime the rest of the day to adjust to a school schedule. My DS is 6 and going into the 1st Grade. We use to have to pry him away from me to leave at a babysitter's or family's. He went to daycare since he was 6 weeks old and had no problems leaving - but daddy did the drop offs and (I picked up) that may have been better?! But he loved going to preschool, K and now looking forward to 1st.

Does she have friends her age that live nearby? Does she ride the school bus? That was the only thing my son looked forward to!

I do have a friend that was getting called to school because her son would get his feelings hurt or just started crying. She went to school a few times to pick him up, but then realized that he was playing a "game" because he knew that mom would come if he cried for her. Soon, she stopped. He still had fits, but mom didn't show up. You don't want your DD in that situation or she may do it every day just to have you show up. Can you do 1/2 days for a week or so for her to adjust? I would try sitting in her class with her for a few days and start interracting with friends, etc. Have a playdate for her to get to know some of her classmates.

Also, if she had a illness fever, is she going to be allowed back at school tomorrow? Usually, you have to be fever free for 24 hours.

PS I wasn't there, but my feelings are the schools probably didn't do anything to put your child in harm. Maybe trying what has worked for other kids, but putting DD's safety and everyone else's safety first. Especially being the beginning of school, they don't want the other kids scared.

I hope it works out for you.

 

[bearette]

Speaking as a teacher the worst thing you can do is keep your daughter at home. She will learn that if she throws a tantrum that she can get whatever she wants. She will take that to school and into life with her. You do not want that. Also, if she doesn't start school now she will be behind when she gets to first grade. If you work a full tiem job you do not have the time to home school your daughter. Most children find kindergarten hard since for most of them it is their first experience away from home and with strangers taking care of them. (For a week or two the teachers are strangers.) Give her a month or so to get used to the schedule and some of her problems (like wanting to nap at 1pm and not doing the work) will go away.

As for her being sick and crying...Kids cry when they are unhappy and a sick daughter will cry. The school was probably thinking "why did the parents send the daughter to school sick?". What was probably the case was she started out good enough to go to schoool and with the additional problems she got worse. (Which would explain why she was in such a conditon when you picked her up.) I wouldn't put the blam entirely on the teachers here. If she was throwing a tantrum they needed to get her away fromt eh other students so she would not do something to them. (i don't think you would like having your daughter kick another student who got too close to her during her tantrum.) Things happen and though it wasn't an ideal situation it was hadled the best they could manage at the time. (Though i won't rule out that the teacher is bad and shouldn't be teaching.)

Ultimately you know your daughter better then anyone else. If a full day is too hard I would move her to a half day, but don't take her out fully. It will only lead to problems later. Teachers are like everyone else-there are good and bad teachers. The teacher you have may be great and your daughter just needs to adjust to being away from you or she may have a bad teacher and moving her will solve some of the problem. You know what is best for your child. You are the only one experiencing these things so while we can all guess and make assumptions, but you were there and you know what is going on. I hope everything works out for you and your daughter has a successful school career. Good luck!


ps. I forgot to mention-going to school with her is a very bad idea. I worked the first week of a preschool once where some parents stayed for part of the time. All that did was make the students more upset when their parents left. It makes them think you will be with them all the time and when you are not the realization is too much. It just prolongs the inevitable. Your other kids made it through school so will she.

 

[shaylahc1]

My 2nd child has a summer birthday. The summer she turned 5, I had to make the Kindergarten decision. Because she is a very tall child, I was not keen on holding her back a year. She was ready academically, but socially she was painfully shy and had a speech disability. So what I did was to "homeschool" her for Kindergarten, and also sent her to preschool 2 mornings a week. The preschool was purely for socialization and so she could get used to being in a classroom setting. The following year she went on to first grade and did GREAT!

Would it be possible to homeschool in the evenings and maybe find a part-time preschool/half day Kindergarten program she could attend during the day?

 

[maxtomsmom]

First and foremost stay calm. I know it is an upsetting situation, but you want your child to know that you are helping her through this tough time. You have many different options. Some have been mentioned in previous posts. As an early childhood educator and a special education teacher for many years (I'm not saying your child is a special education student) there are a few things you can do:

1. Have a team meeting with the school. Not a meeting with just the teacher but with other personnel as well. You have that right no matter what state you live in. Tell them you want her teacher, the principal and a pyschologist/social worker there. You must call the meeting and be presistant. Trust me on this one. I've been in the public schools and I know how this works. Have them help you come up with a plan that will help your daughter transition and adjust to school. They are experts and having a psychologist will help you come up with strategies in dealing with this issue for both you and yourselves.

2. You might want to suggest that she attends 1/2 a day until she has adjusted. In the years past when I taught Kindergarten every now and then we would have a child similar to yours who did could not attend a full day. This may last for a few months. Tell them that you are prepared to do some of the work at home. If DD older siblings are around they can help you.

3. Ask the principal if it is possible to hold her back one year. Put her in a Pre-K program where they are a lot more flexible and more understanding of transitions.

4. Try to find out what exactly sets her off. Is it the length of the day? Is it the amount of kids in the class? These are important questions that the teachers maybe able to help you with.

5. Finally, if you feel your school isn't helping you and you should not do this alone, you could look into hiring an educational lawyer. This should be the last resort. Like I said before, you should have a team meeting first. This can open possiblities and you should not do this alone.

 

[fakereadhed]

I explained to her teacher that this was her first experience without me and was concerned

Teachers will flame me, but I think your mistake was talking to the teacher about it. Instead of seeing you as a parent with your child's best interest at heart, they saw you as a clingy mom who was adding to the child's separation anxiety. When she had a melt down, they figured they'd handle it the way you should have all along...by being firmer with her. If you don't think this is true, look at the posts before mine.

As a mom of 3, I realize that all of our kids are different and they all may require a different approach. It sounds like you are picking up on something in your child that made you hold her a little closer than the others. To me that is just mom intuition and you should continue to trust that. If that means keeping her home another year so be it...it's kindergarten and lots of kids are not ready just because they had a birthday that year.

Hugs!

 

[va32h]

Of the three options given to you by the school, I would choose switching to a half-day program. It is very difficult to go from having never been away from a parent to being without them for 8 hours.

Is there a particular reason that you have never allowed your daughter to go anywhere without you in the past? If you have an anxiety about that, perhaps your daughter is picking up on it on some level, and reacting anxiously herself.

Homeschooling is lots of work - I certainly wouldn't discourage anyone from doing it, but working full time and juggling homeschooling would be a challenge. How would your employer feel about you instructing your daughter during work time? If you school her at night, you won't have as much time for your 14 year old, and you will only have a few hours to work each night.

 

[The Disney Bunch]

I agree with the majority of what was said previously but what jumped at me from your post was that she only recently stopped taking naps & she was melting down by early afternoon. Does she have a medical condition that is possibly interferring? I would also have her checked out by your local dr to check her over & see. My twins stopped naps at 2, though they occasionally would request one & my baby stopped them by the time she was 3. Again she will occasionally fall asleep in the car.

Not to get flamed but to be honest, it would seem that you almost guaranteed that she would have some sort of a problem going to school by keeping her with you so much. Was there a reason that you did not put her into some sort of pre-school program? She sounds like she would have benefited from it.

I would definiltey see if you could do 1/2 day kindergarten for her & then move her to full day. I think she would accept it better.
She probably had the fever because she was so upset. it does happen.
Good luck! Please let us know how you handle the situation. What does the school/teacher recommend?

 

[mcraft17]

My daughter has a friend (they are now in 5th grade) her mom said that when she started kindergarden that she just didn't adjust well and after a week she decided she just wasn't ready. They held her back that year and she went the next year. The little girl did wonderfully the next year. She is a about one year older than her classmates now but her mom felt that she needed to do what was best for her daughter and I think that is what is most important. You are the best advocate for your child, and if you feel she can't handle it than you have the right to say so. I say take it slow but move forward into getting her more used to time away from you. Spend this year sending her to a half day preschool or kindergarden. Also see if you have friends or family who might be interested in watching her for a few hours just so she can get used to being with others. Some children really have a difficult time with this. My dd on the other hand is an only child and is with us constantly but when it came to kindergarden she just turned and said "Bye Mom". It was harder for me than her. Best of luck and like I said she is your daughter and you have a right to do what you feel is best for her.

 

[emma'smom]

Kindergarten is not a state mandate in Ohio. It may be mandated district by district, but state law says "school by six". I think preschool sounds like a good stepping stone for your daughter. Are there any private schools near you that have a multiage classroom (Prek/K)? This would allow her to be in class with children her own age, but also still experience the preschool adjustment.

 

[GEM]

Wow. Honestly my first reaction is that you should check to make sure there isn't some sort of medical condition related to her needing so much sleep, tiring so easily, etc. For a kid that age to sleep from 9am to 11am and from 1pm to 3pm seems very odd to me. My little guy (and most of his friends) haven't done that since they were under two years old or so. I mean, that's only 2 waking hours between naps!

 

[TBGOES2DISNEY]

I'm also surprised your daughter sleeps so much. It isn't any wonder she's having trouble with the big change in sleep schedule and suddenly being away from you all day. What an adjustment!

It's so good she has a mom that doesn't just shrug and truly cares!

We HS and we love it! It has its challenges, but it is best for us.

That being said, you have to decide what is best for you and your dd despite what teachers and other parents think. Maybe in a couple weeks school will be best for her. Maybe another school would be best. Maybe HS would be best. Only you can decide!

I'll pray for you! It'll work out! Hang in there!

 

[Scraper]

I know you said you refuse to keep trying the way things went but not sure that is not best. Cying will not make her sick well other then getting over heated and coughing and such. When I started taking my nephew to kindergarden every day there was this women who had to drag her crying screaming son to class every morning . It was hard to watch . She said when she took him home he told her he hated her and all of them. She kept bringing him back everyday for about two weeks this went on and she told me the teachers had to send him to the nurses office most the time because he disturbed the other kids. Then one day she got out of her car and he was walking in front of her not crying but saying hello to other kids. I know it most be hard on you to watch but maybe she needs to work past this. She will get conditioned to sleeping less unless there is something wrong with her health. I hope things get better for the both of you.

 

[barkley]

sounds like major separation anxiety and a lack of stamina to handle being there a full day. i would think a half day program would be better but i think she HAS to be in some type of program to learn to separate and operate independantly. op wonders why her other kids had no problem with this-they all had a sibling within 4 years of thier own age that they likely interacted with-sounds like this little one has been raised with mostly adults (to a 5 year old a 14 year old sibling is more an adult than a playmate) and for the most part in some sort of bsns. setting (not sure what op does for work) where she likely has had little ongoing social interaction with kids her own age-so she may be totaly overwhelmed being around a group of other children (whereas the older sibs grew up with 3 other 'kids' in the household).
i saw similar reactions (but maybe not to this extent) when i taught preschool and k and a little one went from being the only child in a family or the much younger and had to adjust to being one of many kids in their classroom (not that we did'nt give individual attention-it was just that there are some activities/lessons that you do enmasse and part of the learning process is taking turns, not monopolizing the situation, experienceing group driven vs. individual desire driven situations).

i'de shoot for a half day academic program-but i think she'd do well to be in a setting that offers full day (so the afternoons could be spent socializing with other kids, playing and building up her stamina). don't know what the private schools are like back where the op is (or if it's financialy feasable)-but we have lots that do 'full day' k programs which have academics in the a.m. only and those kids that stay on after lunch do the more preschool like fun stuff, games and free play (but it's all built around reinforcing the skills they're learning in the a.m.) plus they get a nap of around 30-45 minutes. towards the middle of the year they start eliminating the nap because most of the kids don't need/want it-so when the go to true full day 1st grade they are more than physicaly ready for it.

 

[maddi]

First and foremost, thank you everyone for all the wonderful support and direction.

I would like to clarify that it wasn't my intent to critical of the school. We chose this school for their academic quality along with the outstanding teachers. The school ranks high in NW Ohio and the teaching staff's caring attitude is beyond our expectations.

NotUrsula: All my children were and are still very close to us. All of them come home on at least a weekly basis and to that they call home a couple times a week just to say hi and how things are in their lives. None of them have been as "clingy" as our youngest but extremely close. There is several factors on why I "think" she is as clingy as she is and most of them are our faults as her parents. We basically live for our family, we don't go out unless it is a family thing, we vacation only with our children, we shop with our children, we do almost everything as a family. If it just so happens that DH and I have to attend a function without our youngest, one of the children volunteer to watch her. Those situations as far and few between and are seldom over a couple of hours.
DD will be turning 6 in a couple of weeks. So by law, she has to go to school this year. I've never sent any of my children to preschool, I loved teaching them the basics so I never even considered it. Hind sight, huh?

SGMOM: No, honestly she doesn't have any play friends. We have grandchildren close to her age (5,3,2,&1) to play with but again, it is family. The children don't ride a bus since they are open enrolled in a neighboring school district(almost 18 miles away) and we commute them back and forth each day. Yes she is honestly sick, she now has a nasty little cough, stuffy nose though we have broken the fever with motrin. I think that helped contribute to the melt down today. I'm going to the school in the morning with some close friends suggestions(my DIS friends) and see if we can work something out to benefit not only DD but her classmates also.

BEARETTE: I guess tantrum wasn't a good word to use. Our children have never had the typical lay on the floor, kicking and screaming tantrum. What I should have expressed was a out of control crying. Nothing anyone said or did could get her to stop crying or start listening to rationality. She was done to the point of shutdown. All she knew was she was happy with the situation and she needed a familiar face amongst the strangers. The month thing just isn't comprehandable to me. I can't imagine putting not only my DD though a solid month of todays, but to do this to the teacher AND all of classmates is totally unfair to all. Not only will she not be learning, she will be taking away quality learning from her classmates. The teacher is fresh, bubbley and seems terrific. I personally like her! Tho this is her first year, so inexperince probably played into the factor. I'm not trying to demean her, I personally think the situation grew out of hand and wasn't handled in the best way. Am I going to raise the roof with administration...NO! Am I going to talk to her tomorrow on what might be a possible solution if this continues and what I, as DD parent, knows will work if this continues...YES! At this point, the second day of school in her first tenure, I can't imagine being incharge of 21 5-6 year olds and then having this thrown at me on top of that. I'm hoping I preceived her right and she will be totally open to suggestion.

MAXTOMSMOM: I did take your recommendation and already called the teacher, principal and guidence counseler for a meeting in the morning. I do love the way this school operates. On the first day of classes, they furnish all the parents with not only the school phone numbers but also their home numbers so we can reach them after school hours. That's a blessing in it's own.

FAKEREDHEAD: THANK YOU!!! I was beginning to doubt in so many ways. Our relationship has always been very close, to make a long story short, she is our "OMG...We're turning 40 and wanna baby" Baby. No, we don't treat her as the baby, but she is more of an only child in many aspects. When she was born, one of the children was out on her own starting her family, two were in high school, holding jobs after school and girlfriends. The next to the youngest was almost 9 and into sports, band, and doing the friend thing when the youngest was born. Plus being older in life, we cherished the time more with her. In our younger days, we were rush rush rush trying to make a good living for our family, more on edge over the minor things, and everything just seemed so fast paced back then. With the youngest, we have learned to enjoy life more and laugh at the silly things around us. It's hard to explain but I've learned to read beyond the lines when it comes to our children. Your completely right, what seemed to work for one doesn't work for the next. Again you're right, I hopefully didn't give off the impression of being a clingy mom, but I do know what works for our children and also knew where their weaknesses are in their personalities. That's one thing we are going to talk about tomorrow.

VA32H: It's not that I didn't allow her, the situation just never came up. A couple of weeks ago, she wanted to go to the library for an afternoon program they were hosting that day. I took her in and after a few minutes, left without any problems. When I returned three hours later and walked in she was playing on the computer. I walked over and when she seen me, she smiled, said Hi, told me a few interesting things about the program. All of a sudden she grew extremely quite and burst into tears. Why? She said she missed me so much. I asked her if she had fun...yes. Did she meet any new friends....yes. Was there a reason she was so upset...no she just missed me. I reassured her it was ok, she had so much fun and I was there just as I said I would be. That everything was ok and it is ok to miss me a little and she knew I was going to be right back to get her. She seemed ok with the answers and the crying stopped there and then. She was back to her same old self. But at that point I knew we were going to have problems and that's the reason I talked to the teacher when she started school. As for my boss, he is a peach! When we chose to become pregnant, he asked me if I would be returning(with my other children I was a SAHM). I gave him the choice. I could either quit and return when she started school or I could bring her to work with me each day. TADA...I'm still there. I manage his small business and have alot of down time so I know teaching her wouldn't be a problem.

THE DISNEY BUNCH: LOL...All of my children did this very thing when it came to naps, it's always been the normal for us. I didn't mention was that my children are always early risers...6:30am. If they slept till 8am I thought I was in heaven! But hubby and I are the same way, we are up each day by 5:45-6am to start the day. Back when the older children started kindergarten, it was 1/2 days for just a couple of hours. LOL...I still fall asleep in a car if the drive is over an hour long. No, it's not a medical condition, I did talk to our family Dr. about it once. But after I explained what our day is like, he said he would need a nap too. We are quite active, outside alot, constantly doing something and our children are the same way. From 3pm to 10pm we are up doing something(not now, she is down in bed by 8pm and asleep at 9ish.)We have never been know to sit around and watch TV alot.

Ok, now to share what I have done and what we are going to try tomorrow. She doesn't want to ever go back to school but I don't want to give her the impression that she doesn't have to do what she doesn't want to do. Nor do I want to let her think it is ok to quit something she doesn't like. I would hate to think if she became a quitter each time something was a little difficult. We (DH and myself) talked to her all evening about school. She likes the children she met, she likes several different things so we grew around those things. I've a meeting in the morning with teacher, principal, etc., to talk to them about maybe at first going just a 1/2 a day at their school for awhile. The mornings are spent on academics and the afternoons are spent in stations with hands on. I'm also going to spend the day at the school tomorrow (provided she is feeling physocally better from the bug she has)and possibly next week. During this time, I will get to see where she is starting to have problems(timeline) plus my intentions is to step out of the class room for short periods of time (ooops..mommy has to go to the restroom, oops...mommy forgot something in the car, ooops...DS needs a pencil, etc.). My hopes is to start with just a few minutes away and build upward with each stepping out to show her that I will always be back until she doesn't need me and sees it's going to be ok when I'm out and she is still having fun at school. I'm going to discuss this with the teacher and see where her down times are so I don't disrupt the class when I do it.
She also expressed a keen interest in teaching me about going to lunch and recess. How to do the lunch and the rules to recess and going back into the building. I asked her to please teach me tomorrow. She loved that idea. Plus now she wants to teach me how to start the mornings with homework folders, chairs, and cubbies.
Ok, I'm probably going to get flamed on this one, but we made a deal for tomorrow and the next week. I made a schedule for the refridge and she completely understands it. She loves horses and a local farmer raises them. At the birth of one this spring we were there and she got to name the filly. He had told her that was her horse. So as a reward for doing everything the teacher asks tomorrow, she will get to visit Peanutbutter and his mom. The next day, she will get to take him an apple, etc. And when she goes to school all day, all by herself, and does exactly as the teacher asks her to do, she will get to ride Percy(Peanutbutter's mom). Which is a real treat because she has never got to do this before. I know it is wrong in many a sense but knowing her love of horses, it might work.

I also took the time to write a lenghty letter on DD strengths, weaknesses, important things to her, fears, talents, our family, etc.. In hopes to give the teacher an insight to who our DD is as a person. Hopefully she can pick out something that might work for her in the classroom if the situation arises again to curtail an emotional breakdown like today.

I'll let everyone know what happens tomorrow

 

[badblackpug]

I think your reward system sounds great. These are things that are important to her but really don't have any monetary value, so it is truly a reward and not a "bribe." A few suggestions I thought of might be: In light of her very recently stopping naps maybe shooting for an earlier bedtime for now until she adjusts. In bed by 7 with quiet time until 8. Little ones need lots of sleep and yours seems to need more than most. The 1/2 day idea sounds good, if the school will go along, but I wouldn't take her home in the afternoons. Maybe she could go to an "afterschool" program (around here Kindercare has them where they actually pick the child up from school in a bus) where it would be strictly socialization/playtime. If you do go to school with her, try to minmize it. Melt into the back ground and be very "hands off" explain to her that you will be there for a while but that you cannot interrupt the class and that the teacher is the "boss." If she does melt down minimize the time she spends out of the classroom, and give the teachers/staff every opportunity to deal with it before stepping in. Since she is so used to one on one attention, this may be an unconscious effort to get that attention. Start sceduling play dates or going to activites that may last short amounts of time (an hour or two) without you. Since her separation issues are mainly with you is there someone else that can take her to school (dad, sibling, ETC.) to minimize seeing you leave? Is there something small that she could keep in her pocket, that she could touch or hold occasionally throughout the day to remaind her of you? My friend went through this and her little one wouldn't take off her coat at school. She gave her an inexpensive costume jewelry bracelet of hers to wear throughout the day so that she knew "mommy is thinking of you."

 

[barkley]

just want to let you know that i've been there on the separation issue-only with my son it occured well into a successful k and partial 1st grade year. i had a stroke while he was at school one day and in his young mind he was convinced that had he been at home with me he could have 'saved me'. he would'nt leave my side and had realy big issues with going to school. i ended up taking him to school each day (usualy dh drops off and i pick up) and staying-initialy for an hour or so until he was into the routine and felt comfortable then gradualy shorter periods of time-and eventualy he was fine with me dropping him off at the door and ultimatly dh doing drop off again. i think sometimes the little ones are more concerned with how we will do without them than how they will do on their own.

please update us-and best wishes to you dd.

 

[SILLYANDI]

just want to let you know that i've been there on the separation issue-only with my son it occured well into a successful k and partial 1st grade year. i had a stroke while he was at school one day and in his young mind he was convinced that had he been at home with me he could have 'saved me'. he would'nt leave my side and had realy big issues with going to school. i ended up taking him to school each day (usualy dh drops off and i pick up) and staying-initialy for an hour or so until he was into the routine and felt comfortable then gradualy shorter periods of time-and eventualy he was fine with me dropping him off at the door and ultimatly dh doing drop off again. i think sometimes the little ones are more concerned with how we will do without them than how they will do on their own.

please update us-and best wishes to you dd.

I have a similar situation with my oldest DD. My DS was born 12 weeks premature-I had spent 8 weeks in the hospital prior to his birth and he spent 93 days in the NICU (and too many days between then and now in the hospital to count!). She was old enough to "get it". One day I had a Dr's appt and the neighbor volunteered to pick up my daughter after school so I wouldn't be rushed. When DN showed up at school and told DD that mommy couldn't make it because of a DR's appoitment she freaked out and had a panic attack! They had to call paramedics because she hyperventilated and passed out. She genuinely thought I was going to spend another eternity in the hospital. Everytime I go to the Dr's or mention medical things she panics. It's strange the way their little brains work