Desperately need advice!

[homemaker]

Thank you all for the encouragement! I have to say that when your child is hurting and/or struggling with a situation out of your control, your sense of being rational flies out the window. It is overwhelming to see your child slipping away. In just one short month we watched him become afraid of everything and cry daily. I was heart broken for him and terrified of what may happen next.

My son was finally released from the inpatient program and has been registered for an outpatient program. This program will temporarily replace his regular school. They will continue with his curriculum, incorporate therapy and regulate medication to help reduce his anxiety. When he show enough progress and builds his self esteem, he will gradually start back to his school. He had the opportunity to meet the staff today and is excited to get back to learning.

Apparently he has been continually bullied throughout the school year. We were aware of an isolated event earlier in the year which we thought was resolved. Now it appears that it was more then what we had been aware of. The nurse's statement was hurtful but not the only factor that contributed to this situation. The school has been informed of the continued bulling and they have reassured us that it will not be tolerated.

Again thank you

 

[cornflake]

Wow, a concerned person has the courage to bring up what might be the cause (the kid is fat and thus has self-image problems/getting teased) and everyone gangs up on him. This kid, and most likely his parents, needs a douse of the truth. This kid needs professional medical help for his physical problems and his mental health issues.

We don't have all the facts, but it sounds to me that the kid needs to lose some weight and gain some self-confidence. Might I suggest one of the martial arts as they focus on both physical and mental wellbeing.

Might I also suggest that the OP drop the lawyer talk. Really, what do you expect to accomplish?

Finally, if your son really was hearing voices of people talking to him/talking about him when no one was he needs real medical & psychological help that you are not going to get from an internet chat forum. Consult his doctors, and know he might need more than one; 0ne to address his mental health and one to address his physical state.

No, a comment about his weight, or bullying, is not the cause of a psychotic episode.

Hallucinations or illusions are not a secondary thing to focus on after getting him into martial arts, are you kidding?

Someone experiencing a psychotic episode is in need of dire, immediate, inpatient intervention. That's hugely serious, especially at that age. Comments about his weight were not the cause.

Stressor events can help trigger things that one has genetic and other predispositions for, but that does not mean they're causatives.

Inpatient help sounds good. Building his self esteem sounds odd. He needs continuing psychiatric monitoring, hopefully his new situation will provide that for him.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

Thank you all for the encouragement! I have to say that when your child is hurting and/or struggling with a situation out of your control, your sense of being rational flies out the window. It is overwhelming to see your child slipping away. In just one short month we watched him become afraid of everything and cry daily. I was heart broken for him and terrified of what may happen next.

My son was finally released from the inpatient program and has been registered for an outpatient program. This program will temporarily replace his regular school. They will continue with his curriculum, incorporate therapy and regulate medication to help reduce his anxiety. When he show enough progress and builds his self esteem, he will gradually start back to his school. He had the opportunity to meet the staff today and is excited to get back to learning.

Apparently he has been continually bullied throughout the school year. We were aware of an isolated event earlier in the year which we thought was resolved. Now it appears that it was more then what we had been aware of. The nurse's statement was hurtful but not the only factor that contributed to this situation. The school has been informed of the continued bulling and they have reassured us that it will not be tolerated.

Again thank you

My heart ached as I read your post. Poor little guy, what he had been going through, it became too much for him at the end. Perhaps the nurses' comment was the proverbial straw. Isn't it amazing that bullying is so out there in the media and talked about (as opposed to when we parents were little) yet kids are still reluctant to tell somebody when it is happening to them? I believe you did a great service by posting this. I, for one, will talk to my kids about bullying today, once again.
I hope your school takes your situation VERY seriously and really does something about bullying. My son's school claims a "no bullying tolerated" policy but he often tells me of incidents happening were children complain and then the bully lies about the situation and he gets off.

Continued prayers for your son's recovery and getting back to being himself.

 

[Mrs.Malone]

As mom to a DS 10 your post brought me to tears. I'm so sorry this is happening. I'm glad your DS is doing better. It sounds like a good plan for long-term help is in place.

 

[deuceswild10]

Thank you all for the encouragement! I have to say that when your child is hurting and/or struggling with a situation out of your control, your sense of being rational flies out the window. It is overwhelming to see your child slipping away. In just one short month we watched him become afraid of everything and cry daily. I was heart broken for him and terrified of what may happen next.

My son was finally released from the inpatient program and has been registered for an outpatient program. This program will temporarily replace his regular school. They will continue with his curriculum, incorporate therapy and regulate medication to help reduce his anxiety. When he show enough progress and builds his self esteem, he will gradually start back to his school. He had the opportunity to meet the staff today and is excited to get back to learning.

Apparently he has been continually bullied throughout the school year. We were aware of an isolated event earlier in the year which we thought was resolved. Now it appears that it was more then what we had been aware of. The nurse's statement was hurtful but not the only factor that contributed to this situation. The school has been informed of the continued bulling and they have reassured us that it will not be tolerated.

Again thank you

That's great that he was released and getting the services he needs.

Best of luck to all of you.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

OP, I am so sorry for what your DS and family are going through. Having a family member with serious mental health issues can be hard on everyone. But please know that with proper routine care, his condition can be managed -- while you may never be able to go back to how things were before, your DS and your family can get back to a place of peace and calm.

 

[mirage0306]

I don't have advice, but I wanted to send lots of love to you and your son.

 

[DopeyDame]

Thank you all for the encouragement! I have to say that when your child is hurting and/or struggling with a situation out of your control, your sense of being rational flies out the window. It is overwhelming to see your child slipping away. In just one short month we watched him become afraid of everything and cry daily. I was heart broken for him and terrified of what may happen next.

My son was finally released from the inpatient program and has been registered for an outpatient program. This program will temporarily replace his regular school. They will continue with his curriculum, incorporate therapy and regulate medication to help reduce his anxiety. When he show enough progress and builds his self esteem, he will gradually start back to his school. He had the opportunity to meet the staff today and is excited to get back to learning.

Apparently he has been continually bullied throughout the school year. We were aware of an isolated event earlier in the year which we thought was resolved. Now it appears that it was more then what we had been aware of. The nurse's statement was hurtful but not the only factor that contributed to this situation. The school has been informed of the continued bulling and they have reassured us that it will not be tolerated.

Again thank you

Thanks so much for the update! I've been thinking about you guys. I hope he thrives in this outpatient program and you guys can find a situation and routine that works for him and keeps him healthy.

 

[Tiger926]

This is a very, very ill young man. One does not have a psychotic episode as a result of teasing, if that were so 98% of the world's population would be actively hallucinating. This child is not hallucinating because someone said something "mean" to him, or because he has poor self esteem because he is overweight, this child is hallucinating because he has a real and serious medical issue going on here. We don't even know if the child is overweight, but losing every excess pound is not going to "cure" this poor child of whatever is going on. Furthermore, blaming an already stressed and terrified mother, ("if he is overweight, what are you doing about it?") is not only completely insensitive, but also counterproductive.

This is a stressed and scared mother, who is dealing with a terrible situation. She is looking for answers, and somewhere to turn. She has a long road ahead of her, it is completely understandable why her thoughts are a little all over the place right now.

Whatever is going on with this poor young man, I can guarantee you it has absolutely ZERO to do with his weight.

I agree about blaming the mom. Paranoia and hallucinations do not come from being teased. But, his weight could be a trigger or stressor for him, and it would be exacerbating an already existing mental health issue. Hallucinations at age 10 is a very serious matter...

Thank you all for the encouragement! I have to say that when your child is hurting and/or struggling with a situation out of your control, your sense of being rational flies out the window. It is overwhelming to see your child slipping away. In just one short month we watched him become afraid of everything and cry daily. I was heart broken for him and terrified of what may happen next.

My son was finally released from the inpatient program and has been registered for an outpatient program. This program will temporarily replace his regular school. They will continue with his curriculum, incorporate therapy and regulate medication to help reduce his anxiety. When he show enough progress and builds his self esteem, he will gradually start back to his school. He had the opportunity to meet the staff today and is excited to get back to learning.

Apparently he has been continually bullied throughout the school year. We were aware of an isolated event earlier in the year which we thought was resolved. Now it appears that it was more then what we had been aware of. The nurse's statement was hurtful but not the only factor that contributed to this situation. The school has been informed of the continued bulling and they have reassured us that it will not be tolerated.

Again thank you

Thanks for the update! I wish you, your son and your family a healthy recovery, and the strength, perserverance and patience that comes with living with mental illness.

No, a comment about his weight, or bullying, is not the cause of a psychotic episode.

Hallucinations or illusions are not a secondary thing to focus on after getting him into martial arts, are you kidding?

Someone experiencing a psychotic episode is in need of dire, immediate, inpatient intervention. That's hugely serious, especially at that age. Comments about his weight were not the cause.

Stressor events can help trigger things that one has genetic and other predispositions for, but that does not mean they're causatives.

Inpatient help sounds good. Building his self esteem sounds odd. He needs continuing psychiatric monitoring, hopefully his new situation will provide that for him.

Tiger

 

[disneymom3]

Thank you all for the encouragement! I have to say that when your child is hurting and/or struggling with a situation out of your control, your sense of being rational flies out the window. It is overwhelming to see your child slipping away. In just one short month we watched him become afraid of everything and cry daily. I was heart broken for him and terrified of what may happen next.

My son was finally released from the inpatient program and has been registered for an outpatient program. This program will temporarily replace his regular school. They will continue with his curriculum, incorporate therapy and regulate medication to help reduce his anxiety. When he show enough progress and builds his self esteem, he will gradually start back to his school. He had the opportunity to meet the staff today and is excited to get back to learning.

Apparently he has been continually bullied throughout the school year. We were aware of an isolated event earlier in the year which we thought was resolved. Now it appears that it was more then what we had been aware of. The nurse's statement was hurtful but not the only factor that contributed to this situation. The school has been informed of the continued bulling and they have reassured us that it will not be tolerated.

Again thank you

I am so sorry. I know the pain you are feeling having gone through the mental health ringer with my son. My heart just breaks for you and for him. We had something similar in that our son was a happy healthy little nine year old who quite quickly turned into a little boy who believed he had to hurt himself because he was "bad."

I am so glad you got connected with a system like that. It sounds like a great transition for your son. I hope it goes well.

 

[bellebud]

OP

I really feel for you and your family. Sounds like you're doing everything you can.

I do want to point out, however, no matter how well-meaning, the school's administration, teachers, counselors, etc, CANNOT prevent bullying. There is nothing they can do about mean looks, whispers in the hall, a giggle when he walks by, etc. They honestly won't even notice any of it. But kids notice all of it. I honestly would NOT send him back to that school. The kids now have his weight to make fun of him for, plus his 'breakdown'.

I would absolutely allow him a fresh start somewhere else.

I wish you all the best of luck. Please keep us updated.

 

[homemaker]

The outpatient program didn't gone well. He was never comfortable going but initially gave it a try. After a few days the fear became so intense that we had to physically drag him (hysterical) into the building. Needless to say, they recommended inpatient services again and proceeded to discharge him from the program. He was insistent (and confident) that he could go back to school and wanted to give it a try. Against my better judgment I let him yesterday. This did not go well. While at the school picking him up, I asked the guidance counselor about homeschooling (so he doesn't fall behind) and doing therapy. She said that homeschooling was not a good idea and we should let him continue to try going to school. Now today we went to our pediatrician and she absolutely recommended homeschooling and therapy services. She feels this will allow him time to get well without the pressure of worrying about school.

So my choices are:
Let him keep trying to go to school while doing therapy.
Do therapy and start homeschooling.
Try the inpatient program again.

Monday we will start calling therapists to find someone he will hopefully connect with. Will update when I can.

 

[cornflake]

This is tough, obviously.

I think if the inpatient program was working I'd think that'd be a better way to go if possible.

If he wants to keep going to school, I think that'd be the way to go... I can see the reason for homeschooling but I can also see the guidance counselor's apparent point, that it might make the fear/going back worse.

Maybe take it day by day and see what he wants to do until you can get the therapist's opinion, if the inpatient isn't workable?

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I don't have any specific advice, but I wanted to tell you this: It will likely take several tries to find the perfecdt solution for your child. There may not even be one perfect solution, just one "less-imperfect" one, if that makes sense. Take things one day at a time, and try not to get frustrated if Plans A, B, and C don't pan out.

The guidance counselor may be concerned that taking your son out of school will only intensify his fears. This has some merit--we conquer fears by facing them. But, your son may not be ready to do that just yet.

While I applaud your concerns with him keeping up with school, that should be secondary to finding the right balance of medication and therapy that works for him. Once he's on track there, catching up academically will be easier.

I have a somewhat related story for you--my DD16's BFF has suffered with depression for years. It's been an ongoing thing, trying to find the right balance for him, and I've been going through it daily because of DD. He was also bullied at school and has had inpatient treatment. He lost a few months of school (10th grade) last year. But, he was able to make it up with tuors, started 11th grade at a different HS that offeres more classes he likes, and this summer, he'll be doing an internship that will open doors in his future profession. So, there is hope. I'm not going to go all Pollyanna on you--this boy still has issues he's dealing with daily, and will be in treatment for the foreseeable future. But I think it's important for you to know that there IS a future--it's tough to see right now, from where you are, but there is HOPE.

 

[la79al]

The school is going to be against homeschooling because they would have to pay for someone to come to your house to do it. I would go this route though rather than have your son trying to worry about trying to keep up in school while dealing with the mental health stuff he needs and trying to deal with the drama at school. I would send him back to the inpatient program until you are able to get homeschooling and therapy set up, just so there is not a huge gap for him to sit around and worry about things.

 

[Schmeck]

The school is going to be against homeschooling because they would have to pay for someone to come to your house to do it. I would go this route though rather than have your son trying to worry about trying to keep up in school while dealing with the mental health stuff he needs and trying to deal with the drama at school. I would send him back to the inpatient program until you are able to get homeschooling and therapy set up, just so there is not a huge gap for him to sit around and worry about things.

A school department does not have to pay for homeschooling if it is a choice made by a parent. If the child has an IEP or 504, then it is a different story.

OP - try not to make the situation worse by putting blame anywhere. It doesn't do any good. Your son needs to be be empowered, not made to feel like a victim (whether he is or not). Do you feel like you have let him down because you were not aware of any of his distress until it became severe? Try not to lash out at others, and just accept that it has happened, and do eveything in your power to keep your son safe and on the path to healing.

He may need to stay out of school for a period of time, but do not make that a permanent solution. In order to have a bright future ahead of him, he needs to find the balance between therapy, medication, and family support to learn how to deal with his situation.

If he is found to be clinically depressed, and he does have a weight issue, losing weight can actually help chemically. The brain is a complicated organ, and it is going to take time to retrain it - I wish you and your son the best, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

(This is my insight from over a decade of working in special education - your son's situation echoes many of my former students)

 

[wcw57]

you know, whenever there is a personal tragedy or medical emergency in my family, I immediately turn to the DISBOARDS for legal advice.........

 

[Nanu57v]

A school department does not have to pay for homeschooling if it is a choice made by a parent. If the child has an IEP or 504, then it is a different story.

If the homeschool she chooses is actually a public cyber school, then the district may have to pay (in our state they do pay). In either event the district will lose government grants/funding they otherwise would've gotten for the child.

We pulled out our DD from public school and started homeschooling this year (for different reasons). It is going great! I say its definitely worth a try, and its the option I'd choose if it were my child. LMK if you have any questions about homeschooling!

 

[Schmeck]

If the homeschool she chooses is actually a public cyber school, then the district may have to pay (in our state they do pay). In either event the district will lose government grants/funding they otherwise would've gotten for the child.

Government grants/funding only affect those with IEP/504 status, the miniscule amount the school gets for one regular ed student is laughable. I think some people would be amazed at how little is spent on regular ed, compared to special ed.

The school is not going to lose anything if the OP's son is homeschooled, at the parents' choice. If the district has choice enrollment, a student from out of district can come in and take that place, and the district can make money off of that student (tuition). The school can refuse to send a tutor, as the parents have made the homeschool decision. If the child was ill, on a 504, then there is more clout to getting a school-funded tutor. It would most likely be for only an hour or two a day. I think the OP could get that, as long as she gets the hospital/doctor stuff lined up. Some hospitals have their own tutors, and the school sends work to be done.

If the reason to homeschool is to permanently remove the child from a stressor, then I think it is a poor choice. How is that child ever going to learn to deal with things if the only strategy learned is avoidance technique? Please don't anyone decide to do this - I've witnessed the results, and it makes for very sick, nonfunctioning young adults. Homeschooling can be great, but it isn't meant to keep kids from having to deal with the world.

 

[mks18412]

I also homeschool. We love it. .....The school is NOT going to suggest HS. You need to do what YOU feel is right for your child.