Desperately need advice!

[homemaker]

I don't really know where to begin, but my 10 year old son is in the hospital. He suffered a mental health breakdown last week. He had been a wonderful student (straight A's) and loves going to school. Recently the school nurse did the standard height, weight, blood pressure check and he said she told him that he was the heaviest child in the school. The 4 weeks following that incident he became increasingly afraid to go to school. Last week he finally suffered a break down at school stating that he could hear all the kids talking about him but their mouths were not moving. Now the doctors haven't said what triggered the break down but I believe that it was the statement the nurse made. What should I do? The school says that the nurse would not say such a thing but what else could have triggered such a break down. How do I get am investigation? Should I contact a Lawyer? Any advice/suggestions what be helpful. Thank you

For those of you who wanted to follow our situation regarding bulling, here is an update. My son is almost back to school full days! We have been working with a wonder group of therapists who devised a way to integrate him back to school. We have been working to increase his day by an hour every week, while still having him on home instruction. We did not want to further stress him with falling behind in his school work as this is extremely important to him. Some transitions have proven more difficult (like the lunch period) and have taken longer then a week. I am so very proud of the determination and courage he has displayed. He is adjusting well and has been medication free for a couple of weeks. I thank God every day that we found the resources needed to help us through this difficult time.

I appreciate the advice and support that most of you have given. As a parent, it is often difficult to see past the pain that you child is suffering. The ability to have such an outlet without the judgement of others is a way to gain knowledge and comfort from those who may have experienced something similar. So I thank you all for you support. With that being said, to those of you criticized my turning to the boards for support - I did do that because I believe the boards are filled with people from all professions with multiple experiences and views. There are many wonderful people who are willing to lend an ear and offer a view/opinion that I personally may not have considered. Thank you

 

[Heluvsme]

I'm so sorry for all that you, and he, are going through!! How incredibly scary, I imagine your mama's heart is aching something awful right now.


I would think that a discussion with the Principal would be your first route, but personally I would focus more on getting your son feeling better. I say this because chances are the nurse, if she did make that comment, will never admit it, regardless of what type of investigation is done. All it would do is probably lead to more frustration for you.

The next thing I would do is focus on the future. When he's out of the hospital.... are there alternative schooling options? Kids are cruel, and if that's at the core of his issues then he will need a new environment where he doesn't feel threatened. Whether it's another school, private school, or homeschool. Putting him back in that old environment where the original "deed" took place might trigger it again.

My heart is with you right now, as a mom I just hate to hear of kids feeling bullied or picked on. It breaks my heart. All our kids need to feel valued and special, loved and accepted. I know real life isn't like that, but what kind of world could this be if it was??

~~Dawn

 

[clm10308]

While I think that it is horrible for the nurse to have said something like that to your son, and if she did do that, it was in no way an appropriate thing for her to do, I really doubt that one comment caused you son to have a "breakdown". (I am only putting that in quotes because it is the word you used rather than a medical diagnosis.) If your son is hearing voices, then he has a much more serious mental issue. I would suggest that you wait for further information from his doctors before you try to peruse any type of legal action against the school or the nurse.

 

[momto4princesses]

Breakdowns do happen when there is an underlying issue. You just may not have known about it.

Maybe she said it and sent him on a downward spiral, BUT maybe she didn't and this was the beginning of his paranoia and hallucinations.

Seriously what are you going to contact a lawyer about???? Even if the nurse had said it that is not something that would have sent a child into paranoia and hallucinations under normal circumstances.

Bad things happen all the time. People need to learn that there doesn't always have to be someone to blame for them.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

First, as a mom to a ds10 I hope and pray for your son's recovery.
Now is not the time to search for blame but to focus on him. If he senses your stress, and kids do sense things, it will impede his recovery. If things are calm at home with no major drama happening then whatever it is must have had its roots in his school life.
Please do not misread this but is your son on the heavy side? If yes, I do believe him about the nurse. Is it possible that other kids overheard her and started teasing/bullying him? It would make sense since after that he was afraid to go to school. You may never find out the answer but one thing for sure, do not put him back into that school.
When you have calmed down a bit you might meet with the principal and inform him what the nurse said. She will deny it, of course, but they will know
and it might help some other child down the road.

 

[mjkacmom]

I can't imagine a nurse saying that (but I can see a child feeling like it was implied - they do a few height/weight checks each year in elementary, and I think it's horrible). My oldest ds used to be chubby (95th for height and weight), and I know he didn't look forward to them (and his BMI was "at risk" - he's now 5'6", 115, so no longer an issue). However, the short boys were the ones who were mostly made fun of (like they have any say about their height). My other kids are either normal weight or underweight, and my shorty dd, luckily, is very confident, and doesn't mind her height.

That said, there must be something else going on. If your ds is overweight, trust me, he's been teased by the other kids already (I'd say that most kids, at some point, are teased about something, but that's an easy target). I'd forget about the nurse, and look into a medical cause.

 

[Reddy]

OK, I have to ask - is he overwieght??
next question if so, what are you doing about it?? just me but I think you should talk to him & let him decide what to do next. at least if he wants to diet, he needs to decide to do it - if you force a diet on him then he will cheat on it ever chance he gets

what does he do in his free time?? does he sit & watch TV or play on the computer?? might think about WII fit (maybe get it for you & see if he wants to join you)

now Mental Health is hard - there should be a local MHMR that is state supported (maybe another name) the school princpal should be able to tell you more about services in your area, which is where you need to begin (some people use their church pastors/priest for this - check there too if you go to one)

 

[badblackpug]

OK, I have to ask - is he overwieght??
next question if so, what are you doing about it?? just me but I think you should talk to him & let him decide what to do next. at least if he wants to diet, he needs to decide to do it - if you force a diet on him then he will cheat on it ever chance he gets

what does he do in his free time?? does he sit & watch TV or play on the computer?? might think about WII fit (maybe get it for you & see if he wants to join you)

now Mental Health is hard - there should be a local MHMR that is state supported (maybe another name) the school princpal should be able to tell you more about services in your area, which is where you need to begin (some people use their church pastors/priest for this - check there too if you go to one)

This is not even vaguely relevant at this point. This child is very ill, and in terms of his health his weight isn't even an issue right now. ...and he is hospitalized, so be sure that he will be discharged with plenty of out patient follow up.

OP, I say this, and I say it very gently because I recognize that you are in a very scary place right now, I doubt very much the nurse said that to him. You son is hallucinating and paranoid, and what he believes the nurse said is probably a manifestation of that. I don't think at this point that you should even worry about the school, or what he thought was said. Right now concentrate on helping your son and helping the medical professionals help your son. I would plan a meeting with the school before your son returns because I think he will need some extra services, but really don't think you should even address this situation.

Take care of yourself and you son. Good luck and hopes for a speedy recovery.

 

[kellyg403]

This is not even vaguely relevant at this point. This child is very ill, and in terms of his health his weight isn't even an issue right now. ...and he is hospitalized, so be sure that he will be discharged with plenty of out patient follow up.

OP, I say this, and I say it very gently because I recognize that you are in a very scary place right now, I doubt very much the nurse said that to him. You son is hallucinating and paranoid, and what he believes the nurse said is probably a manifestation of that. I don't think at this point that you should even worry about the school, or what he thought was said. Right now concentrate on helping your son and helping the medical professionals help your son. I would plan a meeting with the school before your son returns because I think he will need some extra services, but really don't think you should even address this situation.

Take care of yourself and you son. Good luck and hopes for a speedy recovery.

I agree with this 100%, Your son needs you more than ever right now, those extra stressors like attny's and what the school nurse said should not even be on the radar. Your son needs you to be as focused as possible on getting the care he needs now and possibly in the future. Once you have a firm diagnosis, then you can go from there.

I am sorry for what you are going through, so scary for you and your son. Many hugs your way. Stay strong and take care of yourself.

Kelly

 

[deegack]

I hope your son makes a speedy recovery. I do not think suing the school nurse is a solution to anything. Your son is hearing voices are you sure what he heard was actually said? Maybe he was hearing things for a while but it just got worse?
I truly hope he makes a quick and complete recovery.

 

[Allison]

I agree with everyone else. Your focus needs to be somewhere else. Now is not the time to be looking for someone to blame. Something this severe can't be blamed on one alleged comment.

I wish you luck. You are in a heartbreaking situation.

 

[hsmamato2]

i fell for you mama.....it must be so hard to have something like this happening,but trying to fix blame somewhere instead of focusing on helping your ds isn't going to help him at all. Even if something was said, it sounds like whatever is going on is much bigger than a random comment.

 

[Mkebound]

Wow, a concerned person has the courage to bring up what might be the cause (the kid is fat and thus has self-image problems/getting teased) and everyone gangs up on him. This kid, and most likely his parents, needs a douse of the truth. This kid needs professional medical help for his physical problems and his mental health issues.

We don't have all the facts, but it sounds to me that the kid needs to lose some weight and gain some self-confidence. Might I suggest one of the martial arts as they focus on both physical and mental wellbeing.

Might I also suggest that the OP drop the lawyer talk. Really, what do you expect to accomplish?

Finally, if your son really was hearing voices of people talking to him/talking about him when no one was he needs real medical & psychological help that you are not going to get from an internet chat forum. Consult his doctors, and know he might need more than one; 0ne to address his mental health and one to address his physical state.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I would just drop the whole issue with the nurse. You have no way to know what she said and how she said it. She may have said nothing, she may have said, "Gosh, you're the biggest kid in school!" in a non-threatening way, or she may have been mean--you don't know.

The fact that your son hears the other kids talking when their lips aren't moving makes anything he says to be suspect. I know you'd like to believe him, and point to something or someone as the genesis of his current state, but sadly, it's not that simple. Your son IS in a fragile mental state, and kudos to you for recognizing it and getting him the help he needs. What he really needs right now is a loving, caring mom, who is 100% committed to getting him well.

I wish you luck, I'm sure this is very hard for all of you.

 

[deuceswild10]

I'm so sorry.

Try and focus your energy on working with your son's doctors to get him well. Forget the nurse. Maybe she said something, maybe she didn't, but either way she didn't cause a mental breakdown.

I wish the best for all of you.

 

[badblackpug]

Wow, a concerned person has the courage to bring up what might be the cause (the kid is fat and thus has self-image problems/getting teased) and everyone gangs up on him. This kid, and most likely his parents, needs a douse of the truth. This kid needs professional medical help for his physical problems and his mental health issues.

We don't have all the facts, but it sounds to me that the kid needs to lose some weight and gain some self-confidence. Might I suggest one of the martial arts as they focus on both physical and mental wellbeing.

Might I also suggest that the OP drop the lawyer talk. Really, what do you expect to accomplish?

Finally, if your son really was hearing voices of people talking to him/talking about him when no one was he needs real medical & psychological help that you are not going to get from an internet chat forum. Consult his doctors, and know he might need more than one; 0ne to address his mental health and one to address his physical state.

This is a very, very ill young man. One does not have a psychotic episode as a result of teasing, if that were so 98% of the world's population would be actively hallucinating. This child is not hallucinating because someone said something "mean" to him, or because he has poor self esteem because he is overweight, this child is hallucinating because he has a real and serious medical issue going on here. We don't even know if the child is overweight, but losing every excess pound is not going to "cure" this poor child of whatever is going on. Furthermore, blaming an already stressed and terrified mother, ("if he is overweight, what are you doing about it?") is not only completely insensitive, but also counterproductive.

This is a stressed and scared mother, who is dealing with a terrible situation. She is looking for answers, and somewhere to turn. She has a long road ahead of her, it is completely understandable why her thoughts are a little all over the place right now.

Whatever is going on with this poor young man, I can guarantee you it has absolutely ZERO to do with his weight.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

OK, I have to ask - is he overwieght??
next question if so, what are you doing about it?? just me but I think you should talk to him & let him decide what to do next. at least if he wants to diet, he needs to decide to do it - if you force a diet on him then he will cheat on it ever chance he gets

what does he do in his free time?? does he sit & watch TV or play on the computer?? might think about WII fit (maybe get it for you & see if he wants to join you)

now Mental Health is hard - there should be a local MHMR that is state supported (maybe another name) the school princpal should be able to tell you more about services in your area, which is where you need to begin (some people use their church pastors/priest for this - check there too if you go to one)

The only facts we have are what the OP told us. Based on that, this is very relevant as it is the boy's mother herself who tells us that all this started by him being told that he is the heaviest kid in school. This may be true or not (I absolutely believe that it only contributed, was not the main reason) but our opinions right now are only a guess.
However, your suggestions should come much later after the boy has made a mental health recovery--a very good plan for the future.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

OP, I say this, and I say it very gently because I recognize that you are in a very scary place right now, I doubt very much the nurse said that to him. You son is hallucinating and paranoid, and what he believes the nurse said is probably a manifestation of that.

I have to agree with this. OP, I'm sorry this is happening to your son.

 

[DopeyDame]

OP, you must be so scared for your son. I hope you have a lot of support for yourself.
Like the PPs have said, right now I think you need to have a laser-like focus on your son's mental health and doing everything you can to get him well. don't worry about what the school nurse said. I'm sure it's SO tempting to want to "blame" someone or something, but unfortunately mental health issues are way more complicated than that. Your son needs everyone in his corner focused on his health and well being, not distracted by attorneys or school meetings.
Good luck!

 

[princessmom29]

This is a very, very ill young man. One does not have a psychotic episode as a result of teasing, if that were so 98% of the world's population would be actively hallucinating. This child is not hallucinating because someone said something "mean" to him, or because he has poor self esteem because he is overweight, this child is hallucinating because he has a real and serious medical issue going on here. We don't even know if the child is overweight, but losing every excess pound is not going to "cure" this poor child of whatever is going on. Furthermore, blaming an already stressed and terrified mother, ("if he is overweight, what are you doing about it?") is not only completely insensitive, but also counterproductive.

This is a stressed and scared mother, who is dealing with a terrible situation. She is looking for answers, and somewhere to turn. She has a long road ahead of her, it is completely understandable why her thoughts are a little all over the place right now.

Whatever is going on with this poor young man, I can guarantee you it has absolutely ZERO to do with his weight.

One mean thing said to the child did not cause this, but if there is a pattern of bullying going on (and it seems likely to me) then it CERTIANLY could be a large contributing factor. Yes, he would have to have some sort of imbalance, but the stress bullying creates cannot help that. If he is being bullied because of his weight then yes, weight is part of the issue. Also, being extremely overweight CAN have an impact on neurotransmitter levels and could be contibuting to whatever is going on here. We don't have enough information to make that determination.