Depression....

[Angelhalo]

Thank you all for your help. Sometimes It is easier said then done though, especially in my family.

I am currently on 5-HTP. I just started taking it since last tuesday. it helped a little like get my thoughts together since they were all over the place and worried about stuff.

my mom thinks she is right about everything.
"Study says peopel who are over weight are shuned by the public." blah-de-dah. I think she was just making this crap up.

Anyway, sometimes my mom makes the perfect sense but not all the time.

At 23 you've got to stop listening to everything your mom says. You are being emotionally abused. There has been a lot of really great advice given here, but it is up to you to take the reins and do what needs to be done to help yourself. I wish you all the best!

 

[C.Ann]

You have been given some very good advice here.. Please follow up on it..

 

[namenottaken]

I have been where your at with the exception of the overwight thing i cam relate completly. The best thing you should do is get help, dont let it get to the point i did and have to go to a mental hospital for a few weeks.

oh and being overweight has nothing to so with you not haveing friends, trust me im really skinny and i had no friends, still dont have that many but im doing a lot better now at least.

im 25 by the way, i know how much it sucks sometimes, you feel like your missing out on everything.

 

[madcam]

First of all . I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad about yourself. No one should ever feel that way and no one else has the right to make someone feel that way. Especially a mother towards her child. I am a mother and I would never want anything I say or do make my child feel unworthy of friendship or love. Your mom is WRONG in this case and should be supportive of you losing weight for your health and not ever making you feel like this is the reason that you do not have many friends.

I think the PP had some great advice for you. You CANNOT get any better doing nothing. You MUST take steps (anti depressants, therapy) because you have a purpose....you just need to discover what that purpose is.

I do have an additional suggestion and I hope you don't dismiss it outright but at least give it some thought. In addition to anything you decide to do (obviously, if there is clinical depression going on it needs to be treated), I think it would be a great idea for you to get involved in volunteer work. So often we can get bogged down in our own "stuff". Your focus becomes very centered on your own issues to the point of it becoming a viscious circle: you get more and more depressed thinking about how depressed you feel. But if you reach out and do something to help others in need (working at a food pantry, delivering meals on wheels, work with Habitat for Humanity, anything where you are providing a service to the needy) I think not only would it give you a tremendous sense of self-worth but you would also get out and meet good-hearted, giving people who could make potentially wonderful friends. You can be involved with people without fearing rejection, without fearing that anyone will judge you on your weight. Most people who would do that sort of thing are not going to be the type of people who are willing to give of their time to volunteering. You could check with your church or if you aren't comfortable with that, organizations within your community. It would also help get your mind off of your own problems at least for awhile. I know it is easier said than done but even if you feel just too "down" to do it whole-heartedly, then do it half-heartedly at first. Just go through the motions, "fake it until you make it". I think you would be suprised about how good you will start to feel when you do something for someone else. With the holidays fast approaching, there are lots of opportunities to get involved and I think one of the things you need most is to start to feel INVOLVED in life!! Just think about it.

Wishing you all the best!! Take care of yourself!!

 

[NYUBwayBaby]

my mom thinks she is right about everything.
"Study says peopel who are over weight are shuned by the public." blah-de-dah. I think she was just making this crap up.

I was not over weight when I started dealing with depression and feeling like I had no friends. I then gained weight as I didn't think I could get myself help. I didn't want to get out of bed or off the couch, and I only ate garbage as comfort food. It isn't your weight.

I can relate to how you are feeling. At 20 I couldn't leave the dorm room to go to class, I was so depressed. I didn't have any friends. I ended up dropping all my classes and going home until the following spring.

I ended up seeing a therapist during my time off. We determined some of the causes of my depression. I'm not on meds now, although sometimes I think I shouldn't have gotten off of them (with a doctor's supervision, of course). I don't really have friends still- not to discourage you. The time I took off from school put me a year behind, so everyone else I knew graduated, and being more social is something I'm working on with my therapist.

Anyway, I'm sorry I talked about myself so much. Check your insurance to see what is covered. Almost all include mental health. Figure out which counselor/therapist takes your insurance. There are some wonderful, wonderful people out there who would love to help you. You're 23, so you don't need parental consent anymore.

I also agree with the volunteer work. My therapist suggested it to me. Not only does it take your mind off of your depression (it does become an endless cycle), but it's a pretty good way to meet people, too.

Take care.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Thank you all for your help. Sometimes It is easier said then done though, especially in my family.

I am currently on 5-HTP. I just started taking it since last tuesday. it helped a little like get my thoughts together since they were all over the place and worried about stuff.

my mom thinks she is right about everything.
"Study says peopel who are over weight are shuned by the public." blah-de-dah. I think she was just making this crap up.

Anyway, sometimes my mom makes the perfect sense but not all the time.

Your mother is pissing me off. She's absolutely wrong. She might think it's a good way to "make you lose weight", but if so, she's incredibly ignorant about weight problems.

I've been at least somewhat overweight since I was sixteen (and at times very overweight) and I've had lots of friends and boyfriends and married a wonderful man.

You honestly need to do one of two things, make an appointment with your primary care physician, tell her/him the symptoms of your depression and ask for antidepressants or, if you still feel you can't do that, tell your therapist exactly what you told us here. And you need to do this ASAP.

What your parents "believe in" is irrelevant. They're keeping a medication from you that could save your life. I know when you're depressed it's hard to get up enough gumption to want to do anything, but you've got to fight for your life.

You're young. You've got a wonderful life ahead of you. NO ONE would be better off without you here. You've got amazing things to give to this world and you need to get better so that you can do that. Don't slip further into this, though I know it's very tempting.

I'm 20 years older than you, but would love to be your friend. One of my very best friends is only 26. I don't know where you live, but we could be friends online. Are you on facebook?

 

[KittyHellstrom]

I'm really sorry to hear you've had such a rough time. I have suffered with depression, social anxiety, and bouts of agoraphobia for most of my life and still do. I had to drop out of college due to my anxiety and still haven't finished years later The only thing that really motivates me is that i'm 29 now and I feel like I wasted what was supposed to be the best years of my life.

I really hope you find a therapist who is understanding and helps you out. It's a tough spot to be in, especially when your family isn't helping. Hugs to you.

-Kitty

 

[Trish Bessette]

I am so sorry you are dealing with thisI dont' have any experience with depression but I do want to say that I know you are a beautiful person inside and out. You need to look in the mirror and tell yourself that every morning when you wake. Open up to your counselor and tell him/her exactly what is going on. Take the advice others here have said about getting medicine for yourself.

Once you do these simple things you will already feel empowered!

Keep in touch with all of us here, we will be happy to help you along this journey.

Before you know it you will be smiling again

 

[luvsJack]

anyway, i have been dperessed for a long time.
can't go on anti-depressents because my parents don't believe in them.
I have read if you leave depression just go on its own it can become worse.
I have no friends. Literally no friends here just online friends which can count in some. But my mom says it's because i'm over weight. I have seen many people like me, over weight and have tons of friends. Is my mom right?
i'm 23 years old, no friends, never had a bf.... I'm depressed and many times i think life would be better for every one if i wasn't around. I see a psycologist every other week but i don't really like telling my personal problems because i have seen a therapist when i was in high school and she pratically laughed at me, all the time.

I have tried 5-HTP but it doesn't work. i am in a good mood all morning but then get in a rut in the afternoon because it wears off. I can't take thepill in the day time because it makes me tired.

YES, if you leave it alone it will only get worse.

I am sure that in your area there is a Mental Health organization that charges by what you make and will help you get your meds. Maybe google "mental health clinics" in your area. You are 23 and your parents cannot tell you whether or not to take meds.

2nd, and please listen to me: I don't care what the heck your mom says, you are not lonely because of your weight. Your problems are not because of your weight. Its probably the other way around.

In order for weight loss, making friends, lifestyle changes, etc. to be successful you have to love yourself just as you are. You cannot learn to do that and be depressed at the same time.

So, first things first; go to the doctor and get your meds. Then take it slow but find something that will give you the chance to meet people your age. Go to church and join the young adults group, take a class. join a book club; whatever sparks your interest. You cannot make friends if you don't get out and go where there are people with the same interests as you. Human contact, someone to talk to and just hang out with will all help with the depression to some degree.

As for weight loss, it may come and it may not; but don't let the number on a scale keep you from enjoying life and loving yourself.

Please, please make an appointment today.

 

[DizFan101]

Thanks.

I know i shouldn't listen to what my parents say but they are the only people i really trust these days since of what happened with my roommate and such.

Sometimes I have ups and downs but mostly downs. I've talked with my parents about anti-depressents and since my friend from MA is taking anti-depressents and doing so much better I told them that so and so is on them and she is doing much better. But they just say "No, jsut becuse so and so is on them you can't." Blah De Dah.

I see a psycologist every other week. Not sure if they can do anything except talk. But I just don't know. my mom is also loosing weight. She isn't skinny either but has friends because they are my dads friends and so forth.
I have been debating about match.com but my mom is like you won't get any one because nobody wants someone over weight. *** is wrong with her.

this morning when i went back to talk to her she totally changed her story.

ME: "I think you're wrong that I can't make friends because i"m over weight.
HER: "I Never said that. I meant that it's harder to make friends because you are over weight."
ME: "You didn't say that,"

and that was it. I am just not going to speak to her until she helps me .
She bought a book on PTSD. BOOKS don't really help.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm really sorry to hear you've had such a rough time. I have suffered with depression, social anxiety, and bouts of agoraphobia for most of my life and still do. I had to drop out of college due to my anxiety and still haven't finished years later The only thing that really motivates me is that i'm 29 now and I feel like I wasted what was supposed to be the best years of my life.
I really hope you find a therapist who is understanding and helps you out. It's a tough spot to be in, especially when your family isn't helping. Hugs to you.

-Kitty

It may not seem like it now, but the best years are yet to come.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Thanks.

I know i shouldn't listen to what my parents say but they are the only people i really trust these days since of what happened with my roommate and such.

Sometimes I have ups and downs but mostly downs. I've talked with my parents about anti-depressents and since my friend from MA is taking anti-depressents and doing so much better I told them that so and so is on them and she is doing much better. But they just say "No, jsut becuse so and so is on them you can't." Blah De Dah.

I see a psycologist every other week. Not sure if they can do anything except talk. But I just don't know. my mom is also loosing weight. She isn't skinny either but has friends because they are my dads friends and so forth.
I have been debating about match.com but my mom is like you won't get any one because nobody wants someone over weight. *** is wrong with her.

this morning when i went back to talk to her she totally changed her story.

ME: "I think you're wrong that I can't make friends because i"m over weight.
HER: "I Never said that. I meant that it's harder to make friends because you are over weight."
ME: "You didn't say that,"

and that was it. I am just not going to speak to her until she helps me .
She bought a book on PTSD. BOOKS don't really help.

If he/she is "just" a psychologist, they can't prescribe medication, but they can encourage you to go to someone who can.

Do it! Join match.com. Believe it or not, many, many men prefer women who are larger. You'll probably gain some confidence from it!

 

[jbear'smommy]

anyway, i have been dperessed for a long time.
can't go on anti-depressents because my parents don't believe in them.
I have read if you leave depression just go on its own it can become worse.
I have no friends. Literally no friends here just online friends which can count in some. But my mom says it's because i'm over weight. I have seen many people like me, over weight and have tons of friends. Is my mom right?
i'm 23 years old, no friends, never had a bf.... I'm depressed and many times i think life would be better for every one if i wasn't around. I see a psycologist every other week but i don't really like telling my personal problems because i have seen a therapist when i was in high school and she pratically laughed at me, all the time.

I have tried 5-HTP but it doesn't work. i am in a good mood all morning but then get in a rut in the afternoon because it wears off. I can't take thepill in the day time because it makes me tired.

You are an adult. You can take any med you want. If you have no insurance you can contact a public mental health clinic in your area. Here we have one run by the county. They offer their services and meds on a sliding scale based on your income.

 

[wtccheermom]

I hope you are able to get something that works for you and you start feeling better soon. I am a little curious to why your mom would buy a book on PTSD if you are dealing with depression Good Luck and Best Wishes!!!

 

[136368]

Antidepressants are nothing to be scared of - they can help you to return to normal life. Therapy is also important - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is popular at the moment and, in my experience, really works wonders.

 

[KittyHellstrom]

Do it! Join match.com. Believe it or not, many, many men prefer women who are larger. You'll probably gain some confidence from it!

Okcupid.com is great, much better than match in my opinion, plus it is free.

I met Kitty there

-Hellstrom

 

[RitaE]

I have no idea if you need anti-depressants or not because I'm not a Doctor and I don't even know you.

I can tell you however as one adult woman to another ... respecting your parents does not always equate to telling them everything or even always taking their advice.

For whatever reason, your relationship with your Mother at least in regards to this issue is toxic. It is not helping you so it is time to turn to other avenues. I honestly don't know of any adult woman who tells her Mother everything. I honestly don't.

Talk to your therapist and tell him/her that you have researched and believe you feel clinically depressed and you would like to consult with a Doctor in regards to medication without involving your parents. Their are avenues and methods available to accomplish this and your Therapist is your key.

Believe me, Therapists and Doctors are quite familiar with protecting their patient privacy. You will get help, but you first need to ask for it. And if you don't, then it is time to find another Therapist.

 

[Mimi1965]

Thanks.

I know i shouldn't listen to what my parents say but they are the only people i really trust these days since of what happened with my roommate and such.

.

Do you work? Go to school? Take seminars?
Volunteer?
Do things where you can meet people with similar interests!

 

[KittyHellstrom]

It may not seem like it now, but the best years are yet to come.

Thank you

-Kitty

 

[DisneyCrazy915]

Your mom doesn't sound supportive at all, quite the opposite. I can sympathize with that, believe me.
Have you thought about group therapy (in addition to individual)? Not an ideal way to meet people I know, but it could be a step in the right direction socialization wise.
And being overweight has nothing to do with having friends. One of the most popular and well liked people I know is overweight. So it's definitely not true.
As for you not wanting to talk to your therapist, you really should be more open with them. They can't help you unless you are open and honest with them. They're not going to tell anything to your parents unless you give them permission to do so, if you're worried about that. The therapist you saw in high school shouldn't have laughed at you. That is extremely unprofessional, and not the norm so don't be worried that this one will be the same.
I'm not a therapist, yet, but if you were my client I would suggest your mother see someone as well. I'm being a little presumptions here, but she probably has issues and insecurities of her own that are being pushed onto you.
But please please please talk to your therapist, they will be able to help you