I have been depressed, although not diagnosed with it as I have never truly had a conversation about my feelings.
For the most part, I haven't been that way since the fall of 07, but slowly I'm becoming incredibly sad and lonely. I'm not depressed, and I'm too scared to commit suicide, or to cut myself. So I just cry, a lot. Anything will make me cry. It's me and myself all the time, I have a bout a billion things I need to say to people, but never do. I've cried everyday this past week. And it sucks, but there's nothing to do. My friends aren't going to listen, and the person i need to scream at, or tell something the most, is avoiding me, or tries to kill a conversation when I start it.
I'm very lonely. My friends aren't people I can talk to. My friends are out having fun. And my family.. well my brother lives no where near me, and my parents have other things to worry about right now.
I'm hurt, I'm constantly sad and miserable, and very alone.
But I'm not convinced I'm depressed yet.
Me too.
I'm sad, and lonely, alot. Because, just about eight months ago I lost all my friends. I'm gaining most of them back slowly, but there are two that I want back the most. But they won't budge. I just felt so alive with them. We had so much in common, and then some girl told one of these girls a lie, and she believed her. She never trusted me after that. I didn't even do anything. I can't go to my parents, my sister, or anyone. No counselor, because I tried that in fifth grade (because this one girl was avoiding me, and I found out I didn't even do anything and SHE made a mistake), sixth ( same problem as now ), and this year. But it doesn't help, at all. My parents have huge money problems right now, and they are on the phone 24/7. Especially my dad. I don't think I've seen him off the phone for two weeks straight. I have no real friends to talk to. I have one really great friend, she's funny, nice, but she can also be a pain in my butt. She has a big attitude sometimes, and a big mouth. She can't keep secrets.
I've never cut myself, or attempted suicide, because, I know if I do that, I will know what a stupid mistake it was. Because when I think about it, my life is great. Sure, I don't have the best friends, but I have friends that make me laugh, and that
trust me. Music is my heartbeat. When I'm feeling lonely, I just blast some ridiculous Hannah Montana song and sing my heart out, pretending I'm a rock star or something. Sounds silly, but it really makes me feel better.
I'm slowly healing, because just yesterday, this happend.
'Can I have a jelly bean?'
'Hmm, nah.' (She was being sarcastic.)
'I'll be your best friend!'
'You already are, stupid.'
That made my day.
I'll pray for all of you.