Depression over Vasectomy

[Happiest mommy]

Hello my fellow DISers I want to thank you all for all the wonderful tips that I always get here which make my Disney Vacations extra Magical, that said I want to share this and I need to get it off my chest TIA for reading what I am about to post, here goes...

After many years of infertility problems and treatments I am the proud mother of two DD a 41/2 yr old and a 5 month old, both of my pregnancies were delivered via C-Section and both went well until after I delivered. My first pregnancy I went into Congestive Heart Failure and almost died and for my second I suddenly developed severe Preeclampsia and again almost died and on top of that had to have a blood transfussion, both very scary and severe situations, that said my husband (the most wonderful man in the world) seeing how close to death I came with the babies decided to have a vasectomy(which is scheduled for next week)
He fears a third pregnancy would kill me and the Doctor agrees that I really should not have any more children (I am 41 yrs old) it is a mutual agreement and I know its for the best but I am so depressed knowing that I will not feel another baby inside of me,(I LOVED being preggers) I know I am blessed and that at one point in my life I did'nt even think I would have any children but I think its knowing that I will never have a month when I am "Late" and think "could I be...?" please, please don't flame me I just need to get this out I know I am blessed and I hate feeling this way please understand me thank you for reading.

 

[gabriellyn]

I am so sorry for your situation. What you are feeling is very natural - you are basically in mourning. Give it some time. If it doesn't improve relatively soon then you should seek out a counselor. But don't feel bad about feeling bad.

 

[bumbershoot]

 

[wdwmickey]

I can totally relate, I had to have my tubes tied AND DH got a vasectomy after my second high risk pregnancy. As PP have stated you are in mourning and you need to give yourself some time. If you want to "chat" with someone who has been in your shoes feel free to PM me I would love to talk. Cheryl

 

[RumpleMom]

Please focus on counting your blessings. In our family, when someone is going through a rough time, this is what we say.

You are following the advice of your doctor, your husband is in agreement and you need to be around to raise your children. All excellent reasons.

I think it is very common to think about not having any more children and feeling a little sad, even when it is done because you make the choice knowing your family is complete and you know you are done. It may take a little while longer since you were told this is how it is, but again focus on your blessings.

 

[Happiest mommy]

WDW and gabriel you guys just made me realize that indeed I am in mourning I did'nt even think about that, thank you all so much I just had one of those aha moments you guys truely do understand thank you soooo much.

 

[gabriellyn]

 

[Happiest mommy]

thank you rumpmom thank you.

 

[AmyBWV99]

The sadness will pass with time but don't feel bad about feeling that way. I totally get what you're saying and I'm sure it makes it all the harder when the choice is taken from you due to the seriousnes of the previous issues related to your pregnancies.

 

[TinkerbelleAbbysMom]

If it helps, I am a ob/pediatric nurse and I once cared for a mom whose doctor had advised her not to have another pregnancy. She had multiple complications, none as big as yours. Just realize that the doctor knows you and your body well. I truly believe if they advise you not to have anymore babies, they know it's not a good idea. Just spend your time mourning the loss of any future babies and also be prepared that DH may have some "feelings" of sadness...more so about losing a part of his manhood. I am not fussing at you, just hoping to help you be a supportive wife!

 

[littlbugmom]

I had to have my ovaries removed because of tumors and a year later, a hysterectomy. I came to terms with the fact that I would not have any more children. I knew I was doing the right thing and actually welcomed the hysterectomy because it meant the end to unbearable pain.

But I still felt as you do. It is the loss of what might have been and even though you KNOW it's the right thing to do, it's a loss and it's sad.

Time makes this decision for all women. It feels "not fair" that it happens to some earlier than nature normally determines. When you feel sad, make a point to play with your kids. You'll feel better right away. They are magical that way.

 

[mjkacmom]

You know, it was even hard for me getting a tubal, knowing I wasn't having any more, and I had two more than I had planned, five kids in 7 years! And I didn't even enjoy pregnancy! It's not like I wanted any more kids, but I wish I could do it all over - peeing on the stick, ultrasounds, dreft detergent, stretchy terry sleepers, stroller shopping, fun in the bath...

My favorite part of pregnancy was feeling the baby/babies move - I was lucky to experience that for four pregnancies, and it never got old.

 

[ginnymack]

I know how you feel - I really want a 3rd, but I just cannot get dh on board. I, too suffered from years of infertility and we have been blessed with 2 wonderful daughters, but my family still does not seem incomplete. One thing that is helping me come to terms with everything it that I got an IUD in lieu of anything permanent. That way, I still feel like I have an "out". I don't think I will take it...I don't think my husband will ever want to add to our family. But knowing the door is only "semi" closed for the next few years is making it easier. I figure by the time the 5 year IUD window is closed I will be much more at peace with things - by then, my baby will almost be 9 and I will be way to old to think of starting over. In the mean time, I am planning my disney trip like a fool. I mean, I don't really want to go to the park preggers, and taking a newborn or a morning napper would just be hard. Day at the time, kwim?

 

[MSSANDRA]

When DH had his, I was in worse shape afterwards than he was. It is the end to a chapter in your life and you have every right to grieve it.
Do not forget there are other ways to grow your family if both feel your family is not complete. Adoption is a loving choice.

 

[Happiest mommy]

tinkerbell thanks for reminding me that Hubby might also be going thru some emotions even though I know he would'nt tell me.

 

[Happiest mommy]

MSS yes adoption is a truely loving choice its funny you should mention that because today he mentioned adopting I guess he feels what i'm feeling...

I have to truely say you ladies have made me feel so much better and made me realize that what I feel is real and I should acknowlege it and mourn this closing chapter on my life. I was feeling so quilty for feeling this way, but now I know that what I feel is normal thank you, thank you, thank you all from the bottom of my heart and Bless you all for your wondrful and kind words

 

[mom2aidanNpiper]

I completely understand how you feel. I am only 30 ( I have an 8 year old and a 4 year old) and both pregnancies were very high risk for 2 dif problems. With my oldest (who was born at 29 weeks) I was actually dead on the table for 4 minutes and had more blood transfusions than I should have (I actually got an infection from it). My 2nd wasn't as bad, but was still early. I knew we shouldn't have anymore children, but I was young and didn't tie my tubes. My husband and I got a divorce, and then I got diagnosed with cervical cancer and had to have a hysterectomy. So I understand, believe me. I got help through a therapist, and it did me a world of good. None of my friends could relate (I was 28) so it was really the only person I could freely talk to- without people saying- but you have 2 great kids...etc.

You'll get through it I promise

 

[catrax]

I'm so comforted to know that I'm not the only person in the world who has these feelings. I had 3 healthy pregnancies and 3 healthy children and I am so lucky. We really can't afford another and it doesn't make any sense to have another, but I, too, struggle with the fact that I will never feel a life inside of me again. I will never nurse another baby (I'm weaning my 15 month old right now!) As many times as I have tried to tell myself that the best is yet to come, I feel like I am in mourning because that time in my life is over. It has been 6 months since the vasectomy and I have often caught myself fantasizing that it the vasectomy had reversed whenever I am even a day late for my period!!! Crazy, I know! I do feel very blessed and know that there are so many people out there who would give everything to have one chance at a baby, so I do feel a little spoiled, but it doesn't stop the other feelings. I can only assume that one day I will look at my family and feel that it is perfect just the way it is. Maybe this is our version of "mid-life crisis" - just a little earlier!

 

[Happiest mommy]

mom2 wow thanks for sharing your story, you were so young thank goodness you found a good therapist, if I continue to feel this way I will definetly get profesional help thank you so much

 

[Happiest mommy]

catrax you made me smile "mid life crisis" thanks for sharing and I def understand.