Depression and dieting (long)

[bubie2.5]

I don't know if I should post this here, but since it's related to my diet and I need some kind of support, I'll just go ahead and post it.

I've been struggling with my weight since I can remember, I have always felt obese (not fat, obese). Looking at pictures of me in high school, I can see that the problem was in my head, not in the way I looked, I was probably a size 6 then. Since I always felt that way, I let myself go crazy, not watching what I ate and slowly gaining pounds.

At the end of last year, because of the way I looked, and how I felt about myself, I fell into a depression that only got worse when my 8 y/o niece died unexpectedly on dec 20. I've been going to therapy and it's been working, I don't expect everything to change overnight. I started dieting on december, I've been doing ok with it and I've been walking three days per week on the treadmill.

The problem is this: yesterday in therapy the doctor told me to walk at least 2 more times per week, and to do it outside. She also gave me a lot of "homework" and stuff to read. As soon as I got out of her office I started feeling anxious. I got home and instead of having for dinner what was on my menu, I made a little wheat crust pizza (with just mozarella and slices of tomatos), it was about a slice, no fat and low sodium.

Now I feel like I'm starting to sabotage the diet... maybe I'm overreacting (sp), but I feel I won't be able to get back on track, I'm overwhelmed by having to walk two more times a week and specially about doing it outdoors. The worse part is that I'm up 1 pound, I don't think it was just the slice of pizza, could the stress have something to do with it?

I'm having trouble sleeping and the doctor told me that if nothing changes by next tuesday, she think it would be best for me to take some kind of medication. I really hate the idea of taking stuff to help me sleep, and was wondering if the was some kind of low fat/low cal natural home remedies that I could take for falling asleep (no counting sheeps please), warm milk or something like that.

Can anyone help me please?

 

[tiggerlover]

First off I think you need a great big {{{HUG}}} . And let me say I am so sorry for the loss of your niece, I can't even imagine how tramatic it was for you and your family.

I can relate to what you said about your body image, feeling fat and only being a size 6 and letting yourself go crazy. I was there myself in HS. I was fat back then and I lost a ton of weight (looking back now I can see I looked wonderful), but my body image of myself was I was a big fat cow. So I too let myself go crazy because I thought it didn't matter. It took me many, many years to work beyond that and finally do something about my weight. I think I was using my weight as a sort of shield. Even now that I have lost over 55 pounds and I am looking good I still have moments when I feel like I am still a big fat cow, but I have to tell myself that is only my mind playing tricks on me. I think it is one of those things that will always be in the back of my head, by you have to combat it with your brain telling yourself you are getting healthy and losing weight, don't let what I call the demons win or you will continue to sabotage yourself.

As for your new "homework", I think if you are feeling so overwhelmed and out of control by what the doctor said than don't do it and talk to her about it on your next visit. If it is so overwhleming that you are feeling anxious and out of control she needs to know about it and maybe together you can work on an alternative. Because if you don't tell her how you feel she can't help you.

As for the sleep problems, I am there with you, I have major sleep issues. Some of the things you can try is to cut out your caffiene after 2 in the afternoon, take a nice hot bath before bed, it is very relaxing, maybe get some arometherapy bath bubbles and try a cup of Sleepy Time tea before going to bed.

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[bubie2.5]

tiggerlover: thanks for the advise. I will try the ot bath before bed tonight, let's see if it works.

Thanks a million!

 

[DoeWDW]

I'm a big believer in baby steps. If you're feeling overwhelmed by your homework, then maybe you can compromise. Instead of walking outside 2 more times this week, maybe you should just STAND outside for a few minutes on those 2 days. See how it makes you feel just to be outside. It's a small step in the right direction. If just standing outside seems too overwhelming then maybe you could break it into even smaller steps - just get ready to go outside and THINK about it, allowing yourself to just sit inside and feel those feelings. Do what is comfortable for you but make an effort to take a small step in the right direction so you can show your counselor you are trying.

You get the idea. Just do what you can do and it will be good enough. It's the trying that counts!

I hope you're feeling better soon. I'm on anti-depressants after 2 episodes of major depression. You're on the right track! If you need to chat, feel free to PM me.

 

[LAinSEA]

How terrible for you to lose your niece. I'm so sorry for your loss, she must have meant the world to you. I know, my two nieces mean the world to me.

Your doctor is right on; you need sunshine and fresh air and to get out in the world. Walking for exercise outside will help chase away your blues. You don't have to interact with anyone while doing it - just walk and think and breathe.

My DH's counselor tells him to take on small but obtainable tasks. Things he can accomplish in 30 minutes or less when he is feeling down. A big project is overwhelming - completely organizing the garage is overwhelming; straightening up his work bench is obtainable. Accomplishment is positive for mental health.

Self-esteem (or lack thereof) is tricky...I always felt "fat" through junior high and high school and college (until I got married at 24). In reality I was "tiny" - my wedding dress has a 24 incheswaist! Now I'm way overweight - 60 lbs over what I was when I got married. I'm working towards getting my weight under control, but sometimes I worry that even if I do get down to my goal weight that I will still feel "fat". Your struggle with self-esteem is shared by many of us.

I think the most important thing in dealing with depression that a loss brings to the surface is to let yourself grieve. Give yourself permission to be sad and angry. It's OK to miss your neice terribly and to wonder how her life would have been if things had been different. Eventually, in your own time, you will come to feel that she would want you to be happy and to live and do the things she couldn't do with you in person but will be there in spirit. Thoughts of her will bring your strength when you need it, not sorrow.

If you need anything...anything at all, please PM me too.

-Laurie