Dealing with jealousy [sibling]

[~Czarina~]

I am not sure if this is where it belongs but I am just hoping to find somebody that has been here and survived.

I am one of five children with 18.5 years between the oldest and the youngest. For the last year plus I have had a boyfriend. My youngest brother is 13 (just turned) and has considered this war. He picks a fight at every possible turn with my boyfriend. Normally over the dumbest of things. He is down right jealous of everything. I have tried making a point to do extra things with my brother but because they aren't the same things we did before my boyfriend he doesn't like them. I sit in the middle whenever possible so he can't accuse me of not sitting by him when my boyfriend is around. I have tried everything I can think of to show him that he is still my brother and isn't being replaced but I don't seem to be getting anywhere. He is normally a really sweet kid and I thought it would fade but it just seems to be getting worse. I can't exactly keep the two apart. They got along great before we started dating so it isn't like they just don't blend well. (My boyfriend is a commander in Royal Rangers/Boy Scouts so they have been camping for years together.) We have managed to come to terms with the other brother and his jealousy but that was over the first month we were dating. This one just keeps hanging in there and getting worse. Any suggestions for jealous siblings?

 

[Doctor P]

One thing I would try is to have your BF start doing some things alone with your brother. Try to turn it into the positive of him "gaining a brother" rather than "losing a sister". I have seen this work before. Good luck!

 

[cuppie cake]

Well, honestly...we need to know how old you and your other siblings are. Otherwise, we can't even begin to give you any advice...

 

[Chilly]

Perhaps your brother felt your BF was his friend and not yours and now that you are dating your BF might be treating your bro differently which he doesn't like. I would suggest that the 2 of them should spend some time together alone. Also you should probably tell your brother that he is making you really unhappy. Good luck

 

[~Czarina~]

Well, honestly...we need to know how old you and your other siblings are. Otherwise, we can't even begin to give you any advice...

The oldest is currently 31, he is married and lives out of state. The next oldest is 28 and she is married and lives out of state. (Both got married in 2001.) I am next at 21 and then a brother at 17 and a brother at 13. Sorry, I should have included that in the first post.

One thing I would try is to have your BF start doing some things alone with your brother. Try to turn it into the positive of him "gaining a brother" rather than "losing a sister".

He doesn't want to go anywhere with him by himself because then he feels singled out. If he takes my other brother he feels like a 3rd wheel because his older brother is much more out going then he is. He doesn't want to be treated any different then his other brother simply because he is "younger". If they play games at the house he gets mad if my BF lets him win because he did it to "earn me" as if I was a prize. (Even if my BF simply lost.) If my BF wins it is because he is 24 and is therefore obviously going to be better at ____ then a 13 year old. He can't win for loosing, literally.

Perhaps your brother felt your BF was his friend and not yours and now that you are dating your BF might be treating your bro differently which he doesn't like.

He originally thought it was awesome that he had another commander hanging out with him. (Dad, a brother and several friends are on staff.) He really thought it was cool when he got a favorite dessert delivered to him because my BF made it for him. Then he asked that it stop because the other boys wanted to know why they he was getting special treatment. He said it was weird telling them that the commander was his sis' BF. I told my BF and he stopped but then he was bummed because he was treated the same as everybody else at the camp but at least then he didn't have to explain to the boys so he tolerated it.

My BF had managed to win my other younger brother over. (That was short work, a couple months. It was nothing against my BF, that brother is just a mother hen.) He got the children I nanny to like him. (One went from "she is mine" to "will you marry her so I can stay with both of you", now they beg for him to come over whenever I am there.) My brother liked him when we were friends. Add the BF title and he grew fangs. Sadly my BF seems to be giving up and justifying it as my brother being a brat. I'm at a loss. Can I just slam their heads together and tell them to get along or I will ground them both?

 

[BecBennett]

Can I just slam their heads together and tell them to get along or I will ground them both?

Yes, do that!