Dealing with friends that well are.... in a word... Cheap

[KPeterso]

I have a former friend a lot like that. Some examples of her frugality:

• She felt that since I lived closest to the office that we worked at that I should always drive if we went out to lunch. I started declining lunch invites because of it. I did not mind taking a turn driving. but not every single time. Other friends jumped in and agreed with me that it was not fair to put all driving on me. I can't help it that I live close and that you chose to buy a place that was 45 minutes (on the tollroad with light traffic or a lot longer on the freeways in rush hour) and that I live 1.5 miles from the office.
• After she bought the house, she was going to throw herself a house warming party expecting gifts. I did have something in mind to buy her, but she found something and was trying to force me to buy it while we were out shopping. I probably would have gone back to buy it to add to what I had in mind but I got mad at her for her trying to force me. My money, my choice. And even if I bought it now, she would not have gotten it until the party and she thought I should give it right that second.
• Another friend, she mentioned she did not have a blender. So said friend said she would get her a blender and asked if she had any in mind. She asked what her budget was and would then pick one. She never got the blender.
• Same other friend and her were going out to lunch and were in a super minor fender bender (rear ended). That friend was driving and had a pick up truck. No damage at all to that friend's truck. The frugal one got out and started taking pictures of everything at the scene and said to friend later how much do you think we can get? And then filed for a long list of medical injuries from it that hit the other friend's insurance. I mean this list had things that made you wonder how she was able to even get out of bed and how she was not hospitalized. That was the end of their friendship.
• Oh and another with the other friend... She was the admin for the highest leader in our department. Frugal one asked this friend to see if she could be set up with the leader's son (who was probably at least 15 years younger than her) because he was Jewish and had a father who made good money.

In my case, she got mad at me over the stupid gift and then got all mad that I became friends with a new girl at work (FYI - my BFF now). I found out later from others that she pulled some of this crap with them and many did not like her at all. No one was sad to see her go when she was let go from the company.

 

[bcla]

I'm not cheap, I'm poor. My mother is the cheap one. Has to comment or ask the price on every single thing I buy. Also will belittle me because I pay $1.98 for a 6.4 ounce tube of toothpaste at Walmart telling me how stupid I am because she gets her toothpaste at the dollar store for $1. I've tried to explain that 1 tube of 6.4 oz for $1.98 is far cheaper than two 3.0 oz tubes for $1 each.

Everything is, "Why would you buy that at Walmart, I get it at the dollar store for a dollar!" I was cooking one night when I put some olive oil in my cast iron pan, a bit too much. Swiped a little bit out with a paper towel and she saw and freaked! "That's $18 a bottle!!!!" I just paused, looked at her, "Why would you pay $18 for a bottle of olive oil when you can get it at the dollar store for a dollar?" She didn't get it.

I've found that some items selling for a dollar at a dollar store sell for 88 cents at WM. As in identical.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Some examples of her frugality

None of your examples are what I think people conventionally consider frugal

 

[RedAngie]

So let me back up a second...

We have some friends that are really nice people and fun to hang out with, both are really nice, and have a great since of adventure, great sense of humor... he is absolutely hysterical... lately their cheapness is wearing out it welcome with us and others in our group of friends...

They are extremely cheap..

So you are wondering is it a money problem... No, he make well over 6+ figures, and she make over 6 figures, they live in a nice home, typical Fl. home 3 bed 2 bath with a pool... but its not extravagant or anything, just to 2 of them and their dogs, nice cars but nothing crazy...

When going out to eat at a nice restaurant with them is a nightmare... so normally we cook out at each other houses... just so that we can eat in peace... and not be embarrassed... If we do go out to eat... It goes like this, - "What no bread basket, that just ridiculous, can't they give you some bread"... They will not order a appetizer, and normally DH and I order a appetizer to share, and he is like wow that looks great, it should for 14.00 bucks or whatever... which DH and I final have gotten to were we just say yep soooo good, you should have gotten one, and we use to offer them some, not anymore...

They complain about the cost of literally everything... and telling you what your spending, or make a comment like that beer is 8 or 10 dollars...wow, your going to spend 50.00 bucks on a steak...

So normally we stick to thing that are all inclusive, like resorts in the Caribbean, or Cruises - when we travel with them... its just easier... this way everyone can pick their own room price point and you don't have to worry about meals, and such... He pitched a fit when we got back on the ship in Nassau, and they would not let him take the booze he bought back to the room... DH and I said we will see you guys at dinner, and left them there arguing with the security guys.. they did not come to dinner that night they ate the buffet...and would not hang out with us, because we were paying ridiculous price for drinks...

Don't even mention the cost of airfare... If we have to fly somewhere, we never fly together everyone has there favorite airline, points and all.. as they like the budget airline, and will take 12 hours to get somewhere to save like 40 or 50 dollars... Last time a big group of us went to Vegas( way before covid), they wanted someone to wait at the airport for 4 hours so that they could split a uber, to which everyone was like no...

Same Vegas trip... We all stayed at Mirage this trip, and they wanted to share a room with someone... which of course no couple wants to share a room with another couple... for goodness sake its vegas... so they decided to stay at Treasure Island.. which is fine, yet they complained that they had to walk over to meet us, they would not pay for the show we all decided on before the trip, they waited to get discount tickets and the show was sold out, then got kinda upset that we all went without them... they only wanted to eat in the food court, which is fine just not every meal...we wanted to check some of the great restaurants, We went to eat at a middle of the road restaurant some Irish pub place for late lunch, and he was like I'm not paying 20 bucks for a Ruben sandwich, the server was like it is really a large sandwich and you could share it if you like, so they sat there and shared a beer, while we all ate, then wanted us to sit in the food court while they split a hot dog meal... which of course no-one did, we all headed for the gaming floor... They wanted to go to bed at like 10:00 pm, and be up at like 5:00 to hit the gym, which is fine for them... the rest of us just do whatever and meet up whenever... thus separate rooms...

I understand that it's their money and spend it or not spend it how they want to... The problem is lately them over stepping has really gotten out of control...

So what I mean by the above... most of our group has like some type of big box warehouse membership, BJ's, Sam's or Costo - and she will call up someone up and say hey are you going to Sam's or where-ever, then ask if you can swing by and pick her up and let her use your card... This has been going on for a long time it's just getting worse and worse, its like they expect it... last week I went to BJ's and she called me and said, why didn't you tell me you were going to BJ's, I guess some how she found out and said you could have picked me up and I could have went with you... and I was not feeling very good that day she called, I was dealing with a sinus headache that day, and really wasn't in the mood to play nice... and I said, I did not realize that I needed to call you to ask for your permission to use my card that I pay for at BJ's, and be your taxi service while I was at it... Why don't you just get your own dang card... then I said I have to go, I think I'm going to throw up... and I hung up the phone... LOL...

The other two things is that they never offer to drive at all any more, its like everyone is expect just to pick them up if we are all going to the airport, they will not drive their car, and pay for parking, they want to ride with you, and never offer to pay half the parking, they went on a trip with some friends not long ago, and he was like hey since I drove way over to your house to pick you guys up, you can pick up the parking tab, they were like you were going to park here with or without us, why should we pay for you to park your car... Needless to say, our friends told them to use Uber to get home... Second they never want to host at their house and if they do basically they have everyone bring enough food and they end up just eating what we bring...I will say that they do offer and will clean up when they are at your house, which is nice... Last weekend we decided to stay home, and skip a BBQ that we were invited to... they were suppose to bring enough of some sort of salad for like 15 to 20 people, as well as whatever they wanted to drink adult beverages wise... they took a medium container of Publix macaroni salad, not even the large container ... and that was it, and helped themselves to whatever everyone else brought with the adult beverages... My friend was so mad and She is a firecracker, and she said something to him about it, his response was that there was plenty of food for everyone, and would she mind if they took a plate home, to which she answer No, I'm not okay with that...

So would you say anything to them, or just over look it...

I’d dump them as friends. And if asked why, I’d spell it out for them.

But it likely never would have reached that point. The second or third time they pulled the cheap-butt routine, I’d ghost them.

Complaining about high cost of booze. Grandma on scooter on OCMD boardwalk. “Do you believe it? Phillips (seafood restaurant) charged me nine ****ing bucks for a glass of wine!!”

 

[tvguy]

Being frugal is different than saving money at the expense of others. I'm frugal, but I don't save money by using my friends to fund my lifestyle. The OP's case above isn't being frugal, it's being Narcistic and Cheap.

I just re-read OP's post. I don't see any indication their friends took a penny from them, just they were vocal about what things costs and they selected less expensive options.

 

[bookgirl]

I just re-read OP's post. I don't see any indication their friends took a penny from them, just they were vocal about what things costs and they selected less expensive options.

They wanted rides but wouldn't chip in for gas. They wanted transportation to the airport but wouldn't help pay for parking. They wouldn't bring appropriate amounts of food for potlucks but wanted to take others food home for later meals. They want to use other's memberships but won't drive or contribute to the cost.

That's saving money at the cost of others. If there were reciprocity it might be even but it is not. They manipulate situations so that others absorb the cost.

That is absolutely using their friends to fund their participation in the group activities.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Right. I have friends that did a cruise 4 couples total and they flew in the night before and got 2 rooms guys in one girls in the other. And they said that was a blast for 1 night. that I can see.

That's actually not a bad idea.

 

[leahgoogle]

Sounds like hanging out with them has become more unenjoyable than enjoyable. That is when I would have a talk with them or not do things with them as often.

 

[CdnCarrie]

We had a cookout once and invited a couple we had recently met. They arrived with some cupcakes she had made, which were on a styrofoam plate covered with foil. At the end of the night she asked me for the paper plate and foil back. I laughed thinking she was kidding. She wasn’t and she had me dig them out of the trash. I decided to give her another chance and I picked her up to take her with me to another friends snd she had clothesline strung across her kitchen with paper towels and ziplock bags clipped to it, drying them for reuse. She seemed so normal but did some weird things to save money

Odd thing about that is even using paper plates as a frugal person. They are such a waste of money.

 

[White Cat]

I just re-read OP's post. I don't see any indication their friends took a penny from them, just they were vocal about what things costs and they selected less expensive options.

It’s not much fun being around penny pinchers.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Perhaps that have some debts that you are not aware of. I cannot abide meanness.

If you have debts then when invited out for supper stay within your means and don't make rude remarks about others spending money.
Or bow out. Or suggest a cheaper activity.
Maybe the OP cannot abide being taken advantage of - standing up for oneself is not being mean.

 

[tvguy]

It’s not much fun being around penny pinchers.

LOL. My wife says people think I am the life of the party. But I do pay my own way, and I do tend to buy the least expensive entree on the menu.'
My boss.....who knows exactly home much I was making.....and is only 8 years younger than me.....wanted to know how I could afford to retire at 64. Let's see. You keep cars 3 years, and have never had a car paid off. Me, I kept my family car 31 years and it was paid for for 28 of those years. Did cost me $10,000 in repairs over 31 years, which is almost exactly what my boss has spent in the last 10 years JUST on sales tax on new cars.

 

[RedAngie]

I’m not sure if it’s a mental illness as someone suggested. It sounds like they (or at least the husband) know exactly what they’re doing and seek suckers to take advantage of.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

They are users and moochers.

I have a friend group of 4 couples and a few singles. We travel together, do nights out, concerts, plays, day trips. None of that goes on in our group and if it did I’m sure that couple would stop being invited.

We all have different incomes and each of us have certain things we don’t like to overspend on but for the most part we all like the same things.

For instance we were in NOLA. Half of us wanted to eat at this pricey place. One couple wasn’t into the cost for what the menu consisted of (they don’t care for Italian food and won’t pay a lot for it) They bowed out and did their Own thing that evening and we met up later and had a great night. Same when we did Mexico. One couple wasn’t into the Excursion we did so they stayed behind and did the spa. No hurt feelings and no complaining.

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

standing up for oneself if not being mean.

I think there has been a misunderstanding. I am not suggesting that the OP is being mean; I was referring to the ‘cheap’ couple as being mean.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It’s not much fun being around penny pinchers.

It's not much fun being around people who try and make others keep up with what they spend their money on or make put down comments towards people who spend their money in a more budgetary (to the person spending the money) way.

I've been around more people in life who have to spend X amount just because they have to than I have been around penny pinchers.

I'm in the viewpoint that it's not really my business what you spend your money on but keep the comments to a minimum either way you fall. Don't knock someone because they don't want to spend the money on the appetizers or don't want to stay at a certain accommodation and don't knock someone who does want to spend the money on the appetizers or who wants to stay at a certain accommodation. If you're going as a group and splitting up entirely isn't feasible both groups need to compromise or one or more groups opts to not go.

 

[Skippy918]

It’s one thing to be frugal or cheap, but it’s completely unacceptable to use another person to maintain that frugality or cheapness. When going out to eat, if one couple orders an appetizer for themselves, the other couple shouldn’t partake in it unless they offer to share the cost. They also shouldn’t be using you for your costco membership either. I can’t believe this couple doesn’t see how rude that is to inconvenience you so they can come to costco with you.
I would stop going on vacation with these people too. It sounds stressful.

 

[SirDuff]

I think there has been a misunderstanding. I am not suggesting that the OP is being mean; I was referring to the ‘cheap’ couple as being mean.

That’s what I assumed - but I don’t think it is often used that way in the US.

 

[VandVsmama]

So let me back up a second...

We have some friends that are really nice people and fun to hang out with, both are really nice, and have a great since of adventure, great sense of humor... he is absolutely hysterical... lately their cheapness is wearing out it welcome with us and others in our group of friends...

They are extremely cheap..

So you are wondering is it a money problem... No, he make well over 6+ figures, and she make over 6 figures, they live in a nice home, typical Fl. home 3 bed 2 bath with a pool... but its not extravagant or anything, just to 2 of them and their dogs, nice cars but nothing crazy...

When going out to eat at a nice restaurant with them is a nightmare... so normally we cook out at each other houses... just so that we can eat in peace... and not be embarrassed... If we do go out to eat... It goes like this, - "What no bread basket, that just ridiculous, can't they give you some bread"... They will not order a appetizer, and normally DH and I order a appetizer to share, and he is like wow that looks great, it should for 14.00 bucks or whatever... which DH and I final have gotten to were we just say yep soooo good, you should have gotten one, and we use to offer them some, not anymore...

They complain about the cost of literally everything... and telling you what your spending, or make a comment like that beer is 8 or 10 dollars...wow, your going to spend 50.00 bucks on a steak...

So normally we stick to thing that are all inclusive, like resorts in the Caribbean, or Cruises - when we travel with them... its just easier... this way everyone can pick their own room price point and you don't have to worry about meals, and such... He pitched a fit when we got back on the ship in Nassau, and they would not let him take the booze he bought back to the room... DH and I said we will see you guys at dinner, and left them there arguing with the security guys.. they did not come to dinner that night they ate the buffet...and would not hang out with us, because we were paying ridiculous price for drinks...

Don't even mention the cost of airfare... If we have to fly somewhere, we never fly together everyone has there favorite airline, points and all.. as they like the budget airline, and will take 12 hours to get somewhere to save like 40 or 50 dollars... Last time a big group of us went to Vegas( way before covid), they wanted someone to wait at the airport for 4 hours so that they could split a uber, to which everyone was like no...

Same Vegas trip... We all stayed at Mirage this trip, and they wanted to share a room with someone... which of course no couple wants to share a room with another couple... for goodness sake its vegas... so they decided to stay at Treasure Island.. which is fine, yet they complained that they had to walk over to meet us, they would not pay for the show we all decided on before the trip, they waited to get discount tickets and the show was sold out, then got kinda upset that we all went without them... they only wanted to eat in the food court, which is fine just not every meal...we wanted to check some of the great restaurants, We went to eat at a middle of the road restaurant some Irish pub place for late lunch, and he was like I'm not paying 20 bucks for a Ruben sandwich, the server was like it is really a large sandwich and you could share it if you like, so they sat there and shared a beer, while we all ate, then wanted us to sit in the food court while they split a hot dog meal... which of course no-one did, we all headed for the gaming floor... They wanted to go to bed at like 10:00 pm, and be up at like 5:00 to hit the gym, which is fine for them... the rest of us just do whatever and meet up whenever... thus separate rooms...

I understand that it's their money and spend it or not spend it how they want to... The problem is lately them over stepping has really gotten out of control...

So what I mean by the above... most of our group has like some type of big box warehouse membership, BJ's, Sam's or Costo - and she will call up someone up and say hey are you going to Sam's or where-ever, then ask if you can swing by and pick her up and let her use your card... This has been going on for a long time it's just getting worse and worse, its like they expect it... last week I went to BJ's and she called me and said, why didn't you tell me you were going to BJ's, I guess some how she found out and said you could have picked me up and I could have went with you... and I was not feeling very good that day she called, I was dealing with a sinus headache that day, and really wasn't in the mood to play nice... and I said, I did not realize that I needed to call you to ask for your permission to use my card that I pay for at BJ's, and be your taxi service while I was at it... Why don't you just get your own dang card... then I said I have to go, I think I'm going to throw up... and I hung up the phone... LOL...

The other two things is that they never offer to drive at all any more, its like everyone is expect just to pick them up if we are all going to the airport, they will not drive their car, and pay for parking, they want to ride with you, and never offer to pay half the parking, they went on a trip with some friends not long ago, and he was like hey since I drove way over to your house to pick you guys up, you can pick up the parking tab, they were like you were going to park here with or without us, why should we pay for you to park your car... Needless to say, our friends told them to use Uber to get home... Second they never want to host at their house and if they do basically they have everyone bring enough food and they end up just eating what we bring...I will say that they do offer and will clean up when they are at your house, which is nice... Last weekend we decided to stay home, and skip a BBQ that we were invited to... they were suppose to bring enough of some sort of salad for like 15 to 20 people, as well as whatever they wanted to drink adult beverages wise... they took a medium container of Publix macaroni salad, not even the large container ... and that was it, and helped themselves to whatever everyone else brought with the adult beverages... My friend was so mad and She is a firecracker, and she said something to him about it, his response was that there was plenty of food for everyone, and would she mind if they took a plate home, to which she answer No, I'm not okay with that...

So would you say anything to them, or just over look it...

I would:

• not go on a trip anywhere with them again
• probably not say anything to them at first about it
• probably be "busy" or "not interested" whenever they proposed something
• not allow myself to be taken advantage of anymore
• not over look it because 'overlooking it' is the equivalent of saying "I'm ok with you being rude buttholes who want everyone else to cater to YOUR way of travel."

 

[sasywtch]

I would invite the wife over for coffee and have a talk with her. I would start off by telling her how much you enjoy their company but have concerns about the behavior during the above mentioned situations. If they have enormous debt, then I'd invite them to bbq's knowing they wouldn't bring much and may take stuff home. If the wife is embarrassed by her husband's actions, same with the bbq. If the wife doesn't see a problem, well time to cut ties.